How to Ask a Girl Out
Trying to Get Her to Go Out With You? Read This First
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Approaching a woman to ask her out on a date is nerve-wracking for the most steely-nerved among us. There's the potential for embarrassment and rejection, and that's enough to put most of us off the prospect altogether. Unfortunately, like trips to the dentist, it's something that has to be done. Putting yourself out there is a risk, but there's no other way to find that sweet, sweet reward.
And as your father was probably fond of saying: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you want to go on dates, you are going to have to run the gauntlet at some point in your life.
You can't guarantee success, of course, but there are certain strategies that you can employ to maximize your chances of getting a "yes" when you ask someone out on a date. Whether you're face-to-face or over text/on an app, it's all about the approach (and standing out in a cute, not creepy, way). Below, you'll find a few simple steps to give you the best possible chance of landing a date with the girl of your dreams.
1. Do Some Basic Due Diligence to See If She's Even Available
When asking someone out, this is the first box you must check.
If the woman you're hoping to go on a date with isn't even single, you're going to be shot down pretty quickly, and that's a waste of time for everyone (although, not bad practice!). It's not always possible to find out ahead of time whether or not she's single, especially if she's a stranger in a bar, but if it's someone you know through friends or someone who is obviously single since you matched on an app, that's a clear sign she's interested in dating.
That being said, she might not necessarily be interested in dating you. Yes, like mentioned above, matching on an app at least means she likes you at first glance — but feel it out. If the conversation goes stale fast, it might not be a perfect match. Approach with caution, be the class act gentleman you are, and just see where things go.
2. Gauge Her Level of Interest
It's possible to get some idea of how well things will go for you before you've so much as spoken a word. It's best not to go in cold when asking a girl out, so spend some time gauging her level of interest ahead of time by paying attention to her body language and nonverbal cues.
Have you spoken to her before and, if so, how well did the interaction go? What was your level of rapport like? Does she make sustained eye contact with you and touch you in a playful way? These can all be indications that she's interested in you on some level, so try to pay attention to these details before you make your approach.
3. Make Sure the Scene Is Conducive to Success
When you decide to approach the girl you've picked, the setting needs to be conducive to success. It can be embarrassing, for example, to ask a woman out if her friends or family are around and within earshot, and likewise if she's busy doing daily activities like commuting or shopping for groceries. It's likely she won't want to be disturbed in this case, and you're more likely to get an annoyed "no thanks" when you ask in inconvenient settings.
The ideal setting is going to depend somewhat on how well you already know this girl and where you tend to run into her most often (through a circle of friends versus occasionally bumping into her at your local bar, let's say). Try to be conscious of asking her out in an environment where romantic advances are likely to be welcome.
If you make her feel comfortable and be respectful, she's much more likely to want to spend more time with you.
4. Look Your Best
This is a basic step, but one that men sometimes slip up on. You will drastically increase your odds of success in-person if you have a fresh haircut, clipped fingernails and smelling good. Consider your outfit, too; there's no need to be wearing a three piece suit, but make sure you are tidily dressed.
Despite your initial thoughts, how you look is not merely a superficial consideration. In fact, looking your best gives an indication of your level of self-respect and attention to detail, and these are important cues that women will be picking up on. Again, you don't need to be dressed like the nines and looking like a male model at all times.
The point here? Be fresh, clean and radiating self-respect.
5. Approach With Confidence
We know it's not always easy, but if you're approaching a girl with fiddling hands and eyes darting nervously around the place, you're not going to have as much luck asking her out as if you stroll up confidently and with open body language and strong posture. If you struggle in this area, the "fake it 'til you make it" maxim applies.
Asking someone out is usually at least a little bit awkward on both sides, so it doesn't need to be a perfectly seamless interaction, but try to have a level of good-faith humor if the conversation gets a bit bumpy. Basically, try to talk to women with the same ease with which you'd speak to your colleagues or friends, but with a more flirty tone.
And if you're asking them out on an app or over text, well, use that to your advantage. Pace yourself, don't use words you're unfamiliar with and don't beat around the bush. Sure, instead of watching their facial reactions, you're forced to wait for a response that may never come at all, but that's just a part of the dating game.
You can only do so much, and if one person isn't right for you, it's on to the next one.
6. Have a Basic Script Ready
There's no need to have every single line you're going to say polished and rehearsed, but it's a good idea to have a basic idea of what your approach will be ahead of time. Make a mental note of how you're going to open, what you'll say in the interim and how you are going to phrase asking her out.
Be straightforward and polite with your intentions clear. There's no point darting around the fact that you're looking for a date, so just use straightforward language rather than fumbling over incomplete sentences that don't make sense. That way, there's less room for confusion, and more of a chance you'll receive a positive response.
7. Have a Follow-Up Idea to Your Initial Plan
Let's say she says "yes" when you ask her out on a date. Congratulations! That's the ideal result, but now, you're going to need to think about what to say next. If you're left stuttering once she asks what you'll do on the actual date, it'll be clear that you've given it no consideration.
RELATED: Everything You Need to Know About Going on a First Date
Dinner or drinks at a nice bar are a pretty safe fallback option, but avoid saying something like, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" It makes you look flaky, indecisive and puts the work on her to think of an idea even though you're the one who has requested the date.
Propose an activity and set a time, and let the rest play out naturally. Sure, you can interact before the first date, but expect a lot of that initial conversation to take place on the date itself.
8. Be Chill About Rejection
Fingers crossed it doesn't get to this point, but rejection is a normal (and healthy) part of asking women out on dates. If she's not into the idea of going out with you for whatever reason, you're going to have to take it on the chin.
Don't pester her or repeatedly ask like a three-year-old who's been told he can't have a friend over or play with his toys. Flash her a smile, say something polite and low-key, and walk away. Try not to take rejection too personally, either — it happens to everyone, and there's a good chance it's not about you. The more relaxed you are about dealing with it, the less it seems like a terrible, self-esteem-crushing fate when it does occur.
None of these steps are rocket science, but they will help the interaction to go as smoothly as possible and maximize your chances of landing a date. Remember, it's a numbers game, so don't give up after your first rejection.
She's out there, it might just take some time to find her.
BONUS: Try Online Dating
Not all dates stem from asking someone out in person, and while a lot of the above tips apply to online dating too, they don't get you much closer to asking someone out online. Here are the top AskMen picks for dating sites you should try:
Zoosk
AskMen Recommends: You may not have heard of it before, but Zoosk is sort of the little engine that could of online dating. With the highest ratings of any site in AskMen's online dating reviews, Zoosk is our top pick if you're looking for the best site out there. Well-designed, easy to use and packed with singles, it's a solid option no matter what you're looking for.
Match
AskMen Recommends: If you're the type of person who gravitates towards name brands, consider Match. The well-known dating site has been around since the '90s, making it perhaps the most successful dating site of all time. And far from being stuck in the past, Match has evolved with the times, offering you a great, modern online dating experience.
Coffee Meets Bagel
AskMen Recommends: Coffee Meets Bagel is very reward-driven, giving you a limited number of matches each day, based first on the mutual friends you share on Facebook with the number of matches increasing each consecutive day you log on. The concept of matching people based on mutual friends isn't new, but because of how the dating platform is designed, it simply works well — as in, without being creepy or overly forward. And with the limited pool you're offered, it means you're not throwing around right swipes on whim. Quality over quantity is their game, and it's one that's fun to play.
EliteSingles
AskMen Recommends: If you're looking for someone serious to get serious with, EliteSingles might be the option for you. The site bills itself as being for ambitious and successful people, so if you're, say, a doctor or a lawyer looking for someone like you to settle down with, this might be just what the doctor (heh) ordered.
Bumble
AskMen Recommends: Bumble helps to take the stress off gents as it's the ladies who have to make the first move. That saves you the trouble of crafting the perfect opening message that could ultimately get ignored. Bumble has also built formidable user base with over 50 million registered users, with estimates that nearly half are female. In other words?The app is your dating oyster.
Check out Bumble
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