Dear Liz, I've had my job for almost two years, but my boss moved to the East Coast a year ago and it took them seven months to find his replacement. Our new boss is Calvin, a guy about my age (26) or a little older. Calvin and I hit it off right away and work really well together, but on top of that, he is super smart, funny and extremely adorable. He's not dating anyone and neither am I. The only reason I know his relationship status is that his ex used to come and pick him up at our office sometimes, and then she stopped, and someone asked Calvin "Is Jen coming to get you?" and he said "That's history." So anyway, I have a huge crush on Calvin, my boss. I'm pretty certain it's mutual. Last week we went to a customer meeting together. I drove. The air in the car was thick, let's put it that way. We talked about movies and the news and normal stuff but there was an electrical charge in the air the whole time. Calvin hasn't said anything to me about this issue apart from "You are an incredible person. In some ways I wish I would have met you another way." What should I do? Obviously I'm not going to ask him out on a date. I certainly know the rules about dating your boss and so does Calvin. On the other hand, love is love. Should I look for a new job? Is that crazy, considering I haven't actually heard Calvin say "I would date you if we weren't working together."? I need your advice Liz! Thanks, Amy Dear Amy, It's great that you thinking proactively. Calvin must be a really special guy if you are considering changing jobs in order to see him socially. I can certainly understand why Calvin would be circumspect about his feelings if he feels the same way about you that you feel about him. Even for him to say "I wish we weren't working together so we could be a couple" would be dangerously close to the line that responsible supervisors know they cannot cross. That being said, Calvin has not said much at all to indicate that he's ready to be your guy if only one of you were working somewhere else. I wasn't there to catch the tone and the body language, but "You're an incredible person - in some ways I wish I would have met you another way" is not the world's most ringing endorsement of a new infatuation. They say that your brain, when infatuated, reacts the way your brain does on cocaine. Everything is exciting, but your judgment can also be impaired. If we are being truly honest with one another, "You are an incredible person"
is the first half of the traditional let-down speech"You are an incredible person, but it's not a good time for me to begin a relationship." Who am I to say that you're more gung-ho about this new romance than Calvin is? I wasn't in the car with you to observe the electrical charge in the air. That being said, I would proceed with maximum caution. It would be a shame for you to go through the trouble of job-hunting only to find out that Calvin isn't crushing on you the way you are on him. You could test the water by finding a moment to chat with Calvin alone, and then asking him "So Calvin, I'm thinking about my life and career in 2015, and wondering whether I should look for a new job somewhere else." If Calvin looks startled and asks "Why would you do that?" then you may see that he values you more as a colleague and team member than as a prospective romantic partner. On the other hand, if Calvin says "I will help you any way I can in your job search, and then when you get your new job I'll make dinner for you at my place" then you'll know that your intuition was correct. I wish you both the best either way. Hats off to both of you and the HR team in your company for making it clear that even consensual romantic entanglements between bosses and their subordinates are never okay. They can give rise to sexual harassment claims from other co-workers who aren't romantically involved with their managers. If you do begin a job search, with good timing and a concerted push you could be in your new job by Valentine's Day. Wouldn't that be perfect? Best, Liz
