How to Treat Your Wife

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: May 3, 2021 References

Marriage is one of the most special, loving bonds two people can share, but it doesn’t stay that way on its own. If you want to make your wife happy, and keep your marriage flourishing, you need to be prepared to put forth some effort. Strong communication is the foundation of a successful marriage, so express yourself honestly, make her feel like she can come to you with her problems, and do everything in your power to put a stop to arguments before they turn ugly. You can build on that foundation by respecting her time and energy and going the extra mile to show her how much she means to you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Communicating with Your Wife

1
Be open with her. No matter how well you know each other, you can’t expect her to be able to read your mind. Establish clear, honest lines of communication and use positive language to get your point across. Don’t shy away from subjects just because they’re difficult or uncomfortable.^{[1] X Research source}
- One of the biggest perks of marriage is always having someone there to listen. If there’s one person you can talk to about anything, it’s your spouse.
- Try never to lie. Dishonesty is a trait that has the potential to destroy the trust in even the healthiest relationships, and once it's gone, it can be tough to build back.
2
Talk about your day. Take a few minutes to catch up on the day’s events at the end of the day, every day. Not only does this keep you both in loop about what’s been going on in each other’s life, it also shows that you have a genuine interest in her passions and pursuits. It’s also a good opportunity to get some trustworthy feedback about your own ideas and decisions.^{[2] X Research source}
- Turn off the TV and put away your cell phones until you’ve had a chance to sit down one-on-one.
- Take turns talking and listening to one another so each person feels appreciated.
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3
Let her vent. Be someone that she can come to with her problems without fear of judgment or criticism. While she’s talking, listen intently and chime in when you can offer a word of comfort or encouragement. You can then formulate a helpful response, or just hug her and tell her everything will be OK.^{[3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source}
- Don’t be too quick to point out her mistakes or give unsolicited advice. Sometimes, what she needs is a supportive ear, not a guidance counselor.^{[4] X Research source}
- Let her know you’re giving her your full attention by occasionally saying, “I’m listening.” If you have questions, you could say, “Tell me a little more about that.”
4
Resolve arguments quickly. Heated disputes are unavoidable, but they shouldn’t overstay their welcome. Always be willing to be the first one to say “I’m sorry.” Your ability to bounce back and be there for one another matters far more than who’s right or wrong.
- It’s usually best to work out issues as soon as they arise, rather than dragging them out. However, stepping away for a few minutes may help you cool off and discuss things more rationally.
- When hurt feelings are allowed to fester, they can quickly turn into resentment, which can be like poison to the relationship.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Treating Your Wife with Respect

1
Treat her the way she wants to be treated. Make an effort to view your wife the way she views herself. By recognizing her values, motivations, and insecurities, you’ll be able to honor her expectations for what makes a successful marriage. At the same time, you can avoid doing things that might offend her or hurt her feelings.
- Resist the urge to assign your wife a role. You may like the idea of having a spouse who’s a homemaker or mother, but these wishes may clash with her understanding of who she is.
2
Think of yourselves as equals. Your wife isn’t there simply to fulfill your wishes. She’s your partner, which means love, support, and consideration must run both ways. Don’t ask anything of her that you wouldn’t be willing to do in return. As long as you both place each other’s needs before your own, you can be sure that they’ll always be met.^{[5] X Research source}
- Treat her thoughts, feelings, and opinions like they have the same weight as your own.
- Be thankful for your wife and all the ways she enriches your life.
3
Make her a priority. Let your wife know that she’s the most important thing in your world. That means she should come before your friends, hobbies, and even your career. If she’s forced to take a backseat to these things, she could end up feeling neglected.^{[6] X Research source}
- Show, don’t tell. Instead of using words to display your devotion, prove it with selfless actions intended to make her feel like the center of your universe.
- Doing things like leaving your schedule open on the weekend of your wife's birthday or following through with dinner plans instead of working late will prove to her that she's always at the forefront of your mind.
- If something comes up and you need to cancel plans, call her right away to apologize. Create a plan to make it up to her later.
4
Be careful about showing other women attention. Carrying on with another woman in an inappropriate manner, even if you think it’s just harmless flirting, can easily strain things between you and your wife. Politeness is one thing, but being overly friendly could be interpreted as something more. In order for her to feel secure in your marriage, your wife needs to be reassured that you only have eyes for her.^{[7] X Research source}
- Receiving attention from another woman can be a confidence boost, but the best thing to do when it happens is simply smile and inform her that you’re happily married.
- This doesn’t just go for the women at work or the gym—it also applies to the female figures you gush over in movies and on the covers of fitness magazines.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making Your Wife Feel Special

1
Show her affection. Hug her tight before you leave to go to work, or come up behind her and kiss her gently on the neck while she’s making dinner. Anytime you’re walking or sitting together, reach out and hold her hand. Touch is vital for helping couples feel close, and it’s one of the best reminders that you’re there for her.
- Gaze deeply into her eyes to form a more intimate connection.
2
Wish her a good morning and goodnight. Greet her as soon as she wakes up, and before she goes to bed. This is a small but thoughtful gesture that will let her know that you’re thinking about her. She'll feel loved as she begins and ends her day.^{[8] X Research source}
- Call or text your wife to tell her good morning and goodnight when you’re away from home.
- If you both have busy schedules, agree on a time once a day to check in while you are apart.
3
Go to bed together. Get in the habit of turning in at the same time each night, even if you’re not tired. You don’t have to go to sleep right away—you can sit and talk, read, trade back rubs, or just savor a rare moment of peace and quiet. The important thing is that you’re together.^{[9] X Research source}
- For many busy married couples, this may be one of the only times you’ll have to sit and enjoy one another’s company without other distractions getting in the way.
- Try to adjust your sleep cycle so that you and your wife are on the same schedule.
4
Take her out. There’s no rule that says you have to stop dating when you get married. Make time to go on dates or take a special outing together, just the two of you. If possible, you could even designate one night of the week as your regular date night, so you’ll always have something to look forward to.^{[10] X Research source}
- Alternate who gets to plan the night’s activities, or compromise by letting her pick the movie after you’ve chosen the restaurant. That way, everyone gets a say.
- Getting out periodically may be just what you both need to shake up a tired routine and add a little excitement to your marriage.
5
Buy her thoughtful gifts. Surprise your wife from time to time with a token of your affection. Timeless romantic gestures like jewelry, chocolates, or a bouquet of red roses are always a welcome gesture, but your gifts don’t necessarily need to be expensive. She’ll appreciate a new set of bath salts or a latté after pulling an all-nighter just as much if not more than fancier offerings.
- Picking out the right present can be tough. Listen carefully when your wife mentions things she needs, wants, or has been meaning to get for herself. These make some of the best surprises.
- Having your gifts delivered to her workplace can put her in a better mood during a stressful day and leave her beaming with pride in front of her coworkers.
6
Assume some of her responsibilities. If she’s always the one that handles the household chores, give her a well-deserved break by picking up the kids at school, cooking dinner, or folding the laundry. This will allow her to relax and take some time for herself. Split up other regular duties, like cleaning and grocery shopping, to keep things fair.^{[11] X Research source}
- Offer to help her out anyway you can. There may be something less obvious you can do to lighten her load.
- Avoid asking her to do things for you if you know it might make her even more frantic.^{[12] X Research source}
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Question

How do I make my wife happy?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You know her best and know what matters to her—do it more often. Whether this is going out together, taking a walk, spending the weekend together, or something else. Remember the small thoughtful things like bringing her a single flower, sending an unexpected card, or bringing home takeout so she doesn't have to cook that day.

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Question

How do you show your wife you care?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Be loving and kind. Listen to her. Spend quality time together. Say good morning and goodnight on a regular basis.

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Question

How can I honor my wife?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You can honor your wife by treating her with love and respect. Stand up for her if someone challenges or insults her. You can periodically take over her chores/tasks and give her time to herself. Be sure to compliment her—both to her face and to others.

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Tips

Don’t downplay the importance of little gestures like opening the door for her, pulling out her chair, or holding the umbrella.

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If you need advice about how to connect with your wife, seek it out from the people who know her best—her family and close friends.

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