I Am A, where the mundane becomes fascinating and the outrageous suddenly seems normal.
I have histrionic personality disorder. AMA.
This should explain everything. I've been aware of having some self destructive behavior stemming from self esteem issues for a long time, but only recently have I established that this is the actual name of what I have. I read about HPD a while ago and everything made complete sense, and sounded like it was written about me. My dad, who works in the mental health profession, agrees that this is something I have. While it's not a horrible thing, it's just something I have to be aware of and control.
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When I first saw this, there were no comments on it and I thought everyone was playing a cruel joke on the OP's attention seeking tendencies.
You must be hoping for a lot of questions then. :P Kidding, kidding.
What do you find is your biggest obstacle when it comes to HPD, and how do you cope with the people around you? Do you have a large social group or have yourself mostly alone due to your behaviours?
My problem is using my body to get attention... Yes, it's bad, but that's the easiest way for me to get attention. Obviously, this isn't healthy, and I've ruined friendships before by doing this. I've let friends "use" me before for sexual activities, not because I was really into them, but because I liked the extra attention I got from them. I'd not set boundaries with people, and instead just end up doing whatever with them, if they tried at all.
As for coping, I'm still working that out. Mostly, I really need someone to talk to about things. If my SO says I'm starting to be self destructive again, I listen, and realize, "Yep, I really need to stop this." Sometimes it just takes someone else telling me I'm being an attention whore.
I'm one of the people with HPD that has a normal social life, and that's probably because I'm used to manipulating people and gaining attention. However, I only have a few real friends that I don't desire additional attention from, and they are the closest to me. For some reason, with these people I can just be myself, and they like me enough for who I am that I don't need to act out and be overly flirtatious for them to like me.
Edit: I like how people are downvoting me for answering questions. Thanks, generous, understanding people of Reddit.
If we upvoted you, we'd be giving you attention.
Do you have predominantly male friends? Do you tend to juggle a lot of men simultaneously, constantly giving each a little nibble of affection to keep them "in the loop" but keeping the parameters of the relationship ambiguous?
Above all -- are you conscious of the fact that you manipulate men when it's happening, or is it completely involuntary?
All my close friends are guys, and I don't "juggle" them. I do have other men that you might say are "in the loop", though.
No, I am not conscious of it. It takes me time to think about it and realize what's going on, and then I have to go back, and fix whatever I've done (lead people on, usually). I've been more aware of it recently, so it's been less of a problem, but I just have to make sure I keep boundaries with men. That is my hardest problem.
I only ask because I am currently friends with (was sexually involved with/"friends with benefits") a girl who was initially interested in me. I was never interested in a relationship with her, and I suppose that drove her insane because it seemed no matter how much I drove her away, she only got more attached to me. She can never hold a job, changed her major at least three times, always has a boyfriend, is only friends with guys, often attracts disdain from female friends, has daddy issues, and definitely uses sexuality as a means to get attention. In my more paranoid moments I suspected her "juggling" of various partners -- leading them on -- as being a calculated gambit to stir jealousy amongst them (and myself), but I'm glad that, for the most part, HPD'ers are oblivious to their actions.
Does it matter if the attention is negative?
For example, if people look at you like you are crazy instead of just look at you?
For example, I wonder why I drive around with music entirely too loud. Especially if it is mismatching music to my appearance. I do it for attention, but then I am embarrassed the whole time and dislike the attention too! (So, now I just rarely do it. After years of doing so.)
I saw myself in some of the descriptions of HPD... but while most people would agree that there is not much that is "normal" about me, and I always have stories to tell and a life narrative going on (my life is an autobiographical book, and it's an open book as I go along)... that perhaps the diagnostic criteria could apply to ANYONE. Perhaps I don't really have it, since I didn't read it and have any "ah-ha" moments... and I tend to be paranoid/looking for diagnoses.
What is the most insane and impressive thing you've manipulated a guy into doing? What is the riskiest situation you let yourself be manipulated into? How well can you play with a persons emotions? What is the most epic tantrum you have thrown?
Here's a nice summation of HPD.
Basically, they're the hot psycho chicks that are great in bed, but they're fucking crazy.
Yes, I posted that link too. And it really depends... I'm sure my SO right now would disagree with you that we're all crazy. As long as we're aware of our behavior, and can take care of it/control it, it's okay. I simply have to stop and ask myself if what I'm doing is simply a plea for attention. If yes, then don't do it. Since I've been aware of it (only recently), I've been doing much better.
Also, regular exercise somehow really helps me. I think my self esteem is a lot higher when I get the chance to do my sport. I have injured myself a lot recently, and while I was not able to exercise, I had a lot more issues with HPD.
Whoops, didn't see you hyperlink that. Wanna have sex?
You're not trying hard enough. It's all about the chase, not the sex itself. Having someone chase after me is really what I used to live on, not the actual sex. I liked knowing people wanted me.
Anyways, it depends. I don't even know if your attention is worth anything :P
How do you dress? That is how I identify histrionics.
I just dress like anyone else. It's usually just jeans and tshirt for me.
The reason I ask is that I had a very good friend with HPD. He liked to dress as if he were going to a costume party. He was a hippie, then a pirate for a while, then a prince, he dressed as a glitzy punk rocker with a mohawk for some time. He liked to dye his hair and wear makeup.
I came across the characteristics of HPD while studying psych in first year. I sent him a photocopy from the textbook and he was like "Hey, that is me! So that is what you call it."
Anyway, since then I have been able to recognize HPD by a certain kind of dress: bright colours, lots of jewelery, scarves, beads, draped sleeves, etc... It is often a kind of gypsy look. However it is, it catches attention.
I think your friend doesn't have HPD, he just loves being fabulous. Just because someone has a penchant for the dramatic and loves attention does not mean they suffer from HPD. HPD is a serious disorder and often leads those suffering from it to put themselves in dangerous situations, and also ultimately ruin most of their relationships.
I'm sorry but I chuckled at this first line. If you read it in a stereotypical, flamboyant gay man's voice (Big Gay Al), it's really funny.
While it is true that he has never been professionally diagnosed, I think he probably has HPD. There are some aspects of the disorder that are so specific that he has. We often argued over word meanings, he retorting that I was again "using the dictionary definition." This idiosyncratic use of language, where the histrionic goes more with the feel of a word than the denotation is a documented featured. There were many other characteristics.
He fathered children with three women, for example, always looking for people to love him, but in a weird way. He is now in his 40's and seems okay, just eccentric.
On behalf of the rest of the world, I'd like to ask that you please not diagnose people with psychiatric conditions based on your extensive Psych 101 knowledge.
If you ever were to ever-so-helpfully send me a photocopy from your first-year psych textbook I'd honestly punch you in the face.
He thanked me. Then a year later asked me to be best man at his wedding. That is why I am still friends with him years later, but would never be friends with someone like you.
Yes, to his credit he responded to you very graciously.
I am very interested in the psychology behind HPD. What are some prevailing theories?
I wonder if the belief that someone deserves something (but didn't receive it), has a part in it. Perhaps they were made to feel extra special as children, and then feel that life did not reward them properly.
Or. Perhaps they were ostracized and now use it to intentionally be ostracized.
Sorry to snag the spotlight from the OP but it's based on genetics in large part. People with this disorder have a much higher dopamine reward threshold than the rest of us (they need more stimulation to feel normal or good), so it leads them to seek out reward-inducing behavior. In guys it manifests as Anti-social personality disorder (i.e. risky erratic behavior, seeking out rushes, high penchant for addiction). In women, due to societal norms (people who suffer from this are highly prone to being manipulated, and pick up strongly on gender roles), seek this dopamine-pleasure response from risky social and sexual behavior. The attention literally gives the sufferer a rush. Women with HPD or guys with ASPD become highly addicted to behaviors that give them a satisfactory dopamine response. Girls, fitting in the boundaries of societal norms, get a rush from looking good, manipulating others, or engaging in very risky sexual behavior. This is only one factor in many, but hopefully it will help illustrate part of the mechanism behind it.
He's totally got it all right. I have nothing to add.
This is fascinating and I would like to read more written by you.
would you like to hang out with me and a bunch of my friends?
Are you hot? If so, how has that helped/hurt this disorder?
If you aren't hot, same question.
There's no way I could get away with all of this without being hot, so I'd say it makes it worse. I can get attention easily, and it just feeds into HPD. It'd be so much easier if I were ugly, because then I'd be forced to rely upon my personality for attention.
What kind of guy do you ultimately see yourself in a long-term relationship with?
So who molested you?
Actually, no one. Surprisingly enough, I can't figure out what in my childhood could have led to this... I had some other issues throughout my kid years with OCD, and I can't figure that out either.
If anything, it was neglect, not molestation that led to HPD. I have a few siblings, and I was constantly battling for attention (being the youngest).
agreed, i have a personality disorder too but I won't say which one for reasons related to anonymity (you can tell it's not HPD though since if it was I'd probably be saying so) I can't think of anything that would have caused my disorder in childhood - as far as i can tell / have heard, that's frequently the case. good luck!
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cough psycho isn't a personality disorder cough although the username does partially refer to that
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Been stopped recently? Perhaps while driving your... automobiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile?
Yes it is C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
Why do you think that negative aspects of your personality are necessarily caused by external influences, as opposed to being your naturally born disposition?
I don't know what it is, exactly. It could be either. I've been theorizing about it my entire life, and maybe it is just how I am.
So did you post this AMA mostly for attention?
lol
right
I think my last girlfriend had this actually. Anyway, what sort of OCD-type behavior have you gone through?
As a kid, I'd have all sorts of crazy rituals. I'd have to only take steps in groups of three, and do certain things three times. I was insane about the number three. I'd start to have to do things three times. My dad noticed and told me, "hey hon, this is OCD. You need to stop". It scared me enough, so I just stopped with his help.
What sort of things are you doing now to help with your HPD?