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Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today Paperback – July 21, 2018
Purchase options and add-ons
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Print length234 pages
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LanguageEnglish
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Publication dateJuly 21, 2018
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Dimensions6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
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ISBN-101722976411
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ISBN-13978-1722976415
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Editorial Reviews
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"Dr. Romanance is your must-have wing woman to find true love. " Amazon Customer
"They don't call her "Dr. Romance" for nothing. She knows her stuff. Highly recommended book!" Amazon Review
"I have recommended Dr. Tessina's books to counseling clients over the years, always with great success. This one, geared to unattached people, is filled with direct, clear words of wisdom. I recommend it highly." Isadora Alman, AskIsadora.com
From the Author
From the Back Cover
* If you are single as a result of a divorce or an acrimonious breakup, you can learn to avoid repeating old mistakes.
* As a single parent, you'll learn how to balance dating and children.
* If you're dating a single parent, you'll learn the best ways to cope with the complicated dynamics.
* If you've lost a beloved spouse or partner; here's how to complete your healing and move on into a comfortable connection with new people.
* If you fear you're too old to find love today, this guide will help you find appropriate, comfortable and fun ways to open up to new experiences with old friends and new connections.
* If you have survived difficult relationship experiences and given up on relationships altogether, I'll show you how to come out of isolation and make a new, much more successful start.
* If you have been single for a while, the information, facts and guidelines here can get you past your fear and into a more satisfying social life.
Dr. RomanceTM's Guide to Finding Love Today covers all the basic information you need to know to successfully re-start dating. You'll find timely, helpful for a single person dating today.
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1st edition (July 21, 2018)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 234 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1722976411
- ISBN-13 : 978-1722976415
- Item Weight : 11.4 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,770,288 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #11,677 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #101,531 in Parenting & Relationships (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com) is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, The Real 13th Step , How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog (drromance.typepad.com), and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina
Connect with Dr. Tessina online:
http://www.tinatessina.com
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com
Twitter.com/tinatessina
Facebook.com/TinaTessina
https://www.facebook.com/DrRomanceBlog
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I was thrown off guard when the author finds dating advice in Zen philosophy, but it makes sense. The wisdom of the ages applies equally well to the task of the ages, which is Finding Love. The ancients were doing that millennia before we were born. She writes: “…Allow yourself to have what the Zen Buddhists call a beginner’s mind: ‘If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything,” teaches Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki in Zen to Go, ‘it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” The author then maps out in detail how the new dater can use the beginner’s mind to advantage.
When going to a party, I often feel lost and desperate, not knowing how I will meet someone, but the author offers some great advice: “The first time in a new singles event, club, or situation, don’t expect to meet anyone. Go with the intention of observing, and watch what goes on from a comfortable corner.” I tried that out recently, and it made me much more relaxed, allowing me to meet people more naturally. In fact, she puts forth the philosophy that being awkward and making mistakes isn’t a problem, which is so comforting. I make so many mistakes! It’s good to know that embracing them is a strategy that works!
I don’t know where the author got these examples, but she offers some great anecdotes from the dating lives of famous people. Matt Groening, for example, had lots of problems dating when he was a starving artist, a category that might apply to me. It’s gratifying just to realize that the category carries with it problems that have nothing to do with me personally. Of course, once Groening became famous, he didn’t seem to have any problems finding chicks, so good on him!
The author quotes author/psychologist Ken Keyes as saying that a relationship “is like a mirror right there at the tip of your nose. It constantly reflects…your stuff.” That’s a handy insight, but of course, how do you figure out what “your stuff” is? It takes probing one’s issues, preferably with a therapist, and figuring out what the major issues of your life are. I found genealogical research handy, as well, using events and socioeconomic factors to figure out how my parents and grandparents got to the emotional place they’re at. Once I took a good look at that, I realized that who I thought I was when I was 20 wasn’t on the nose, after all. I was the first generation to climb out of minority status, and there I was refusing to take minority financial aid because “I didn’t suffer like Mexicans in East L.A. suffer.” Man, was I arrogant, or might I say, ignorant. My mother was an East L.A. girl until she was 20 and married a white guy! That’s “my stuff”!
Sometimes you read through and you realize that what the author is doing is putting messages in our heads. She runs down all of the discouraging things that people tell themselves--you're no good, you're too fat, you can't take the pain anymore, it'll all come to a bad end--and one by one, putting a silver bullet in each negative thing that keeps you from pursuing happiness. I think about people who convince themselves that they're happy being alone, people I know, and I think, "They need this book. They could be happier if they read this book." But not everybody is ready, unfortunately. They're not ready for happiness. They're stuck in this endless loop of negative thoughts, and that's one thing that Ms. Tessina is trying to do, is break through that endless loop.
You get so much more than a list of where and how to meet people. For a lot of us that can be the easy part. Dr. Romance guides you through the harder issues like what has to come before and after you meet and date. She helps you see dating and relationships through a new set of eyes by showing you what may have failed in the past and how to get out of your own way going forward. She gives you detailed direction on how to connect with people in a meaningful way (first building your self-confidence, boldly initiating conversation, and safe flirting) as well as what's important to learn about your date and how to learn it. Something I especially like is her list of questions you should ask pre-commitment and her intimacy do's and dont's. (So many of us have trouble finding love because we don't think about all this before jumping into bed and/or a relationship.)
This book is all about preparing you -- not just for confident and competent dating -- but for a successful, loving, forever adult relationship. In today's world, most of us need some kind of guidance. If you're conflicted at all about dating...if you've ever had trouble meeting people, attracting the right people, or making good choices in love...I highly recommend you get this book so you can get the benefits of Dr. Romance's expert advice right now.
This one is a thumbs up winner.
Isadora Alman, MFT., CST
Author of "What People Keep Asking Me About Sex and Relationships"
Top reviews from other countries
Don't waste your money on this conservative drivel.