Today we tackle the subject of how to trim your beard without creating a huge damned mess, so that wives and girlfriends and boyfriends and significant others the world 'round won't have to suffer from your reckless hair removal. After all, no one wants their sink to look like the mugshot Ted Kaczynski.
Trimming a beard is one of those personal grooming chores that simply requires some preventative measures at the start to avoid a frustrating clean-up job at the end. I know this pain as a woman who, for many years, colored my hair at home. So while I can't exactly commiserate with you on the subject of your beard trimmings (and thank God for that!), I do feel you on the "creation of irritating messes brought on by vanity" front.
People have developed all manner of clever and creative solutions to this vexing problem, and today we'll detail the best and most practical among them. However, if you have a genius approach of your own, please feel free to share it with the class. It's also worth noting that what one person finds to be an ideal way of managing stray hairs may, to someone else, feel awkward or just plain not good enough. I say that to say this: Try a few other methods if you don't hit on the best one right out of the gate.
Lay out paper towels or newspaper
The flimsiness of toilet paper makes it a less-than-ideal sink area liner for catching beard trimmings. With every movement, it will flap in the breeze you created and send those little hairs flying. Paper towels or newspaper, on the other hand, offer more heft and are a better choice if a paper goods-based approach is the one you want.
When it comes to the use of paper towels, some people find using them dry is the way to go, while others feel that dampening them before laying them in and along the sink area keeps them from shifting about. I would suggest trying both methods to see which works best for your set-up. After trimming, simply bundle the paper towels up and toss them in the trash.
Newspaper can be used in much the same way as dry paper towels—wetting newspaper isn't recommended, since the ink can run and create a mess of a whole other variety—and it's definitely worth mentioning that supermarket circulars are great for this purpose due to their size and the pliability of the thin paper stock.
Use plastic grocery bags to create a barrier
Speaking of things you get at the grocery store: Plastic grocery bags also make for great sink and/or countertop liners. (Splitting them along one seam will allow you to cover even more surface area.) In the event you find the plastic moves around, scattering trimmings far and wide, you can also take a page out of your beach-day routine and tamp each corner down with some nearby object, like a stick of deodorant or tub of pomade.
If you're a frequent trimmer, it may make good sense for you to install a plastic bag dispenser in the bathroom for easy access to bags.
Make a posterboard or cardboard "dustpan"
If the thought of tossing all those paper towels or newspapers or plastic grocery bags in the garbage makes you feel terrible for the landfills of our great nation, the next few ideas are for you. They may be for you even if you don't have landfill guilt.
The first of these waste-eliminating options for, um, waste elimination is the reusable "dustpan" that can be made out of posterboard or cardboard. The idea is to create a fold or flap at the bottom of the posterboard and set it over your sink area (or wherever you'll be trimming). The hairs will fall onto the board, which can then be tipped into the trashcan, allowing the hairs to slide down the crevasse and into the garbage.
Dedicate an old sheet or towel to beard-trimming day
For this purpose, something on the smaller side, like a hand towel or pillowcase, will be ideal. Trying to shake hair trimmings off of a full-sized sheet or bath towel will probably just lead to more mess. Other than that, the idea behind using a sheet or towel to catch beard trimmings is more or less the same as using paper towels—it will catch the hairs, which can then be deposited into the trash. You can also take the towel or sheet outside and shake it out. Either way, once you've shaken out the hair, toss the sheet or towel in the hamper and wash it on your next laundry day.
Keep the sink completely dry and use a vacuum for cleanup
I saved the best for last! Or, at least, what I think is the best. See, if you dry the sink out thoroughly before you begin trimming your facial locks, you can use a handheld vacuum to great effect to pick up all those ugly strays.
Two things about this. First, the smaller and more agile the vacuum, the better. You're going to be using it to clean up what may be a small and/or oddly shaped area, so some flexibility will be helpful. This little guy looks like he'd be great for the job.
You'll also want to opt for a model or attachment without bristles. The use of a bristled attachment will cause your own discarded bristles to get stuck in the vacuum's bristles, which means you'll probably wind up transporting your bristles, via the vacuum's bristles, all over your home.
A final word on drains
If you're a person who lets his trimmings go down the drain and that works for you, that's fine. Go with God! (Many people find trying to wrestle tiny hairs down the drain impossibly frustrating, hence the distinction.) Shorter, less-coarse hair is unlikely to cause blockages in the drainpipe, but if you have very thick beard hair, or only trim on occasion, resulting in longish trimmings, beware the clogged drain.
If you'd like to keep sending your errant furs down the drain, it's not a bad idea to follow that with a bit of natural drain cleaner to keep things moving. White vinegar and baking soda is the choice for this operation: Use equal parts, starting with shaking baking soda down the drain, then slowly pouring the vinegar down after it. The combination will create that cool volcano effect, and the fizzing will help to break down drain gunk and keep things moving along.
