Homemade Ranch Dressing

Necessity is the mother of invention. Before I moved to the country and started raising a family, I hadn't a clue what that adage meant. Oh, believe me, I'm not suggesting that one has to move to the country in order to be inventive, resourceful, or creative. I guess what I'm saying is… I did. In the city, with every convenience at my fingertips, it never occurred to me to wing it in the kitchen, to reinvent the wheel, to make do with what I had… because what I had, grocery-wise, was anything I ever wanted. But in the country, with a hungry cowboy and four kids to feed, I learned very quickly that there's no “running to the store real quick” if I run out of an important staple. If a key ingredient is missing in my meal preparation, I simply have to wing it. To reinvent the wheel. To make do with what I have. It’s an important lesson for any home cook to learn; I just had to move many miles from civilization to learn it.

In the coming months, I plan to periodically discuss the concept of buying in bulk—not necessarily as a means of amassing huge quantities of food, but as a means of strategically stocking your pantry for longterm meal preparation, and, in the long run, saving considerable amounts of money. It’s taken years and years for me to learn this principle, as I was always the very embodiment of the “shop meal by meal” approach, which can work for a single person household but which has proved to be untenable in my current rural existence. In addition, I’ll be talking about growing your own herbs, whether in an outdoor or indoor garden, and show you how much it can expand your cooking repertoire, what a huge difference it can make in the flavor of your cooking, and again, how much money that can save you in the long run. Store-bought herbs are pricey, man! So we have a lot to talk about here, folks.

If only I actually knew anything… then we'd be home free.

For now, to keep it simple, I want to share my I’m-All-Out-of-Hidden-Valley- Ranch-Packets-Dadgummit-So-What-the-Heck-Do-I-Do? Ranch Dressing recipe with you. As with many of my dishes here, I’ll present you with the base recipe, then you can freely add other ingredients here and there to achieve the flavor you like. While it’s pretty hard to beat that dadgum green and white storebought packet, I actually really love the flavor of the from-scratch stuff. Try it and see if you do, too!

The Cast of Characters: Mayonnaise (for the love of Pete, NOT Miracle Whip), Sour Cream, Buttermilk or Regular Milk, Garlic, Italian (Flat Leaf) Parsley, Chives, and Salt. Other optional ingredients: Fresh Dill, Worcestershire Sauce, Cayenne Pepper, Paprika, Fresh Oregano, Tabasco. Now come. Come to my window. Crawl inside. Wait by the light of the moon.

Sorry.

Okay, first, start with 1 to 2 cloves of garlic. And honestly, I’m almost leaning toward using just one clove these days. Remember, it will remain raw and raw garlic is extuhreeeeemely strong. The past few times I’ve made it, the garlic has been a little too pronounced for me. And you can always start light and add more if you think it needs it. Also, keep in mind that the longer the dressing sits in the fridge, the more strong the garlic flavor will get.

I inherited my dad’s gastrointestinal tract. I’m gonna be one of those seniors that has to eat dinner at 3:45 p.m.

Just smash the garlic with the bottom of a can or a glass, then peel off the papery shell.

Begin by chopping up the garlic pretty finely. Then, sprinkle about 1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon (or a healthy pinch) kosher salt on top. Regular salt would also work fine in a pinch.

In a pinch. Gracious, do I ever crack myself up.

By the way, Morton’s makes kosher salt and it can be found in most supermarkets. Kosher salt is NOT kosher. Kosher salt is used in the preparation of kosher meats, and it’s characterized by flat flakes that easily adhere to the surface of foods. In this case, though, it will act as an abrasive.

Now, with the back of the knife or a fork, begin mashing the garlic into a fine paste.

This starts out a little slow, but before too long it’ll start mashing up and changing in consistency. The coarse salt helps the process along.

Now chop up some fresh chives. I am mildly obsessed with fresh chives lately, and did you know many people confuse chives and green onions/scallions? Though in some cases they can be somewhat interchangeable, in ranch dressing, I really think chives are the way to go.

They’re easy to grow, too! And they make the prettiest purple flowers…but we’ll talk about that later.

Chop up around 2 tablespoons of chives to start with. They impart a pretty strong flavor to the dressing, so you don’t want to go too berserk with them.

And now for the parsley! You can be a little more generous here, as it doesn’t have quite the bite as the garlic and the chives.

Fresh parsley IS strong beyond a certain point, though. So start with about 1/4 cup and you can add more from there.

And note: Because its leave are flat and a little more texturally palatable than its curly counterpart, Flat Leaf Parsley is obviously the preferred way to go. But flavor-wise, in a pinch, don’t be scared of using curly leaf (the garnish stuff) parsley. Just pull back a little on the quantity because it can be a little stronger.

Now, if you could please excuse what appears to be my alien hand, I’d sure be appreciative. Hey, man—it’s all in the lighting. It’s…it’s the exposure, man. Yeah, that’s it.

I chop up the parsley pretty finely.

Now! Before I proceed, let me point out the base ingredients for the creamy part of the dressing: Mayonnaise, Sour Cream, and Buttermilk (though regular milk will work, too.) I’ll show you the quantities I use, but I want to emphasize that YOU can find the precise mixture that works for you. There is no right or wrong combination; you just have to play and figure out what makes your skirt fly up. But here’s how I approach it: the mayonnaise gives the dressing the solid, creamy, tangy base. I use more of it. The sour cream brings a thickness and a body to the dressing…but it’s light and mild in flavor. And the buttermilk, or the regular milk, acts as a thinning agent, bringing your ranch dressing to the proper consistency. Buttermilk will be thicker and tangier; milk will almost be a non-flavor…but will thin it quite a bit more. So if you like a highly pourable dressing, regular milk would be best.

Good lands, I talk a lot.

I use a cup of mayonnaise and 1/2 cup sour cream. And the cool thing is, you can substitute the low-fat or fat-free stuff if you’re feeling particularly health conscious.

I’ve sure never done that, but that doesn’t mean YOU can’t!

Now use your creepy alien hand to add in the garlic. Keep in mind that this is two cloves, and I later regretted using that much.

Throw in the parsley…

And throw in the chives.

Now give it a stir so you can evaluate the flavor and consistency…

Then add in buttermilk or milk as needed. If you find the flavor overwhelming or too salty, regular milk would cut/dillute that a bit.

Now, I think fresh dill is REALLY delicious, so I add in about 1 to 2 teaspoons at least. I’m totally obsessed with fresh dill right now—ever since I made this a couple of months ago. Fresh dill is all I think about.

IMPORTANT! Keep tasting as you go. And don’t just stick in the tip of your pinkie and taste a little dab—taste it on some lettuce, for the love of Pete!

That’ll always give you a more accurate gauge.

Keep tasting as you go, adding more salt, if needed…

Or more chives.

Or more parsley, or more dill…or you could go out on a limb and add any or all of the following: white vinegar, black pepper, cayenne pepper, a dash of Worcestershire, paprika, fresh oregano, or Tabasco.

Just know this: If you make it the way YOU like it, you absolutely can’t mess it up!

I just made that up. But it sort of rings true, doesn’t it?

Enjoy!

Love,
Pioneer Woman