Wearing black to a European wedding is a faux pas. Dragged to aristocratic weddings across Europe from a young age, I observed this rule in full swing. Wearing black to church, like showing too much skin, was reserved for the clueless. Why the strangest of hats and headpieces are acceptable—I have seen sailboats, faux fruit baskets, dangling wannabe Calder mobiles, you name it, on women’s heads —yet a simple black suit is forbidden, I shall never know. Tradition, I’m told.
As a teenager, I borrowed a fabulous black-and-white little Lacroix number from my mother’s wardrobe. My insecure teenage self felt, for one day, like a goddess walking down the aisle toward my seat. Yet I could hear the sniggering of the older generation. Can you believe she is in black and white? I had broken not one, but two cardinal rules. No black and no white! The former is reserved for funerals, the latter for the bride. From my American friends, I know this rule does not really apply to U.S. weddings. Though, some American friends, like Hayley Bloomingdale, swear by the no-black rule. You be the judge.
Growing up, I was well aware of wedding etiquette, but my rebellious internal fashionista was desperate to make a point: If women of all ages and sizes are allowed to embrace a colorblind attitude (I’ve seen canary yellow, turquoise, and even acid green), I think I should be allowed to wear something unmistakably elegant regardless of color.
Quite a few years later, close friends got hitched at the bride’s family’s château in France. What did a very fashionable pal of mine from Los Angeles pull out of her little Rimowa suitcase? An all-black Alaïa look! I held back a gasp! She looked very elegant—possibly more than some of the girls wearing wannabe Kandinsky paintings as dresses—but did it look right? Weddings are celebrations. Should a celebration not look bright and cheerful?
If you ask my grandmother, even my mum, they all still say black is a no-no. Real traditionalists shun black throughout marriage festivities, even at the nightly parties. My mum wore black to a white-tie rehearsal dinner recently at a royal wedding in Albania. I was baffled. I had spent ages looking for something suitable, even forgoing a very cool black Fendi dress. Seeing my mum in a floor-length black gown was #notfair. “Why not?” she asked, unashamed. “It’s only to church that you can’t do black!”
Hoping for a clear answer from modern-day chic chicks, I did some digging. One Londoner social butterfly, Nura Khan, says: “I love wearing black to weddings.” In fact, her favorite “winter wedding look” is a black floral Christopher Kane coat. Another wedding hit is her Meadham Kirchhoff bustier top. Though, I should point out, neither of these staples is fully black, but rather layered with pops of bright colors.
I echo this take. Recently I chose a pleated black Chanel skirt paired with a bright green vintage Mugler jacket to a wedding. I felt appropriate. In the past I have also gotten away with cute LBDs by piling on colorful jewelry, shoes, and a shawl. Alice Naylor-Leyland, another British friend, goes as far as saying: “Unless you are wearing white, you’re safe.”
And let’s face it: Times are changing. Last summer at Sabine Getty’s three-day wedding bash, we kicked off with a party themed “Liaisons Dangereuses.” I think the black question was the least of our worries. And what about our friend Julio Mario Santo Domingo’s upcoming Halloween wedding that came with a note on the invitation reminding guests to cover up, in case costumes were not church appropriate?
I do like a bit of tradition at weddings. Avoiding black is always my attempt. But on occasion, I too fall head over heels for the darkest of shades. Then I like to remind myself of Oscar Wilde’s words: “If one is to behave badly, it is better to be bad in a becoming dress.”