When I first asked some of my queer friends how they felt about packing (which Wikipedia defines as "wearing padding or a phallic object in the front of the pants or underwear to give the appearance of having a penis"), a lot of the replies I got were, "You mean like for a trip?" That tells me that not everyone, even in the LGBT community, is familiar with the term, so it's OK if you weren't either.
The first question you might have at this point (other than "all of the questions") is "why would anyone want to do that?" To answer that, I asked Chelsea Downs, 31, co-founder of New York Toy Collective, who said her customers enjoy packing for a variety of reasons, from playing around with the idea of gender, to modifying their gender expression, to helping them cope with gender dysphoria (people who have significant distress about their sex and gender). Many trans men also pack because it helps them read as male, which could potentially help them avoid harassment, unwanted questioning, or something more violent, and even cisgender males who may have lost some or all of their genitals in accidents (sometimes wounded war vets) pack.
Jen Laws, 30, a transgender man who works in customer service at Perfect Fit Brand, in Florida says he loves hard or soft packing because, "I get to feel my dick. I don't mean to be crass, but it feels very powerful to be able to present outwardly in a way that is cohesive with my own internal image."
Laws says his wife is a huge fan of his packer and she gets more "handsy" when they're out together and she knows he's packing. Most of his butch and androgynous lesbian friends also really love packing, as do his trans masculine friends. He says his gay male friends are also fascinated by it and will frequently ask him questions excitedly about the process and which products he uses, which he says feels "amazing" because being read as more masculine is a big part of what he's going for when he's packing.
Shane'a, 33, from Arlington, Virginia, says she actually feels her most feminine when she packs and doesn't see packing as inherently masculine at all. She says, "My packer is sexy and it's my skin color and it can be whatever my brain wants it to be. As a person who identities as a queer femme, it makes me feel most like a woman." Her partner even bought her the packer to "challenge my own gender and gender expression," and she's loved it ever since.
Julian Wolf, 36, an activist from Albuquerque, New Mexico, says packing is a "great way to accessorize and feel more confident in your presentation. My friends and I all pack or don't pack at different times for different reasons, from comfort to aesthetics. The emotional attachment, if any, is individual."
Jackie, 50, executive vice president of Good Vibrations, loves packing because it makes her feel "instantly sexual," saying, "I am a transgender butch dyke, so there is a visceral connection to packing a dildo and thereby having a cock. Not only does it ramp up the charge for me sexually, it also serves to center and focus my feelings of being a transmasculine queer woman."
Basically, anyone and everyone can and might be packing.
To hammer out more of the tips and tricks to packing, I asked a variety of queer people with all sorts of gender identities why they love to pack and how the hell they do it. Here's everything you need to know (and might've been to afraid to ask).
1. No, you can't just throw any dildo in your pants and ride off into the sunset. Well, you can, of course, but it's going to look pretty weird. Packing traditionally involves special "packers" that come in either soft (aka kind of a flaccid penis situation) or hard (something more like a dildo). Downs says her company created an awesome "pack and play" dildo, meaning it can be worn discreetly under clothing by wearing the dildo in a harness and tucking the shaft down between your legs. It won't make it look like you have a massive erection, but it also has a bendable core inside, making it rigid enough for penetrative sex (aka "hard packing"). Downs's company also makes a regular "soft packer" you can wear for everyday use that resemble a flaccid penis (they even have one with foreskin and one without!) and all their packers come in at least four skin tones, which is awesome because not all penises are white, duh.
2. Traditional hard packing might come with some complications. If you're not using a packer like the one Downs's company makes that goes from hard to soft, and is just a straight-up hard packer, Ollie Fjor'Skera, 25, from Tacoma, Washington, recommends you proceed with caution. They say that hard packing can cause chafing and irritation, which is obviously the last thing you want near your junk.
3. People who know they're allergic to latex or might be allergic to latex, beware. Just like with condoms, it's really important to be aware of any latex allergies you may or may not have before you start packing. Many prostheses are made with some form of latex, so check to make sure if that's the case. Downs recommends silicone packers because they last longer and they are easier to clean (silicone can be boiled to sterilize it, which is easy as hell). Silicone is also non-allergenic and nonporous, which means it won't cause allergic reactions or trap bacteria in the material, which is something you want in a toy that could be coming in contact with bodily fluids.
4. Hard packing usually requires a harness, while soft packing doesn't. Laws says you could in theory soft pack while going commando (as long as your jeans don't stain the material on the packer, which he says can happen). You can also pack with your packer a sock to help contain it while you're wearing shorts.
5. You can also opt to wear packing-specific clothing if that's easier for you. Jackie says she loves the Spareparts Pete Packing Trunks with the Sailor 2 for more everyday soft packing (when you don't want to carry around an erection), and for a hard pack situation (where you want the option of an erection), she likes the Spareparts Jocque Harness with the Cadet Firm-Core Dildo. Jackie added that you can also put a jockstrap over the dildo and harness to hold it in place while you have jeans on. Then when you're ready to have sex with the dildo, you can just pull the cock over the waistband while it's still in the ring of the harness. Bam.
6. Don't pick a huge packer because someone else thinks you should. Wolf says that packing is supposed to be for you, so avoid going too big or too small based on what your partners or friends might suggest. You're the one who'll be lugging it around anyway.
7. Yes, you need to clean it. Laws says you should definitely be cleaning your packer after every use or they will "take on personal odors." Downs also recommends rubbing a pinch of cornstarch on your packer to keep it feeling smooth and dust-free.
8. Packing might feel super weird for the first few days. Fjor'Skera says a lot of people wear a jockstrap with their packer, which they say can be pretty uncomfortable. They recommend walking around the house so you can practice how to walk and how to maneuver with your jockstrap and packer on. Fjor'Skera says, "The idea is to be comfortable and make it feel like the packer is a part of you. You want to walk and make this feel as natural as possible, not just to 'pass,' but to help with body dysphoria." Wolf also recommends moving as much as you can, saying, "Sit down, stand up, dance around. Just make sure it's physically comfortable and secure."
9. You might need to adjust your packer like some guys do in public. Laws says he never appreciated cis-gender men adjusting their penises in public until he started packing regularly, saying, "Having your packer slip can be very uncomfortable so you might need to adjust from time to time." Laws also recommends wearing tighter pants to keep your packer in place as much as possible. Shane'a likes to wear hers with a cute black unitard because it's less likely to need an adjustment if it's that close to her body, so that's another option.
10. Keep your packer out in the open so it won't literally get bent out of shape. Laws recommends storing your packer in a way that lets them keep their shape, since soft packers can be prone to dents or warping. So just keep it on a shelf as opposed to smushed at the bottom of your closet.
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Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. She is the creator of the hit comedy show Tinder Live and author of the critically acclaimed book How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't. Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band It Was Romance, which has been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue. She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.
