The best man has three specific functions: the stag, the rings and the speech.
Last week we debated the stag do and in a few weeks' time we will get to the speeches, which just leaves the rings. Not much that can go wrong there - or so you might think. One of the worst hours of my life was 3am on the morning of my second outing as best man, desperately hunting for the rings. I finally uncovered them in a bag of feather boas (it was a groovy wedding). And then there are the infamous opening scenes of Four Weddings and a Funeral, where the best man oversleeps, hundreds of miles away, arrives late and forgets the rings.
So, key advice for the best man: don't lose/forget the rings. And, literary licence aside, be at the side of the groom the night before the wedding: there are always last-minute jobs that need doing and reassurance/advice to be given. Indeed, throughout the engagement, best men frequently find themselves lending a sympathetic ear and an organisational hand. They will be stag do generalissimos and, given the way that these things fall, they will almost certainly find themselves out of pocket (you book/pay for things, some people don't turn up, some of them never bother to sort you out for cash).
Last week's stag debate threw up some suggestions for the best man, some sensible, some controversial:
"A tip for best men on stag nights. Should the groom become worse for wear during the stag do, do not do as I did, and leave him propped outside the curry house to 'sober up' especially when it's next to a canal.
His subsequent disappearance might just put a damper on proceedings as you ponder whether to get police to drag said canal. He had, fortunately, got a taxi home."
"On your stag do, you may have friends who will try and pressure you [into cheating on your fiancee] by getting you drunk and/or claiming you are not being a good sport: this is why you should brief your best man (or woman, in my case) in advance on when to call a halt if things are going too far."
"If you're a best man, evaluate your groom's ability to keep things to himself/to not crack under pressure. A stag night blowjob almost cost him his marriage."
"I, like many men (and probably more than admit to it), was dreading my stag ... I set some broad guidelines for my best man on what I would enjoy and what I wouldn't (leaving a bit of leeway)."
It's a gig most boys want to do, though many are relieved to have just done it the once. I've been lucky enough to do it thrice: three excellent stags (Amsterdam, Liverpool, Leeds: three clubs, two footie matches, one abandoned Grand National); two good speeches and one OK (they were a tough crowd); three sets of rings delivered safely.
Choosing a best man can be tricky, and some questions arise. Should brothers be best men? Is it OK to have more than one best man (à la the royals, above)? Should you ask your best friend to be your best man if he is terrible at/terrified of giving speeches? What about other friends who may feel they should have been your best man? Can women be best men?
Finally, what does the whole thing tell us about male friendship? Is it like being described as somebody's best friend when you're seven, or is it a bit more meaningful than that?
Please share your thoughts, anecdotes, questions etc below.
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