How To Get Over Rejection

Anyone who’s been rejected—and sadly, who hasn’t—knows how much it, well, sucks. And now new research in the journal Clinical Psychological Science shows that it can also seriously mess with our physical and mental health.

Researchers from the University of British Columbia (UBC) found that women who recently experienced an incident of rejection had elevated levels of pro-inflammatory molecules. When activated, these molecules can trigger inflammation, upping the risk for everything from depression and diabetes to cardiovascular disease and cancer.

“Targeted rejection is central to some of life’s most distressing experiences—things like getting broken up with, getting fired, and being excluded from your peer group at school,” says lead study author Michael Murphy, PhD, a professor in the department of microbiology and immunology at UBC in a press release. 

More from Prevention: The Upside To Having Your Heart Broken 

So what can you do to make sure rejection doesn’t ruin your health? Try these six expert-backed solutions:

Prepare for it “Figuring out ahead of time what you need to do to increase your chances in a situation where there is a high probability of rejection is very important,” says Geraldine Downey, PhD, a psychology professor who specializes in rejection at Columbia University. For example, if you’re applying for a job, remind yourself how many people are being interviewed (as in, there's a real possibility you won't get the position), and that, regardless of what happens, the process will be good experience.

Take Tylenol People experiencing social rejection can have similar brain activity as individuals in physical pain have, according to a study published earlier this year in Current Directions in Psychological Science. Researchers found that people who popped Tylenol several times a day for three weeks reported less hurt feelings than people who took a placebo.

Hug it out When someone touches us, our anterior cingulate cortex—the region of the brain that registers both physical and emotional pain—releases opiods, the body’s most potent painkillers, says Naomi I. Eisenberger, a UCLA doctoral student. 

Eject bad memories Lingering, unprocessed bad memories can blunt your mental sharpness, says clinical psychologist Thomas Crook, PhD, former research program director at the National Institute of Mental Health. So it’s best to think of them like a DVD: When a bad one is playing, eject it and replace it with a new, positive one. “With a lack of regular reinforcement, the bad memories will fade and slink off,” says Crook. 

Fake it “I’ve found that people who expect they’ll be accepted are more accepted,” says Downey. Plus, a study published in Psychological Science that found smiling, even when your heart’s not in it, can lower your heart rate and reduce stress. (Check out more healthy reasons to fake a smile.)

Get a little perspective “Nobody likes rejection, but, at some point, everyone deals with it,” says Downey. “It’s important to remember you’re not the only person who has asked for a promotion.” And if you let fear over what might happen hold you back, you’ll never get any further.

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