Let's get the bad news out of the way up-front: Although life is tentatively returning to something resembling normal in certain places, we're in for a long pandemic summer. The loss of packed beach parties and sweaty nights on dance floors doesn't have to bring an end to summer romance, though: we'll just have to be a bit more thoughtful and Jane-Austen-esque about our flirtations (if Jane Austen had stable Wi-Fi and too much time on her hands, that is).
To that end, I'm calling it now (albeit a bit ahead of time): 2020 will be the Summer of the DM-Slide. It may sound perplexing, given that none of us can safely follow up on our Instagram or Twitter entreaties for a good long while, but creativity is borne out of romantic struggle—just look at Nora Ephron's Heartburn, or everything Taylor Swift has ever recorded after a breakup. As the days get longer and the nights more sultry, I'm predicting that even social-media Luddites will start obsessively drafting "hey, what's up?" DMs in their Notes apps, in order to make it out the other side of this pandemic with a future partner (or several) in place.
This, of course, leads to an extremely pressing question: What time of day is best-suited to a DM slide in a moment where we're all theoretically reachable 24/7? Personally, I'm a fan of the "AM DM," which takes place between the hours of 8 and 11 a.m. and lends an air of plausible deniability to its very purpose. You might be writing to a crush, but if you're sending it before work hours have even started, nobody can actually prove you're flirting! Maybe you're just being friendly! (Yes, this sort of defeats the point. Yes, I'm addicted to romantic self-sabotage, as is the way of my people.)
Tam, 25, sees morning DMs as a way of alleviating any potential stigma. "I'm also a sober DM-er, and I want people to know that I feel no need to hide behind the 'Sorry, I was fucked up' of the nighttime," she explains. Caroline*, 24, is a little less precise with her DM timing. She's been messaging suitors with abandon since quarantine began, she tells me, explaining: "My timing is all over the map, but I have morning interactions every single day with one quar-daddy. It really puts a pep in my limited steps. Yesterday I started talking to someone I used to go out with, and he DM-ed me at, like, 9 a.m., so I guess mornings are my time. Maybe because we're all going to sleep earlier?"
For Tess, 23, DM-sliding times can be differentiated based on whether it's a workday or a weekend. "If it’s a weekday, I try to slide in between 8 or 9 p.m., but for weekends, it's either around 11:30 p.m. OR...3 a.m.," she says, laughing. The difference is subtle but complex: "11:30 p.m. is for when I know I want to hook up or make a move on that specific night," says Tess, adding:"3 a.m. is more for when it's late at night and I'm like, "Fuck it!'"
Of course, some Instagram and Twitter users are lucky enough to be primarily recipients, not senders. "I don't horny-DM people! People horny-DM me!," says Maya, 27, adding that the bulk of the messages she receives are "around happy-hour time or late at night."
Whatever time of day you send it, a flirtatious—but appropriate!—DM can make you feel like you're actually out in the world doing things, as opposed to stuck inside watching your sixth Cougar Town rerun of the day. (Also, it should go without saying, but you get one DM shot to spark up a conversation, and if your would-be paramour doesn't take the hint, you're done. I'm sorry, but he—or she, or they—are just not that into you. Or maybe they don't see the point in virtual flirting! But either way, respect boundaries.)
*Name has been changed to protect the DM-er's identity.
