Friend today, significant other tomorrow? It can happen so quickly your head spins, but crushing on a close pal is how some of the most successful (and wonderful!) relationships start. It's a tricky road to head down, though a little finesse and a lot of honesty can help you figure out where you stand without waiting forever for the object of your affection to make the first move. No need to sweat it—we're here to coach you through your budding romance (and will even tell you how not to implode in case it comes to a screeching halt).
So, you have a crush on your friend.
Don't panic! This is a good thing. There's always the nagging fear that your friendship will never be the same once capital-F Feelings enter the picture, but don't forget that it can get so much better too. It's a risk to make the leap from buds to beaus, but you'll never know if you don't try. Some of the best relationships are fostered from friendship since friends are already people who get along, share similar interests, and, most importantly, adore spending time together. OK, what next?
Find out if they're interested. (Duh.)
Instead of tasking your mutual friends with asking this person if they "like like you," put the ball in your own court and feel it out. It's a good idea to drop a few subtle, flirtatious hints, but the most crucial move of all is to invest in some one-on-one time. If you usually hang out in a group, see if they want to meet up beforehand. Know you'll both be at a big party? Ask if they'll pick you up or give you a ride home. Getting to hang out without the rest of the group gives you an opportunity to see if he or she catches on to your guys' chemistry and if this crush is indeed worth pursuing.
Think it's a go? Proceed to "The Conversation."
When you're ready, go ahead and let 'em know in a calm, honest way—no need to launch into an "I've loved you since we were second graders" grand gesture ramble. There's a very likely chance your crush is going to be blindsided and will need to process if they want in. Translation: The odds are high that you'll see instant panic in their eyes, even if they harbor the same quiet feelings. Be light and straightforward with your confession, and let them know it's completely fine if they're unsure or even need some time to think it through.
And your friend likes you back...
Sparks! Maybe even fireworks! Definitely some relief! Now that that's settled, it's time to get back to reality. Depending on how your circle of friends interacts, the rest of the group may not immediately be into the thought of you two getting together. Instead of emerging as a we-don't-know-what-we-are sort-of-couple straight out the gate, give the relationship a few weeks to incubate on its own before you bring other pals into the fold. Letting everyone know immediately ups the ante for stress, and in the integral first weeks of a relationship, you want to focus on each other, not their BFFs' opinions of if you two work well together or not.
But if your friend's not interested, here's how to deal.
Hey, it happens! Your first instinct will likely be to tell him or her how much you want to stay friends, but decide if that's actually the best move for you. If your feelings are super strong, spending time with your crush every weekend—maybe even while they're pursuing someone else—could, well, crush you. You need to do what's best for you, not the group or even the object of your affection. But if you truly feel like you'll get over it in time and can handle being buds with no hard feelings, then go right ahead with staying friendly! The best part is, because you handled this on your own, the rest of the group doesn't even have to know anything has changed.
Reverse, reverse! Your friend has a crush on you—and you're freaking out.
What do you do if your friend likes you and you're totally not interested? It's not going to be easy, but you'll have to be honest (and specific) about not sharing the same feelings. Though the words may cut a little, apologize kindly, and let them know that you've never thought of them in that way, through no fault of their own. It's obviously not the answer they're hoping to hear, but if you want to maintain the friendship, you can't leave any ambiguity. Acknowledge that they may want to hang out less, or even take a full-out break, and that's totally OK. They're feeling some things right now, and if you really want to be a good pal, stick to their terms.
Your friend confessed their feelings, and you're totally into it.
Stop readin' and get to dating! Much like in the reverse situation where you're the one with the crush that ends up getting reciprocated, bask in some just-you-two time and start solidifying your coupledom, only letting your friends in on the deal once you're ready. Looks like our work here is done!
