When I was writing the piece "7 Things You Do Only Once You're Comfortable in a Relationship," I wondered whether I should include a few signs of a more, ahem, physical nature. Then I saw a comment on the article suggesting that "going number 2" should be added to the list and another on the Facebook post that piped in about farting, and it was confirmed: Bathroom habits can be a big deal in a relationship, as unsexy as that sounds. But does being totally open about them ruin the mystery?
To be clear, none of this should scare a guy off. It's certainly not polite to discuss, much less do these in front of someone until you hit that comfortable stage that's unique to every relationship. But if a guy can't accept that all women have bodily functions, even if they smell beautiful and have soft skin and their laughs tinkle like bells, then he's in a middle-school state of mind. So if you like to be completely frank about your body instead of holding back, more power to you.
I've always felt like going overboard with this kind of thing kills a level of mystery that's essential in a relationship, no matter who's doing it. Am I going to be grossed out if Blake passes gas? No, because he's a human being and it means his body is working properly. Do I want him to just toot with abandon, showing no concern for my delicate sense of smell? I'd rather he didn't unless he really couldn't hold it in.
I also think using the bathroom in front of each other on an as-needed basis is fine. A few random times you drink too many margaritas and just need to go while he's brushing his teeth won't torpedo your relationship. But turning it into an everyday thing just isn't my bag. Of course, that's my personal preference, and I know some couples find it actually makes their relationship stronger.
There's something really sexy about not completely knowing your partner. That little jolt of surprise you get when you realize you're discovering something new, even if you've known that person for some time, is the best. In my and my friends' experience, unabashed freedom with bodily functions can chip away at that. But there's also something attractive about being at such a comfortable place with someone that you can let a bit of the "I'm perfect!" facade fall away.
My perfect balance is feeling relaxed enough that I could go all out with burping and using the bathroom in front of Blake if I wanted to, but refraining because I think it would eventually ruin a little of the mystery that keeps a relationship alive. He thinks that's silly but is willing to get on board because I'm pretty convinced about this one.
What about you? Do you see total physical honesty as something that can bring you closer together or is a potential mystery-killer?
