Wondering how to tell if someone likes you? You're not alone. Figuring out whether someone is interested in you has inspired endless movies, novels and, let's be honest, daily Whatsapp chats between friends. It’s in our nature to seek companionship and to want to be favoured and accepted, but it’s not always easy to read cues and signals, (especially online and via text).
With social media and dating apps offering us the opportunity to stay in touch with friends and make new connections from the comfort of our own home, it’s no surprise that app use among single people has skyrocketed over the last few years.
Online dating offers us the opportunity to take advantage of algorithms that show us people that fit our vision of the 'perfect match', but these apps can also be a minefield of misinterpretation and a source of anxiety for many.
Is this person genuinely interested? Is it just a crush? Is there sexual tension? Do they want to be friends with me or date me? Modern dating can be incredibly confusing and often, the bulk of our communication is carried out via direct messages and voice notes, weakening our intuition and creating issues around trust, interpretation and intention.
To help you determine whether or not someone is interested in a romantic relationship with you, we asked relationship experts to share the most common signs that a person is into you.
9 signs that someone likes you
1. They respond quickly
Dating experts will often use the phrase, “if they want to, they will”. This essentially means that if they’re interested in you, they’ll make an effort to be in your life and that means showing up and talking to you.
Chris Pleines, founder of dating site review website Dating Scout says: “If someone is generally interested in you, they won’t and don’t make you wait. They often respond quickly after you send a message. If it’s not possible to do so because they're busy, then they’ll let you know. A person who genuinely likes you looks forward to talking with you; they don’t see why you should wait or be left in the dark. They’ll try to always keep an open line.”
2. They message you often
No matter how busy they get, if they always find the time to talk to you or respond to your messages, it’s a good sign they like you. It will make you feel like you're high on their list of priorities.
“When it comes to chatting with someone online we tend to be eager,” says Chris. “Whether sending lengthy messages or lots of separate thoughts, the bottom line is, we may flood someone's inbox the more excited and engrossed we become.”
Psychotherapist, Lorna Evans agrees. “If somebody likes you, they're going to be showing up,” she says. “If this is online they’ll be pinging you lots of messages and there's going to be lots of positivity.
“The amount of messages and the pace of messaging really shows if somebody likes you but it’s also important to try and test this via other forms of communication. Can you get on the phone? Can you get on a video call? Is the frequency and pace the same?
“Let's also look out for red flags here too. If that frequency is too high and feels like it’s too much, it could be love bombing behaviour and not authentic," Lorna adds.
Does your messaging with this person feel normal to you and do you feel like a priority in a healthy way? It's important to consider this.
3. They use emojis
Hear us out on this one. According to life coach Gemma Perlin, “as human beings we communicate in many ways. The words that we speak actually only account for 7% of our overall communication. The way that words are delivered accounts for the other 93% of the communication.” You might have heard people say, 'this is hard to explain over text' because digital communication often lacks nuance and emotion. This is where emojis can be helpful.
They might seem like silly little faces with heart eyes, however, emojis and the way a person uses them can show us a lot about how they feel about us. Especially if the way the emojis are used changes over time. Emojis can also be used to make messages funnier and more entertaining to read, which shows that someone is putting effort into their communication and trying to make you laugh.
However, if they aren't using emojis that doesn't mean they aren't into you. And, you should beware of people that communicate using only emojis. They’re not a substitute for real conversation and can indicate that someone isn’t that fussed about spending time talking to you or communicating on a deeper level. Fire emojis on all your Instagram Stories could be the start of something however...
4. They pay close attention
“If a person likes you, they pay close attention. They'll make sure to keep the conversation going and they’ll remember what you’ve said.” says Chris.
Neuroscientist and novelist, Lisa Genova, explains that when we form a memory, it’s because our brain pays special attention to important information and stores it. If a person has a good memory for what you’ve said it shows that they’ve made an effort to retain the information you’ve shared because they deem it valuable. “Forgetfulness is our ‘default setting’. We remember what we pay attention to and what is meaningful, emotional, surprising and new,” she says.
5. They mirror you
“Look out for mirroring and matching," says Gemma. “The human brain is programmed to seek out familiarity. Then, our body unconsciously starts mirroring the other person. Contrary to what you might have heard, it's not about a specific body language, but whether they are reflecting what we're doing. Notice are they mimicking your posture? Do they copy your volume of voice? Do their facial expressions change as yours do? If so, you have rapport and connection.”
If you’re talking via messenger, this might come down to them using the same turns of phrase, spelling or emojis. Even the way they format their messages and the way they show humour and react to your jokes and comments could be an example of mirroring.
“There might also be mentions of how ‘we're so similar’” says Lorna. “As humans, we like people who are like us and feel safe with them. This phenomenon is caused by mirror neurons – a type of brain cell that responds when we perform an action and when we witness someone else perform the same action.”
6. They accommodate your platform of choice
There are so many ways to communicate with someone you like in today's world. You might talk on a dating app, exchange text messages, send memes, have video chats, call each other on the phone or send each other flirty snaps or funny TikToks. The choice that pushes you to try any of these platforms all boils down to comfort.
If a person likes you, they'll respect and accommodate your platform of choice. Often we can feel pressured if a person is pushing us to share our number or Instagram handle when we’d rather stay on a dating app for the time being.
Equally you might not use social media at all or are prevented from using it because of the sort of job you do and prefer to speak on the phone or arrange to meet in person. If something feels odd, go with your gut, set clear boundaries and stay where you feel secure.
“Some people really like playing psychological games and some don’t want to leave the online space and get into intimate relationships,” says Lorna. “If somebody chats a lot online but is not not wanting to call or not wanting to meet up, these could be red flags. Clear communication is so important.”
7. They exhibit positive body language
Whether you’re chatting via video or having an in-person date night, a person’s body language is actually still a good way of determining whether or not they’re into you.
“If they like you, they'll hold eye contact, smile and there may be increased touch,” explains Lorna. “You've got to make sure that you're alright with touch or if this is crossing any of your boundaries. If someone likes you, they’ll want to be close to you so they will lean into you, find subtle ways to touch you and angle their body towards yours.” If you're uncomfortable with this, talk to them about your boundaries.
8. They ask you about yourself
Showing an interest in you and asking questions, even if it’s just, "how are you? How’s your day? What are you doing?" shows that someone cares about you. If they’re asking lots of questions, listening to your answers and trying to learn more about you, your habits and what you like, that’s often a clue as to whether they like you.
9. They compliment you
Telling children that if someone likes them they’ll be unkind is incredibly damaging and means that boundaries and self-esteem will start to be eroded at a young age. If someone likes you and wants to show you that, they’ll be kind to you, compliment you and make you feel secure and valued.
Remember that this doesn’t have to be a compliment or kind word about your physical appearance. Often a compliment about your personality, habits and mannerisms are a better indicator of whether someone likes you. If they seem to be a fan of your whole self, rather than just the way you look, they’re probably interested in you.
How to deal with rejection
Many of us fear misinterpreting a situation that leads to rejection. However, Gemma advises that “re-framing what rejection means is vital" and can help you to overcome this fear, which may be holding you back in the dating world.
"Many people have a crippling fear of rejection but there will always be rejections in life, we can’t control that," Gemma says. "We have to deal with it because a fear of rejection could cause you to hold back in your life, and stop you from meeting someone else and experiencing love.
“Overcoming this fear, finding this freedom, seeing the beauty of being vulnerable, allows us to live a life with more fun, adventure and excitement because you no longer hold yourself back.”
If it feels like acting on your feelings and revealing yourself to your crush is is too frightening, consider why this might be. Is something else driving your fear? Are you worried about their response? If you think they might not be kind about your feelings, are they really someone you want to be with?
“The best way to achieve clarity on your relationship with another person is really to ask how the person feels and what their relationship expectations are, for themselves and with you," Gemma explains.
"If they tell you they love being friends, believe them. If they are looking for an intimate relationship, consider your own expectations. This is about choosing what we do with our time wisely to get what we need and what we would like from our relationships. Any rejection is horrendous but there is also a learning when we take a risk in a relationship."
Gemma adds: "My best advice is to look after your heart, your self esteem and your sexual power.”
Noted!
If you do experience rejection, it may help to open up about your experience with those you trust. Everyone will experience rejection from time to time in life, and sharing your story may make you feel less alone. If you're struggling to get clarity on why you fear rejection and how to move past it, it could also help to speak to a trained professional such as a relationships therapist.
