Whenever I read the recaps from the blind dates I set up, I know one thing’s for certain: Their conversation was mostly an exchange of fun facts about where they grew up, their families, places they hang out and other rote topics. In the very next sentence, most will say how easy the conversation was — smooth, even — and that there was never a lull in their back-and-forth.
What they don’t say, however, is that this kind of get-to-know-each-other chit-chat is neither invigorating nor special.
And because I’m tired of hearing different people tell me they talked about the same things, I’d like to make the case for something revolutionary in the world of dating: Talking about current events.
In the past month, the media have extensively covered topics such as Ferguson and Bill Cosby’s alleged acts of sexual misconduct with numerous women. Sure, none of these subjects is comfortable to talk about, but neither is going on a first date with a stranger — and yet we continue to do the latter without blinking an eye.
The reward in venturing over to what many would call third rails of date conversation is that it can reveal a lot more about the person sitting across from you than other dry, cliché topics. And it’s important for us to learn about our potential partner’s social values — arguably more significant than whether they like “Game of Thrones.”
So why are we wasting time asking questions about an HBO series when we have yet to determine whether someone identifies as a feminist?
Talking about the news may seem like a chore to some — or even a vain stretch to keep the conversation from stalling. But if we simply relax a little bit, highly charged subjects can be brought up in a subtle way.
For starters, don’t bulldoze your way into a topic by asking the person whether they voted in the recent midterm elections — and especially don’t ask them how they voted. Instead, mention some interesting stories you saw in the news, and ask your date if he or she is familiar with them. If they’re not, bring them up to speed, but don’t do it in a professorial tone — think less Tom Brokaw, more “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.”
Should the conversation strike a nerve with your guest, however, or if you sense a debate ensuing over a particular issue, back out of the topic, and resist the urge to argue — after all, you need to save something for date No. 2.
The idea is not to get into a heated exchange with your date or to sound “smart” — simply put, there are other ways to liven up typical first-date conversations. And, after all, where somebody stands on social or political issues is important in any partner we seek. The true reward is knowing the person you’re out on a date with has a brain — and can use it for more than talking about the weather.