How to manage aggressive behaviour at work: five top tips

Dealing with an aggressive colleague? Here are five strategies for managing them without losing your cool.

Find your allies

The reality of dealing with an aggressive colleague is that you're probably not the only person facing their behaviour and there's no point suffering alone. According to Clare Whitmell, of Job Market Success, your first point of contact should be your colleagues, "ask them how they manage this behaviour and use them as support when necessary".

Just make sure it comes across as asking for advice and not moaning, particularly if the person you're having trouble with is another woman.

Put yourself in their shoes

We're all creatures of habit and so most people's behaviour can be worked out fairly quickly. Negotiation coach, Clive Rich, suggests first identifying the type of person you're dealing with; are they an optimist or pessimist, do they like making quick decisions or take time to think things over, do they focus on the big picture or want to know all the details? Once you know this you can reflect that back at them. For example, when pitching your big idea to a pessimist make sure you point out the potential problems, and explain how you would address them, before they have a chance to.

Bring it back to you

Most aggressive people like to dominate the conversation so it helps to remind them that they're dealing with a real person and that their behaviour has an affect on you. Bringing the conversation back to how you're feeling and what you're thinking can be a way to move beyond their demands. Hilary Jeanes, from PurpleLine Consulting suggests using "I" sentences, such as "I find it really helpful when you..." or "I would like to talk about...", to remind them there's another person in the conversation.

Stand up for yourself (or find someone who will)

If you're in a negotiation or difficult meeting with someone who doesn't want to let you speak then it's important to make sure that your words have power. Whitmell suggests asking your boss for assertiveness training to make sure you're confident standing your ground and can express yourself firmly. If you're dealing with an office bully now one quick tip is to make sure that your boss or another colleague is in meetings with you or copied in on emails between the two of you. It's much easier for your colleague to think that aggressive behaviour is ok when there's no-one else watching.

Push back

Aggression is often just tactical behaviour, says Rich, and so a simple way to deal with it is by calling the other person out. If you know them well, he suggests, go with a light tone and something like "just imagine how much better this conversation would go if neither of us attacked the other?" or a more formal "I feel like there's quite a hostile atmosphere in the room right now, how do you feel?". Bringing their behaviour out into the open will force them to address it and you'll feel like you've regained some control over the situation. And if they're being really difficult Rich suggests, "I'd like this conversation to be based on reason, not threats" then sit back quietly and let them bluster themselves out.

Have you found yourself dealing with an aggressive colleague? How did you manage it? Is there anything you wish you could have done differently? Tell us in the comments below.

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