Donna Nu found her soul mate in Michael Joseph Burdell.

The pair embarked on a spiritual journey that brought them to Utah and, eventually, a bitter fate at the hands of Ronnie Lee Gardner.

In the mid-1970s, Nu, the former Donna Marie Gray, and Burdell met in Mesa, Ariz., through an informal group that got together once a week to talk about fresh ideas and philosophies.

"Invariably, he would put in words what I had experienced," Nu recalled of Burdell. "It was like we were on the same wavelength."

Both had been married previously, and their acquaintance marked a new beginning, a new world.

Through the Mesa group, they met Claude Rex Nowell, aka Corky Ra, the founder of the Summum religious group. Ra and his followers built a pyramid in Salt Lake City and sought peace and meaning through meditation and helping others. Nu and Burdell embraced the philosophy and moved to Utah in 1981 to join Summum.

"We were both pretty good seekers," Nu said of their spiritual and intellectual longings. "Michael was interested in everything. He had a sponge for a mind."

Their shared journey ended April 2, 1985, when Gardner shot and killed Burdell during an escape attempt from the old Salt Lake City Metropolitan Hall of Justice. Burdell, a defense attorney, was not involved in Gardner's case and was in court on another matter.

"I remember that day vividly," Nu said in an interview. "It was like I had run full-force into a brick wall. It flipped my world upside-down."

She never got over losing Burdell. He was her last romantic relationship.

"I've never met anybody I wanted to marry after that," she said. "Nobody's ever measured up."

The second of 10 children, Michael was kind and giving, even as a child, recalled his father, Joseph Burdell Jr. "He just liked to live for other people. Unlike most people, money was not an object with him."

Michael Burdell earned an engineering degree. And despite his pacifism, he served in Vietnam, although he refused to use a weapon.

After the war, while working as an engineer for Motorola, he attended night school and eventually got his law degree. But almost all of his work was pro bono, his father recalled. "He got a particular kick out it. He just wanted to help people who couldn't afford a lawyer."

Both Joseph Burdell and Nu said recently in courtroom testimony that Michael would not want Gardner executed.

Joseph Burdell said his son was the opposite of vengeful and believes the shooting was "not planned or premeditated."

In fact, Nu said, if Michael Burdell were alive, he would use his legal skills to keep Gardner from being executed.

"Michael is not forgotten. Michael is the reason I'm doing this," she said about advocating against the death penalty for Gardner.

Although Summum members don't believe in retribution, Burdell's death still shocked them, recalled Ron Temu.

"He was actually very brilliant, and you always knew where he was coming from," Temu said. Burdell had a great sense of humor.

"He was always joking around," Temu said. "But he also saw life as a search for a broader knowledge, looking for more than making money."

In the months leading up to his death, the 36-year-old Burdell, who had taken the name Summum Bonum Menthu Sesh, spent time growing vegetables for the less fortunate.

Through Summum, Burdell and his associates arranged to use a farmer's fallow field to grow tomatoes, potatoes and other vegetables. He coordinated the efforts through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to can the vegetables and distribute the food to the needy.

The day Gardner killed him, Burdell was representing a Vietnam veteran pro bono. Of all the people in the courthouse that day, he was perhaps the least likely threat to Gardner.

When she heard Burdell had been shot, Nu rushed to the hospital, although she doesn't remember how she got there. Because they weren't married, she told hospital officials she was his sister and they let her see him.

"I saw him and knew that he wouldn't want to be brought back," she said. He had been shot through the eye.

Burdell believed in reincarnation, Nu said. On various occasions they discussed what lay beyond this life.

"He said, 'You know, I just really long to go on and come back again.' He wanted to be a spiritual leader."

But with his death, joy had gone from her life.

"It used to be I had such joy when I came back to the pyramid after work," she recalled. "Michael and I had joy and laughter."

These days, Nu said she is as happy as any time in her life, except those years with Burdell. And she refuses to imagine what her life might have been had he not been killed.

"I've never gone there," she said. "It's taken me too long to get over it."

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