You know how everyone has that one friend who never answers her phone? Who pretends to be sleeping or in movies or about to get on the subway when someone calls just to "catch up"? Who breaks 50 percent of the dinner plans she makes because it's "too cold" or "there's a Law & Order: SVU marathon on"? That friend! She's so frustrating and inconsistent!
I am that friend. I'M SORRY. Actually, I guess I'm sorry sometimes, but mostly I'm kind of not. I understand, however, that some people don't get their flaky friend. So here are a few reasons flakiness occurs for me, which might help you better understand her.
1. I try to please everybody and end up overextending myself. Some people, when they're tired or not feeling well or simply aren't motivated to make plans with someone for later that week, are able to say no to an invitation immediately. These people also tend to be the ones who go to yoga regularly and only drink on the weekends and generally know their own limits. Flaky people are not those people.
2. I am not self-aware enough to realize that I'm not going to follow through with the plans. I assume that the day the plans roll around, I will suddenly morph from a bedridden, anti-social sea creature to a free-wheeling, energetic Mary Tyler Moore type, eager to put on jeans and leave my house and go see other human beings like your average 26-year-old. SPOILER ALERT: I rarely do. But I always think I will!!
3. I'm not flaky when it really matters. Yes, the lure of staying in and Googling "Liv Tyler exfoliation routine" when it's 10 degrees out and my cat is on my lap is strong. But if you really need me, I'm like the postal service: Neither wind, nor snow, nor rain, etc.
4. If someone's flaking on you a lot — as much as it sucks — it might be intentional. There's no good way to break up with a friend. The closest thing (for those of us too uncomfortable to have a real talk with the friend, anyway) is to purposely distance yourself from someone in a non-obvious, non-hurtful way by breaking plans a few times in a row. Is it immature? Probably. But have you ever sat down with someone and told them "I've considered our friendship in the broader context of my life and decided you're not worth staying close to?" I didn't think so. If I flake on you four or more times in a row, you should read that as a cue that we're not the same page friend-wise.
5. But it also might have nothing to do with you. I would say that about 30 percent of the time, repeated flaking (more than four times in a row) is due to the previous reason. But that means that 70 percent of the time, it's just due to inclement weather/being in a crappy mood/having a lot of work to do. For instance, I flake on my sisters a lot, and there's nobody I love in the world more than my sisters.
6. I try to cancel as early as possible. Like, that morning, I basically know whether I'll have the vim and vigor to make it to a party that night, and I'll Gchat over my cancellation ASAP. That way, they can make plans with one of their non-dickhead associates.
7. And thanks to technology, it's not like I'm standing you up at a restaurant. It's The Future, so we can be in constant text communication. Can you believe our parents had to make plans and actually show up to the plans, on time? Fuck that.
8. Half the reason I blow things off is because they start too late. 10 P.M. dinner? 11 P.M. Facebook party invitation but really people only start showing up at midnight? What the hell is wrong with you people, don't you have jobs? Or are we all in the coked-up Alfred Molina scene from Boogie Nights?
9. Ultimately, my flakiness has a lot to do with being single. Half the reason I'm single is to have the freedom to do what I want 100 percent of the time — including staying in if I don't want to go out. When I bail on friends who have live-in boyfriends, it's not like they're going to be lonely — they'll just stay in and watch Frasier or have sex or do whatever couples do. It's kind of a crappy, unfair mindset, but it's the truth.
10. Let me make the plans (if you still want to hang out with me.) Think of it like dating. If someone's been distant and cancelled plans more than once, fall back and let them pursue you. Or just give up and stop hanging out with them. But I rarely break plans I've made myself.
Related: The 20 Women Every Twentysomething Needs In Her Life
10 Ways To Take The "Enemy" Out Of Twentysomething Frenemies
Photo Credit: New Line Cinema
