10 Tips to Help Women Communicate with Male Colleagues

Much as we hate to admit it, men and women communicate differently.

In some ways, it seems like an odd topic to have to address today. Men and women hold the same roles in organizations and do the same types of job duties. They interact all the time. It would be nice if a man could turn to a woman, or a woman could turn to a man, and effective communication could ensue without having to consciously think about it. But unfortunately, it’s not always the case, and that’s why I find myself writing about it.

It’s pretty well known that women struggle to rise to leadership positions in large companies. Only 4.8% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women, pay inequality is well-documented, and companies grapple with inclusion and advancement strategies. The hard truth is, especially in industries like tech, women have to work harder and assert themselves more outwardly to their male counterparts.

To that end, here are 10 tips to help women to communicate more effectively with their male colleagues:

1. Don’t be afraid to say “no”. Women tend to take on more and more. Focus on prioritizing – doing fewer things better – and if you need to say no to a request or new project, do so with confidence, not apologies.
2. Stand up for yourself. Don’t be cowed by louder or more aggressive colleagues. Force yourself to speak up more and defend your point of view.
3. Be confident. In a new book, The Confidence Code, co-author Katty Kay says that confidence is often more important than competence and women tend to most of their attention on the latter.
4. Be “one of the guys.” A male-dominated culture often tends to be heavy on the jokes - and as long as what they’re saying isn’t offensive, play along a bit. It’s helpful to have a few witty comebacks in your pocket.
5. Stick to the facts. Men are generally conditioned to act, and so their communication style tends to be more to the point. Keep it short and sweet and they’ll pay attention.
6. Be direct and use declarative statements. Women are more likely to phrase requests or opinions as suggestions or even questions, as opposed to men, who usually just tell it like it is. If you have something to say, just say it without qualifying it.
7. Be specific with feedback. This is especially important if you’re in a management role, many men are hard-wired to tune out criticism. Rather than generalities, offer specific action items for them to act on.
8. Find common ground. Talking about your kids or a mutual interest in Wes Anderson movies can shift the way you communicate and create an overall better working relationship.
9. Be appropriately assertive in group situations. In a meeting or brainstorming session where everyone is throwing in ideas, make sure you jump right in. Women often wait to be “invited” to join the conversation or asked their thoughts, whereas men are apt to just throw ideas out there.
10. Don’t take things personally. Men do make blunders in communicating with women, but for the most part they don’t actively try to alienate their female colleagues. Don’t take tactlessness personally. But do feel free to treat it as a coaching moment.