Toxic Employees - 7 Steps to Stop Them in their Tracks!

Have you ever worked with someone who left you feeling confused, anxious, worried, frustrated, angry or even fearful and downright disrespected? It could have been a boss, a co-worker, a customer, a constituent, or other stakeholder. You discover that the more you need to interact with this person, the more intense your unhealthy, negative feelings or emotions become. You may get a knot in your stomach, have sweaty palms, experience tightness in your chest, shoulders, arms, legs and face. You may tell others that dealing with this person is "like walking on egg shells." And, of course, the big payoff - the toxic employee has taught you exactly how they want you to feel and interact with them. The sooner you learn to leave them alone to do things their way, the better off you'll both be. Over time, you could even begin to feel helpless to do anything to make a difference; and even hopeless about getting out of the situation, leaving you feeling anxious, fearful or depressed. This employee has created a negative and hostile work environment with threatening, intimidating, or coercive behavior; all of which you simply prefer to avoid.

A toxic employee can be thought of as someone who has a pervasive and ingrained pattern of dysfunctional thoughts (irrational beliefs) and feelings (emotions) that contribute to behaviors (dysfunctional, caustic, destructive), not only for themselves but others. They may not be aware of the negative impact that their behavior has on another person or group of people. And, when they are aware, they may or may not even care. When provided with feedback, they may react in either a passive destructive or active destructive manner. (They experience very little or no subjective distress when the impact of their dysfunctional behaviors are pointed out to them - ego-syntonic). They are likely to react negatively in a very defensive and confrontational way, and may even verbally attack, in an almost emotionally explosive manner, if they perceive they are being criticized, minimized or marginalized. Often times, they persecute others and play a victim role, attacking and then complaining that they have been treated unfairly, harassed or discriminated in some form or fashion. They then need to create a sense of control or power, so they seek assistance from a formal level of conflict intervention. For example:

"What do you mean! I'm the best ****** sales person you have with sales up this year already by 20%, exceeding our quarterly goal, and better than any other salesperson on the team! What is wrong with YOU telling ME this?!?"(slamming hand on table and yelling). You should be talking to others in the group, not me! [Followed by a complaint to an investigatory group of their being treated unfairly].

In a research study completed by Michael Housman and Dylan Minor in 2015 at the Harvard Business School, a toxic worker was defined as:

"... a worker that engages in behavior that is harmful to an organization, including either its property or people."

Others are often confused by the destructive behavior and negative emotional reactions of a toxic employee; outbursts of anger and rage that clearly seem to be an over exaggerated display of emotion (overt) relative to the situation. A covert toxic employee may quietly, with a smile, undermine others (keeping their thoughts and feelings to themselves), yet still acting out with destructive behaviors, just hidden. Both overt and covert toxic employees tend to act in a defensive manner to protect themselves against a perceived threat to their own self-identity or self-esteem. Most reasonable people in the same or a similar situation just would not react this way. Peers, colleagues, managers and customers prefer to avoid them at all costs since being around them leads to so much discomfort or even stress. People begin calling in sick. Individual or team performance begins to be adversely affected. More mistakes are made. Accidents happen. A star performer leaves the organization. Worse yet, when the word gets out, potentially good job candidates may not even want to work in the organization.

In a recent article by Jeremy Goldman in Inc. Magazine (June 8, 2016), he indicated that in CEO Coach Cameron Herold's experience, "the cost of keeping the wrong [toxic] person can be up to 15 times his or her annual salary," compared to the gains and benefits of not losing a star performer.

You are clearly in a position to make an important moral and business decision. "Do I let her (the toxic employee) stay or do I let her go?" There is a need to consider the potential or existing risks involved in letting her stay or go. There is also a need to use some moral reasoning to come to a fair judgment and sound business decision before taking action. Categorical moral reasoning suggests it's just wrong to keep her. How could you not remember the damage that she has already done? Keeping her will only lead to more damage. (And, certainly it has been shown that a toxic employee's behavior can and does lead to others over time to becoming toxic as well). Now you have a whole team or entire group that is toxic. The potential negative impact of keeping her may, by far, outweigh the risk of letting her go. Consequential moral reasoning suggests you look at the bigger picture and consider what is in the greater good (or collective interest) of everyone else involved; and the consequences of keeping her, or letting her go. Ask yourself, will any intervention that you might take, within the next 3, 6 or 12 months, make a difference in a change of her philosophical thinking and lead to more constructive behavior? If you come to the realization that the toxic employee is not likely to change his or her thinking and behavior, and the likelihood is greater that they will only create more destruction, then make the decision to terminate and have it over with. And, if you think it's too hard (with too many obstacles) to get rid of the toxic employee (spending too much time, effort or energy documenting and remediating), imagine the potential cost to your organization at some point in the future when you're now faced with even higher potential risks (more lying, more stealing, more sabotage, more complaints by customers, bullying, accidents or even some form of harassment or violence). Are you prepared for this kind of liability to the organization? How you handle the toxic employee is one cost to your organization that you can control.

CHARACTERISTICS OF A TOXIC EMPLOYEE

Lacks Self-Awareness

• Is not fully aware of, and may even lack the capacity to be aware of, their own irrational thinking (which go way back; because there's always a history), underlying dysfunctional negative feelings (because they don't experience any personal subjective distress) and negative impact of destructive behavior (their payoff and reward that negatively reinforces the behavior and the cycle continues).
• Reacts to a perceived threat (to their self-esteem, for example, because they really are fragile and insecure); and behaviorally act (from a primitive amygdala hijacking) out of a need for their own survival. Sound extreme?
• Has learned early on how to react (with emotional reasoning) that has become a long-standing pattern of personality and behavior. They feel first and then react as opposed to thinking and then taking action.
• Unaware of their own distortions in perception and irrational beliefs that are contributing to their negative emotional experience that also explains their destructive behavior. Their behavior clearly reflects their internal negative emotional experience. Sad, isn't it?
• Typically not able to acknowledge, name or describe what they are feeling as an emotional experience. Ask them how they feel and you are likely to get a strong reaction. "What do you mean, how do I feel!? We don't talk about emotions at work!" They tend to lack a vocabulary for naming emotions.
• Their behaviors are typically a long-standing pattern of coping mechanisms learned at an earlier age that were useful then, but clearly evolved as maladaptive ways as an adult who really needs to find better ways to manage emotions in order to foster healthy relationships and solve real business problems.
• Has either a very high self-regard or low self-regard. They either under estimate or overestimate their strengths or weaknesses (in an effort to protect themselves). Typically there is a self described self-esteem issue involved, with a tendency to act depressively (and play the victim) or overcompensating with arrogant, haughty behavior (playing a persecutor role).
• Is often not aware of the connection between their lack of respect for authority and lack of compliance with rules, to their own need for respect, admiration, power and control. Their behavior can easily become unethical or illegal. And, if they're thinking about it, they've probably already done it. Be aware.
• Takes all the credit when things are going well. Finds fault, points fingers and blames others for mistakes. Does not take ownership or responsibility for their own behavioral contributions. Unable, or unwilling, to see themselves the way others do.

Lacks Impulse Control/Self-Monitoring

• Feels strongly and expresses intense unhealthy negative emotions (i.e., anxiety, envy, fear, anger, jealousy, resentfulness, hostility), often in impulsive, erratic and inappropriate ways. They may, for example, aggressively insult others, make derogatory or demeaning statements or comments, engage in labeling or name calling, or accuse others falsely of some imagined wrong doing.
• Disregards policies, procedures, rules, regulations, code of conduct, social norms or laws. They operate and do things according to their own preferred code or methods. They get excessive speeding or parking tickets and don't pay them. They falsify information for their self-benefit. They show disregard for others. They have poor job performance habits. They practice in the workplace what they "learned on the streets."
• Acts hastily and carelessly without considering the harmful long-term consequences to themselves or others.
• Acts with a sense of entitlement, arrogance, boastfulness, pretentiousness, alienating others. Finds fault with others when they are ignored.
• Is reckless, seeks or creates excitement or chaos regardless of any risks, especially when bored.
• Overly dramatic at times with an exaggerated display of emotions. Is combative with others, ready to argue or fight. Acts out of fear of another person's withdrawal of acceptance or approval.
• Can be deceitful, exploitative, manipulative of others; greedy, selfish, insensitive to the the needs and feelings of others. Defiant, resistant to authority, bullying and intimidating, excessive dislike of others, competitiveness; stubbornness or unwillingness to cooperate with others; holds grudges, unable to forgive; seeks revenge by retaliating; uses aggressive behaviors, verbally or physically.
• Is not able to identify, monitor and regulate emotions.
• Prone to addictive behaviors.

Lacks Awareness of Others' Emotional Experience

• Lacks empathy toward others in interpersonal or social situations. Is not capable of or willing to put themselves in someone else’s shoes to fully understand the impact that their behavior is having on another person.
• Is not aware of the social cues or emotions in others as a signal for how they are being treated.
• May express an “I don’t care” attitude toward others.
• May mimic the behaviors of empathy (with little emotion being expressed) to exploit or manipulate others for their own personal gains.

Lacks Interpersonal/Social Skills to Build Effective Relationships

• Emotional affect may be very shallow or inappropriate (i.e., attacks a person with little regret or remorse). Or, there may be episodes of intense and poorly controlled anger or rage.
• Hypersensitive, overreacting with anger to feedback, annoyances, criticisms, rejections, or frustrations.
• Is not able or willing to engage with others in a friendly, sociable or professional manner without reacting negatively (whether in thought or their actual behavior).
• Expresses hostility in words, mannerisms, gestures, expressions that provoke arguments, disputes or conflicts with others.
• Suspicious, distrustful of others. Acts in ways to protect themselves against potential threats.
• Complains excessively. Finds reasons not to work. Magnifies the shortcomings of others. Demands unreasonable improvements in existing work conditions, benefits; expects special favors or treatment.
• Does not cope with or manage stress well. Responds with anxiety, fear, or helplessness. Emotionally volatile or explosive.
• Overly needy or dependent on others, emotionally or to get things done.
• Is quick to find fault, point fingers, or blame others.
• Will say things that are perceived by a reasonable, rational-thinking person, as startling, confusing, or shocking, thinking to themselves: “Something is not right about her.”
• Is typically not able or willing to establish or work at maintaining authentic, healthy relationships – personal or work. Isolated loners.
• They appear to others as cold, unattached, aloof, unemotional, or moody.
• They may deliberately retaliate if they perceive they are being attacked or criticized, when in reality that is not even the case.
• They don’t work well in teams, putting their own needs and interests before those of others. Selfish, controlling, demanding.
• They can appear to be very charismatic, however, it’s only a disguise/mask of their hidden agenda to get what they want.
• Their interactions with others are often deliberately destructive, manipulating, coercing, threatening or intimidating.
• They can behaviorally sabotage, undermine or hold you hostage by turning on you when your intentions and motivations are genuine and sincere.
• Others can feel exasperated as a result of their interactions - emotionally, mentally or physically drained.
• Prone to addictive behaviors.

SEVEN STEPS TO STOP A TOXIC EMPLOYEE IN THEIR TRACKS

1.  Set Clear Behavioral Expectations

When you are dealing often with a toxic employee, it is critical that you establish and state very clearly what your expectations are for their behavior. Stand strong. Be firm and clear on the behaviors that you value and appreciate not only for yourself but for your other team members, customers, or other key stakeholders. Let the employee know what behaviors you expect to see from them that are appropriate and acceptable. Ask the employee if s/he will agree to those behavioral expectations. You may even ask for the employee's willingness and commitment to demonstrate those behaviors. Express your appreciation for their commitment and state clearly that you expect to not have a need for any future discussion about their not meeting the expectations. Remember, fifty-percent of an employee’s work performance is based upon the results they accomplish. The other fifty-percent of their performance is based upon the behaviors they use to achieve those results. As a manager and leader in the organization it is imperative that you make it explicitly clear that people will be held accountable in both respects; and perhaps even the potential consequences if they do not act responsibly. Afterall, since toxic employees can be high performers or low performers, they're poor workplace behaviors do not need to be tolerated, do they?

2.  Model the Behaviors You Expect to See

When interacting with the toxic employee, consistently engage with them using the behaviors you would like to see from them. You may find that you need to manage your own frustration. This is not easy. Sooner or later you can expect to see a change in the employee’s behavior. When you do, recognize, acknowledge and show appreciation for the new behavior when it is shown. Initially you want to point out the new behavior to the employee as frequently as you see/hear it – often. Recognize and show appreciation in front of others. As time passes, you can acknowledge and show appreciation intermittently, not as often. When you know the new behavior has become more consistent, then you can reward the employee by pointing out the new behavior in other ways that are important to them - in their performance review, compensation, special assignments.

3.  Set Boundaries/Limits

When you are dealing often with a toxic employee, it is essential that you identify your own personal boundaries and limits for their behavior, as a manager and a human being. Boundaries can be thought of as imaginary circles or rings that we place around ourselves, and extend outwards, as a way of communicating with others based upon our level of trust. As we build a relationship with someone, and relative to our interactions and experiences with them, we build greater trust and allow them closer, into the imaginary inner circles or rings around us. Limits can be thought of as the extent to which you are willing to accept someone’s behavior as acceptable or appropriate as a respectable way of interacting with you. When someone’s behavior “crosses the line” that you define as unacceptable, inappropriate or unwelcome, you have a right to call that person out on their behavior.

4.  Assert Yourself

When interacting with a toxic employee, you have a right to assert yourself and expressing what you need and expect – that’s being appropriately assertive. In doing so, you teach the other person how you expect to be treated (i.e., with respect) and they learn how to treat you in future interactions (now knowing your boundaries). If you perceive a toxic employee’s behavior as “aggressive” towards you, you have a right, as a human being, to say something. Consider your boundaries and limitations and how you expect someone to interact respectfully with you. If that’s not happening, consider the other person’s boundaries (if they have any) and then choose the appropriate behaviors to assert yourself – appropriately. That means, if the other person is acting aggressively towards you (and with little or no respect in your view), then their behavior has already crossed your boundary. Since their boundary is wider than yours, you have a right to actually speak firmly, or even forcefully (but not in a way they would pereceive as aggressive), to make your point about what you need from them. For example, you may feel very uncomfortable when a person tells you that you are incompetent. You have a right to confront the other person in an appropriate assertive way, by asking, for example: “You say that I am incompetent. I know you must have your reasons for saying that. How do you see it that way?” You can also speak firmly. Communicating with the other person in a style or manner that matches theirs, can often times, stop them in their tracks. Ask questions rather than point out their behavior with “you” statements directed toward them ("Be curious; not furious"). Asking questions helps them to reflect on their own behavior and, again, teaches them what your boundaries are and how you expect to be treated – respectfully and not backing down in a passive way.

5.  Have A Support Network

When you are expected to work regularly with a toxic person, it can be stressful over time. You can feel mentally, emotionally or physically drained (a psychological pay-off for them). Most people tend to describe it as “I feel like I’m always walking on egg-shells,” or “I never know what to say; and no matter what I say, it’s (always) the wrong thing.” This clearly demonstrates that you may be feeling stuck in a place which is right where the toxic person may want you to be - feeling anxious, fearful, coerced, threatened, or intimidated. When this happens, it can leave you feeling as though you have no way out, and no outlet to express what you think, how you feel, and/or what you can possibly do in the situation. It’s important to have a few good confidants, people who are close to you and who you know you can trust and confide in. They are good listeners and have probably even experienced what you are describing to them. You might say for example, 

Right now I’m in a situation in which someone does not respect me as his manager. He put’s my work and me down. I never feel as though my work is valued or appreciated and if I say something, the other person becomes aggressive. I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I don’t know what else to do. What is your best advice for me?

You need a person, or people who can serve as a sounding board for you (i.e., a coach, mentor, manager) to express yourself; and may be able to provide you with very good advice or counsel. However, avoid engaging with someone who will simply agree with how miserable you may be feeling and is not able or can't really support you with helpful advice.

You may also want to consider any other professional resources that are available to you to address the issues - inside or outside of your organization. There are people who you can reach out to who can listen and support you in getting the help you need.

6.  Provide Behaviorally Specific, Timely and Actionable Feedback     

As the manager of an employee whose behavior is toxic, you will need to be consistent in documenting all critical incidents of toxic performance behaviors. Document the specifics (i.e., date, time, location, who was involved, etc.). A critical incident is one in which the employee’s toxic behavior either led to, or could potentially have led to, a serious negative consequence on you or another person, or severely impacting an area of the business in a negative way. Describe your observations of specific observable toxic behaviors – what you saw or what you heard. (Ask yourself, “would 25 other reasonable people describe this same observable behavior as I did; and describe it as toxic?”).  Remember to use language that judges the employee’s toxic behavior, not the person. Describe the negative consequences and impact on the business of their toxic behavior. When providing feedback to the employee, be timely, behaviorally specific, and make sure that your feedback is helpful to the employee in knowing, specially, what behavior to change, when and why it would be important. For example:

I’m concerned that we are at risk of losing a good contractor who we have used for years. He has some of the best rates of any contractors. We don’t want to lose him. Earlier this week, on Monday to be specific, I received feedback again from a vendor, Sam at ABC Contractors. He said that you had, again, used a ‘harsh and abrasive’ tone after he expressed his dissatisfaction with your not looking into his not being paid on time. He stated that you specifically said: ‘I’m tired of you asking me about you’re not getting paid on time. I’ve told you before, that’s not my job. You can go….” Sam indicated that he was upset and angry with you, and that he was ready to go to… and make a formal complaint. Can you see how your behavior negatively affected Sam, and how it may potentially impact our doing business with him? I need you to think about how to fix this...

7.  End/Terminate the Relationship

There comes a time when we need to come to terms with our own limits and know when to end or terminate a relationship. If you are dealing with a toxic employee and you know that you have done everything that you can reasonably and practically do, within the scope of your position, and as a person, it may be time to call it quits, and move on. You will know that this is the point at which you have gotten to when you are feeling as though you don’t know what else to do, or the person’s behavior is negatively impacting others and you decide that enough is enough. If the toxic person is a peer you are expected to work with, you may need to talk with your manager regarding future work assignments. If you are a manager and you can isolate the toxic person from others on the team, that is an option (although not preferred). If the behavior does not change, then you will need to consider moving the employee to another group (although not preferred). If the employee’s behavior continues after a reasonable period of coaching on workplace behaviors, and moving (may or may not be an option), then consider terminating the employee. In the end it may be what is in the best interest of the toxic employee, others on your team, you, and the organization. It is important to manage the potential risk of keeping a toxic employee versus letting them go – sooner than later.

A Call to Action

• Are you prepared to address a toxic employee's behavior?
• Are you aware of your own thoughts and emotions about this employee? What are they? How may they be helping or hindering you from taking action? What do your own thoughts and emotions say about you as someone who, may be in a position, of needing to take action?
• How can you begin to think about monitoring and naming your own emotions? Can you identify the thoughts or beliefs you have in this situation with the toxic employee that may be creating your negative emotions that are not helping you?
• How can you begin to begin to think about regulating your emotions so that you are in a better place to take action and constructively address the toxic employee's behavior? How would you like to feel that would support you in taking action constructively? What would you need to begin thinking in order to feel the way you would prefer, or need to? Can you, in your head, visualize and see yourself constructively managing your thoughts and emotions so that you can effectively handle the employee and their toxic behaviors?
• What will be your plan to actually address the employee's toxic behavior? How will you prepare yourself to meet with the toxic employee? How will you manage your thoughts and emotions before and during a meeting with the employee to address their toxic behavior? What are your expectations as a constructive result and outcome?
• Create and repeat a new, positive internal self-dialogue (with new thoughts and beliefs) that will lead to the emotion (concern but not fear) that will support you in (confidently) managing the discussion with the toxic employee to achieve a successful conclusion and outcome.

Please leave me your thoughts. As someone with experience in dealing with employees' toxic workplace behaviors, if you need any support along the way, feel free to reach out to me - dwbush777@gmail.com