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How To: Keep In Touch

December 25, 2006

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For most of human history, a man’s social relationships developed at the pace of a horse’s gallop; staying in touch with friends demanded a patient commitment. The record-shattering inaugural ride of the Pony Express covered almost 2,000 miles in 10 days, but today we can communicate with unimaginable dexterity. Even 20 years ago, we had the ability with the telephone to communicate at a velocity measured best against the speed of light, yet we guys still let our friendships gather dust. Technology — as general as the telephone and as unique and inspired as a site like MySpace.com — has created many easily navigable avenues for communication, leaving us with no excuses.

The thing is, an unattended friendship, no matter how tight it once was, will bow and break under the weight of neglect. I offer you a host of metaphors: “Standing water goes stale,” ”Neglected landmarks fade to rubble,” ”Iron-clad bonds turn to rust,” and ”Cloudy patinas diminish the memory.” Before you know it, a meaningful friendship can disintegrate into an awkward and bumpy encounter with a guy you hardly know. The good news is that the technology is out there to prevent those brilliant landscapes from turning into dust bowls.

getting organized

First, create a detailed list of those people with whom you want to stay in touch. The list should include their contact information and all the dates relevant to your friendship and to their lives. Next, designate one day each month to contact them for an hour of catch up.

taking the time

Keeping in touch with your friends means preventing entropy — that slow, insidious glacier — from permanently altering the unique, hard-won terrain of your friendships. Fortunately, lots of clever people have worked overtime — maybe even neglecting the people in their lives — in order to create products meant to simplify your relationships. Some of the innovative products they have created include BlackBerrys, PDAs, websites, and cell phones — so use them.

Write an e-mail template

Save time while you reach out to everyone on your list by writing an e-mail template that outlines what you’ve been up you. Make a few tweaks here and there to tailor it to the individual recipient. Doing this will help you actively keep your friends informed about your life while maintaining the personal touch that defines your various friendships.

Have a condensed catch-up

You’ve got an hour to kill before a meeting, a 30-minute window at lunch or an indefinite layover at JFK; this is a perfect opportunity to take the time to ring up a friend and briefly catch up. There is nothing wrong with telling them that you only have 10 or 20 minutes to talk, but you wanted to say hi and see what’s up. It takes as little as 10 or 20 minutes for each of you to stay familiar with the other’s life, but it is too short to delve into any specifics without planning a more involved communication in the future. Since this call is vulnerable to interruptions, show discretion: This isn’t the time to offer hurried condolences.

More ways to avoid a bleak and lonely existence in your golden years…