He Says, She Says: Flirting Moves That Work (and Ones That Never, Ever Will)
Dating bloggers Erin Meanley and Ryan Dodge give their expert opinions on the flirting techniques men and women use every day.
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Photo: iStock1/9Flirting Move #1: The Wink
Erin says: The wink can be friendly or cutesy, but if you really want to stop him in his tracks, modify it. Try the slow wink. You close your eyelid and then open it slowly, and at the same time roll your shoulder forward and lift your chin, like you're laughing in slow-motion. But just know that this move is lethal, and it sends a message loud and clear. You might as well give him your room key. I've never used it on a stranger.
Ryan says: The wink is good in theory but difficult in practice. I'm not very good at winking, so I've never pulled this move—and if I saw a girl do it, I'd assume she had a twitch.
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Photo: iStock2/9Flirting Move #2: The Hair Flip
Erin says: I don't do this because I'm from Southern California and already get the words ditz and Valley girl thrown at me quicker than I can say, "Like, omigod." But I've been told that men get excited when you touch your hair.
Ryan says: So, like, you're totally hitting on me, right? When I think "hair flip," I think ditzy. Sorry.
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Photo: Getty Images3/9Flirting Move #3: The Oral Fixation (sucking a lollipop, licking lips, etc.)
Erin says: Always, always do this at some point in the evening. Men imagine that lollipop or Popsicle is their favorite body part… Warning: Use this move sparingly—if you spend the whole night perfecting the move, it looks a little over-the-top.
Ryan says: Do girls actually do this? I mean, outside of porn movies? If so, I've been missing out big-time. [Editor's note: Ryan, have you met Erin? See above.]
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Photo: iStock4/9Flirting Move #5: The Whisper
Erin says: Teachers change their volume to get your attention. Often they get quieter instead of raising their voices. It works for them, and it can work for you. When you whisper to a man, he has visions of you whispering in the dark. In bed. Do it.
Ryan says: A while ago I was at a party with a date and she leaned over and whispered, "Let's get out of here" in a really seductive voice. Just thinking about it still gives me shivers—in a good way.
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Photo: iStock5/9Flirting Move #4: The Mirror (i.e., if you lean in, she leans in)
Erin says: I do this in job interviews, and a date is essentially a job interview. If a guy isn't interested, he'll sit back. So why should you sit forward and look all anxious and desperate? Sit back! But if he leans in to hang on your every word, by all means, lean in right back.
Ryan says: This is one of my favorite techniques—subtle but effective. It works well when paired with a slight smile and eye contact.
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Photo: Getty Images6/9Flirting Move #6: The "Accidental" Touch
Erin says: I've been told this is disarming—in a good way. I'm quite the "unaware toucher," but I always make sure the guy accidentally touches me first. That gives me some idea of his interest. Ninety-five percent of the time, if he likes me, he'll touch my arm or leg, usually as a way to emphasize something he's saying. Look for his first accidental touch about an hour into the date (any sooner and he's probably not the most respectful guy).
Ryan says: I'm too shy to bust this out early in a relationship, but I love when women do it to me.
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Photo: Getty Images7/9Flirting Move #7: The Longer-Than-Normal Eye Gaze
Erin says: This works, but don't stare him down. Hold the gaze for no more than five seconds, and make sure to smile. I've reeled em in countless times this way. It's like a green light. You're silently expressing interest and inviting him or giving him permission to come over.
Ryan says: This is the easiest and most effective way to signal your interest from across the bar, and it is the only excuse a self-confident guy needs to make a move.
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Photo: iStock8/9Flirting Move #8: The Smile
Erin says: Always smile. Most men love happy drama-free, toothsome women. It's the best move you can make.
Ryan says: If a gaze followed by a smile doesn't bring him over, trust me, he's not interested.
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Photo: Getty Images9/9Flirting Move #9: The Footsie Play
Erin says: I have never done this. If you want to pull a Mrs. Robinson and seduce some young boy, go for it. But it's pretty brazen and kind of cheesy. I'm never that forward. Also, some people have a foot fear—it's the anti-foot fetish.
Ryan says: It's very aggressive. If bad '80s comedies are any guide, this move should be saved for large family dinners as a way to antagonize relatives, like when you're sitting across from creepy Uncle Melvin.
