If you often feel awkward AF trying to flirt (WTF does that word even mean, really?), just remember that the straightforward mainstays of eye contact, volleying genuine conversation, and smiling can usually do the trick. If you find a dude who can pick up what you’re putting down and reciprocate the interest, you’ve got a winner on your hands. If you’re not afraid to get bold, try some of the below tips to really suss out whether or not you’ve got a dude who can keep up with you. Use at your own discretion; success not guaranteed, (but he will almost certainly talk to you.)
- Manspread next to him on the subway. Don’t be afraid to really get in there and encroach on his physical space! When he shoots you a “WTF?” look, fire back one of those eyebrow-raise-tongue-click-shrugs. You’ll have him eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.
- See a cutie at the bar? Saddle up next to him and start crying. Cry LOUDER until he tosses you a pity “What’s wrong?”
- Do the bend and snap.
- Perform a monologue of Ben Affleck’s best lines from the Michael Bay classic, Pearl Harbor. Using rote memorization will remind him of what a good wife and mother you will be someday.
- Humblebrag in a way that makes him insecure about his job.
- Introduce yourself as [First Name] + Uber, and tell him you’re the heir to a startup that’s “Uber, but for cabs.”
- Catch him staring at you? Lick your lips and blow a big spit bubble while maintaining eye contact with him. Naughty!
- Go everywhere with a manic pixie dream prop of your choice, like a typewriter or flip phone from 2006. It’s a great conversation starter. If he brings up manic pixie dream girls, just say you don’t know what he’s talking about and he’ll explain it to you. Even the most self-aware dude can’t resist unpacking film tropes for young women.
- Walk by him with a super tampon sticking out of your back pocket. Bonus points if it accidentally drops while you’re walking by him. When you pick it up, wink and say, “I can’t help it, I just need them huge,” before crab-walking away.
- Tell him you’ve never seen a David Lynch movie.
- Eyeing that hot bartender but unsure how to make your move? Write your LinkedIn URL handle on your receipt and tell him to endorse you for PowerPoint.
- Steal his hat and wear it. This is a time-tested move that totally delivers.
- Grab his phone and instead of putting your phone number in it, enter your home address as his Seamless default address.
- Tell him about a night terror you had.
- Ask him, ”Is your feminism intersectional?”
- If at a coffee shop, steal his coffee.
- Regardless of the season, ask him what the song of the summer is.
- Ask him to proofread the Craigslist Missed Connection post you’re already writing about your encounter.
- If you spot a cutie at the grocery store, reach into his basket and take an item out. When he asks why, just say you don’t understand how grocery stores work and walk away.
- Throw a prenatal vitamin at him.
- Ask if he’s ready to adopt a family of French bulldogs with you.
- Airdrop him a screenshot of your shopping cart on Gap.com.
- Ask him about his salary. Only real male feminists will answer this question.
- Shake his hand but have a half-bitten-off hangnail brush against his palm ever so lightly. The touch will have him shaking for days.
- Ask him what percentage battery he’s at, as if you were to charge your phone using his cord, but don’t actually say anything further than asking his percentage.
- Offer to do a reading of your zodiac compatibility.
- Ask him to hold your purse while you go to the bathroom and then never return.
- Tell him you SuperLiked him on Tinder and he unmatched you.
- Turn your phone on vibrate, have a friend call you, and act embarrassed like, “That’s what I get for bringing my vibrator to the bar!” It will make him think of you in a sexual way, which he probably would’ve done regardless anyways.
- Speak to him using only quotes from the 2000s classic Mean Girls.
- Speak to him using only quotes from the direct-to-DVD classic Mean Girls 2.
- Have him fill in the following sentence, “You know you love me, XOXO __________” (The answer is “Gossip Girl,”)
- Give a director’s commentary explaining each of your Pinterest boards. Start with the secret ones.
- Tell him he’s being “such a Miranda,” even when he hasn’t said anything.
- Ask him if you can buy him an appletini. Stand firm on the appletini and do not give into substitutions should he bring them up.
- Open with, “How do you feel about threesomes?” and then nod thoughtfully at whatever he has to say. Do not by any means express an opinion, just listen.
- Ask him if he’s team Brangelina.
Carina Hsieh
Sex & Relationships Editor
