10 Things You Should Know About the DL

By Keith Boykin
February 3, 2005 02:05 PM

It's coming again. Get ready for a new round of news stories about the down low. It started last year with a wave of media hype and sensationalism designed to scare black women about men on the DL. But now, as National African American HIV/AIDS Awareness Day approaches next week, it's important to separate fact from fiction in this delicate conversation.

Almost everything we've been told about the down low in recent years is wrong. That's why I've put together a quick list of ten things everyone should know about the down low.

1. The down low is just a black version of "the closet."
The down low is popularly used to refer to men who have sex with men but do not identify as gay or homosexual. Maybe you've heard that concept before. Long ago, we called it "the closet." The term "down low" is just a new way of describing a very old thing, but it's the hot new buzz word of the moment.

2. The down low is not new.
The phrase itself may be new, but the practice is as old as history. Men have been secretly sleeping with men since the beginning of time. And married men have been doing the same thing. The only thing new is what we call it.

3. The down low is not just a black thing.
When Jim McGreevey, the governor of New Jersey, announced last year that he had cheated on his wife with another man, no one bothered to make the obvious point -- Governor McGreevey had been on the down low. When white men do it, we call it what it is and move on. When black men do the same thing, we want to pathologize it. Therein lies a double standard.

4. The down low is not simply a gay thing.
The term "down low" entered the mainstream of black popular culture in the early 1990s. In 1993, Salt-n-Pepa recorded a song called "Whatta Man" that mentioned the down low. In 1994, TLC recorded a song called "Creep" about a woman on the down low. In 1995, Brian McKnight recorded his song, "On the Down Low," about a woman named Maxine on the DL. Then in 1996 and 1998, R. Kelly recorded not one, but two songs about the down low.

We laughed about it when it was a heterosexual thing, but suddenly we became alarmed when we "discovered" that gay and bisexual men were on the down low too. There's another double standard. In reality, the down low is simply about cheating, whether heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.

5. The down low is not the cause of the black AIDS epidemic.
In 2003 (the last year in which we have full CDC data available) there were more than 7,000 black female AIDS cases reported in the United States. Out of that number, only 118 reported "sex with a bisexual male" as the method of exposure. That's just 1.6 percent of all black female AIDS cases. Believe it or not, there are other ways to get infected besides having sex with a man on the down low. Many women are also becoming infected through injection drug use, sex with an injection drug user, and sex with a heterosexual (not down low) man.

Focusing on the down low misleads women to think that the down low is a health threat instead of HIV. That's a serious mistake. A man on the down low who is HIV negative cannot pass the virus to you, but a straight man who is not on the down low could easily give you HIV if he is infected with the virus. The down low does not cause AIDS. HIV causes AIDS.

6. The down low discussion is a distraction from the real issues.
All the time we've spent sensationalizing the down low in the past few years is time we could have spent talking about solutions to the AIDS epidemic in our communities.

On an individual level, we need to encourage men and women to exercise personal responsibility. On an institutional level, we need to mobilize our churches, fraternities, sororities and civic organizations so they can provide reliable safe sex information, HIV testing, and nonjudgmental counseling. And on a public policy level, we need to talk about free testing facilities, needle exchange programs, condoms in prison, targeted AIDS prevention funding, resources for low-income people living with AIDS, and safe sex education in public schools. That's the dialogue we should be having.

7. There are no "signs" to tell if a man is on the down low.
There are going to be a lot of people out there trying to tell you how to find out if your man is on the DL. Don't waste your time. The whole point of the down low is that these are people who do not want to be detected. The moment you come up with a "guidebook" to give you some warning signs is the moment when men on the down low will devise new strategies to elude you.

8. Becoming a "down low detective" is not the answer.
Log onto various Internet web sites about the down low, and you'll find lots of information about how to spy on your partner. Sure, you could hire a private investigator to follow him around when he goes to work, but what does that say about your relationship? If you do suspect something is fishy, you may be in for a shocking surprise. Your man may be cheating on you -- with another woman!

A better solution is to confront the homophobia in our community that contributes to the down low. If we want to stop the down low, then we need to create a climate where men (and women) don't feel the need to be on the down low in the first place. Then we won't have as many men who feel forced into fake relationships to keep the parents, friends and nosey neighbors out of their lives.

9. Demonizing men on the down low will not make them straight.
One popular response to the down low is to demonize all down low men as villains. That may make us feel a little better for a moment, but it won't change the reality of who they are. In fact, demonizing men on the down low is more likely to push these men further into denial about their sexuality. People often ask, "Why don't these men simply come out and say they're gay?" That's a good question, but as long as we keep demonizing homosexuality, don't expect any mass confessions to happen anytime soon.

10. Stereotyping women as victims will not keep them safe.
Much of the discussion about the down low recently has portrayed women as "victims" of black men. Framing the issue this way disempowers women from the ability to protect themselves, reinforces negative stereotypes about black men and encourages an unhealthy battle of the sexes in the black community.

The media machine behind the down low business (and it is a business) has tried to exploit women's fears about the DL in order to make a quick buck. But fear is not the answer. Education is. Knowledge is power, and all women and men need to know the truth.

Comments

keith,
I recently purchase your book "Beyound the Down Low". Your reference to the Bible upset me and I may returning your book to the store.Jewish and Muslim men do not have problems with affection toward eacg other or with strong emotions between one man to the other. But they do have problem with man with mankind as the Bible states in Livitivus 20:13,18:22 Deuteronomy 23:17 Judges 19:22 and Genesis 19. I will not and can not judge any man who love a men or woman who love women. Jesus did not say anything on this subject he taught love and forgiveness to the people. Married men sleeping with men should have been J.L.King topic only because committing aldutry is the sin. Sin causes problems in any situration, it does break up the family unit which is becaming a big problem in America and that in any type of family. Most people who got the this disease were people that live in a life that some called sin. IV/AID was the gay problem in the gay community also but I do not beleive being gay was the problem it's again cheating. Now it is a human problem, especially for women and men who are faithful to their spouses and children born to these women. Women exclusively with women will not have as many problems with STD/HIV or AID. In General but not always, men passes STD to women more then women to men and that you can check. with CDC and GYN doctors.

I meet Mr. King and I've read his book. He is an arrogant and misleading man but some of what he said in his book about men or true. Men like to lie. I,ve read all but one of E.Lynn Harris books and he says the same thing in his books. Men lie and hurt each other in relationships the same as they do women. I have seen the signs but was too trusting to acknowledge the truth. I felt something was wrong once in the begining of my marriage and it took thirty years later and watching the Ophah Show to wake up. I saw both shows and the show with the white men and there wives or ex-wives that were married 18 yrs. 7 yrs. and 30 yrs that really show me the light. When I heard the ladie say her husband told her after thiry years of marriage that he had over a thousand affairs with men my heart take a double flip. My memory went to one particular time in my marriage that started me on the road of connecting all the dots. Relizing that my husband is without doubtis sleeping with men. Maybe not on a regular bases but I feel strongly he was and still is dipping here and there. We were all ready separated and in the process of getting a divorce because just like Mr. King he treated me the same as Brenda said she and Paul wife was treated in her book. I did see J.L. King but he did not affect me as the white husbands or ex-husband did a couple of week later on Oprah. Once years ago a soft spoken feminine man called my home and ask for my husband by his first name only. I said my husband isn't home yet, he said, "he's not home!. I said, "no" he is not home! he said, well where is he? I throught the way he asking for my husband is as if he was the another women which was strange but I said, he is not home from work yet. he said,what do you mean his not home from work yet!! he was upset. I said, excuse me,with hostility in my voice he then said, well do you know when he will be home and I said, no but if you give me your name and number I'll be sure to let him know you called. He said no tht he did not want to leave his name and number. He then said, your sure you don't know where he is? I said no I do not. I then said are you sure, you do not want to leave you name and number. He said, no,he would call back. When my husband got home and I was in our bedroom. He went to the bathroom and I said D%$#as some guy called here for you and he voice sounded very feminine and he demanded to know where you were and why hadn't you gotten home and did I know where you were. I said, I ask him to leave his name and number but he said no that he did not want to leave his name and number and he would call back. I then said to him do you know who he was. My husband said coming out of the bathroom and looking me dead in the face, said to me he is an insurance agent. When my husband eye got big I question whether he is telling the truth. He said, oh he is and insurance agent and wants to sell him some insurance. I said not the way he disrespect me he will not be selling any insurance here. I ask why would and insurance agent speak to the spouse the why he did how unprofessional it was and my husband said he did not nor or under why he spoke to me in a unprofessional way I said I would be damn if he was selling insurnace to us. I asked him where did he meet this person he said, at a business meeting after work. The company my husband worked for at that time is a fortune 500 company that is all over the world so they have their own company insurance carriers and our house insurance was taking care of by a national known Co recommanded by the realtor. Serveral people have tried to sell insurance to my husband who I knew also over the years but he showed no interest in buying from them. This guy was white and we are black. Keith if that had been a women, my husband and I would have been divorce. Because of other thing he has done. But because it was a soft spoken white man I believed my husband. Now it bothers me greatly. I as you say wanted to trust my husband. I keep forgiving him about various hurts and deceiful thing he has done. i read J.L.Kings ex- wife book "On THE UP AND UO" by Brenda Stone Browder. I could have wrote the book I cried and screem with every page she wrote. Our lives were very simular. An orthdox Muslim who was black was my Paul. I meet J.L.King and stood up and told him and everyone in the room what happen in my marriage. He promise talk with me about what he thought the presentation he was given. He took my name and e-mail address. He never did and I tried to contact him. He did sent a Christmas greeting with picture attached that was block because I still have one child at home. I want to say for sure he will not got another dime from me when it comes to purchasing his next book. I would not be surprise if he used what I said in his next book. His a snake and I at the time was desparate to know what happen in my marriage were signs of a DL husband. My husband went to Harvard too at sixteen and had a roommate that he said, was white and to keep things running smoothly they decided that the roommate would clean and he would do the cooking and he brought the cook book "The Joy of Cooking" to prepare their meals. he told me once his mother came to visit him at Harvard and stayed with him and his roommate and before she left she asked him was he gay. So many other thing lead me to believe that my husband like men sexually. He likes to eat lunch in parks also. Be straight or be gay consenting adults should be able to do as they please. But I did not consent to cheating. There is over 125 STD and when a women get to many she may get ovarian cancer because of infection. there is so many danger out their for women being sterile is the second from contacting disease unbeknown to her. A book like Mr. King wrote is needed, but he should have dealt with these type of men and their wanting the best of both worlds and then some. HIV and AIDS statistics I agree it not his field of expertist it his lying and cheating on his wife is the thing that will help women. Beleive me the signs of cheating will always come to light, it now that women will be able to determine if it a man or women.

Posted by: barb at March 30, 2005 04:10 AM

I just heard that my boyfriend is Bi-Sexual.. Usually he would call and tell me no it's not true, but he hasn't even done that.. What am I supposed to do??

Posted by: Teiyaria at March 27, 2005 11:16 PM

Yes I would just like to say to all the dl men;How come when your out with your friends and you see a "bottom"(feminen gay person) you want to laugh and joke the guy but deep down inside you really want to holla at them.Yo, I can't seem to understand that. If you are afraid to tell your friends bacuase you don't know what they are gonna think, than their not your true friends. I had a friend recently who I thought waz on the DL. He swear that he was getting all the girls and everytime me would "get tired and want to spend the night or too tired to drive home", than he would sleep over. Not only sleep over but sleep with me. My biggest problem is when I see some fine guys and I know that their intrested but they never approach. If anyone could e-mail me (the signs of the DL brotha) that would would be cool.cajenkin001@npsk12.com

Posted by: unknown at March 25, 2005 12:22 PM

I feel something deep down in my soul that my husband is cheating on me. I have tried to figure out if it is another woman, but I have come up fruitless. I see he deny his time to his family and constanly find a friend or two to hang out with. He will even lie about being with these friends or risk an argument with me to be with these friends. He is so soft spoken, and I don't think that I will ever know the truth, how can I put my finger on what is going on? Or am I just a jealous woman who is just looking for something because of my husbands actions and because he is not outspoken and outgoing like me? Help, I am being consumed by this feeling and I want a release from this madness.

Posted by: Erocck at March 16, 2005 04:53 PM

Keith,

I commend you on the publication of quite an impressive and succinct response to the dangerously misleading media created drama called "the down low". It is a necessary conversation, but not in the manner in which it has been taken up today by the media. The narrow (and I would offer erroneous) perspective on the epidemiological process of HIV/AIDS presented in the US will continue to hinder any real success in eradicating the spread of HIV. Sometimes I feel that until the propaganda regarding the origins of HIV fade into obscurity, will the masses understand it is a human condition (which is an entirely different book) even though it is a mute point at this time.

Posted by: rah at March 11, 2005 01:36 AM

"First, off gay men are more apt to get HIV before a straight male because if this were not so, then when you go to donate blood they would not ask if you had sex with a man that had sex with a man. Second, if a man is gay and sleeping with a woman then he is a coward. Third, It would be much more heartbreaking if my man cheated on my with a man than a with a woman.

To all you bi, down-low, homos, be a man and make up your damn minds and stop putting the lives of so many sisters in jeopardy. Also to the sisters, if he keeps trying to stick it in your ass--he just might be gay."

You see sister, you are a part of the problem and with this attitude, YOU MAY attract a DL man into your energy (if you already haven't).

Gay men (particularly those who are on the receiving end during a sexual encounter with another man) are more inclinded to get HIV than a heterosexual men. However, when anyone donate blood, they NOT question and discriminate against those who have engaged in same sex behavior... They ALSO deny those who have engaged in certain heterosexual behavior as well.. Particularly those who have paid for sex; prostitution (A LARGE NUMBER OF STRAIGHT MEN DO ALL OF THE TIME)... They also reject recipients of blood transfusions; hemophiliacs; those who have had extramarital affairs; those who have been victims of rape and those who are or ever been IV drug users. The application/form that is used when donating blood was created around the time, when HIV/AIDS was mainly infecting gays, prostitutes, IV drug users and hemophiliacs. The point that I am making is that TODAY (2005 and beyond) straight and gay people are subseptible to HIV infection - PERIOD. You are sending misleading information by your statement. What's even more troubling is that on a global scale, there are FAR MORE heterosexuals and the children born unto them who are HIV positive.

By calling men on the DL "cowards" and any other derrogatory name only keeps the cycle going! You fail to realize that this is why these men would rather hide their authentic self than to be open and honest. Society loves to speak and ask for honesty (lip service) but when one is honest, you reject the truth still. You and those of your mentality would be the same people persecuting and crucifying these men for being honest about their same sex attractions. Empowered, strong OPEN gay men can attest to this. YOU KNOW IT and I KNOW IT!

So, if you really want the DL man to be honest, YOU can start by helping doing your part to educate from love and forgiveness; not fear and hate. The DL man will always exist as long as he lives in a homophobic environment. Teach tolerance, compassion and non-judgement. Then and ONLY THEN, will we see begin to see a change.

You and the DL men put themselves in jeopardy when they live in continuous fear! Fear attracts situations that gives that same fear power and credibility... If there was NO FEAR of same-sex attractions; there would be no DL man; It's that simple.

Posted by: tony at March 9, 2005 11:47 PM

It was only a few years ago when I heard several men and women "of God" stand behind the pulpits to spew that "AIDS was a divine retribution to from God" to punish homosexuals. These so called men and women of "the clothe" inadvertingly sent a negative message to MILLIONS - that if they were heterosexual; they were safe. The evident hatred, ignorance and persecution of men who love men, in MOST black churches of early years set the foundation for what we are experiencing today. Such irony that today, the majority of those living with the HIV/AIDS (globally) are heterosexuals (mostly of color). They (those men and women who don't think and rationalize for themselves) fell for the preacher's MIS-education and fear (often of his hidden desires). Yet many still take "the word" of our Pastors and Reverends as the gospell (GOD-SPELL) truth. We will never learn that even "men of God" can mislead. We still don't see that they were clearly wrong because if AIDS/HIV really was a retribution to only homosexuals - then WHY ARE SO MANY GOD-FEARING straight men and women "allowed" to edure the same fate? I think the answer is pretty self-evident.

When I look at the HIV/AIDS situation from a higher perspective, the DL man was/is but one catalyst that should be one for change. That change is to END HOMOPHOBIA. It should be one to force us to look at the ROOT of the problem - not glide on the surface. So many black women, still don't get it! They still think it's just a matter of someone just coming forth and being truthful about their sexual behaviors. We as a people should be working to dissolve the fear, ignorance and hatred regarding black sexuality and all of it's forms. We continue to fan the flames (as we see from some of these bitter black women in this forum). I don't have to be a clairvoyant to see that if we don't get beyond our collective foolishness which is fueled by organized religion, the media and ignorance; the black race will be totally extinct in the next 50 years and we will have NO ONE to blame in the end but ourselves.

Compassion and empathy is the key to dissolve fear and hate. Learn it and own it!

"Infinite love is the only truth, everything else is an illusion" - David Icke

Posted by: Tony at March 9, 2005 11:06 PM

I do not like that term "DL". Most guys use it out of context. I believe that being discrete is acceptable. Most guys that are on the "DL" are usually married or they have a girlfriend or 2. Guys who are discrete usually are just very private with thier sexuality but comfortable being who they are. I am a discrete Gay man. I am not out flaunting who I am because my lifestyle is truely my business; however, I'm not trying to fool anyone by being with a woman when I know that is not where my true feelings lie. I refuse to put someone's decision in my hands. I could never mislead or play with someones emotions. It's truely sad that society has forced individuals to live this way. We also have a resposibility to protect not only our feelings but the feelings of others as well. Although society can be blamed, that still does not take away our resposiblity as being respectable individuals. The truth always comes out eventually.

Posted by: Nate at March 8, 2005 03:54 AM

Keith,

Thank you for bringing some sanity to the so-called DL issue. Your ten points are right on.

There is a growing body of opinion and science which "rethinks" the whole "AIDS/HIV" paradigm. There are internationally-known molecular scientists who reject the whole notion of HIV=AIDS. One called it (and I paraphrase) "the greatest hoaxed played on a generation."

It's time to question.

When did our lives become so worth saving to the corporate culture? And why is the prevalence of AIDS infection in Africa so closely related to the country's distance from Europe? Hint: South Africa has the greatest number of "cases." Why was the "discovery" of the AIDS virus never subjected to peer-review?

This opinion may invite riducule and scorn because we live in a "don't question" culture. Activists and do-gooders spout the AIDS Doctrine like so many tele-evangelists; daring anyone to question or challenge it. Indeed, it has become the Religion of AIDS. And twisted red-ribbons are its cross. Those who question are labelled heretics, or worse.

When did thinking become a criminal act? Question. Think. Rethink. Stop swallowing (whole) the line fed by those who stand to profit from ignorance and fear.

actupsf.com, virusmyth.net, aliveandwell.org

Posted by: G.B.Mann at March 7, 2005 06:05 PM

Thank you Keith!

Posted by: Bas Hurkmans at March 7, 2005 04:54 AM

:::::::::::::::::;:::: Thankyou so much for explaining both sides of the issue. I work nationwide in the gospel industry....WHERE ALL OF THE DL IS HPPENING and never before have I seen so much finger-pointing and accusations than in the music industry. People act as though dl brothas are THE ENEMY. The situation is not that serious. For those of us who haven't doen anything to others don't deserve the abuse. I recently found someone and we've started traveling together and now everyone's jumping down my throat with opinions.........But thankyou for the site :D ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Posted by: Jeremy at March 6, 2005 11:35 AM

Never forget that our society constantly labels people and uses these labels in an attempt to destroy. People are people. Men have been on the DL for centuries.
Unfortunately, the women's rights movement of the last 25 years, focuses on the needs and desires of women, with little to no regard of the need for men. Many Black
men will marry and raise families, but will keep their
"friends" whether male or female on the side. We marry
to continue our strong African-American Heritage, to
see our children prosper. The white man has always been on the DL whether in slavery days, or during segregation, yet he was considered "the man", able to
do as he pleases. I applause Keith, for addressing the DL issue. JL King gave a distorted view, which women believe. Women need to know what your man wants. Most men realize that a man, a friend will fulfill his wants and desires, whereas most women, who are ignorant about men's strong sexual needs are grossed out, when men want to try creative moves.
Move sexual education is needed on the part of both sexes!!!

Posted by: Jon at February 27, 2005 09:59 AM

Posted by: Jon at February 27, 2005 09:58 AM

Although i am not gay i stronly support the way you combat the recent "pathologizing" of black people in general. Remember when Oprah did a show on the DL? She must have received an extraordinary amount of responses to that show, because later she did a show on "white" men who cheated with other men on their wives. Nevertheless, she did not refer to it as the DL, but simply a matter of dishonesty and men not disclosing their sexual orientation.

Posted by: Pete at February 26, 2005 09:25 PM

Dear Keith,
I made a post last Wednesday not bashing, disrespecting, or co-signing the people who are on the DL. If you are asking for comments please do not sensor the comments. That's unfair to us all. Maybe you feared that the truth would cause change and awareness.
Toni

Posted by: toni at February 26, 2005 12:54 PM

Keith,
I am a student at the University of Michigan, I heard you speak at two events yesterday and I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed hearing you. I also wanted to say (as a white gay woman) I am impressed by your courage to speak out on issues like these and I think it does a lot for the lgbtq community in terms of making it a more inclusive and understanding community. Thank you, I look forward to reading your book.
-Leah

Posted by: leah at February 24, 2005 07:28 PM

A person(man or woman) that is in a committed relationship put the person that they claim to love so much at risk by having unprotected sex with any other person other than the one that they love so much. I agree to a extent that being a down low man is more about cheating, but we as a society have come to terms with men cheating with women.

Posted by: trssaiwb at February 24, 2005 02:30 PM

i have just about had enough with the dl brothas. I can't possibly be a black woman and sit here and say that I can understand or excuse such behaivors. To me being on the dl is worse than being bisexual or gay. The dl brotha doesn't even have the guts to admit to what he is doing not only to himself but to his partners which makes them nothing but cowards. They are also greedy and selfish. If you enjoy having sex with both men and women then put it out there to the people that you are inbolved with and then let them make the decision if they chose to continue the releationship. But it is wrong in unforgivable to keep a person in the dark espeically reguarding matters of sex and love.

Posted by: tasha at February 23, 2005 04:00 PM

T.K., keep telling and showing your father that he matters, and that he always has your unconditional love. Maybe he'll get the message that his truth is just as important.

As for Keith, you don't know how necessary your writing is in this f#@$ed-up place and time we're involved in. Thank you many times over!

Posted by: Phreddd at February 18, 2005 10:46 AM

alicia is absolutely right about women on the Dl. my last girlfriend is/was, i am by no means her 1st and i doubt i will be the last. it's a sick situation, the byproduct the heterosexist/homophobic depressing lifestyle of people like DENISE and Belli Bell.

Posted by: Laura at February 18, 2005 04:51 AM

Thanks for the wisdom Keith. My father is now an ordained minister and former heroine addict of 25 years, thrice married, and HIV+. He is straight; the irony is that his views about the "DL" are very well informed, and surprisingly liberal. His wife is HIV-, and so is their 5 year old daughter, my new little sister. Here's the catch: he refuses to discuss his status with his parishioners, or perform any work whatsoever within his church's AIDS ministry. He's afraid of any possible stigmatization. Herein lies yet another minor tragedy with roots bound deep in the current fallout of DL warfare. Even people like my father, who's narrative may dispel many stereotypes and confirm many things that you have elucidated, refuse to speak up. His story, and its possible power, has already been sucked into the vortex of a hailstorm of misinformation, sensationalism, and anger. Where are all the straight, HIV+ brothers, who's greatest ailment is their own silence? Why are we not opening up a dialogue about how to effectively save people, instead of offering our lifeblood, our time, and power to a media driven convolution of facts that simply drives us apart, alienates people like my father and their invaluable contributions, and reduces our greatest potential as pople of African descent to day time talk show fodder? Any responses are welcome.

Posted by: T.K. Proudmon at February 17, 2005 01:30 PM

An excellent and important perspective on a phrase hyped for its supposed entertainment value -- thank you.

Posted by: GA - Keith at February 17, 2005 12:27 PM

ditto keith!!!!!!!

exellent column...as always
u rule

many more points abound re all the racist DL media bs....ie:

women are on the down low also

deceit is not made acceptable by catch phrases

cowardice and denial do not alter homosexuality etc...

see much more at my site like:

"the low down on the down low"...etc....

keep up the great work

peace
ab

Posted by: alicia at February 16, 2005 06:28 PM

To Denise: Did you ever stop to consider that your husband might not have felt compelled to live a lie and marry you if he hadn't been forced to pretend he was straight due to the homophobia of his parents and people like you? It seems like you missed the entire point of Keith's book and article. DL men are dishonest, make no mistake about it. But the reason they feel compelled to act this way is because of society (i.e. people like you and his parents) who teach them from birth that the feelings they have had since birth for people of their own sex is evil. Just like you have no sympathy for gays or DL men, I have no sympathy for ignorant women who wish to blame all of their problems on men just because they don't know a queen when they see one.

Posted by: cmoney at February 14, 2005 09:37 PM

If the black brother will stay off things like drugs and alcohol they will not fall into the trap thats laid for them.So gay balck men cannot help it.If you think about theones who go to prison and they are beaten and raped and made out of sex slaves...thats under standing.But the open subject key is if you are a gay black man sleeping with other men stay in your field.Once gay they say a man will never enjoy a womans body ...he wants a man.Its sick and bad that these gay, homosexual punks will do these nasty things a come home and sleep with their wives and pretend with their kids.Man If you gay,and you are aware of all the risk and all gay men are.You dont care about yourself or noone around you.And this is all for a feeling,being gay is a feeling still that you get when you have sex. Me and how I feel..put all these down low brothers,notice I say not gay but down low, bisexual on a big ship and if it took one more person to sink they a-- I will hope on.The point is down low,gays bisexuals and all in that group..you are going to be judge by a Higher power and you going to hell.They dont think about someone doing that to they re family or kids.OPEN YOUR EYES MEN READ, LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND....

Posted by: Sweetness at February 14, 2005 04:43 PM

I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR YOU OR ANY OF THESE PEOPLE REGARDLESS OF RACE. THESE DL MEN MAKE A LASTING IMPRESSION ON THE WOMEN AND FAMILIES THEY DECIEVE. IT IS MORE THAN CHEATING. HOW MUCH MORE INADEQUATE WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU FOUND YOUR MAN TAKING IT UP THE **S IN YOUR BED? DO I KNOW MY HUSBAND? NOT ONLY DID HE CHEAT BUT HE LIED ABOUT HIS ATTRACTION TO ME. THE REASON MY HUSBAND DID THIS WAS SO THAT HE COULD FATHER CHILDREN AND SO HIS FATHER AND MOTHER (WHO WERE QUESTIONING HIS SEXUALITY) WOULD NO LONGER SUSPECT. I GUESS MEN WHO ARE GAY AND ARE ENJOYING THIS LIFESTYLE DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF DAMAGE THEY DO. Give me a break.........

Posted by: DENISE at February 14, 2005 03:43 PM

"To all you bi, down-low, homos, be a man and make up your damn minds and stop putting the lives of so many sisters in jeopardy. Also to the sisters, if he keeps trying to stick it in your ass--he just might be gay."

some people never learn, apparently.

i am so tired of these straight women homophobes who can't even be bothred to think a single thought themselves and instead repeat everything they are told.

keep believing everything ebony and jet tells toy, lol. thry make big bucks off of this mentality.

it's why im' so gratefl for keith's site and his work. heard you on air america/morning sedition, keith! what a great show!

Posted by: Laura at February 14, 2005 05:14 AM

Keith,

Hadn't had the chance to read your book yet, but will today. I did however read "On the DL", and had plenty of questions afterwards. Mainly, about the way John catorgorized all men in 5 groups. Personally, I myself didn't fit into any of them. And, it's beyond me how people accept the rest of the world as being who they are and what they want to be, except the black man. I live a totally private life and have always been into men, but don't have the support of any one in the black community to even talk to about personal issues. Maybe that statement was off base, but thankyou for giving another thought to living on the "DL"

Posted by: Ozzie at February 13, 2005 03:28 PM

I read your book keith and couldn't agree with you more. I told people 16 years ago that HIV would devestate the black community due to the drug war and the increase of black men in prison amongst other things and the denial of the community,I remember black folks telling me I did not know anything and only "faggots" got AIDS. The dl thing is an excuse of educated black women who buy more books on average and someone like King who saw a money maker(who for the most part are not getting this diease like lower-class black women in my old neighborhood)J.L.King is exploiting this tragedy like Ann Coulter does in her right-wing books because she counts on no one doing their homework and looking up what King says in his so-called book.

the truth will set you free but you will have to eat a lot of B.S. first.
eric daniels
2005

Posted by: eric daniels at February 13, 2005 01:40 AM

Keep spreading common sense and condom use. I am part of a gynecologic cancer treatment team, and I see too many young women with HIV and cervical cancer (this combo fits the CDC definition of AIDS). I love to see nonmedical people spread the word about safe sex.

Posted by: NancyP at February 12, 2005 01:24 PM

Well Keith I couldn't agree more with your 10 points listed above. This "DL" thing was just a way for MR. King to pay that alamony to his wife aftes she found out about him. Pretty much people of all races and sexual orientations need to be aware of AIDS and HIV. We need to wake up and face the reality that homosexuals as well an hetrosexuals do are likely to this virus if they are careless and jukst plain STUPID about their sexual practices. People, if you choose to classify yourself as hetrosexual, homosexual, bisexual, in the closet out of the closet whatever...just be sure to include Sexually Educated ...That is the best defense.

Posted by: Shauntyle Bradford at February 12, 2005 10:33 AM

First, I feel you 100% and believe that my thoughts and feelings are channeling through your post. :-)

First off, the down low is NOT the issue for the exponential increase in HIV incidence; it's lack of personal responsibility! As the HIV analyst and health planner for HIV services with the Ryan White program in Southern Virginia, I am often bombarded with requests for information about "how the DL is killing black women." I often answer very frankly and will assert here: The Down Low is NOT responsible for the rise in HIV incidence among black women. The primary reasons for the increase (as has always been the case) are women who are jumping into relationships with brothas without knowledge or concern for his HIV status. In addition, prison incarceration among black men (and unwillingness to mandate HIV testing of post-incarerated partnens) is strongly correlated with HIV in hetersexual women. As are injection drug use, IDU partners and commercial sex behaviors.

Moreover, I purport that the hegemony of black women's expected behaviors in relationships is directly related to high rates of infection. We are consumed with messages that "there ain't enough good black men" so you have to "take what you can get. Or "men will be men" and cheating is some sort of primal function of maleness; hence we have to accept it. We are taught that there are not enough good black men, that black men will cheat (since they are biologically predisposed to infidelity), that every black man has about 3-4 other women that he's seeing and that it's our job to "out-sex" the next women to win him. It's in our culture, in our music, in our theatre, and in our media. We are socially accepting standards that are not only killing our self-esteem; but placing us at risk for HIV and other STI.

The missing message here is "why are black women placing themselves in relationships and NOT advocating for their own sexual health?" When sistas (and yes, I am a black women, also) begin to accept responsibility for our own sexual health, we will always be represented as the female population with the highest HIV incidence.

Peace-

Posted by: Kenyette at February 10, 2005 07:14 PM

First, off gay men are more apt to get HIV before a straight male because if this were not so, then when you go to donate blood they would not ask if you had sex with a man that had sex with a man. Second, if a man is gay and sleeping with a woman then he is a coward. Third, It would be much more heartbreaking if my man cheated on my with a man than a with a woman.

Posted by: Belli Bell at February 10, 2005 03:02 PM

When we live in world where we have to deal with HIV/AIDS, being that condoms do not provide 100% protection when used correctly, A person should not lie when asked about thier sexual orientation. It should not be alright to blame society, women or anyone for thier lies. A life on the DL is a selfish life where a lot of people get hurt in the end.

Posted by: justpostit at February 10, 2005 01:59 PM

Dear Keith

I am a black gay male attending a wonderful HBCU in the Carolinas (NCCU) where the DL or inthe closet lifestyle is popular. Its a hard struggle for myself and others who are in school staying on campus living with others and the issues they may have about homosexuality but in denial them selves day to day. This is the bible belt (A Church on every corner)and people are so confused about life in general; speaking from interactions with peers living on campus and the questions I get asked about homosexuaity its self. It upsets me so much cause the gay population here is so high; and when I ask them in private why the are not out the common response I get is the rejection of family and friends.I on the other hand am out and visible with family and friends; but find it hard to undertsand somtimes. I guess what I am trying to say is that being Black and gay is put so much in a negative light its hard to even see your way through even if you want to be out of the closet.
Keith I use you and your articles as a boost of confidence in my self for I am a aspiring singer studying music and theatre here at North Carolina Central University.I dont want to be that stereotypical gay man I want to be that beacon of hope.

Thank you Charles !!

Posted by: Charles at February 10, 2005 11:28 AM

LANDMARK EXHIBIT ON BLACK GAY MALE WRITERS
AT BROWN UNIVERSITY

What: Black Lavender: An Exhibit of Writings by Black Gay Men.

Event Date/Time: Monday-Friday, 9-5pm, through March 11, 2005

Event Location: John Hay Library, Brown University, 20 Prospect Street, Providence, Rhode Island.

Cost: Free and open to the public.

Directions to the Event: The John Hay Library is located between College and Waterman Streets across from the entrance to the Brown University Green.

Contact Information: (401) 861-7244; ribooks@aol.com

Event Description: An extensive exhibit of books and periodicals by Black gay men dating from the late 19th century, through the Harlem Renaissance to present day. The exhibit is augmented by photographs, publicity materials, posters and other related ephemera from the private collection of bibliophile, Robb Dimmick. An auxiliary display of books by some 30 Black gay men in Rhode Island will accompany the larger exhibit, including academics at Brown University, Rhode Island College, University of Rhode Island and local freelance authors. A lecture by Dr. Julius Sokenu, will be held during the opening reception on February 8, entitled �What Distinguishes the Black Gay Voice,� which will
examine how the uniquely Black gay voice has contributed to the African American canon. An essay by Dr. Daniel Scott III, published in booklet form, will identify Black gay authors working in Rhode Island and discuss what attracts and keeps them here. This event is funded by the Rhode Island Council for the Humanities.
Overview: An exhibit and lecture on the literary output of Black gay men in America, entitled �Black Lavender: An Exhibit of Writings by Black Gay Men,� will explore the enormous canon created by gay men of African descent, starting with the Harlem Renaissance right through to the present day. This mostly closeted, vastly overlooked and usually maligned body of work is far greater than most would assume. Black Lavender�s intention is to illuminate this literature by providing concrete examples of publications, showing the extent of the oeuvre, and demonstrating how surprisingly influential and, at times, unexpectedly mainstream it is. Drawn from the personal collection of bibliophile, Robb Dimmick, the exhibit will show the broad range of writings, from novels to poetry, sociology to history, culinary arts to musical theory. Central to the exhibit are recognized gay male writers, such as Countee Cullen, Langston Hughes, James Baldwin and Essex Hemphill. But these serve only to point up important scholars, such as George Washington Carver, Alain Locke, and Augustus Granville Dill, whose sexuality is virtually unknown, and the burgeoning cadre of Black gay writers that has grown out of literary movements such as Black Heart and Other Countries. An important part of this exhibit will be a sampling of writings by Black gay Rhode Island authors and scholars. Many would be surprised by the number of gay men of African descent who live and work in the state; some thirty-four have been identified, and have associations with Rhode Island School of Design, Rhode Island College, Brown University, and other institutions. By highlighting these writers, the exhibit will give an intimate and valuable cultural connection for viewers and provide an exceptional level of inclusion and appreciation for Black gay community members.

Contact Person:

Robb Dimmick
(401) 861-7244
riboooks@aol.com

Posted by: Robb at February 9, 2005 10:04 PM

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. As a woman, we need to try to understand our brothers with out judgement. It is difficult, because women want to know why? but instead of taking refuge in why, we should come to the understand that maybe, love is love. Whether man to man or woman to woman or man to woman. Your column is such a great tool of understanding for ignoramus individuals in this world. Mostly trying to capitalize on the trend, instead of finding solutions. Thank you Keith may God bless you.
zee

Posted by: zee at February 8, 2005 10:48 AM

I just bought your book yesterday and have finished 1/2 of it. I am a black, bisexual, female psychologist married to a white bisexual male nurse who is a "DL wannabe". I worked for 4+ years recently in HIV/AIDS, particularly with urban poor African-Americans. Everything you have said in this book match nearly exactly what I thought the entire time I worked in that arena, just thought I didn't have the crediability to write it. The only piece that I find missing in your book(and maybe I just haven't gotten to it in yet) is the "contribution" African-American sistas, particularly middle-class/professional ones, have made to this DL myth. They too needed a scapegoat for their failure to "catch a man" or "keep a man" and found one in the DL myth. I have always wondered who white women in similar straights blame . . . .

Posted by: Staci at February 6, 2005 03:01 PM

Keith,

I will advice you to go over to BET and pass on this message about the DL. Somebody better go over there and knock some damn since into that website, some of the brothers and sisters on those message boards are just plain ignorant!

There is stil, alot, misinformed, will not accept, don't want to acknowledge and in serious denial black men and women in our community. Not just about the DL issue, but homosexuality, HIV and AIDS in general.

I know I'm preaching to the chore here, just by reading some of the intelligent, will informed response post messages here. Don't mean to change the subject, but we still need a serious discussion on a mass scale about homophobia within the black community period.

With the premier of such shows like Noah's Arc, The Closet, the E. Lynn Harris novels, (I don't know if this is a rumor, but I heard they're going to make a movie out of one of his books), finallly bringing it all to light (hidden for too long if you ask me), it is time to finally start showing more visibility of us as oppose to being invisible.

I think once our community starts to see more of us (not just in the stereotypical way) gay black men and women displayed on television, the big screen, go more indepth about our lives, our relationships, and what we go through, I think attitudes will change for the better.

Not only that, but for some straight black men and women particularly the younger ones now days
(under 45) I hope these upcoming future shows/movies will shatter the stereotype images of what a gay brother (or sista) suppose to look and act like.

Not all of us are effeminate(men), bull d (women)
we as gay men can be just as masculine, muscular, macho, fine like your husband, spouse or boyfriends and the lesbian sisters can be just as pretty, beautiful and sexy as the next sista who happens to be straight.

Not trying to sound egotistic or anything, but just want to share something here. I've been approach by numerous of women at the gym where I workout. I'm very tall, masculine/muscular and because of my looks, height and built alot of the women that approach me are clueless, don't even know that I'm gay unless, I reveal it to them.

No I'm not a brother on the DL, I do not pursue nor lead them on into thinking that I'm interested in them. I all ways state right away that I'm in a relationship already, that I'm very happy and don't need the drama.

My point being? Don't get me wrong, not blaming it all on the women here, (brotha's are just as responsible), but some women need to stop being so quick to through themselves, hop in the bed with a man because he looks good, hot, too fine whatever, having unprotected sex (some times on the first date!) without really getting to know him.

I know the fear is running rapid among straight black women with the DL thing, and the HIV rate. All can say is this, get to know your partner, communicate, ask questions, be bold enough to ask him his HIV status, get tested together if you need to.

Not trying to be a smart ass or scare some of my sisters, but need to make my point again to them, just because a brother man is a so-called rough neck, acts hard, thugged out, seems straight, super fine does not mean he likes the "D" more than you girlfriend, just beware. Sorry Keith, had to vent.

Peace and much love.

RDW

Posted by: rdw at February 6, 2005 12:08 AM

You should called this 10 Things Everyone Needs to Know About The DL...LOL so many people are lost and confused on the subject

Good read

Posted by: mike at February 5, 2005 07:08 PM

Keith,

You make the DOWN LOW obssesed racist look like back-water idiots with the intelligence of a DUBYA.

Posted by: Jaymillionaire at February 5, 2005 03:04 AM

This should be required reading for everyone in the pulpit, the pews and, most importantly, THE CHOIR!!

Posted by: cmoney at February 4, 2005 08:12 PM

Right on target. I know a number of men on the DL, and it's the same old struggle we've had all along -- the fact that we can hide our orientation puts pressure on us to do so. This comment of yours in particular is a message that needs to be absorbed by the broader community: "In fact, demonizing men on the down low is more likely to push these men further into denial about their sexuality." This is all the more reason to applaud and support those who have taken the risk of coming out and stepping up.

Posted by: Richard J. Rosendall at February 4, 2005 04:38 PM

Keith once again thank you. This way of thinking is reminiscent of the 80's when the epidimic was first discovered and the homophoia and discrimination it caused. Did we not learn anything from the past? I just purchased the book and can't wait to read. Again, thanks Keith.

Posted by: Gregg at February 4, 2005 02:58 PM

Keith, thanks so much for finally bringing a sense of reality and intelligence to the discussion about DLs and such. Such paranoia out there with the media frenzy of 2004. Hopefully your book and talks will help move us toward addressing other important issues in the community.

Posted by: Frederick Smith at February 4, 2005 02:56 PM

Thanks Keith. This is an excellent, point-by-point explanation of the nagging DL issue and what it really means.

Posted by: j. brotherlove at February 4, 2005 08:18 AM

DB you are so right about JL King, I guess that is why his ex wife has a book out now explaining her side.

Sharif

Posted by: Sharif at February 4, 2005 01:50 AM

brklynbro,

considering the extremely hostile reaction to the "gay wedding" in my STRAIGHT novel "Flesh and the Devil"....I am apt to agree with you.

We have to do MUCH more.

But Keith has really become the Frederick Douglass of the movement and his books are EXCELLENT starting points to do what is most important----INSPIRE "gays" themselves to accept themselves and stand up for themselves.

It's like a battle on my end, too, as I try to inspire Black WOmen to stand up for the part of them that is Black--the part that is necessary for them to salvage and FIGHT FOR if our people are to survive and exist at all.

In this country, I can't think of a single thing that is more denigrated, demonized and made INVISIBLE than a black woman--the AUTHENTIC black woman, that is.

Posted by: Kola Boof at February 4, 2005 12:35 AM

Keith:

All I can say is AMEN. It is so unfortunate that instead of dealing with the issues, we skirt around them and point fingers. We know that preachers are the best at that! Man, I pray that your work elightens a lot of people. Especially JL King. He's making a mokery of everything to make a buck. It won't last and it'll come back to haunt him. That's for sure. Thanks for keeping it real, as always!

Posted by: DB at February 3, 2005 11:06 PM

The best to you Keith. But the DL, the closet whatever or the lack of thereof won't stop the rampant homophobia in the Black community. The issue has been gay marriage, not the DL. Blacks (especially those Christians) are notoriously ignorant about and hate homosexuals whether in the closet or not. If a man doesn't want to be out that's his issue and a cowardly one at that. We need to focus on those brothers and sisters who are out and work to protect them.

Posted by: bklynbro at February 3, 2005 11:05 PM

Keith,

I hope that your book and articles on the DL will induce preachers to understand the damage they are doing by disrespecting us gays. Unfortunately, it may not be sufficient to do that since if those preachers were rational, they would already understand the consequences of negative preaching and would have stopped it.

Posted by: FRE at February 3, 2005 09:30 PM

Keith I hope you don't mind if I post this 10 Things list by you over on my board...THE KOOL ROOM?

About 15 thousand black women per day come through aalb.com

If you do have a problem with it, just let me know and I'll DELETE it from my board.

Love, Kola

Posted by: Kola Boof at February 3, 2005 08:52 PM

Amen, Keith. As longs as attitudes remain the same concerning gays nothing will change. An enviroment of trust, love, & tolerance must exist to turn the current tide of "downlow-ism". People must be free to be themselves. Even if you do believe that homosexuality is wrong, just realise that each person must stand before God for themselves. The have to answer for their own lives & no one elses so why not just live & let live? If I'm not bothering you or trying to force my way of life on you, then mind your damn business!

Posted by: Jazzi at February 3, 2005 06:45 PM

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