Sam (Lincoln) and Baggy (Rajan) are a pair of layabout dropouts who're stuck in a student timewarp. Unlucky in life and love, these thirtysomething slackers spend their days hanging around the house smoking dope, watching porn, and occasionally finding enough energy to get outside and play a game of cricket.

Then God takes pity on them and sends a pair of guardian angels, Zeke (Parkes) and Paris (Harker), to lead them back to the light. But since Paris used to be a dolphin and Zeke was formerly a squirrel, divine intervention might not be all it's cracked up to be.

Writer/director/star Andrew Rajan says he made "Offending Angels" because he was frustrated at the "general lack of worthwhile roles for British Asians in the British media".

One can only wonder what possessed him to think that this truly awful pile of garbage was likely to change the situation.

Quite how Rajan convinced talented performers like Andrew Lincoln (from TV's This Life and Teachers) or Susannah Harker ("Intimacy", "Surviving Picasso") to appear in this drivel is a complete mystery.

But the biggest question of all is how this project ever got funding. Surely there's not such a dearth of decent British scripts out there that fifth-rate stories like this can find investors?

Let's just hope that whoever financed "Offending Angels" was able to write the investment off against tax, since this atrocious and unbelievably amateur snooze-fest is unlikely to take even a handful of coins at the cinema, or even on video. Avoid at all costs.