9 ways to be more spontaneous in your relationship

Sylvia Smith is a writer and relationship expert.

As relationships mature and age, it can start to take a lot of hard work to keep the spark alive. And while it would be wonderful to have your relationship feel just like how it used to in the beginning, the reality is that it may be hard to have that same feeling return. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing – it could just be an indication of how your love has matured over time and grown more sustainable.

It’s normal for many couples to go through what’s known as a “dry phase” when it comes to romance. There'll inevitably be certain times in life when romance appears to take a back seat, but that’s not to say you can't be spontaneous with love at any given time.

It's basically the opposite of following a routine. To be spontaneous, you need to be unpredictable and this will increase excitement and intensity in your relationship. Here's how you can do it.

1. Plan a surprise trip

Taking an unplanned trip is the best way to add fun and spontaneity back into your lives Plan a weekend away to a place you've both never been before. Exploring together can be a redeeming experience and will also help bring back some of those lost romantic vibes that you experienced at the beginning.

Seriously, it doesn’t need much thinking or planning. Just decide on a place, get the tickets and leave tomorrow.

2. Or a staycation

Plan a random staycation just a few miles away, and have fun in each other’s company. Besides being a cheaper alternative to going abroad, staycations let you stop worrying about the everyday stuff and allow you to enjoy some quality time together.

3. Have random and unplanned sex

With time, you get into the habit of sticking to daily routines and following set patterns – and this is probably true when it comes to sex as well. Irrespective of where, and how often, you're having sex, it’s time to switch some things around. Think of the usual (or boring) moves that usually pop up and just cut them out.

Sex can get boring if you know in advance exactly what’s going to happen. By adding spontaneity to your sex life, the entire world can be your bedroom. With a little courage and an equally willing partner, find a place and get going whenever the urge hits.

4. Try something new

Next time you plan a date night, go somewhere new: a new restaurant, cuisine, or even cooking a wonderful dinner together can add some freshness to your relationship.

It's a good way to remind yourselves why you're together and that your relationship is so important to you that you still care to make it better. When you begin to feel that you know everything about your partner, it can cause you to lose interest. This is where being spontaneous and trying out new things can be very helpful.

5. Take an exercise class together

Let me twist that old saying a bit: "Couples who work out and push each other to get fit together, stay together!" Out of nowhere, ask your partner to join some exercise class together; zumba, yoga, pilates, spinning, etc. Not only do you get to be super healthy, but you do it in a fun way together. Having them there with you will also keep you motivated.

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6. Break household routines

As you spend time together, unspoken rules get created about how certain things need to get done. For instance, my husband is the one who takes the trash out of the house and checks the mailbox while I am the one mainly responsible for doing the laundry and dusting. Also, we have fixed days when one of us cooks while the other does the dishes.

While something like this may be ideal to keep running things smoothly, switching these things up can be a good way to add spontaneity to your life. Your partner will like the surprise and will appreciate the sweet gesture and probably even reciprocate with some new idea of their own.

7. Start listening more

Sometimes the best way to make your relationship more exciting is to listen to your partner a little more, and understand them better. Take time out by paying attention to what they are trying to convey and understand their needs and wants.

Recently, in a passing conversation over phone, I mentioned to my husband that I was in the mood for something sweet. Later that evening, he surprised me by bringing a whole box of chocolates and sweets. It’s little things like these that can keep the flame burning. Next time, when your partner is speaking, try to listen carefully to what they are saying and think creatively about how you can randomly make their day.

8. Send a ‘Simply Because’ gift

Who doesn’t loves gifts? Especially when you are work and the delivery guy comes knocking with a parcel and you realise it's for you. Sending your partner random gifts keeps that romance and spontaneity going. You could send chocolate, a bouquet of flowers, or a bag of cookies with a sweet “simply because” note.

9. Have a conversation about spontaneity

Ok, so this may sound a little counter-intuitive, but talking to your partner about being more spontaneous is an excellent idea. Declare your love for them and let them know just how much you enjoy having them around. But, also talk to them about working on some new ideas to make sure that the spark never fizzles out. Get together and brainstorm on ideas to make things a little more random, spontaneous, fun and full of joy. Start planning events and activities that you would enjoy together.