Listening in Everyday Life: A Personal and Professional Approach Chapter 1 WHAT IS LISTENING? Michael Purdy Points to be Addressed: The neglect of listening. The importance of listening in personal and professional life. The predominance of communication time spent listening. Defining listening and the components of listening. Types of listening and its use in everyday situations. Communication has two dimensions: speaking (expression), and listening (reception). For most of Western Civilization, speaking has been the form of communication regarded as most important. The first books on communication were about how to be an effective speaker. Listeners were recognized, but only as they were important to the purposes of the speaker. In fact, speaking has been championed as the way to success throughout Western history. We give honors and awards to great speakers, but how may people do you know who have been recognized for their listening talents? There is even a popular speaking course that purports to teach “how to win friends and influence people.” The road to success is not through listening, they suggest. The Primacy Of Listening Today we know differently. In the chapters that follow you will discover how much power listening can provide in interacting with others in personal and professional situations. Becoming a good listener will make you more sensitive to the needs of the listener and hence, improve your competence as a speaker. It will also make you more sensitive to the needs of people in general. As Paul Tournier, Swiss Psychiatrist and author has expressed: It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need humans have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood. Listen to all the conversations of our world, between nations as well as those between couples. They are for the most part dialogues of the deaf.” (Powell, p. 5) The importance of listening has been recognized by many professional organizations and influential individuals. Wolvin and Coakley cite no less than 12 major research studies by organizations which found listening to be one of the most important skills (in many cases the most important skill) for employees at every level of the organization (1988, p. 28). Another study cited in Wolvin and Coakley and conducted by the Speech Communication Association, surveyed 194 community college Career Advisory Board members (representing a wide range of occupations) to determine the members’ perceptions as to the relative importance of forty–nine selected communication skills in the performance of career duties. Survey results showed that listening skills were consistently ranked as the most important communication skills for career competence (p. 28) In Academic Preparation for the World of Work the College Board indicated listening and speaking as the primary form of communication in business and industry, “yet one in which many students receive little or no instruction” (1984, p. 3). Individuals from diverse occupations have praised listening. Lee Iacocca, in his autobiography, cannot say enough about the value of good speaking. However, he also says: I only wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to listen. After all, a good manager needs to listen at least as much as he needs to talk. Too many people fail to realize that good communication goes in both directions. (1984, p. 54) Tom Peters, the recognized authority on quality service declared in his 1982 book, In Search of Excellence, that “the excellent companies are not only better on service, quality, reliability, and finding a niche. They are better listeners” (p. 196). These companies are strong on service because they pay attention to their customers; they listen. In his 1988 book Thriving on Chaos Peters devotes three major sections of the book to listening: Customer Responsiveness, “becoming obsessed with listening;” Empowering People, “listen, celebrate, recognize;” and Leadership, “pay attention! (more listening).” Listening is one important ingredient to success in personal and professional life. Those who master the art of listening will at the very least be regarded positively. Merrill and Borisoff (1987) have written on the importance of listening in the legal profession. Davis (1984) has written an excellent book, Listening and Responding, about listening in the helping professions, and Arnold, in Crisis Communication, stresses that listening is vital to crisis intervention (1980, p. 56). In the book Communicating With Medical Patients, Weston and Lipkin state that “Skill in communicating with patients is the single most important skill the student physician learns” (1989, p. 54). Judging from the most important activities involved, such as taking a history and interviewing, listening would be the most important communication skill. Similar sources could be cited for each of the major professions. Clearly, the ability to listen effectively is a skill essential for professional success. Not only is listening a valuable skill, it is also conducive to good health. Studies have shown that when we talk our blood pressure goes up; when we listen it goes down (Lynch, 1985, p. 160). Sometimes we talk to control people and/or situations. Sometimes we talk so we will not have to listen to ourselves. Regardless, when we talk to another person our whole system becomes more excited. When we listen we are more relaxed. It would seem best, then, to balance our listening and talking. From this it would follow that it is vital for hospital staff to listen to individual patients who are ill. Additionally, Wahlers (1989) in a presentation on listening to the dying (as well as others in institutional situations) has stressed the importance of good listening skills for hospice volunteers and medical professionals working with the terminally ill. As essential as our physical health is to each of us it is equally important to recognize how crucial good communication is to the health of our interpersonal relationships. Maintaining good relationships leads to a healthier and happier life. As Stewart says “The quality of your life is directly linked to the quality of your communication” (1986, p. 7). In personal life, as well as in the business and professional world we can only benefit from the constructive role of effective listening. Time Spent Listening Among the basic skills we need for success in life, listening is primary. Developmentally, we listen before we learn to speak, read, or write. Brown, one of the pioneers of listening research has noted that “Of foremost importance is the role of listening in language acquisition, [itself] the basis of all subsequent communication, the foundation of all life–long reading, writing, speaking and listening activities” (1987, p. 5). Heidegger, considered one of the 20th century’s greatest philosophers, recognized the primacy of listening in creating meaning and in developing our relationships with one another (1962, p. 204). Listening establishes us in our life situation and enables us to maintain meaningful relations with family, friends, and professional associates. Studies, beginning with Rankin’s famous work (1928) reporting the amount of time adults spent in various forms of communication, have indicated that of the four basic communication skills (reading, writing, speaking, listening) we use the skill of listening most. From 42 to 60% (or more) of our communication time is spent listening, depending on whether we are students, managerial trainees, doctors, counselors, lawyers, or nurses. Cotton (1986) found that attorneys spent more time listening than any of the other skills, and that listening was especially important in legal interviewing and counseling, and to a lesser degree in oral argument. A 1980 study found that college students spend 52.5% of their time listening (Barker, Edwards, Gaines, Gladney, & Holley). Studies of dieticians indicated they spent three times as much time listening as any other verbal communication skill, and similar results were found for housewives, and technical employees (Barker, et al., pp. 101–102). Gilbert notes that students in grades K–12 “are captive and are expected to listen 65–90% of the time, . . . [and yet] language arts instruction is focused upon reading and writing” (1988, p. 122). See Gilbert, & Barker, et al., for reference to the studies on amount of time spent listening and time allocated to teaching listening. Obviously it is important to learn to be more effective listeners, and studies have shown that our listening comprehension may be only about 25%, with little change even if the speaker is an excellent presenter. (Nichols & Lewis, 1954, p. 4). Yet, we must conclude that although listening is our most used skill, rarely do we receive formal listening training in the home or at school. Both editors have, as an assignment, had students interview professionals in the field they were pursuing. Doctors, lawyers, hotel managers, teachers, counselors, executives, administrators, and nurses were interviewed. Each interviewee was asked to estimate the percentage of their time they spent in their jobs speaking, reading, writing, and listening. With few exceptions, every professional indicated that they listened the most. The interviewees were also asked to rank which skills they felt were most important. Unanimously, they rated listening the highest. Listening Defined The process of listening is often contrasted with hearing. Lundsteen considered hearing a physical act and listening a mental act. Hearing she said had to do with our physiological capacity to receive and process sounds (1979, p. xv). Problems with our ability to hear could hinder our listening. Hence, it behooves each of us to have our hearing checked if we think it could be affecting our ability to listen. In contrast to hearing, listening has to do with assigning meaning to the stimuli received by our brain. To listen, according to Nichols and Lewis, is to attach “meaning to the aural symbols perceived” (p. 1). We will maintain this defined distinction between hearing and listening, here, even though in our day–to–day usage the words may be used interchangeably. We may say “I did not hear you.” But we did hear, we just were not fully attending and hence were not listening. (Sometimes, if we quickly focus our mind on what was said we can still remember what was said. The words remain in short term memory for a brief period of time and can be recalled.) There is also confusion in our everyday usage because parents tell their children “you’re not listening.” What the parent often means is “you are not obeying.” In the Germanic roots of the Anglo–Saxon language there is a sense in which “to listen” means “to obey”. Hearing and listening will have precise meanings in this text. There are several distinct definitions of listening, and there is little agreement about which is the best; nor should there be. Each definition represents a different perspective of listening, and with the many approaches to listening there are bound to be a number of definitions. Ethel Glenn (1989) in the Journal of the International Listening Association lists fifty different ways of describing listening. This list is not exhaustive. It indicates, however, that listening is conceived differently depending upon how people intend to apply the definition. For example, researchers who seek to predict listening behavior, versus those who interpret listening, versus consultants who provide listening skills training in the workplace may each employ a viable, albeit different definition of the term listening. Glenn’s content analysis of the fifty definitions found that the concepts most often included in the definition of listening were: perception, attention, interpretation, response, and spoken and visual cues. Throughout Western history we have assumed listening was automatic and needed no attention. We did not concern ourselves with study and training in the art of listening. Listening, however, is not automatic. To be better listeners we need to understand, and work with the components of the listening process. For our purposes, whatever definition of listening we choose we must know that (1) listening can be learned, (2) that listening is an active process, involving mind and body, with verbal and nonverbal processes working together, and (3) that listening allows us to be receptive to the needs, concerns, and information of others, as well as the environment around us. Listening is comprised of seven essential components: (1) volition, (2) focused attention, (3) perception, (4) interpretation, (5) remembering, (6) response, and (7) the human element. These seven components are an integral part of the dynamic and active process of listening. That listening is dynamic means that while there may be essential components the act of listening itself is never the same twice. We must be constantly alert and open to improvisation as the elements of the listening situation change. Like a jazz musician’s spontaneous and unrehearsed play, we must adapt to the communication of the other members of our social group. Listening is also active as opposed to passive. It is something that we consciously do; it does not simply happen. Rogers and Farson, in a classic article on active listening define “active” as meaning: the listener has a very definite responsibility. He does not passively absorb the words which are spoken, but he actively tries to grasp the facts and feelings in what he hears, to help the speaker work out his own problems. (p. 149) First, for an individual to be able to listen, he or she must want to listen. Thus, volition, or the will to listen is the initial component of effective listening. Even having willed ourselves to attend to the ideas of another, it sometimes takes courage to listen fully to another human being. To listen fully may mean we may have to change based upon what we hear. Nichols and Stevens recognized the difficulty in their 1957 book, Are You Listening?: “Whenever we listen thoroughly to another person’s ideas we open ourselves up to the possibility that some of our own ideas are wrong” (p. 51–52). Second, good listening requires focused attention. If our minds are wandering, or, if we are jumping ahead to what we think the speaker might say, we are apt to miss important information. The third component of the listening process is perception. We need to be aware of all of the elements of message, speaker, and context. It also implies that we must be open and receptive to the messages of others. A critical part of communication is lost when individuals are unwilling to listen to others because of, for example, prejudicial or opposing viewpoints. The fourth component of the listening process is the capacity to interpret the messages and meanings of the others. The process of interpretation includes understanding. In interpreting a message we naturally make sense of that message in terms of our own experience. This means each message understood is a creative process; it also implies we are limited by our experience. A person may be highly motivated to listen to a message, for instance on contemporary physics. However, if the message is especially complex or technical beyond the listener’s ability, then the likelihood for an accurate interpretation is greatly diminished. Fifth, competent listening includes remembering. Often we remember without exerting any effort. In many critical listening situations, however, we need to consciously and actively include listening skills that help us retain what we have heard. Some basic skills for enhancing memory will be covered in the next chapter. A sixth component is the need for response as essential to completing the process of good listening. Sometimes our response is internal as we integrate what we have understood and internally comment upon it. Usually after understanding a complete thought it is important that we give feedback to the speaker, or respond in such a way that the speaker has an idea of how we have understood and interpreted what he or she has said. The seventh and last component is the human being. In listening we must always be receptive to the personal element. In both our personal and business lives people are the most important resource. Listening should validate and empower people, thus enhancing relationships. We also listen for information, but we must keep in mind that information is colored and given meaning by a person’s needs and concerns (the listener’s as well as the speaker’s). As students, doctors, lawyers, law enforcement officers, etc., we cannot “manage” without good information. Information is the lifeblood of our professions. Today organizations cannot function without a continuous flow of information. All information, however, is only meaningful as it describes and relates to a human condition. The above components of the listening process focus not only upon the speaker’s verbal message, but also upon the nonverbal message. The meaning may be grasped from what is said, as well as, what is unsaid. Birdwhistell’s work in the early seventies, in fact, argued that perhaps the majority of a message derives from the nonverbal dimension (1970). Thus the listener must attend not only to what the speaker says, but also to how he or she says it (e.g., tone of voice, pitch, rate of speaking, etc.), and to the context in which the message is delivered (e.g., a formal auditorium, an informal gathering, a classroom, etc.). The how of what the speaker says includes feelings; for if we just listen to denotative meaning we miss the emotional content. Listening to feelings in a situation may tell us what is motivating the speaker, as well as other pertinent information. The listener who attends to both the verbal and the nonverbal communication will likely listen more accurately than the individual who is oblivious to these important cues. The important components of the listening process are summmarized in the seven steps for becoming an effective listener. Steps to Becoming an Effective Listener Want to listen Focus your attention Be aware (perceptive) as you listen Keep in mind that the listening process involves interpretation (including both verbal and nonverbal cues) Consciously work to remember what you hear Make a habit of responding with feedback Care about the relationship as you listen With these seven steps as essential components, our definition of listening reads as follows: Listening is the active and dynamic process of attending, perceiving, interpreting, remembering, and responding to the expressed (verbal and nonverbal) needs, concerns, and information offered by other human beings. How We Use Listening Definition is one way to describe our most powerful communication skill. Equally significant are the functions or uses of listening. The functions Dance and Larson offer for communication also work well for listening. In responding to the question, “What are the functions of human communication?,” Dance and Larson reply: regardless of the intent, purpose or goal of an individual engaged in any level of human communication—there are always three functions . . . (1) the linking of the individual with the environment, (2) the development of higher mental processes, and (3) the regulation of human behavior (1976, p. 49). Listening as a linking function serves to build relationships. We build strong links with others by listening to who they are and what they mean. Listening is also our primary means of growth and intellectual development. We impart knowledge when we speak; we learn when we listen. Finally, through speaking we manipulate and control our environment, but we could not do so effectively unless we had listened first to know how to direct our speaking for maximum results. This has traditionally been know as audience analysis. Listening, therefore, functions to serve our basic human needs. More specifically, listening serves the purposes of learning; establishing and maintaining friendships; getting good grades; making a sale; building relationships; finding out about our clients’ needs, concerns, or objections; and is crucial in many other important activities each day. Listening Situations And Types Of Listening There are many different types of listening or different situations in which we use listening. Some of the different situations might include social/conversational, in relationships, at work, listening to the media. Each situation is different and each may require a different kind of listening. In studies where adult students were asked to indicate how their listening differed in work, social, and family situations, Purdy (1982) found that the majority of students said they listened more concertedly at work, because they were required to listen at work. They did not put forth as much effort at home or in social situations. Why do we make such distinctions regarding how and where we expend our listening effort? Should not listening at home with our families, or in social situations deserve as much attention as work? Perhaps it does for you. Another way to look at listening is in terms of the type of listening required in different situations. Barker (1971) divides listening into active–passive and serious–social. Barker maintains that active listening is “involved listening with a purpose.” Passive listening, in contrast, is “barely more than hearing” (pp. 9–13). For our purposes passive listening can be considered hearing; active listening as defined above is our primary concern. Other authors distinguish among, (1) discriminative, (2) comprehensive, (3) critical (evaluative), (4) therapeutic (empathic), and 5) appreciative listening. See Wolvin & Coakley, Wolf, et al., and Nichols & Lewis for three different ways of breaking out the types of listening. Nichols and Lewis combined comprehensive under the heading of discriminative and found it “so basic that it is actually a controlling factor in the other two [appreciative and critical]” (2). Wolvin and Coakley consider discriminative and comprehensive listening to be fundamental to the other three types of listening. Discriminative listening is “listening to distinguish the aural stimuli” (Wolvin & Coakley, p. 141). This type of listening involves the basic skill of noticing the aspects of a message (both verbal and nonverbal). It is essentially our ability to be aware of the features of a message. For example, if a speaker’s message is tough but his or her voice is cracking slightly, this could tell us that the speaker may have a subtext, or hidden motive that is not being expressed. Some of President Nixon’s messages denying any knowledge of Watergate, for example, had this quality. We should be able to discriminate verbal and nonverbal cues that will help us to understand the full meaning of a message. Comprehensive listening is listening for an understanding of a message. It goes beyond discrimination to include comprehension of the message. This is essentially listening without being critical or evaluating the message, but listening simply to learn. Listening to a classroom lecture on the state of the economy, or on organic chemistry are obvious examples of comprehensive listening. There are many techniques that will help us to understand messages better, from focusing our attention, to improving our memory, sensitivity to language, note–taking skills, to expanding our underlying experience of life. Each strategy will enable us to understand people and situations better. Critical–evaluative listening is the intelligent response to persuasive or propagandistic messages. Critical listening assumes discriminative and comprehensive listening have taken place so we already understand the message. In our personal lives we must critically evaluate people’s intentions; in our professional lives we must do the same. In both fields of experience we must be able to distinguish the sales pitch from the word of the true believer. A friend asks her roommate to invest a substantial amount of her savings in a great deal. A director of research and development in a major corporation attempts to persuade his colleagues that his division rather than marketing needs to hire a new manager. In both personal and professional circumstances, it is crucial that the roommate and the director of marketing listen closely, and carefully scrutinize the request and the rationale behind it. To be an effective critical listener, we must be able to consider the influence of a speaker’s packaged image, demonstrate the ability to detect whether a proposition is logical and supported with reasonable arguments, and be able to assess when our own psychological needs or weaknesses are being unfairly played upon. Therapeutic listening is listening which lends a non–judgmental, healing ear to family, friends, and professional associates. It is listening with the interests of the other in mind. The person who understands fully a friend’s loss, the parent who can empathize with a child’s anxiety, the employee who understands a colleague’s special concern, or the therapist who helps a patient work out a particular problem are all demonstrating therapeutic listening. Because in each instance the listener attempts to feel with the other person rather than attempting to change his or her behavior, we call this type of listening empathic listening. The final goal of empathic listening is therapeutic—to help the other person feel better. To be an effective therapeutic listener, it is essential to set aside our own interests and focus primarily on the needs and concerns of the other. Therapeutic listening implies, as Wolvin and Coakley state, an ability to listen discriminatively and comprehensively. Appreciative listening is enjoyment of messages for their own sake. In personal and professional life it may involve listening to the nuances of a voice, an artistic performance, or television, radio, and film productions. Wolf, Marsnik, Tacey, and Nichols in their book Perceptive Listening suggest that “we listen appreciatively when we listen to aural symbols in order to gain pleasure through their reception” (1983, p. 59). Appreciative listening is purposeful in our personal and professional lives as we learn to enjoy our listening and take delight in our relationships, as well as thinking of them in terms of accomplishments. Listening appreciatively relaxes us and puts us more in tune with ourselves and our environment. Thus, the student who turns on the radio after a full day of classes, the executive who plays a personal stereo while jogging, or the parent who finds a welcome respite by watching television are all experiencing appreciative listening. All of us engage in the five types of listening behavior. How well we listen, however, depends on a variety of factors that are influenced by our backgrounds and experiences. In Chapter Two we examine the various factors that affect our intra– and inter–personal listening skills. Regardless of the type of listening we are engaged in, there are rules of behavior we must learn in order to be an effective listener. By way of illustration, how good would a friend be at therapeutic listening if he provided no feedback, or a doctor if she were to look away when discussing a diagnosis with a patient? Admittedly, there are instances when limited feedback is appropriate. For example, a psychoanalyst may not look at a patient. However, such behavior is generally in response to the patient’s needs. Similarly, a college student may contend that he can listen simultaneously to a teacher’s lecture and to a football game. Appropriate comprehensive listening, however, suggests that such distractions severely limit comprehension. How do we learn to demonstrate proper behavior for discriminative, critical, comprehensive, therapeutic, and appreciative listening? As with all of our behavior, appropriate communication is a function of cultural norms and of group expectations. Sociologists Stockard and Johnson (1980) contend that the familial, educational, religious, and institutional systems we are immersed in serve to influence our behavior. Additionally, our personal backgrounds (i.e., intelligence, psychological make–up, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc.) shape our interest and willingness to listen to others. We may, therefore, share in the belief that we should listen quietly to an orchestral symphony or to a dramatic performance. Yet individuals may be perplexed by the affective display of listening by a member of the opposite sex or a different country. Subsequent chapters in this book will address the impact of gender, ethnicity, and specific professional roles on listening behavior. Despite the different focus of these chapters, each one acknowledges that through listening we empower people. In all of our relationships—both personal and professional—our ultimate goal is to empower individuals so that they may creatively function at their best. Summary In this chapter we have discussed the importance of listening in our personal and professional lives. In addition, we have admitted the difficulty we confront when attempting to define listening and have proposed one definition that takes into account the individual’s desire to listen, and the importance of focused attention, awareness, remembering, and the ability to interpret verbal and nonverbal communication. We also recognized the importance of listening to the needs and concerns of each individual. The five kinds of listening that we all engage in—discriminative, critical, evaluative, therapeutic, appreciative—are also explained as useful in our everyday living. Finally, this chapter introduces concepts describing how we acquire listening behavior. Exercises 1. For the duration of this class keep a listening journal in which you record observations of listening behavior in your classes/seminars, at home (where you live), at work, and in your relationships. Begin your journal with observations of effective and ineffective listening. For a five day period find examples of effective and ineffective listening, and compare and contrast the differences between the two. Report on your findings to the group. 2. At the beginning of the class/seminar, have each individual introduce him– or her–self to the rest of the group and mention a few things about him– her–self. Once the self–introductions are complete, ask each participant to take out a sheet of paper and write down what they remember about each individual. Group discussion should follow on how effectively each person recalled what was said and to what extent effective listening was or was not impaired, and why. 3. Break up the class/seminar into several small groups. Assign each group a professional role to discuss (i.e., nurse, teacher, surgeon, lawyer, police officer, mother, business executive, journalist, secretary, etc.). Have each group generate a list of verbal and nonverbal cues that a member of this profession would need to display that would indicate to others that they were listening. Would the communication change if the individual were trying to listen discriminatively versus critically? How? 4. Ask each class/group participant to interact with a friend or family member but to refrain from providing feedback (verbal or nonverbal). What kind of reactions did they receive from the other party? How did they feel when they were not allowed to respond? What role does feedback play in listening? 5. Read Ethel Glenn’s short article on the content analysis of fifty definitions of listening (see references). Consider the strengths and weaknesses of each group of definitions for your professional area. Then either write your own definition, or choose one of those listed and defend you choice (or your created definition) in 250–300 words. 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