Flirting 101: The Dos and Don'ts of Getting Guys to Notice You

May 21, 2009

Clueless about how to hit on that hottie across the room? It's time to add these no-fail flirting tips to your arsenal—experts like the Millionaire Matchmaker guarantee their success.

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DON'T come on too strong.

Outrageous pickup lines and jaw-dropping displays of sexuality are almost always a DON'T. "By making overtly sexual comments, continually exhibiting your tongue ring and making out with your girlfriend, you'll quickly get categorized as nothing more than a hookup," says Michael Somerville, better known as Jake, Glamour's resident single guy and host of the TV show Wingman. Pretending to have more fun than you actually are counts as overdoing it, so keep the hair-tossing and forced laughter to a minimum. "It looks weird and desperate," he adds.
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DO flirt with your eyes.

Flirting with your eyes is one of the easiest ways to test if a guy is into you. Patti Stanger, of The Millionaire Matchmaker, calls it the five-second flirt. "It's basically finding a guy you have an attraction to, whether it's at a bar or a party, and holding that gaze," she says. "If he doesn't come over, he's either taken, involved with somebody else, in a relationship or married. Or he could be hitting for the other team. Or he is passive-aggressive—he wants you to choose him, which is the worst kind of guy. Nobody wants that guy."

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DO remember to smile.

"Happy is in! Mysterious is out," says Whitney Casey, author of The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild—Not Away and Match.com's relationship expert. "Smiling at him is an oldie but goodie. Your self-confident look will always get him."
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DO act your age.

Be confident in who you are. Don't dumb yourself down by giggling at everything he says or asking questions you already know the answers to.

"A real man wants a real woman, not an adolescent. And a woman who flirts like a little girl comes off as desperate and needy," says Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself!.

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DON'T limit your flirting to face time.

Make flirting a virtual reality. "If you see a single guy on your friend's Facebook page, have her friend' suggest you with a cute little note," says Casey.

You can also try following him on Twitter. "Respond to some of his posts with thoughtful messages and helpful links," says Casey, "but DON'T ask him out on Twitter—ever." That'll take you from cutie to creepy in less than 140 characters. Read on for more ways Facebook, Gchat and Twitter can help—and hurt—your relationship.
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DO take charge.

Seriously, what do you have to lose? By taking charge, you are making it clear that you're interested. "Take the conversation where you want it to go," says master matchmaker Steven Ward, host of the VH1 reality show Tough Love. "If you expect him to call, give him your number. But if you want to call him, demand his number."

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DO designate a wingwoman.

If you're spending a night out with girlfriends and can't seem to work up the courage to approach a guy who's caught your interest, ask a friend to step in. "As a group, come up with a debatable question that only a male can answer," suggests Casey. "Then send one of the girls over—ideally, your married or unavailable friend—to say: My single friends have a question…that only a group of men can settle.'" It's an easy way to jump-start the flirtation.
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DON'T shy away from physical contact.

Making physical contact is a foolproof way to show your interest, but proceed with caution. "Use light touches to the arms, shoulders and legs to clearly communicate your interest," says Forleo. "Physical flirting is hard to misread, and your light touches give him the confidence he needs to take it to the next level."

But if you want a guy to get to know you, don't get too physical too fast, warns Somerville.

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DO act gracefully.

"Subtle indications you're attracted to someone are the most effective ways to let him know," says Ward. There's no harm in flirting with someone who doesn't reciprocate, but being able to bow out gracefully is of the utmost importance. "If he's unavailable or uninterested, maintain your poise and just pretend you never started flirting in the first place."