Ah, flirting. I think the only reason it hasn’t usurped baseball’s throne as America’s National Pastime is because, well, none of us have any idea when someone’s doing it. Women have an especially hard time determining when someone is flirting with them, according to new research from The University of Kansas — only 18 percent were able to pick up on flirting signals.
In order to right this terrible wrong, I turned to Dr. Emily Morse, a sexologist, co-founder of intimate care line Emily & Tony, and host of the popular podcast Sex with Emily, for five sure signs a guy is flirting with you, and three ways to make sure your flirting comes across loud and clear.
1. He breaks the touch barrier. "I don’t mean grabbing your butt or anything inappropriate," Dr. Morse explains. While that would be a clear sign that, yes, he is flirting, it probably isn't the kind you're hoping for. Instead, maybe he puts his hand on your lower back when you walk through a crowd or your knees touch while you sit next to each other.
2. He teases you. Flashback to kindergarten when the boy who had a crush on you would incessantly yank your pigtails. This time, it's just a bit more subtle. "This shouldn't be in a mean way," Dr. Morse advises. "It’s more about him showing he thinks you're adorable, so maybe he'll make fun of your laugh but you know it is a sign he thinks it's cute."
3. He gives you a little gift. It's not as overt as a piece of jewelry, but it still shows he likes you. If he gives you his favorite pen when yours runs out of ink, or picks up a cookie for you from the cafeteria, ding ding ding! We have a winner. "It’s not about the size of the gift," Dr. Morse says. "The key is that he goes out of his way for you."
4. He ignores his phone. "Everyone is attached to their phones!" Dr. Morse exclaims. So if it's ringing or texts are coming in and he doesn't pounce, that’s a good indicator that he's totally focused on you.
5. He makes an excuse to talk to you again. Maybe you’re having a conversation at a party and you say something like, "I love documentaries!" If he jumps in with, "Oh, I have to send you this one documentary, you’re going to love it! What’s your email address?" he’s coming up with a sneaky way to make that connection. It doesn’t make him as vulnerable as outright asking for your contact information, but gets the same result.
1. Groom him. When I heard this, the first thing that came to my mind was those monkeys who clean each other's fur. This is basically that, except classier. "Let's say you're sitting next to him and his collar is flipped up or his hair is in his eyes," she suggests. "Go ahead and fix it!"
2. Speak softly. The trick here is that he needs to lean in to talk to you. "Flirting is all about being subtle," Dr. Morse says. "All of these moves could be done aggressively, but if you do them in a low-key way they're direct enough to let him know you like him."
3. Don’t wait to text him back. This is a controversial one! But I’m on board with Dr. Morse after she explains that she doesn't believe in following the rules. "Waiting to text him back can easily make him think you're playing hard to get or you're not into him," she says. This is about flirting, not making him read your mind. ____
