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Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love Paperback – Illustrated, January 5, 2010
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The national bestselling book Why Him? Why Her? shows how a better understanding of who you are will help you find and keep the love you want
Helen Fisher can often tell, almost instantly, the hidden strengths and weaknesses in a relationship that are likely to keep a couple together or pull them apart. The words they choose, their facial structure and body language, even their doodles and where they live give strong clues to their personality type. After three decades of studying romantic relationships, Fisher has discovered that your dominant personality type guides not only who you are but who you love.
Why Him? Why Her? provides a new way to understand relationships, whether you're searching for one or eager to strengthen the one you have. Beginning with a scientifically developed questionnaire to determine your prevailing personality type, Fisher tells you not only what type of person you might have chemistry with but how to find them, attract them, and keep them. Once you know the personality profile of the partner you're with―or hope to find―you can use your knowledge of how your types match up to improve your love life.
More than seven million people in forty countries have learned Fisher's techniques and are using these tools to make and keep lasting romantic connections. Based on proven results, this groundbreaking book goes beyond theory to show that the complex nature of romance isn't so complicated once you truly understand yourself and others. Provocative and illuminating, Fisher's book deserves to be read by everyone looking to be loved for who they really are.
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Print length320 pages
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LanguageEnglish
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Publication dateJanuary 5, 2010
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Dimensions5.55 x 1.05 x 8.25 inches
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ISBN-100805091521
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ISBN-13978-0805091526
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Editorial Reviews
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"Fascinating.... You may already have your dream lover, but you'll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love."--The Boston Globe
"Why Him? Why Her? examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love.... [Fisher offers] a giddy, romantic notion, well worth considering."--Los Angeles Times
"In times of upheaval, nothing offers safe harbor like science. That's where Helen Fisher comes in.... Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice."--TIME magazine
"Fascinating…. You may already have your dream lover, but you’ll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love."—The Boston Globe
"Why Him? Why Her? examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love…. [Fisher offers] a giddy, romantic notion, well worth considering."—Los Angeles Times
"In times of upheaval, nothing offers safe harbor like science. That’s where Helen Fisher comes in…. Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice."—TIME magazine
Praise for Helen Fisher:
"Fascinating.... An original and uniquely contemporary approach to a sensation that, for millennia, has been considered purely emotional." --The Washington Post on "Why We Love"
"A thesis with startling ramifications." --The New York Times Book Review on "Why We Love"
"Delightful to read, offering an abundance of fascinating facts." --The New York Times on "Anatomy of Love"
About the Author
Dr. Helen Fisher, referred to by Time magazine as “the queen mum of romance research,” is an internationally renowned biological anthropologist and one of the world’s leading experts in the science of human attraction. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, she studies the brain in love. And with her long-standing research, she helped develop one of the fastest-growing online relationship sites, Chemistry.com, a subsidiary of Match.com. Introduced in February 2006, Chemistry.com features the Chemistry Personality Test and Matching System, both developed by Fisher. To date, more than seven million people have taken the test, which is available in forty countries. In addition to serving as the chief scientific adviser for Chemistry.com, Fisher has authored several books and many articles in scientific journals and popular magazines. Her perspective on love, sexuality, women, and gender differences is regularly featured in major news outlets, including The Today Show, CNN, National Public Radio, BBC, and The New York Times. As a research professor in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University, she focuses on the role of biology in human sex, love, and marriage.
Fisher’s widely anticipated book Why Him? Why Her? (Henry Holt and Company; January 20, 2009) proves her scientific hypotheses about why we are attracted to one person rather than another. Why Him? Why Her? follows Fisher’s 2004 book, Why We Love (Henry Holt), which was translated into sixteen languages. It discussed her research on the brain physiology, evolution, and worldwide expression of romantic love. In her 1999 book, The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World―which received the New York Times Book Review Notable Book award and was published in fourteen languages―she discussed gender differences in the brain and behavior, and the impact of women on twenty-first-century business, sex, and family life. Fisher’s other books include Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (1992), also a New York Times Notable Book, with nineteen foreign-language editions; and The Sex Contract: The Evolution of Human Behavior (1982), translated into five languages. Her articles have appeared in The Journal of Comparative Neurology, Journal of Neurophysiology, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, The Journal of NIH Research, Psychology Today, Natural History, New Scientist, The New York Review of Books, The Chronicle of Higher Education, and many other journals, magazines, and books.
Product details
- Publisher : Holt Paperbacks; Reprint edition (January 5, 2010)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 320 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0805091521
- ISBN-13 : 978-0805091526
- Item Weight : 10.5 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.55 x 1.05 x 8.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #413,370 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #972 in Popular Psychology Personality Study
- #2,097 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #2,256 in Marriage
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is one of this country's most prominent anthropologists. Prior to becoming a research professor at Rutgers University, she was a research associate at Manhattan's American Museum of Natural History. Fisher has conducted extensive research on the evolution, expression, and science of love, and her two most recent books, The First Sex and The Anatomy of Love, were New York Times Notable Books. She lives in New York City.
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However, do not assume that another person with theoretically ideal scores on the test will automatically be your ideal partner. There are 15 questions on the test for each of the four personality categories. 60 questions will only result in a general idea of who a person is. There is much more to our personalities that is not revealed. A lady friend and I have what appear to be ideal scores but we'd never get along in a relationship because of some specific personality traits. So don't blindly read the book thinking that you will easily find the perfect match. But it should be very helpful.
Even though I scored highly as an "Explorer", not everything that the author writes in describing Explorers is true of me. So, as I'm reading, I underline what I feel is true of me. A potential partner could skim through my copy of the book and get a good idea of who I am.
Keep something else in mind. Although the author emphasizes a person's two highest scores, that doesn't mean that the lower two categories do not apply at all to a person. Otherwise some additional personality traits could be overlooked and they could be important aspects of a person's personality.
When looking for a partner the first thing is to know yourself. Dr. Fisher has developed a questionnaire to help you find out what makes you tick based on your biological make-up. Once you know the type of person you are then you can start to seek for the type of person that would best suit your personality. I was a little skeptical at first, seeing that I'm the 'Director' type and by nature a born skeptic. I used to think I needed to find someone similar to myself: blunt, forward, and someone that likes to cut to the chase. Little did I realize that I actually needed someone who complimented my personality type... I required a 'Negotiator'. I actually gave this personality test to my boyfriend to take fairly on in our courtship and he had the 'Negotiator' traits. I don't think I'm found anyone more compatible to me than him - he feels the same way.
For an entertaining, scientifically sound, and informative read on finding the right type of person for you, then this is a must read.
Other reviews cover the material in the book.
Let me say first that the backbone of her research has been done before. There are 4 personality types. They have been called many things by different authors. The reason I don't mind that is that the author acknowledges the fact, and provides the source material. She then ties the personality types with brain chemistry, and does it convincingly. I haven't seen that before.
Sure, she mentions her work with two online dating services. But it's part of the story, and to omit that would cheat the reader. Any author worth their salt would mention the work they have done in the past. In fact, her work for these companies is the basis of much of her research.
She includes quotations from philosophers, businesspeople, even Einstein.
These quotations add to the reading by showing what type(personality type, that is) of person thinks in what way.
She includes personal stories that, if they were missing, would make this a harder read.
Some of what she says has been covered before...but there isn't a book written that covers JUST new material. The way I see it, for $20 you got a few hours of intelligent introspection into what makes you the way you are...how others perceive you...and what others will be attracted (and repelled) in you. Certainly worth the price.
By the way, I'm 100% Director, married to a near 100% Negotiator. According to the book, we're a perfect match. And we are.
added 3/04/09 I noticed that most of the bad reviews are for the CD. I read the book. It must be a different experience.
Top reviews from other countries
I call it an ‘eye-opener’. I am one of those people who will do anything to be “loved” by others (my primary personality type is negotiator). However, as my second personality type is the explorer, that makes me detached and sometimes a bit of a loner. Then, I thought there was something wrong with me. How can I like people so much but want to be alone at the same time?
- The answer was simple; I have a more or less balanced personality in the following order: Negotiator/explorer and Director/Builder.
So after reading the book, I feel that I know and understand more about myself and that is helping me to be more flexible.
Furthermore, it made me realise that there is nothing wrong with my husband either (he is a director/explorer), and that even when we can be very different, still we agree in the most essential and significant things.