Sometimes relationships end after a huge shouting match. Sometimes one person cheated. Sometimes one partner is moving or is ready to get married or wants to have kids. And sometimes, a relationship just runs its course. That last scenario, though, can be hard to interpret: How do you know when it’s time to call it quits, versus when you’re just going through a rough patch? We spoke with relationship experts to get a list of eight crucial signs to look out for. If several of these apply to you, and if you’ve worked on them to no avail or if it just feels too late, it could be time to cut the cord.
You’re Fighting Over EVERTHING
Fact: Fights happen. And some couples just naturally fight more than others. But if your argument pattern is changing and you’re starting to pick fights over the littlest, most insignificant things, that could be an indication that something’s awry, says relationship therapist Rachel Sussman, LCSW, author of The Breakup Bible.
You’re Staying Later and Later at the Office
“The whole essence of being in love is that you always want more,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. If you’re not feeling any desire to hurry home after a long day at work, ask yourself why.
Watch men and women share what they consider to be dealbreakers:
Everything Your Partner Does Bothers You
This is when a partner’s habit that didn’t bother you before makes nails on a chalkboard seem enjoyable. Maybe it’s that whistle habit he always had. Or maybe 97 percent of what she says gets on your nerves these days. If this is happening more and more, it could be a sign that you’re drifting apart, says Sussman.
You Come Up with Excuses Not to Have Sex
During the honeymoon phase, you and your partner probably wanted to jump each other every time you were in a room together. It’s totally normal for things to cool off a little bit when you’re months or years into a relationship—but if you’re actively avoiding sex, that’s something else, says Sussman.
You Can’t Wait for Girls’ Night
If you’re scheduling more and more activities with friends—and “turning to friends or family or other people to share the nuances of you life”—that’s a sign that something’s off, says Greer. Obviously, you can and should be excited to spend time and swap stories with your girls—but the reason for your excitement shouldn’t be because that night gives you a break from your partner.
You’re Legit Interested in Other People
Getting a little steamed up when you watch a Ryan Gosling movie is one thing, but if you’re out with your friends and find yourself seriously flirting with and interested in other people, that likely means you’re not totally happy with the partner you’ve already got, says Sussman.
You Have No Interest in Making Sacrifices for Him
Lots of us don’t get pumped about dinner with the in-laws or going to a partner’s work event, but we do it. Because that’s what love is. If you notice that you’re extra, extra uninterested in these kinds of activities, that they don’t even seem worth it to you, consider that a sign that you’re less invested in the relationship, says Sussman.
You Can’t Picture the Future Together
“Your lives really do have to fit together,” says Sussman. If you imagine your life five, 10, 20 years from now and you can’t see your partner in it, you might want to ask yourself if that’s because he doesn’t belong there. Read more about how much relationship doubt is healthy.
