Falling in love is one of the most incredible experiences, and it often takes you by surprise. Itโs unlike anything youโve ever known, but flash forward a few years (or a few months!) into the relationship and the joy and laughter seem dulled somehow. The problem? Youโre falling out of love. It can sneak up on just as quietly as falling in love did in the beginning. How can you tell if your romance is coming to an end? If youโre noticing any number of these signs, your relationship is likely over and itโs time to call it quits.
1. Talk of the future fades away.
At first, all you can talk about is your future together. You talk about your wedding, where youโll live, what youโll name your kids, and how youโll spend retirement together. How often has the future come up lately? Do you find yourself avoiding the topic? Itโs a clear indicator that your heart isnโt in it anymore.
2. Itโs painful being around other couples.
Seeing other couples being so sickeningly happy is like a slap in the face. The two of you were once like that, right? You start to question whether youโre as happy as you should be together. You find yourself avoiding other couples because itโs just too painful. It hurts because you know itโs already over.
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4. You say โI love youโ less.
Trying to force the words doesnโt really work. The less you feel them, the less you say them. You might find yourself smiling and changing the subject when he says he loves you. Itโs probably one of the more noticeable signs, especially for the other person. Even if you do say it often, pay attention to how you feel when you say it. If it doesnโt feel right, then youโre falling out of love.
5. Communication is less frequent.
Did you use to talk every day about your jobs, friends, hobbies, etc? Does it seem like TV is far more interesting than conversation? If you donโt live together, do you find yourself texting or calling less? You start to naturally avoid conversation as the love fades. Itโs a natural instinct to prepare yourself for the impending breakup.
6. The relationship is just another routine.
You get up, get ready, kiss him goodbye, come home, eat dinner together, watch TV and fall asleep in the same position as every other night. Wash, rinse, repeat. You see the relationship as just another daily routine. Thereโs nothing to look forward to. You might think youโre just too comfortable, but the problem could be you donโt really love him anymore and find the relationship dull and boring. Love isnโt routine and it shouldnโt feel that way.
7. Youโd rather avoid intimacy.
If intimacy happens at all, you try to make it as quick as possible. Even small things like snuggling on the couch or a quick kiss goodbye seem like youโre being smothered. Intimate moments are usually reserved for people in love. Thatโs what makes them special. If the love is dying, intimacy just feels wrong to you.
8. You nitpick everything.
Your guy probably seemed perfect in the beginning. Sure, you started noticing his flaws over time, but you loved him even more for them. Now, every little thing gets on your nerves. You canโt stand how he wears his hair or that weird sound he makes when laughs too hard. And why canโt he manage to sit down easier? Yes, you get annoyed by everything he does and youโre not afraid to let him know. The love is long gone and youโre well on your way to pushing him out of your life.
9. Hearing โI love youโ makes you uncomfortable.
You probably feel a little guilty or uncomfortable when he tells you he loves you. Why? You donโt really feel the same. The worse you feel when he says it, the more obvious it is the love you once felt is fading away.
10. You see yourself with someone else.
Itโs one thing to fantasize, but another to always see yourself with another guy. The majority of your thoughts shouldnโt be of another man when youโre in a relationship. Take this as a sign that youโre no longer in love with your current guy. Respect him and let him go. Your mind and heart have already moved on.
11. Itโs exhausting to be together.
Relationships take work, but if itโs becoming exhausting just to stay together, it might be time to call it quits. Love helps give you the energy to work through the bad times. If everything feels forced and you donโt have that driving force to help boost you, you are going to feel exhausted every time the two of you are together. Give yourself a break and admit youโve fallen out of love.
12. Youโre interested in anything but him.
Your friends, hobbies, family, pets or that incredible new chocolate-covered fruit you just found are all far more interesting than him. You daydream about other things when heโs around and always seem to have plans when you should be with him. Why isnโt he all that interesting anymore? You simply donโt care anymore.
13. Trust is a thing of the past.
As you fall out of love, you might stop trusting him as well. After all, you feel like youโre lying to him by staying. If you no longer trust him, the love is dying too. Itโs time to find someone you do trust.
14. You see him as more of a friend.
Even if you donโt love him anymore, you might still care about him as a friend. Youโll find yourself treating him like a friend instead of a boyfriend. Youโd rather hang out and talk than slip between the sheets and cuddle afterward. The relationship is over, but youโre hoping to save the friendship.
15. You donโt care about fixing problems.
Odds are, youโve noticed the increasing number of problems in the relationship. When the love fades, the problems multiply. He might want to try to fix things, but youโre not interested. You couldnโt care less what happens. In fact, youโd be happier if things just fell apart. Itโd save you the trouble of breaking up with him.
16. Your ideal future doesnโt include him.
Once upon a time, your future was his and vice versa. Now, he doesnโt even make a guest appearance in your ideal future. You see yourself living your dreams, but heโs nowhere to be seen. If you were in love, youโd find a place for him. Since thereโs no love, youโve already removed him from your future.
17. You have a long list of excuses for staying with him.
Youโre not staying with him because you love him, but maybe because you canโt afford to move out on your own or you have kids together. Whatever the reason, itโs easier to stay in a bad situation than it is to leave, and thatโs not good.
18. You notice you always hurt his feelings.
You donโt mean to, but youโre always hurting him. Maybe he said he loved you and you just hugged him. Perhaps he made special plans and you canceled to be with your friends. You care less and less about his needs and as a result, you hurt him. You see the signs. Use that as a sign you donโt love him anymore.
What to do when you think your relationship is over
If you relate to any of the above signs but youโre not willing to accept the fact that your relationship is over, there may be a few things you can do to get back on the right track. Of course, it should go without saying that your partner will need to be on the same page and be just as committed to you to making things work. If theyโre not, youโre better off cutting your losses now and walking away. Assuming they want to fix things as much as you do, here are a few things you can try.
1. Focus on the positives.
Think about all the wonderful qualities your partner has and the great memories you share together. What are the traits they have that made you fall for them in the first place? Do they make you laugh? Are they incredibly intelligent and knowledgeable about a particular topic that you find attractive? Whatever it is, remind yourself that they still have most if not all of those same qualities that you once went nuts for. When you shift your mindset in this way, itโs easier to begin to work through issues because you know thereโs something to work for.
โIf you like that theyโre adventurous, keep sharing new activities,โ suggests neuropsychologist and life coach Sydney Ceruto, Ph.D. โIf you enjoy their playfulness in your communication, encourage bantering and the sharing of new ideas. If you value that theyโre warm and affectionate, make sure to connect with them each day, rather than getting caught up in other quotidian things.
2. Take a break from fighting.
If there are certain issues you just canโt seem to see eye to eye on and that always erupt into a huge fight, learn to take a break. When things start heating up, thatโs the perfect time to take a deep breath and perhaps some space from your partner and the conversation so you can cool off. When you come back to the conversation, try to approach it from a more productive and objective place and see if you can find a middle ground.
3. Want a partner? Attract love with the power of your mind.
Sweetn is a new research-based startup that shows you how to call love into your life with the power of your mind. Take our quiz, and try our toolsโthey can transform your energy and your love life in a few weeks. Just click here.
4. Engage in intimacy.
Sex doesnโt solve everything by any means, but sharing physical intimacy with your partner can give you a way to wordlessly connect on a deeper level in a way that maybe you havenโt recently. The feel-good hormones that are released when weโre physically close to someone we love can flood our senses, leaving us feeling refreshed, positive, and much more open.
5. Consider seeking couples therapy.
Thereโs no shame in admitting that you just canโt fix everything on your own sometimes. Seeking help from a licensed relationship therapist can not only give you coping and communication skills that you perhaps lack as a couple, but it can also provide you both with an unbiased sounding board that gives you a new perspective on some of the issues you just canโt seem to see past. On the opposite end of the spectrum, your success or lack thereof in couples therapy may make you realize that your relationship has truly run its course, and thatโs okay too. Youโll be able to move on with a clear head and heart knowing that you gave it your all.
As author and dating expert Mel Robbins says: โEven though heartbreak is painful, the pain of regret and time wasted can be worse. You are worthy of an awesome, supportive, and loving relationship, so get to work on loving yourself first.โ Your relationship may be over, but that doesnโt mean your life is over.