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If you play mobile games then you most likely have come across games that claim to be free, but are lined with temptations of spending money in order to purchase an upgrade in the game. In these types of games, if you stick with the format, you will eventually earn your way to the desired upgrade without spending a dime. However the ability to complete such games without giving into the temptation of spending money involves a disciplined mindset.
Some months ago, I dealt with a situation where a teen client received a consequence from his parents for using his parents' payment account to purchase an upgrade on one of his mobile games. While I fully supported the consequence he received, I found myself in conflict with his parents. I felt that his smart phone proved to be too overwhelming a distraction for his young mind, and that his parents should have confiscated the phone until further notice. While they on the other hand felt that it was his property and that he was entitled to keep it.
We currently live in an age where the rights of children are increasingly becoming more acknowledged by society and this is a good thing. However it is important to recognize that the human brain does not reach full maturity until the age of twenty five. As a result, the rights and privileges of a teen should be based on his or her emotional maturity. In the case of the teen with the smart phone, I believed that what the teen was encountering, was significantly beyond his ability to reign in his behavior. His parents on the other hand, made a strong argument that he had earned his monies through part time employment, which he had used in purchasing the phone and a tablet which they were reluctant to take away from him. They felt strongly that he should be able to learn from natural and logical consequences. Which involved, charging him back for the theft of their monies and limiting his whereabouts.
The problem was, while he had verbally acknowledged his wrong doing, accepted his consequences and apologized to his parents, I wasn't buying it. I believed the kid had become trapped in an addictive cycle, that his young brain couldn't handle. (His subsequent behaviors proved my suspicion.) If you give it some thought, even adults have a difficult time with breaking free from various types of addictive behaviors, so it stands to reason that some leverage should be applied with children when helping them learn through natural and logical consequences.
Natural and logical consequences for adults are not the same for a child. For adults, the rules of society and the natural rules of the universe present with consequences for any decisions he makes. For a child, the natural rules of the universe and the rules set by his parents present with consequences for any decisions he makes. This is because children need their parents to survive. As a result, parents are the environment that children adapt to.
It is important for parents to exercise flexibility when setting rules for their children, this is because as children mature they present with different needs and types of boundaries. Things can even become more complicated when a child's emotional maturity is delayed by cognitive issues. This means that some of the rules set in place will may not seem fair, especially if they are not on par with the child's peers.
Ultimately, the goal of parenting is a continued assessment of if the child or teen is on track to practice healthy independent living upon reaching the age of maturity. Therefore the practice of natural and logical consequences in parenting should also be paired with parents' assessment of their child's emotional development.
Ugo is a psychotherapist and life coach.
