When it comes to dating, mating, and manhandling, any edge you can score is majorly beneficial. One invaluable coupling-up coup: the fact that you can read any man's mind just by looking at him. "Before developing speech, we communicated with our bodies," says David B. Givens, PhD, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington. "We still subconsciously use those instinctive responses to express our feelings." So if you can interpret a guy's signals, it's like having a backstage pass to his psyche. Eureka! Read on to learn his most-telling moves...and how to respond with some undercover communication of your own.
The Cocked Noggin
When your eyes meet, he tilts his head slightly to the side.
Dude decoder: The head tilt is a subconscious come-hither signal to any femme the guy has feelings for. "This is a gesture that a soft-spoken man may use when he's interested in a woman but needs her to make the first move," says Givens. "He's showing his vulnerability in order to make himself more approachable and hopefully lure her in." So if that man you've been making eyes with for the last hour gives you the head tilt, that's your cue to go in for the kill and introduce yourself or even send him a drink. If you're standing at your front door after a first date waiting for a kiss from a fella whose head is cocked, just lay one on him first!
The Turned-in Toe
He's standing or sitting with his toes pointed toward each other.
Dude decoder: You're probably making the guy nervous...in a good way. According to Givens, it's a sign he's feeling a little unsure of himself. So if a boy at the bar is striking this pose, he's digging you but needs reassurance that the interest is mutual. "You'll seem less intimidating if you mirror his nervous gestures for a few minutes, then transition into a more comfortable stance," says Patti Wood, body-language expert and author of Success Signals. And when the man in question is an established beau, turned-in toes say he wants to discuss something big. Stay quiet to give him time to spill, suggests Wood. If he doesn't speak up, carry on the conversation so he can try again on his own.
The Shoulder Slouch
While looking at you, he quickly shrugs his shoulders up and rolls them forward.
Dude decoder: You've just done something so downright cute, it triggered his protective instincts. "When a man finds a woman's actions to be adorable or sweet, he gets the urge to hold her. As a result, his shoulders automatically round off as though he's about to take her into his arms," says Givens. So does this mean you've suddenly lost all sex appeal? Not necessarily. The shoulder slump does indicate attraction but, even better, with a serious emotional undercurrent. So in the case of a long-term lover, his shoulder roll is likely a sign that one of your quirks has tugged on his heartstrings. (Mental note to self: Do that thing you do again, just don't abuse it.) And if a brand-new dude pulls that move, chances are, he's feeling a true connection to you. So forget all the flirting formalities and be real with him — this lad's looking to go deeper.
The Lip Squeeze
Before answering a specific question or while talking, he curls his lips in and presses them together.
Dude decoder: Forget shifty eyes and sweaty palms — this is the real sign someone's not telling you the whole truth. "He's pausing to give himself time to compose an answer," explains Wood. "So whatever he says immediately afterward may not be entirely accurate or may be an exaggeration." A new dude flirting with you is either pumping up his image or feeding you a line of BS. "Trust your gut," says David Copeland, coauthor of How to Succeed with Men. "If it happens when he brags about himself, chances are, he's embellishing to impress you. But if he does it when trying to convince you of something much bigger, beware." Now if your beau does it, don't panic. According to Copeland, there's a chance he's being honest but thinks you won't believe him. Use the same tactics you would with a lip-squeezing stranger — feel him out and, eventually, the truth will surface.
The Backhand
The tops of his hands face you, whether he's gesturing during a chat or folding his hands on the table.
Dude decoder: "A palms-down gesture is an expression that says he's claiming control," Givens explains. If your beau gives you the backhand, he's probably feeling a bit whipped and wants to prove he's still king of his castle. "He just wants to be temporarily in charge to restore balance to the relationship," says Copeland. So let him choose the restaurant tonight. But if you're scoping out a new stud and notice that his palms aren't facing you, it's a sign that he's putting up boundaries, treating you more like a business associate than a potential playmate. But not all hope for lust is lost! He may be waiting for you to show romantic interest before he puts himself on the line, says Copeland. So try throwing out some subtle but sexy signals, like extended eye contact, to see if he responds more warmly.
The Follicle Fondle
He runs his hands through his hair.
Dude decoder: Most likely, your hunky hair-handler is unconsciously trying to look good for you. Women have a number of ways to make sure we're mesmerizing, but for guys, hair is pretty much it (he can't exactly reapply lip gloss, fix his cleavage, or adjust his shirt to expose just the right amount of tummy). "Hair is a communicator of who you are, especially in courtship situations. It's very visible and is easily messed up, so it's a natural place to primp," says Givens. So whether on a first date or scoping for chicks at a party, a guy who's casually combing through his coif wants you to find him foxy. To let him know that his peacock-style preening has paid off and to reassure him that you think he's a hottie, you'll want to compliment him on his appearance — let him know if you love his shirt or tell him that his beach-boy suntan is driving you mad. You may even want to twirl a lock of your own or try a hair toss or two.
The Turned Cheek
While you're talking to him, he suddenly glances away and fully turns his head either right or left.
Dude decoder: Sorry to say, but it looks as though your Prince Charming isn't in much of a mood to chat. Occasionally averting his eyes or scanning the room is normal, but if you find yourself talking mostly to his profile, you're in twosome trouble. "When a person is irked by something you've said, they turn their heads to get away from what's bothering them — it's a way of cutting you off," says Givens. But that does not mean he's bugged by you. It may just be the topic, the fact that you're asking too many questions or even a word you've used that's eating at him. Rather than walking away or demanding he tell you what's wrong, Wood suggests you watch for his next signal. "In this situation, being overly aggressive will just make an already uncomfortable guy more irritated." So cool it and just change the subject to something light.
The Pec Point
His chest and shoulders are facing you, even though he may be looking at someone else.
Dude decoder: Whether it's you, your best friend, or the keg in the corner, whatever a boy aims his upper body at is the most meaningful thing in the room to him. According to Givens, "Animals turn their chests to the most important presence in their environment so they can be prepared to deal with it head-on without getting blindsided. It's an innate response — when your brain picks up on something significant, your torso turns to it without thinking." So if one night, a tasty man-morsel approaches your posse, you and your friends won't need to fight for the fella's affections; study his body language and you'll already know who he's after. And of course, when your boyfriend is the stud in question, be wary if his torso is turned toward someone else while you're talking to him — it could be a sign he's being drawn elsewhere.
Your Body Talk
You may be sending boy-repellent messages. These five common gestures are skunk to guys.
The Eye Shift
If your eyes are darting here, there, and everywhere, the dude's going to be hurt because he thinks he's not holding your interest. So maintain an attentive gaze without going overboard with an intense stare-down. (A glance away every 10 seconds or so should suffice.)
The Lean Back
Whether you're sitting or standing, leaning away from him says, "Hands off, buddy!" True, men do need their space, but when you stretch your torso beyond his arms' reach, he'll feel sort of slighted.
The Self Hug
You know that crossing your arms in front of you makes you look standoffish. But consider whether you ever cradle your upper arms or torso. Men see this stance as a sign of insecurity and self-consciousness.
The Leg Quake
Bobbing your crossed leg up and down will draw attention to those gorgeous gams, but it'll also make you look anxious. You'll come across as impatient and high-strung, and those leg lifts are guaranteed to agitate any guy.
The Head Hold
Usually, when a woman clasps her hands behind her head, she's stretching out... or showing off the goods. But this move can seem arrogant and cocky and will intimidate potential partners.
