On Discomfort

Posted on June 9, 2024 by swabby429

As a member of the human species I try never to underestimate our intolerance of discomfort. We have a vast industry devoted to analgesics and pain treatment for which I am greatly thankful. I’ve been told that as a redhead, I have a lower than average pain threshold. This has been verfied by my dentist. He must administer an extra dose of Novocaine whenever he works on my teeth.

There is another type of discomfort that we experience as people inhabiting our social world. Most of us feel at least a twinge of discomfort when encountering people who appear different from us. This might manifest as awkwardness upon meeting someone from another culture or nationality. Or it could show up as blatant fear and hatred of particular types of people.

It is good to be honest with oneself regarding our discomforts. This honesty is an important step towards overcoming fear and pain. Our honesty opens the door to allow compassion and loving-kindness to enter the mind. Whether we are introspective or sit in formal meditation, we can cultivate friendliness towards ourselves. This opens the door of indifference that closes us off from the suffering of our fellow humans and creatures. This empathy empowers us towards becoming a more loving human being.

By paying better attention to our internal dialogue we discover and admit to having gaps in our understanding of compassion. Contemplation over these pauses in empathy allows us to work towards unconditional love of ourselves and all living beings.

Why are we sometimes introspective or spend quality time with our thoughts? It’s not simply a matter of trying to feel good because that is shortsighted. Honest introspection and meditation are a matter of accepting ourselves exactly the way we are with all of our bumps, wrinkles, and beauty. We’re not trying to fix ourselves. Attempting to fix ourselves implies denigration and struggle. Self-denigration is one way we bury unconditional love.

This is not to make excuses about our fears and discomforts. Self-improvement is a good first step, but is usually a temporary fix. To overcome anger and hatred requires an overall transformation. When we authentically honor ourselves, we allow compassion and wisdom into our world. It is through comfort and acceptance of ourselves that we can relax into our life-long personal transformation process.

“There’s been such a pushback against political correctness, and I think that’s due to the discomfort people feel talking about other people’s issues that they don’t fully understand.”–actor, director, and writer, O. T. Fagbenle

When this is done without self-deception, harshness, moralizing, and self-righteousness, we let go of our harmful thoughts and behaviors. This strengthens our steadfastness with our inner selves. Regardless of outer circumstances, we become more loyal to our experiences not as narcissists, but as possessors of compassion. Regardless of being happy, sad, healthy, or ill, we stay present with ourselves. It is a matter of simply affirming that our consciousness is part of our bodies. It’s not about getting everything right or attaining enlightenment, it’s simply developing empathetic wisdom about the way we are.

“To suggest things may be going on in our brains that we aren’t fully conscious of, that we unknowingly make classist, sexist and racist presumptions… Well, there just aren’t many comfortable ways to take that. And in the face of discomfort comes the mask of defence.”–actress, filmmaker, and poet, Michaela Coel

It is good to pay attention to the discomfort of impatience. In today’s culture of instant gratification, it’s important to remember that transformation doesn’t happen at the snap of the fingers. It’s a process that occurs throughout life. If we are impatient, our efforts become a form of self-aggression and denigration. We’re not trying to obliterate our thoughts. We’re taking time to sit with them and then gently let go of them like clouds passing in the sky.

My monk friend Jigdal says that wisdom is present in emotions if we take the time to examine them. Anger without fixating on someone or something is strong-sighted wisdom. Pride without focusing upon oneself can be felt as equanimity. Passion without attachment can be expressed as energetic love for all living beings. Feeling our emotions intensify can trigger fear or we can sit with them as a way to uncover our discomforts about life. We learn to patiently abide with our emotional discomfort.

This aspect of mindfulness takes a fair amount of effort. However, the ability to do so becomes easier as we make a habit out of examining all of our emotions and thoughts–uncomfortable and comfortable. We practice honest introspection and contemplation not as a way to soothe ourselves, but as a way to face our fears and live life anyway. In the process, we may eventually discover our own inner wisdom.

Namaste

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes American actor, comedian, commentator, producer, and television host, Stephen Colbert. “I like to do things that are publicly embarrassing, to feel the embarrassment touch me and sink into me and then be gone. I like getting on elevators and singing too loudly in that small space. The feeling you feel is almost like a vapor. The discomfort and the wishing that it would end that comes around you.”

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Marco The Handyman

Posted on June 8, 2024 by swabby429

Jonathan placed his electric wine bottle opener onto a bottle of wine then pressed the button. Gears grinded for a few moments, then the opener went dead. Marco came to the rescue with his Swiss Army Knife. He used the corkscrew attachment to swiftly remove the cork from the bottle.

Marco is one of the most pragmatic people I know. If a gadget or appliance is useful for many tasks, he’s satisfied. Specialty products or items that require more expense and time to do the same job than a simpler tool raise his ire. One of his most often used statements is, “That doesn’t make sense.” Marco’s sense of satisfaction about solving the wine bottle problem with his old multi-purpose tool was palpable.

Marco is one of my friend Jonathan’s cousins. He makes his living as a multi-certified, professional handyman. He uses his many skills to help people complete home repair projects; fix motor vehicle engines; repair small electrical and electronic appliances; and tackle many other assorted broken things. His skillset has paid generous dividends; so he can live a comfortable yet practical lifestyle.

Marco embodies the ultimate working entrepreneur archetype. As a single parent, he takes care of his family and domestic duties while making a living serving his customers with necessary help in their lives. He strives to create a secure, warm domestic environment for his children while providing a necessary service in our community.

Marco values his independence and ability to live independently with a stable income to provide and nurture his children. He seems to have struck a healthy balance between work and home life despite working from home. He wisely portions his work time and his “me” time. His practical mind has generated a wholesome level of financial and emotional security. He has used this security to maintain a loving home environment while working at what he loves doing best. He is a prime example of pragmatism at its best.

Life was not always this rosy for Marco. He said that his life had a serious work/domestic imbalance. He was consumed by his job as a representative for a small drugstore chain. He spent long hours in the office and more time on the road. He had a habit of bringing work home. This led to relationship problems with his kids. Wanting to be a better father, he resigned from his corporate job and began doing “fix-it” work with skills that he already knew. This gave Marco more time to spend with his kids and to hone his working skills.

It is this sense of being a pragmatic but loving father figure that allowed him to nurture and care for people’s practical needs while creating a comfortable, secure lifestyle for his children and himself. Marco says he is glad he was able to turn his life around and be what he always wanted to be–someone who makes a living with his hands.

Ciao

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes author, consultant, and poet, David Whyte. “There’s a fierce practicality and empiricism which the whole imaginative, lyrical aspect of poetry comes from.”

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Long Leaves …Floral Friday

Posted on June 7, 2024 by swabby429

Without green leaves, we would not have colorful flowers. So why not feature leaves as an integral or major part of some floral projects? I decided to utilize some plants that grow lengthy leaves for today’s offerings. In fact, they are defining elements that could work alone.

The mid-century Kenwood by Shawnee planter vase is mostly lengthy leafs with a long-petalled flower and a succulent.

The slag-glass goblet-vase is a scene stealer on its own. It is balanced out with some Swedish ivy and a broadleaf plant.

The small, cobalt-blue cream pitcher is just right for some moss roses. Light green grasses expand the scope of the simple arrangement.

Ciao

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes 20th century entertainer, Jimmy Dean. “I’ve seen a jillion miracles. They’re all around. Every green leaf is a miracle.”

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Transformation

Posted on June 6, 2024 by swabby429

“The Universe is transformation; life is opinion.”–Emperor, Marcus Aurelius

Our lives consist of minor and major changes. Endlessly, day merges into night which merges into day. We experience and work through one phase of life that blends into another phase of life. Hopefully, we learn essential, valuable knowledge in one phase that is useful to the next phases in life.

There’s the old saying about the need to close one door to open another. Basically, this means it is good to leave the past behind and embrace new possibilities and opportunities. The process of transformation is important as we renew life and refocus on different priorities.

These shifts are sometimes difficult when we have become attached to the past. Our resistance against inevitable transformations cause emotional and physical pain. This source of suffering has been with humanity since antiquity. One remedy involves using the imagination to envision new possibilites. This allows for more constructive activities to emerge. The clearing of limiting thoughts and beliefs opens the door to an expanded, more satisfying life.

Due to unpredictable events and aspects of life, there are also times of sudden, surprising change. Accidents, emergencies, workplace layoffs, and social upheaval bring about instability and feelings of insecurity. We sense that we are on the path of significant changes and will not be able to escape dire consequences of its impact on society. Some of these changes may eventually turn out to be beneficial and others present harmful conditions.

“For the first time in human evolution, the individual life is long enough, and the cultural transformation swift enough, that the individual mind is now a constituent player in the global transformation of human culture.”–American critic, philosopher, and poet, William Irwin Thompson

We usually intuit when we are on the verge of important changes. Yet, people are naturally inclined to resist or deny them. Our reluctance may spring out of lacking the knowledge about how to procede, or simply because of attachment to tradition and habit. All of us carry harmful opinions and viewpoints from the past that present roadblocks to new opportunities. Getting stuck in limbo and feelings of stagnation set in.

Like it or not, change is inevitable. We still have the option to resist it or embrace it. When we accept it, we are free to seek out beneficial possibilities. As we say “goodbye” to the past and “hello” to the present, our future becomes more auspicious. When we release what no longer serves us, we make room for things that allow us to thrive. Acceptance of these transformations is a superpower that re-energizes life.

Namaste

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes songwriter, choir director, and gospel singer, Kirk Franklin. “Some people’s healing and transformation may take years, and that does not mean that they’re not in deep pursuit, you know?”

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In The Long-Run

Posted on June 5, 2024 by swabby429

To reap some of the benefits of long-term planning and vision is satisfying. During my gratitude meditation today, I pondered the sage advice of older family members and colleagues that I make a habit of setting aside a set amount when I was still young. Thankfully, the rebellious side of my personality did not object.

This advice usually relates to financial matters, but it is also germane to other areas of life, too. Benefits accrue from putting the extra effort into other important areas of life, such as relationships, and health. Chances are better than even that hard work and patience will bring about mental and tangible rewards for your efforts.

Life is guaranteed to be frustrating and we are often faced with coping with slow results. We work on an important project and worry that our efforts will go for naught. It helps to pause for a few moments and appreciate the progress we have already accomplished. Whether or not one’s labors have yielded expected results, gratitude helps us to focus on doing what we can with what we have.

“I’m an inventor. I became interested in long-term trends because an invention has to make sense in the world in which it is finished, not the world in which it is started.”–American author, computer scientist, futurist, and inventor, Ray Kurzweil

It’s wise to keep track of the present and long-term trends as they are strong indicators about the future. This requires a fair amount of imagination because the future doesn’t always end up the way we had assumed or hoped. A fair amount of discipline is also important. To learn how to economize and prioritize not only helps us stay financially solvent, but is also valuable in other areas of life. In many areas of life it is good to shift one’s thinking away from short-term benefits and towards long-term sustainability. This works in the grand scale of things like the environment. Sustainablity is vital when we consider the next generations and whether or not they will thrive.

A wizened great-uncle often reminded me about three basic factors to consider: 1. Observe opportunities and problems from various angles or points of view. 2. Balance necessary short-term needs with long-range imperatives. 3. Ask difficult questions to help discover the best solutions. Once the right path is determined, it is best to not deviate from it; despite strong temptations to pick temporary gains ahead of long-term plans.

Because discipline and self-control are key to achievement. It behooves us to befriend people who have willpower and vision. Whether one is tempted to splurge on a high-calorie desert or blowing the monthly budget on a fancy gadget, to spend time with your disciplined pal provides inspiration to maintain the smart course of thinking and action. This is not a one-way street–hanging out together reinforces mutual values.

There is a vital caveat: One must know when to struggle towards something when we see little or no meaningful return. Although it might seem good to tough it out because they’ve put a lot of time and energy into a project; they are unwilling to admit failure. After putting in a reasonable, honest amount of work into something, it’s wise to understand when to move on and to focus on another priority.

Meanwhile, it is vital to observe and build upon our personal, inner strengths. It’s a matter of the time-tested basics of self-motivation, self-reliance, self-discipline, and decisiveness. After prioritizing our activities and efforts mindfully, take stock of what we need to do and keep track of how far along in the process we are moving, and continue applying focus.

Ciao

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes author and speaker, John C. Maxwell. “We don’t mature momentarily, but over the long-term.”

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On Hope

Posted on June 4, 2024 by swabby429

I study the red and orange blobs on the Weather Service’s radar map. With the map in animation mode, I watch the storms’ trajectories and hope that they will miss my town. Perhaps they will decrease in severity. Rationally, I understand that wishing something as massive as atmospheric disturbances to go away is a vain, silly notion. Yet, that desire for the lessening of danger is instinctive.

This spring has been unusually stormy in Nebraska. So I’ve been especially vigilant about the approach of potentially destructive weather systems here in tornado alley. With each major disturbance I acknowledge the desire and wish for any violent conditions to not harm nor kill anyone in its path. I believe that the concept of hope is rooted in our primal survival instinct. It makes perfect sense that we do not wish for harm to happen to ourselves and our neighbors.

We know hope as the mental state of desire and expectation for particular outcomes to occur. These expectations do not only involve frightening events, but also expectations regarding happy events. If you work hard at your job, you hope for recognition by your supervisor and wage increases. When I meet someone new, I hope we can enjoy a friendly, pleasant relationship.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”–American writer, Anne Lamott

There is an archaic definition of hope that means to have a feeling of trust. This form of the word was used formally in legal and religious contexts. For example: “By means of our partnership, upon affiance and hope wherof; I presume to be your petitioner.” I can almost smell the aroma of antique paper from the Victorian era by reading those words.

Hope has a prayer-like essence of optimism that transcends religions and philosophies. Hope is an inspirational feeling that enables people to carry on with their lives despite inauspicious conditions. It provides mental fuel to increase morale in the face of difficulties. I can only guess that most pessimists possess the ability to cultivate at least a little bit of hope. Is my guess a type of hope?

Namaste

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes 19th century American lawyer, orator, and writer, Robert Green Ingersoll “The Great Agnostic”. “In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing.”

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The Dreaded Boomers

Posted on June 3, 2024 by swabby429

John Lennon got into some hot water by saying, “Don’t trust anyone over 30.” He pretty much stood by that statement until he aged beyond that milestone year. It seems that each generation shows some measure of disrespect towards prior generations. It has gone on since before ancient times, so this is not a new phenomenon.

In contemporary popular society the insults continue on down the line. Millenials are accused of being egotistical phone-addicts. Gen Xers are branded as materialistic, tatooed slackers. Boomers are disliked simply for being boomers. All this trash-talking is useless and harmful, but who am I to put an end to it. After all, I’m one of those dreaded boomers.

I’ve met countless jerks and very kind people of all the current generations. As a “social justice warrior”, I cringe whenever I read or hear sweeping generalizations and stereotyping. Although I had many abrasive encounters with my elders during my youth, there were more positive interactions with older people. I was fortunate to work with helpful, kind people from the previous generation at part-time jobs during high school and college. The John Lennon declaration struck me as arrogant at the time he spoke it.

One of the major issues younger people have regarding boomers is the perception that we were given an “easy ride” financially and we enjoy a more abundant lifestyle than they are able to achieve. There is some merit to their complaints, especially in regards to the difficulty of paying off student loans and the the shortage of affordable housing. However, more than half of us boomers did not enjoy a riches-filled youth. We had plenty of serious struggles, too.

Young boomer women still could not obtain credit cards in their own names. They were without reliable reproductive health services. Blacks and other minority boomers faced severe job discrimination–which meant poverty-level subsistance for millions. We also went through the turmoil of the highly controversial Vietnam War and much civil unrest.

The highly touted and esteemed “Greatest Generation” earned their acclaim through their actions and sacrifices during the Second World War. However, they also engaged in plenty of toxic behavior such as turning a blind eye to chronic racial discrimination. There was also the harshness and injustice of the “Red Scare” and subsequent blacklisting. These contributed to “The Generation Gap”. That said, it would be unfair to label all members of the “Greatest Generation” as entitled haters. Again, I knew a great many people of that generation who displayed kindness and generosity almost to a fault.

There is a rampant, popular misconception that boomers were handed a perfect world on a silver platter. We somehow plundered it without a care and passed along a world sucked dry of opportunity and resources. There is also the misconception that boomers became religious conservatives as we became older–causing us to prevent progress in many important areas.

As a boomer whose political philosophy leans a bit to the left and as a liberal, I wish people of other generations would stop stereotyping us. People of any age group are not in lockstep agreement with everyone else. There is plenty of disagreement about issues and lifestyles within the Baby Boom generation itself. We are every bit as diverse as any other generation.

As a boomer who has been active in various civil rights movements and a strong advocate of LGBTQ rights, I can attest that not all of us fit into the convenient stereotype of being religious conservative boomers. There are millions of us who are rightfully concerned about environmental crises, discriminatatory practices, poverty, and blatant human rights abuses. We’ve been involved in these issues and others ever since our own youth. This is not a humble-brag; it is part and parcel of our boomer history. We hunger for social justice within our core.

There is little I can personally do to counter the complaints about boomers. The term “boomer” used as a form of insult will probably continue for many years. After all, misunderstanding and misjudging of prior generations has probably been going on since caveman days. Perhaps we’re genetically programmed to resent older people. That’s probably why John Lennon didn’t trust anyone over 30 until he turned 30 himself.

Ciao

The Blue Jay of Happiness quotes former senator from Virginia, former Secretary of the Navy, and former Assistant Secretary of Defense, Jim Webb. “World War II brought the Greatest Generation together. Vietnam tore the Baby Boomers apart.”

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