Signs You're In A Bromance

Are You In A Bromance? These Five Signs Will Tell You

June 17, 2015

Flip

While the idea of a bromance isn’t a new one, the word “bromance,” itself – which was first introduced in the early 21^st century – entered millennial vernacular and gained cultural notoriety through various forms of popular media around 2005. But what took so damn long for this to happen – why have close male friendships been such a taboo topic throughout history while women have been flocking to public bathrooms in herds for centuries without speculation of “something more” going on between them?

We spoke to an expert on male friendships to discuss this profound shift in acceptance and let us in on what happened that made bromances a relationship that’s sought after, not shameful. Having researched male friendships with over 400 men, Geoffrey Greif, Ph.D, professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, is arguably the best person to speak with on the qualities of a true bromantic relationship.

Grief suggests the recent introduction of the term is a reflection of society’s altered opinion on the theme – that men can indeed have close friendships with other men without suggesting there may be romantic ties.

Greif provided us with five qualities of an authentic bromance.

1. Honesty

“Men are less afraid about expressing their feelings than their fathers or grandfathers were,” says Grief.

If you can’t have an honest conversation with your bro, you’re not involved in a legitimate bromance. A bromance has layers; your bro should be able to tell you everything there is to know about him, and vice versa. If he feels the need to lie to you to because he thinks you’ll judge or tease him, this means there are metaphorical walls blocking your bromantic potential. Are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? Your bro will know this, and sure it’s embarrassing, but he’ll blare her newest track whenever it comes on the damn radio because who cares about surrounding cars and their opinions.

2. Dependability

“Society is more accepting of men and women shifting out of ‘traditional’ roles,” Grief said. “We see more fathers at home with children and more mothers at work, signaling a profound shift in how society views these roles. The greater acceptance of gay marriage also signals greater acceptance of differing roles for men and women.”

But despite those shifts, that doesn't mean one basic tenet has changed: you need to be dependable. When a friend cancels on you more than they actually keep their word, you tend to quit inviting them out, right? Besides, if you can’t depend on him when he’s single, you know the kid’s going to disappear when he finds himself a girlfriend – to which he’ll call you years later asking you to be a groomsman even though you haven’t spoken in months. And guess what? You’re going to say yes, because you’re a good dude.

3. Loyalty

All friends should be loyal – this isn’t a revolution by any means. The thing is, we all have a friend (or friends) who we’re pretty sure would sleep with the girl you recently broke up with because he’s kind of a dog, and getting laid means more to him than your friendship. A loyal bro would never do this. Instead, he’s the guy you can tell anything to without word getting out the following day, the guy who can dance with your girlfriend knowing nothing more will happen, and the guy who will defend you to the best of his ability even if he knows you’re dead wrong. Likewise, you do the same for him, because that’s just what bros do.

4. Protectiveness

You don’t want your buddy to be your bodyguard because you’re a dude and can stand up for yourself, but you do want him to protect your character should it be attacked when you’re not around. Should you find yourself in a situation where physical violence is a possibility, a true bro will have your back and will get involved if he has to – no matter how intimidatingly large the opposing brawler and his legions of biker friends happen to be.

5. Shared Interests

According to Grief, men flock to guys who are on the same level as one another, and share the same interests. Which makes sense. I mean, if you and your buddy have nothing in common, then why are you guys hanging out? Opposites may attract in a romantic situation, but with regards to friendship, this couldn’t be more inaccurate. Opposing views on sports teams are alright since the sport serves as the shared interest, but if too many beers are consumed, lines can be crossed, fisticuffs can be thrown, and you guys can apologize before the game’s over. Because that’s just what guys do.

Friendship

Brotherhood