Nothing fills a person with dread like receiving a Facebook invite to a birthday gathering. Or worse, sending those invites, yourself. Your best friends haven't replied because they know they don't need to. They know they're coming. You know they're coming. But they're one less "Attending" that counts, at least to those "Maybes" or "Awaiting Reply." And you probably don't want most of those people to come anyway. What gives?
Researchers at Chapman University surveyed more than 25,000 people to gauge the number of friends that people of different ages, genders, and sexual orientations feel close enough to turn to for emotional support. Turns out, people tend to expect between five and 10 people to celebrate their birthday, though numbers vary depending on age.
For 20-somethings, somewhere between eight and 10 people is the norm, while those in the 30 and up category would celebrate with somewhere between five and seven friends.
It's important to note that people can only have so many friends, as evolutionary anthropologist Robin Dunbar found in the late '80s. Beyond "the Dunbar number," as it came to be called, people simply don't have the brainpower to maintain a meaningful connection without letting go of somebody else.
"Facebook tries to force you to befriend people, because they're the friend of a friend of a friend, and people generously do up to a point, or at least until they get fed up," Dunbar told Esquire UK. "But all they're doing is what we're doing in everyday life—they're tipping people over into a circle of acquaintances."
And who wants to host a party with them? If given the choice between a small dinner with a few close friends or 200 people you hardly know, chances are you'll go for the former. We know we would—it'd be much more meaningful.
