26 V Important Questions to Ask on a First Date
Use these the next time you're on Zoom or FT with your Tinder match. 🙋
I’m personally a huge fan of the first date. Not only is it a great way to meet someone new who you could potentially decide to bone later, but it’s also an excuse to get drunk on a random Tuesday evening. But now that we’re all practicing social distancing thanks to a lil thing called COVID-19...things are a bit different.
In general, though, I know what you’re thinking: Umm, excuse me, miss, but first dates suck. And I hear you. But the key is you have to video-vet (or call!) your dates prior to meeting them IRL. It’s essential. This way, you can do a five minute vibe check that establishes whether they can contribute to the convo (in more ways than just “haha, yeah”) and if they actually look like their pictures. Trust: This will save you a lot of bad dates...and the effort of putting a bra on. (So now that we’re stuck in our homes, hello FaceTime and Zoom dates indefinitely).
Now, as for what kind of questions you should be asking via FT, Zoom, or when we’re finally able to get out, well, personally, I’m not a fan of dating rules. I don’t think there’s necessarily anything off limits for a first date in terms of questions. My thinking is this: If there’s something you find a lot of value in or you’re passionate about, it would be worth hearing your date’s opinion on it as well (whether that be politics, religion, sex, etc.). Especially if it’s a deal breaker. Knowing these things about your date right away can save you a lot of time and effort if you have hard limits, boundaries, and/or specific things you’re looking for in a partner.
But! I’m also not telling you to divulge all your ex’s dirty laundry and excuse yourself from the table because you have to cry it out in the bathroom. There’s a fine line with being open and communicative about what you want and going a lil too far. So with that, here are some solid first date questions you can ask your date—whether it be on a Zoom call, FT date, or IRL once all this quarantining business is over.
“What’s one thing you want to ask me, but you’re too nervous to?”
Guys, I cannot stress this enough: This is the ultimate first-date question. It inadvertently breaks down the wall everyone has up on a first date and lets you dive into a deeper, more intimate conversation over something you actually want to know about the other person.
"How important is taking space for yourself?"
Raise your hand if you've spent hours looking at your phone and wondering why that person hasn't texted you back (you know the one). This question ensures you’re never in that lousy feeling position again since you’ll know how they value their alone time—and if it’s with or without a phone.
“Why didn’t your last relationship work?”
Don’t linger on exes too long, but it’s worth seeing how your date responds to this question. Pay close attention to victim behavior and if they label their ex “crazy” or “unstable.” (If that’s the case, may be better to run).
“What’s your love language?”
Your love language reveals so much about how you effectively give and want to receive love. Walk your date through the five of them: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service, and ask them which one best describes how they’d like to receive love.
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I mean, aren’t we all curious about where we’ll be? If ambition and drive is a big one for you, this question is important in making sure that your visions align.
“How do you prefer to communicate?”
You know, via text, via FaceTime, via a phone call, etc. Trust: This will help so that you’re not that girl waiting all hours of the day for a text.
“What’d you do this weekend?”
May be obvious, but it’s telling. If you brunched, ran a 10K, worked at a co-op, and threw your BFF a b-day party while your date vaped and sat on the couch all weekend, it’s probs not gonna work out?
“What’s the best vacation you ever took?”
Having different vacation styles isn’t a deal breaker, but if you love relaxing beach resorts while your date prefers having a stacked itinerary, you might want to know! Also, talking about your favorite travel memories (aka probs some of the best experiences of your life) is solidly fun, and who knows?—maybe you both went to that incredible restaurant in Amsterdam.
“If you suddenly won $1 billion, what would you do?”
Look, whether or not that’ll actually ever happen, you can learn a lot about a person if they say, “Buy a castle on a secluded island and never work again” vs. “Pay off student loans, buy my parents a new house, go to grad school for art, and donate to charity.”
“What’s something you believed a year ago that you’d be a little embarrassed to admit right now?”
Sure, we can all laugh off our high school emo phases, but the people who are constantly challenging themselves to grow can notice that their sleep habits a year ago (aka never getting enough of it) might be way different now that they’re obsessed with getting their eight hours.
“What’s your best friend like?”
Because friends tell you a LOT about a person and unfortch, you’re not likely to meet them on a first date, hearing about their bestie (or if they even have one) is the next best thing. If they gush about their BFF being a kind, loyal, hilarious person—great! If they barely have anything to say other than allude to being drinking buddies...hmm.
“What was your favorite part about growing up?”
Hopefully, they’ll have a lot of great things to say, but if not, even “I loved being in nature a lot” gives you something to work with!
“Did you ever have a pet?”
You’ll learn a lot from:
–What kind of pet they had/have (a dog person is waaaaay diff than a snake one, just sayin’)
–How determined they were to get a childhood pet (even if it never happened, them making a Powerpoint to try and score a cat is both adorable and tells you a lot!)
–Their saying, “I don’t really care about animals” (Excuse me, what???)
“What’s the last show you binged?”
You won’t learn much from them also loving Game of Thrones, but knowing about a show they loved enough to forgo social plans for a few days is a diff story. At the very least, you might get some good Netflix recs.
“How do you feel about [insert random big thing in the news]?”
Knowing that they both have a general grasp on major current events AND don’t have shitty opinions on them is probably important!
“What’s your sign?”
Hey, astrological compatibility is a thing! But what’s even more important than knowing if they’re a Gemini or a Scorpio is if they’re the kind of annoying person who’ll judge you for reading your daily horoscope.
“What’s a food you hate irrationally?”
Normal answer: honeydew melon.
Run-for-the-hills answer: ALL vegetables or anything that isn’t plain pizza.
“What’s the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?”
This is a solid way to know if your senses of humor mesh! Because if they do, that is ~magical~ (and also a great reason to text each other memes after the date).
“What’s your opinion on [a small life problem you’re having]?”
Obvs, don’t unload some heavy, superpersonal issues to a stranger, but if you’re genuinely unsure how to deal with a pesky roommate or micromanage-y coworker and it’s at the forefront of your mind anyway, why not ask? One of the best things about having a partner is that they can put things in perspective and be a solid source of support—if they either can’t do that or somehow get angrier than you are, oof.
“Are you a morning or night person?”
Is the second date going to be at, like, 6:30 p.m. because they have to squeeze in a workout the next day, or can you chill and talk till 3 a.m. without fear you’re hindering sleep? It’s not the biggest hurdle to overcome, but it’s nice to get a sense of if your general lifestyles match up.
Taylor is the former Sex and Relationships editor who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex). You can follow her on Instagram here.
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