If someone told you that you could
send insecurity packing and radiate
serious sex appeal in and out of your
clothes just by reading this article,
would you believe it? If you said no
(or even thought it for a fleeting second),
then you're exactly the kind of
person who could totally benefit
from what we're about to tell you.
You see, attitude counts for a lot in
life, and making little adjustments to
yours can pay off. For example, "shutting
out the negative chatterbox in
your head that criticizes every little
perceived flaw and learning to appreciate
your unique beauty is essential
to true happiness and real
confidence," says Susan Jeffers, PhD,
author of Life Is Huge. The real
shocker: It's easier than you think.
Your guide to basking in body bravado—
even in the buff—and achieving
a new level of allure starts here.
Ditch Your Self-Bashing
Mind-Set
"Left to their own devices, many
women will focus on negative things
about themselves more than the
positive," says Darlene Mininni, PhD,
author of The Emotional Tool Kit.
If you want to revel in body confidence,
turn off that self-critical tape
that's on a loop in your head.
● Quit cracking "jokes"
about your bod. "Even casual,
half-kidding self-assessments
get lodged in your
brain as truth," says Jeffers.
Get into the habit of censoring
yourself every time you're
about to utter a derogatory comment
like "I'll probably need a minus-A
cup for my pancake chest."
● Put yourself in the hot seat. "When
negative beliefs creep into your mind,
fight back and challenge each one like
a trial lawyer," says Mininni. If you
think, I've gained so much weight, ask
yourself What evidence is there? Have
I had to throw out my old clothes and
buy larger sizes? If the answer is no,
you'll have to face the harsh truth—
you haven't packed on the pounds.
● Listen to what those voices are
really saying. Insecure thoughts can
be deceiving. "They usually occur
because you're feeling powerless or
scared in some aspect of your life,"
says Los Angeles hypnotherapist
Nancy Irwin, PsyD. So when that
inner bitch taunts you, ask What's
really bothering me? Maybe you had
a spat with your guy or you're anxious about work. Identify the true source
of your angst so you can ditch self-hate
and tackle the real issue.
●Look at "I'm a hottie" evidence. Beth,
29*, blasts her body blues by flipping
through a photo album she's filled with
the most flattering pictures of herself.
"Seeing proof that I am attractive, despite
what my mind is saying, makes me
feel great about myself again," she says.
Enjoy Being Eye Candy
Do you ever burn with self-consciousness
when a guy checks you out—
even if it's your boyfriend trying to cop
a stare as you make a dash sans
clothes to the bathroom? Learn to love
being ogled and your sex appeal—and
confidence—will go through the roof.
●Step into his headspace. We assume
that guys are just as hard on our bodies
as we are, but that's so not true. "Men
admire the whole package," says psychologist
Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author
of Complete Confidence. "They don't
pick you apart, and they don't look longingly
if they're not liking what
they see." So when a babe is
feasting his peepers on you in
bed, remind yourself that he's
appreciating the scenery, not
cataloging your "flaws."
● Hang out in your birthday
suit. The more time you
spend in the buff, the more comfortable
you become with your bod. "And more
important, it makes you feel less inhibited
when you're with a man too," says
Hankin. Your homework: Sleep naked,
watch TV undressed, and when you step
out of the shower, wrap that towel
around your hair instead of your butt.
● Work it while you walk. "Master a
confident stride. It oozes self-assuredness,
and nothing's sexier than that,"
says Hankin. To strut your stuff, stand
tall, keep your neck long and straight,
roll your shoulders back and down,
and let your hands swing at your sides
as you put one foot slightly in front of
the other (to make sure you get that catwalk hip sashay). And take your
time. A slightly languorous pace
screams "I'm too hot to be rushed!"
● Flirt your fanny off. When you're
stuck in a social situation where you feel
awkward or you think you look like crap,
you probably try to blend in with the
woodwork—which only makes you feel
more like a loser. So conjure up your
feminine wiles and try to charm the
pants off someone (figuratively, or literally
if you want). "Flirting will take your
attention away from your self-consciousness,"
says Hankin. "And when the object
of your attention flirts back, you'll
feel more attractive and confident."
Stop Comparing Yourself
to the Competition
Bitching about the genetic cards
you've been dealt, and bemoaning the
fact that you don't measure up
to some superhuman bikini model, is a
self-destructive waste of time. "Being
threatened by other women—and their
perceived perfections—makes it
tougher for you to appreciate and play
up your own assets," says Irwin.
● Focus on what's sexy. Ever wonder
why a major babe would fall head over
heels in love with some far-from-perfect
chick? That's because men (well,
most of them) aren't really interested
in a supermodel-perfect partner, as
Hillary, 27, discovered at her 10-year
high-school reunion. "Steve was voted
Cutest Guy in my class, and his fiancée
was average-looking at best," says Hillary.
But as the night wore on, I realized
she was super-outgoing, really
funny, and actually sexy." Pay attention
to women you find sexy who aren't
classically beautiful—it will teach you
to appreciate you own uniqueness.
●Fight your "If only…" cravings. "Too
many women think that life would be
better if they lost a few
pounds or had longer legs,"
says Irwin. Well, guess what?
Even if you had those things,
you'd find something else to
complain about. "It never
stops because it's a mind-set,
not a real problem. You have
to be happy with who you are now." To
kick that wannabe habit, every time you
find yourself envying another woman's
assets, stop and acknowledge something
that you like about yourself. "You
can admire other people's strengths, as
long as it's not at the expense of seeing
your own," Irwin says.
● Don't downgrade other chicks. Surprisingly,
harshing on other women's
looks actually hurts your self-image as
much as envying them does. "That yardstick
you use to judge their so-called
flaws is the same one you use to judge
your own," says Hankin. Getting rid of
that rating system will help you cut yourself
more slack and really feel good.
Stop Soliciting
Negative Feedback
It goes something like this: "Do these
new espadrilles make my ankles
look thick?" "C'mon, my arms look
flabby, right?" "Just be straight with
me about my huge butt—I can take
it." Enough! Though it might seem
like harmless chatter, these queries
are insidiously destructive to your
self-esteem. "You're just reinforcing
unhealthy thoughts," says Mininni.
● Remember, it's a big bore. Pay attention
when you're trolling for reassuring
feedback and you'll probably
notice some eye-rolling from your audience
before you get the same "No,
you look great" response. That's because
your humble routine makes you
seem self-involved, which is a total
yawn. It's ironic, but perpetually broadcasting
your insecurities can
make you appear vain.
● Start accepting your
props. When you get a compliment—
whether it's your
guy praising your body in bed
or a colleague admiring how
great your outfit looks on
you—skip the bashful rebuttal and try
something more radical, like a simple
thanks. "If you stop shutting out flattery
and start listening to it, what
you're hearing will gradually become
your automatic belief," says Irwin.
Fake It Until You Feel It
You know how some actors become so
immersed in their roles that they
practically become their characters?
Well, taking on a confident, sexy persona
can help you feel like a confident,
sexy chick. "If you make a conscious
effort to act self-assured, eventually
you'll begin to believe it," says Irwin.
● Lose the loser mannerisms. Folding
your arms, slouching, or gnawing on
your cuticles is the equivalent of wearing
a neon sign that screams "I
feel totally out of place!"
● Strike a poised pose. On
the other hand, projecting
confidence through body language,
will make people respond
to you more positively,
boosting your self-assurance.
"Confident people 'mark their territory,'
" says Irwin. "So, hold your head
high and keep your shoulders back."
● Get out of your clothing comfort
zone. You may think your fat jeans make
you feel better when you're feeling blah,
but you're actually perpetuating that"I'm a whale" mind-set every time you
slip them on. "Dressing well reinforces
for you that your body is special and
deserves nice clothes," says Hankin. That
means trade the schlubby weekend wear
for cute body-hugging threads that make
you like what you see in the mirror.
● Lay a sexy foundation. The confidence-
boosting clothing rule also applies
to the duds people don't see, i.e.,
your unmentionables. "The garments
you wear closest to your skin affect how
you feel," says Hankin. So ditch the
granny panties, and make your "special
occasion" undies part of your everyday
wardrobe. They'll make you feel so sexy,
you might even give your guy a spontaneous
lingerie fashion show.
