Adjusting to life as a college student can be difficult, especially if you find yourself not “clicking” with anyone early on. If you're wondering how to make friends in college, you're definitely not alone. It's a challenge for everyone. Maybe you've had the same friends since kindergarten and don’t know where to start, or were firmly in camp #NoNewFriends up until move-in day. Even if making new friends comes naturally, it can be difficult in an environment where literally everything is new. That's why we compiled the ultimate guide to how to make friends in college, complete with expert insights from Tiffany Onorato, director of student life at Columbia University’s School of Professional Studies.
1. Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
Entering a new campus, new classrooms, and new living situations can be overwhelming, to say the least. When paired with being in a sea of strangers, it can be straight up terrifying. If you find yourself feeling a bit uncomfortable, that’s actually a good thing. “I often tell new students to get comfortable with being uncomfortable,” Tiffany says. “The transition to a new school can be overwhelming. Students rarely realize that their roommate or friend from class is just as nervous and anxious as they are. The best way to ease the transition is to be open to new experiences and to be yourself.”
2. Have Reasonable Expectations
It’s unlikely that you’ll move in, get settled, and have a new bestie by the end of the first week. (Though for some, it might be possible!) Having reasonable expectations about the adjustments and formation of new relationships is key to your success and your mental well-being. “Don’t expect to meet your best friend within the first day, month, or year,” Tiffany warns. “Some of the best friendships come when you least expect it.” After all, she reflects, “I met some of my closest friends during my last two years of college.”
It’s also important to remember that as you grow and change as a person in college (and you will) that your friendships and relationships will also grow and change, and that’s perfectly normal.
Keep in mind that "a college or university experience allows students to explore their identities and come to better understand who they are as a person. This identity development process helps students to refine what they look for in social relationships,” Tiffany explains. “In a sense, you become wiser with every experience you encounter and that helps you better understand what you look for in a healthy friendship.”
3. Be Yourself
While making friends once came naturally on the playground, it’s a bit trickier as you approach young adulthood. You might even find yourself wondering, at times, “what am I doing wrong?"
Tiffany explains, “Many theories suggest that students want to feel like they matter on campus. If you feel like you’re trying too hard to fit in, you probably are!” Instead, do your best to be yourself, without trying to be a different version of yourself just for the sake of friendship. “Everyone wants to feel wanted and a part of something but forcing a friendship will never work.”
Do what you can to break out of your comfort zones and boundaries. Avoid quick judgements, keeping in mind that not every friend you make will be like you, nor should they be. “Don’t limit yourself to a group of friends who are just like you,” Tiffany advises. “A new school allows you the opportunity to build a social network of individuals who you can learn from.” Especially in college, you’ll want friends who will help you grow and learn and not just squad of people just like you.
4. Create Balance
While making new friends and finding your place can be pressing and important, you need to remember the primary reason for venturing off to college, and that’s your education. Tiffany stresses, “You need to find a balance that works for you. Academics should always come first, so brushing up on your time management skills is essential for any incoming student.” Time management is something that might be new as you find yourself settling into new course schedules and obligations. She continues, “I recommend building out a weekly schedule that involves class time, study time, and friend time. New students often struggle to find a work/life balance.”
5. Get Involved on Campus
Tiffany's best advice for branching out and forming new friendships? Get involved. She recommends "getting involved with an on-campus experience, [which] is a great way to build your network. For example, joining a student club or organization is a great way to meet people who share similar interests.” Regardless of how exhausted or busy you might find yourself, make it a point to go to any involvement fairs, meet and greets, and open houses that your school offers. Additionally, Tiffany also recommends other ways to get involved including on-campus employment, doing research with a professor, or having an internship.
6. Take Advantage of Dorm Life
Living in a dorm is an experience unlike any other. At no other time in your life will you literally be surrounded by hundreds of potential friends in the same peer group. Get to know your roommate, say hi to people in the hall, spend some time studying in the common room — just by being present and friendly, you'll naturally get to know people, and some of those new acquaintances will grow into friendships.
7. Turn Acquaintances Into Friendships
Some of your new acquaintances will stand out as potential friendships. If you're really loving someone's vibe and thinking they'd make a great friend, take the next step of inviting them to hang out one-on-one. It can be as simple as an invite to study for a test together. Or, if there's an event you want to check out, ask them in they want to join. The quickest way to go from acquaintances to friends is to spend some solo time together so you can get to know each other better. Don't be afraid to ask — chances are everyone around you is eager to make new college friends, too!
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