North

[In a small airport somewhere in Canada: Fraser sits playing Solitaire Ray fiddles with a salt cellar, Hamish, the airport guy, pours him self a cup of coffee] 
Vecchio: All right one more cup and I plug him. 
Fraser: You're only making it worse, Ray. 
Vecchio: He's been on the same page for an hour now. Can we get some service over here? 
Fraser: You know Ray, things move at their own pace in small places. 
Vecchio: I would just like to check in Okay? Is there something wrong with that? Can I check in please? 
Doug: Hey Hamish How's it going? 
Hamish: Plane's out front. Hi Doug. 
Vecchio: What the hell is this? 
Hamish: Ted, how's it going, Junior. 
Vecchio: I didn't hear anyone ask for tickets. 
Fraser: Ray, Ray, Ray. 
Vecchio: I give up 2 weeks vacation in Miami for this. 
Fraser: Well as I recall it was your idea. 
Vecchio: No As I recall I said maybe as in maybe we should go up north and fix up your father's cabin. You on the other hand could have said no. 
Fraser: Well you don't have to do this. 
Vecchio: Oh yes I do because it's like a ... what do you call it... a death bed confession... you have to honor it... Besides where else but Canada can I spend 2 weeks hard labor living off the land. 
Fraser: Well I for one am glad we're going. 
[Hamish signals to them] 
Vecchio: Finally. All right you check us in and I'm going to take these bags to the plane. 
Hamish: No. 
Vecchio: I've got to weigh in first? 
Hamish: Yeah. 
Vecchio: I was sitting there an hour doing nothing and now you want me to weigh in. Lets weigh them in Mr. Funny Hat. 
[He dumps a lot of bags on the scales. and Fraser adds his] 
Fraser: And mine. Alarm rings on the scale.] 
Vecchio: What? So they're a little over: big deal... Oh I see.. I see... Here you go how much? [gets out a handful of bills] 
Hamish: Ah you're American. 
Fraser: From Chicago. 
Hamish: Yeah. Right, Well you'll have to leave some of these behind, boys. 
Vecchio: Fine [He tosses Fraser's small bag from the scale.] 
Hamish: No a lot more than that by the looks of it. 
Vecchio: What about those hunters, hunters, hunters had huge bags, what about them? 
Hamish: Oh they're different. 
Vecchio: How are they different? 
Hamish: They're just different. 
Vecchio: I know how they're different, they're Canadian and I'm American. That is how they're different. Are you discriminating against me because I'm American because if you are let me tell you something-- 
Fraser: Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray. Excuse me, Sir. I wonder if you could just check the manifest and see if this extra weight might not be permitted within the maximum pay load. 
Hamish: All right. I'll see what I can do. 
Fraser: Thank you kindly. 
[Hamish takes another swig of coffee] 
Vecchio: I hope you burst. 
Hamish: Is that a hand gun there? 
[Police officer talks to a pilot in a hanger] 
Officer: Jack? 
Jack: Yeah? 
Officer: Listen I got a prisoner in the plane. They're picking him up at eleven. Listen I need somewhere to put him. 
Jack: I'm taking one of these up in a couple of minutes. Use the office. 
[Fraser and Ray walk across the runway towards the plane] 
Fraser: I'm not apologizing. 
Vecchio: Fine 
Fraser: It is strictly prohibited to carry a weapon on an aircraft. 
Vecchio: Fine 
Fraser: Particularly one not licensed for use in this country 
Ray And who told them it was unlicensed, huh, who? 
Fraser: I'm still not apologizing. 
Vecchio: Fine 
Fraser [Shouts to Dief] We're going now. We're leaving. We will not return. 
[Dief runs out] 
Fraser: Thank you kindly Dwayne. 
[In the Plane] 
Vecchio: Yep I bet there's no movie on this flight. 
Hamish [over radio]: Clear for take off any time Jack. Weather's good to zero nine thousand heading two niner eight all the way up to the Territories. 
Jim : Roger. 
Hamish: Are you coming back tonight after you drop off the cops? 
Jim: Cops? 
Hamish: That's right. The Mountie's fine but that other guys going to take some getting used to. 
Jim: Thanks. You guys have your seat belts on? 
Vecchio: Yeah. 
Jim: Enjoy the flight. 
Vecchio: Hey Fraser how long did you say this flight was anyway? 
Fraser: Four hours. 
Vecchio: Okay, so where's the john... [Fraser gives Ray a 'look'] Great. [Dief whimpers] What? Don't you think it's a little early? Okay. Fine. fine. 
[Back at the airport they discover 'Jack' who has been shot.] 
[On the Plane] 
Vecchio: Hey Benny, you want something to drink? Here's your peanuts... don't bug me. 
Fraser: Huh. 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: Nothing.... Huh. 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: Oh it's nothing. It's probably nothing... 
[Plane lurches] 
Vecchio: That was not nothing. I'm going to have a little talk with this guy. Hey Jim. You want to keep your eyes on the road? 
Jim: Is there a problem here? 
Vecchio: No I love having my kidneys. 
Fraser: Actually we're quite fine, thank you, Jim. 
Jim: You guys better keep your seat belts on. 
Vecchio: Yeah you'd better watch the road. 
Fraser: You wouldn't happen to have your backup gun? 
Vecchio: No 
Fraser: Oh well 
Vecchio: Oh well what? 
Fraser: It's just an observation. Probably ill timed but I don't think this is our pilot. 
Vecchio: You're telling me. 
Fraser: No, I mean, I think he maybe a pilot I don't think he's our pilot. There's dandruff on the collar of his flight suit, none on his scalp. 
Vecchio: And for that we shoot him? 
Fraser: The Territories are North West we've been flying south for two hours. Also he's ignoring radio calls, and occasionally flying under radar coverage. 
Vecchio: So what are you saying we're being hijacked? 
Fraser: No not necessarily but the chaffing on his wrists is consistent with a man whose recently been in hand cuffs add tot hat the blood on the back of his flight suit and the prominent bullet hole - well, I leave it up to you. 
Vecchio: You couldn't have mentioned this earlier? 
Fraser: It's a mute point Ray, he has a gun, we don't. 
Vecchio: This isn't a trick is it? 
Fraser: On my word of honor. [Ray produces a gun from his ankle holster] But I will have to arrest you, of course, once we land. 
Vecchio: On three ... ready? 
Fraser: Not now Ray, let's wait till we're on the ground. 
Vecchio: Where Beirut? 
Fraser: It's a light plane Ray, I don't think we have enough fuel to reach the middle east. My guess is he's a smuggler and we're heading for Mexico. 
Vecchio: Yeah where 50 of his friends are going to be waiting for us with oozies. You know what happens to hostages, Fraser, Cop Hostages. Bodies on the tarmac, CNN. This is not happening to me. You got to get him to turn this plane round right away. 
Fraser: You're right. On the other hand, there could be a struggle, he might refuse to co operate and in which case we have to fly this plane ourselves. Now that might be possible with some assistance from air traffic control, and I did read a flight training manual in my grandmother's library. There were a couple of pages missing, but I'm sure nothing vital. And I'm guessing that there are a lot of similarities between a Sopwith Camel and toady's light aircraft. 
Vecchio: Yeah that's great Fraser, just give me the odds. 
Fraser: Well statistically, over 90% of all light aircraft fatalities occur during take off and landing. 
Vecchio: Hey I'm not going to be guest of honor at a human pinata party in the Baha. 
Fraser: Well Ray, on a brighter note, over 50% of all crash victims crawl away with three out of four limbs intact. 1,2-- 
[Jim jumps out of plane with a parachute... Plane is going down... Fraser rushes to the controls.] 
Vecchio: The radio! 
Fraser: It's broken, sit down.! 
Fraser: Strap yourself in. Hold on! [plane is going down] 
[See Jim hanging from a tree in his parachute. He releases himself. Cut to Fraser and Ray in a forest.] 
Vecchio: We should stay by the plane. 
Fraser: If you think. 
Vecchio: This is insane. You're dragging us through hundreds of miles of wilderness, heading God knows where. 
Fraser: Ray, the man is a viscous murder, he killed our pilot, he undoubtedly killed his police escort and he tried to kill us. 
Vecchio: Which is why we should stay by the plane and wait for reinforcements to come. 
Fraser: The emergency equipment, the ELT and the radio were all destroyed in the crash. The plane's under cover of trees, it will never be found. Now on the way down I noticed a river. There's bound to be a road that crosses it. Undoubtedly the hijacker saw it as well. That's where he'll head. If we move hard and drive fast we should be able to intercept him by nightfall. Any questions? 
Vecchio: Yes. How far do you think you're going to get with that gash on your head. 
Fraser: ray head wounds always look worse than they actually are. Can you give me a reading? 
Vecchio: It's your compass you read it. 
Fraser: I can't. 
Vecchio: Well neither can I. 
Fraser: Well you'll have to. 
Vecchio: Why? 
Fraser: I'm blind. [Ray does that wide-eyed look of disbelief] 
Vecchio: You're blind? 
Fraser: Apparently. 
Vecchio: You're really, really blind. 
Fraser: As a bat. 
Vecchio: Well why didn't you say something? 
Fraser: No point making a bad situation worse. 
Vecchio: Worse? Fraser, you can't see come on we're going back to the plane. 
Fraser: But Ray I still have four senses left. 
Vecchio: You can't see! 
Fraser: I'm blind, Ray, I'm not deaf. I've spent my whole life in the northern woods tracking criminals I have a natural advantage here. There isn't a thing in this forest that I cant hear, taste, touch, smell, feel. It's a finely tuned ability gained from years of experience. So if you'll just stand aside I'll be on my way. 
[Fraser walks into a tree] 
Vecchio: That was a tree. 
Fraser: Yes it was. A white ash. Fraxinus americania to be exact. Shall we? 
[Conversation between Hamish and Welsh over the phone] 
Hamish: We haven't located them yet and there's no sign of the plane either. 
Welsh: All right I'll notify the family. You get any news I want it. Right thanks. 
[On the top of a cliff looking out over some rather fantastic views] 
Fraser: Any sign of the hijacker? 
Vecchio: Uhhh, no. 
Fraser: So we should start to come to a river valley. The trees should thin out. The floor will become more low lying. Willow, Buckthorn, possibly, infantile cotton wood. 
Vecchio: That's supposed to mean something to me? 
Fraser: Trees only shorter. Ah the river valley should be just about here Tell me what you see Ray. 
Vecchio: Oh I well see trees. 
Fraser: Good, good describe them. 
Vecchio: Green mostly. 
Fraser: Very good. And the river? 
Vecchio: Well I'm going to bet it's just over the next hill. 
Fraser: Perfect. Onward [Goes to march of the cliff but Ray grabs him] 
Vecchio: Oh not a good idea, okay? Not a good idea. Just wait here for me all right? Okay I say westwards, Ethan Edwards, hand on shoulder. 
Fraser: I can feel the sun on the left hand side of my nose 
Vecchio: Ahh Fraser, there is no sun. 
Fraser: What time is it Ray? 
Vecchio: It's uh one thirty. 
Fraser: I think you're a little off. 
Vecchio: Hehe. How do you know that? 
Fraser: Because of the sun on my nose. 
Vecchio: There is no sun on your nose. 
Fraser: Ray will you just check the compass, even an error of one or two degrees could put us hundreds of miles off course. 
Vecchio: I know that, I'm not an idiot. 
Fraser: Well I'm not saying you are. 
Vecchio: OK good. And by the way I have gone camping before. 
Fraser: You have not gone:: 
Vecchio: I have too. 
Fraser: When? 
Vecchio: When I was a kid. 
Fraser: With who? 
Vecchio: My Dad and to prove a point we are heading west..see... of course not what was I thinking. [Fraser starts to walk off cliff] Fraser! 
Fraser: Ray you all right? 
Vecchio: Yeah you, okay? 
Fraser: Oh I'm fine, next time watch where you're going please. You could get us both killed. 
[Deeper into the forest --note it is daylight.] 
Vecchio: I think we should take a break. 
Fraser: I feel perfectly fresh Ray. 
Vecchio: No-no-no It's getting really dark now I think we should make camp. 
Fraser: You know Ray, wise men walk while fools sleep. 
Vecchio: Who said anything about sleep I just like to see where I'm going. 
Fraser: It means nothing to me. 
Vecchio: I realize that but I don't want to track this guy by moon light. 
Fraser: There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who:: 
Vecchio: Toil for gold Yeah I heard that one and then they shot that Sam McGee guy. I told you I've been camping before. 
Fraser: Moil Ray and they cremated him. It was Dan McGrue that they shot. 
Vecchio: Did they get the guy? 
Fraser: It's a poem Ray. 
Vecchio: Oh ... moil huh? 
Fraser: Yes moil not toil. 
Vecchio: Ahh moil, toil who cares. 
Fraser: Robert Service apparently. 
Vecchio: Who's he? 
Fraser: The poet. [falls over again] 
Vecchio: We're lost. 
Fraser: No we're not we just don't know where we are. 
Vecchio: Like there's a difference? 
Fraser: Well being lost is usually accompanied by a feeling of panic, Ray. 
Vecchio: Are you saying I'm panicking? 
Fraser: On the contrary. You see Ray, people who are lost, panic. They walk aimlessly in the woods very often in circles until eventually well they die, either from starvation or from lack of water. Now we by comparison, we have remained calm. Now you see this is the secret to surviving in the woods, remaining-- Ray I smell something. I smell fuel. Burnt plastic...metal.. what is it? 
Vecchio: It's a plane crash. 
Fraser: My God, Ray another plane crash, what are the odds? 
Vecchio: It's our plane crash, you moron we've been going around in circles this whole time. What's the matter with you? Get down, get down, get down! [Hijacker fires shots at them] 
Fraser: I'm going to handle this Ray, in the name of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police I... [more shots] 
Vecchio: I don't think he heard you. 
Fraser: Good shooting Ray, let's hope he's alive to testify. 
[Hijacker runs off] 
[Ray starts scavenging through the wreckage] 
Vecchio: OK let's see what the hijacker left us. Well, tube of toothpaste. [tosses it away] Sun screen. [tosses it away] Oh here's something we can use... Haemorrhoid paste. [tosses it away] 
Fraser: I almost had him. 
Vecchio: A breath mint. I suppose we could boil it. [puts it in his pocket] 
Fraser: Text book situation maybe he heard us approach. 
Vecchio: Dief's got peanuts... here Dief. You didn't really think he'd surrender did you? 
Fraser: Well not with you firing at him. 
Vecchio: Oh yeah you're right next Time I'll just let him shoot us. 
Fraser: There won't be a next time Ray, he only came back to the plane for provisions [Fraser is putting a bandage on his head] could you give me a hand here please?...He's on the run now and he knows we are on his trail. Now he doesn't know you're out of bullets but he must know that even a minor wound will slow him down. He won't risk open confrontation. 
Vecchio: Fraser the guy's got a 9mm sig saur with at least two clips of ammunition. 
Fraser: We can still bring him in alive. 
Vecchio: And how do you propose to do that? 
Fraser: You know Ray, Sam Steele patrolled the Northwest Territories his entire career without ever firing his weapon. It was a point of honor with him. Rumor has it that he was buried with the weapon unfired. 
Vecchio: Great let's go dig it up. 
Fraser: My point is Ray, that we will use nature to our advantage. You see wilderness survival depends more on your wits than upon firepower. I mean for example, the beam from an incandescent flashlight is visible for up to half a mile at night. [Ray tosses away the dead flashlight] Now our man didn't understand that or he would have waited around for nightfall and picked us off one by one. Which makes me believe that he is not skilled in wilderness survival. Besides from which Diefenbaker would have raised the alarm if he had been around. He isn't. 
Vecchio: Fraser I don't think we have to worry about it. We're going to starve to death long before that. 
Fraser: Oh Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray with a little perseverance and a little ingenuity and a fundamental understanding of how to go about it. One can live like a king in the woods. [Fraser lifts a stone revealing meal worms] 
Vecchio: No way 
Fraser: Oh Ray, they're very nutritional. Far more strengthening than fish or meat. 
Vecchio: You eat them then. 
Fraser: Sh...Shhh 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: Shhh. I think I hear a nest of furry night crawlers. 
Vecchio: Oh great. 
[Night. Ray is attempting to build a fire] 
Fraser: Ready. 
Vecchio: Ask me again and I set you on fire. 
Fraser: Understood. 
Vecchio: I thought we'd agreed. You're in charge of being blind and I'm in charge of seeing. Any part I left out? Good. Now I can do this all right. So just let me do this all right. 
Fraser: All right. All right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Ray! I think I know what happened today. 
Vecchio: Great. 
Fraser: One of my legs is probably fractionally, just a little bit longer than the other one you see. Which caused us to walk in a giant circle. I should have taken this into account. Ray. Measure my legs. 
Vecchio: I'm not going to measure your legs. 
Fraser: Hey you know what? 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: I think the head injury's thrown me off a tad. 
Vecchio: I'd say just a little more than a tad. 
Fraser: You know what I'm guessing... I'm guessing the blow I received caused a subdural hematoma the resulting swelling of the anterior cerebrum put pressure on the optic nerve. Well at least it's not getting any worse. If I became disorientated, we'd really be in a pickle. ]Fraser falls into fire] Ray if you're going to insist on moving this thing you really should tell a body. 
Vecchio: Fraser I'm not-- 
Fraser: No. No need to apologise Steve. 
Vecchio: Steve? 
Fraser: What? 
Vecchio: You just called me Steve. 
Fraser: I most certainly did not. 
Vecchio: You did too. 
Fraser: You're not hyperventilating, are you? 
Vecchio: Fraser, you just fell on the fire and you killed it. 
Fraser: I did not, you were blowing too hard and you need more tinder. 
Vecchio: Fine you want to be in charge, you want to do everything, hero man, you start the fire [Ray marches off] 
Robert: You're never going to teach him how to start a fire that way. 
Fraser: Well I believe he thinks we're going to die out here and not without justification. 
Robert: Well he's right you've got yourself into one hell of a predicament. 
Fraser: Well it was hardly of my making was it? 
Robert: Umm grubs.. [Sticks a grub in his mouth] You could have reversed the choke settings. 
Fraser: What? 
Robert: You could have reversed the choke settings then the engines would have started. 
Fraser: Well why didn't you tell me that? 
Robert: You always hate it when I interfere. 
Fraser: Interfere? 
Robert: All right.. all right.. you're going have to move fast and drive hard if you're going to bring this man in -- alive. Now for all we know he's left a trail of bodies from here to the circle. Hunters, miners, sodbusters 
Fraser: Dad 
Robert: Poachers, Claim stakers -- 
Fraser :Dad 
Robert: A whole canoe full of Coureur de Bois. 
Fraser: DAD, I don't know if it's escaped your attention but just recently I received a massive blow to my head. 
Robert: Yeah well you've still got a few good hours left in you. Go get him. 
Fraser: What? 
Robert: Go get your man. 
Fraser: Oh good I'm glad you brought that up. Would you explain to me please just once and for all explain to me, why is it we always have to get our man? 
Robert: Well... it's the motto, son. 
Fraser: It is not. 
Robert: It is. 
Fraser: It is not. It is definitely not our motto. Our motto actually is 'Maintain the Right' 
Robert: Maintain the Right? 
Fraser: Maintain the Right. Now what you're saying is we're supposed to pursue people to the ends of the earth for a motto that isn't even our motto. 
Robert[muttering]: Well must be the new one then the old one used to be just go get your man or bring him back alive.. or just something... go get him...[Wanders off] 
Fraser: Where are you going? Where are you going? 
Vecchio: I'm not going anywhere I'm coming back. 
Fraser: Ah. 
Vecchio: Talking to yourself? 
Fraser: Evidently. 
Vecchio: You have those matches? Great, it's getting cold. 
Fraser: Um. 
Vecchio: [Tries to light fire] Damn it. 
Fraser: The wood's damp. Matches may not be the solution. You know Ray, my father taught me how to build a fire when I was 6 years old. He took me out into the woods, gave me a piece of flint and a hunk of granite and he walked away without turning back. 
Vecchio: You know how to make a fire out of stones. 
Fraser: You know the funny thing, I have absolutely no memory of the fire itself but I have this very vivid memory of the darkness and knowing that I was all alone. 
Vecchio: My Dad wasn't a father and son type of guy. 
Fraser: He took you camping. 
Vecchio: Yeah...well...of course he took me camping but the one thing he did teach me was how to look out for number one. 
Fraser: A police officer puts others first. 
Vecchio: My father hated cops. 
Fraser: Where are you going? 
Vecchio: Oh I'm going to go get some of those dry sticks. 
Fraser: Ah. 
Vecchio: And maybe some rocks. 
Fraser: Good. Dad? [No answer] Good. 
[We rejoin Ray a little way from the campsite, Ray's dead father appears] 
Pop: I heard that. 
Vecchio: Nobody's talking to you. 
Pop: You tell a stranger something like that about your family? 
Vecchio: He's not a stranger he's my friend. 
Pop: Oh some friend... he's loony tunes. You should cut him loose. 
Vecchio: I owe him. 
Pop: You owe nobody. He's going to get you killed. 
Vecchio: It's always the way it is with you, Pop, ain't it? Just you, screw the rest of the world huh? 
Pop: Something wrong with that? 
[Back at the camp site Ray hands matches to Fraser] 
Vecchio: You do it. 
[Fraser drops a single match from a height and the fire leaps into life] 
Fraser: Yeah once you learn you never forget. 
[Cut to Frannie stood on the porch of the Vecchio house. Welsh is there but no one says anything then back to Fraser and Ray] 
Vecchio: I can't believe I did that. I can still feel them movin' around in there. 
Fraser: It was a good meal Ray. 
Vecchio: You need another blanket? 
Fraser: No. I'll go get some rest. We're going to have to double our pace if we want to catch him tomorrow. 
Vecchio: Benny, have you taken a look at yourself recently? 
Fraser: Well I can't very well do that can I Steve. 
Vecchio: Ray. 
Fraser: What? 
Vecchio: Never mind. You know I'd better wake you up every couple of hours or so. 
Fraser: Good night [Mutters something in his sleep. Dief howls] 
Vecchio: Yeah very funny, what you think you're a wolf or something? [Dief joins them at the fire] If he doesn't make it, hey Dief, you're going to help us get out of here Right? 
[Next Morning] 
Vecchio: You're up. 
Fraser: Yes. I didn't want to wake you. I've made breakfast. 
Vecchio: No, no thanks, you go ahead. Listen. 
Fraser: A search plane, someone's in trouble. 
Vecchio: Yeah us... come on come on. [Fires flare gun] I don't think they saw it [Goes to reload gun] 
Fraser: It's no use Ray, search planes fly in grid patterns. He won't be back. 
Vecchio: Why didn't you say something. What the hell is wrong with you? That might be the only chance to get out of here alive. 
Fraser: Ray we still have a man to catch. 
Vecchio: What are you - okay, okay I'll pack up, then we'll get out of here. [Fraser laughs hysterically] What's so funny? 
Fraser: [laughs a bit more] Well it would appear that I have lost the use of my legs. [On the move. Ray is carrying Fraser.] Ray if at any point during our trip I should become a burden to you, you would let me know wouldn't you? 
Vecchio: Oh yes Fraser. 
Fraser: And you'd carry on without me. 
Vecchio: Absolutely. 
Fraser: Without hesitation. 
Vecchio: Oh in a heartbeat. 
Fraser: That's good. 
Vecchio: Oh and if you at any point in time should be feeling better, you just let me know. 
Fraser: Yes of course... Oh Ray. 
Vecchio: Yes. 
Fraser: I'm a little thirsty. 
Ray [drops Fraser to the floor]: You okay? 
Fraser: Uh huh. 
Vecchio: All right let me get the water... there you go...[Fraser drinks and Ray goes to 'relieve' himself] 
Pop: You're going to give him all the water? 
Vecchio: What's it to you? 
Pop: You're doing all the work, you should keep it for yourself. 
Vecchio: Get away from me Pop. 
Pop: Yeah well don't blame me if you die out here... 
Robert: He's slowing you down. 
Fraser: He's slowing me down? 
Robert: When I first joined the mounted police all the equipment we got was a paper bag and a pointed stick. We used the bag to boil tea and the stick was for killing game and if you lost either they charged you! 
Fraser: Are you ill? 
Robert There's nothing to be ashamed of son, you've got a man to catch. 
Vecchio: Okay let's saddle up.... [to Dief] What are you complaining about... you want to trade? All right let's try to do this, okay? [both father's watch em leave. Pop looks at Robert like - well -- 
[Cut to hijacker looking at map. Then back to Fraser and Ray] 
Vecchio: Tuesdays. Ma always made a big pot of pasta fasule. She started boiling the beans early in the morning. You could smell it in every room. It's heaven. 
Fraser: Bannock. My grandmother made it. 
Vecchio: Taste good? 
Fraser: No tasted like a hockey puck. Hard flat unleavened I can still smell it burning in the oven. 
Vecchio: What are they going to tell them back home? 
Fraser: The truth. 
Vecchio: It's a big responsibility when people rely on you. Ma always worries about me when I'm late home from work. 
Fraser: You could set a watch by my father's schedule. Out down the first snow, back at spring break. Never changed not even once. Well until he died. 
[hijacker finds the water bottle tab Ray dropped] 
Vecchio: What's that? 
Fraser: It's called a bola, Ray. The Inuit use it to hunt. 
Vecchio: When I was a kid I had a sling shot. 
Fraser: A bola's not a toy, it's a deadly weapon. It can bring down a good sized elk or a man. 
Vecchio: The hijacker is probably at a Hilton sitting by the pool. 
Fraser: Oh no he's not, we're closing in on him, now take this. stand up and spin it. 
Vecchio: Spin it? 
Fraser: Yeah. 
Vecchio: Okay. 
Fraser: Now when you get enough momentum let it go. [whoosh] Let it go. 
Vecchio: I'm trying. 
Fraser: Let it go *now*. 
[He lets it go and it gets stuck in a tree] 
Vecchio: Benny? 
Fraser: Yes Ray? 
Vecchio: We're in trouble. 
Fraser: Ray. I've stopped sweating. 
Vecchio: What does that mean. 
Fraser: Well a person ten percent dehydrated suffers from dizziness, nausea, swollen tongue. At fifteen percent from dimmed vision, loss of muscle control, painful stools. 
Vecchio: Where are you at? 
Fraser: The inability to sweat indicates a loss of anywhere between ten and fifteen percent 
Vecchio: What happens at twenty? 
Fraser: Death. 
[Ray gives him the water bottle] 
Vecchio: Here.... easy, easy, easy. [Fraser finishes the water] I hope you're right about that river. 
Fraser: [singing] Well I can't get off of my horse, all day and night I ride among the cattle No I can't get off of my horse, cos some dirty dog put glue in the saddle. 
[Ray joins in] In the Saddle, in the Saddle, yes some dirty dog put glue in the saddle. 
Fraser: [Sings] All the leaves are brown. 
Vecchio: The leaves are brown. 
Fraser: And the sky is grey. 
Vecchio: And the sky is grey. 
Fraser: Left my heart in 'Frisco. 
Vecchio: San Francisco. 
Both: San Francisco Bay.. 
Fraser: California. 
Vecchio: Cal-I-forn-I-a. 
[pause] 
Vecchio: All the leaves are brown. 
Fraser: The leaves are... 
[Time has moved on but Fraser is still singing... Beethoven in german. 
Vecchio: Shh shh 
Fraser: It's Beethoven and Shiller. 
Vecchio: Shh. 
Fraser: What? 
Vecchio: I hear water. 
[They come to the river. Dief drinks, Ray lays down and starts drinking. Ray must have gotten Fraser's first cause he is drinking from a cup] 
Vecchio: Hey this is great. Can you taste this? This must be where they get Evian from. Most of the rivers round Chicago, you can walk on. This is really beautiful. 
Fraser: Ray, it may be some property of the water, but I think I can feel a twitch. 
Vecchio: Don't worry buddy. I'll have you out of here in no time. 
Pop: Now you're thinking. You're going to ditch him and take the raft, that's what you're going to do right? 
Vecchio: No. 
Pop: Look a man would take that raft, a man would save himself. 
Vecchio: What are you crazy? 
Robert: Leave him, take the raft you can still get your man. 
Fraser: Absolutely not. 
Robert: They'll have you up on charges. 
Fraser: Do you ever listen to yourself? 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: Not you...him. 
Vecchio: Who? 
Pop: Like I said, loony tunes. Now listen to me why don't you. 
Robert: Do you mind? 
Pop: Yes I do. 
Robert: I know you'll do the right thing son. 
Fraser: How? I have no legs. 
Robert: It's in our nature. 
Fraser: Look you don't just leave a man in the wilderness and hope that he'll survive... they don't thank you for it. 
Vecchio: I'm not going to leave you here. 
Robert: If they survive. 
Pop: All right if you're not going to do it, I'll do it for you. 
Vecchio: Get away from me. 
Fraser: I'm no where near you. 
Vecchio: I'm not talking to you. This man is going to die if I don't get him out of here. Now I don't care what that makes me but what it doesn't make me is you. Now back off all right. 
Fraser: Ray, who are you talking to? 
[Ray releases the raft only to watch it disappear down the river] 
Fraser: Well shall we get in it? 
Vecchio: I don't think now's a good time. 
[Time passes] 
Fraser: Well I suppose we should start walking. 
Vecchio: You mean you suppose I should start carrying you. 
Fraser: Oh no...Ray you remember that twitch I mentioned earlier? 
Vecchio: Yeah. 
Fraser: Protract my lower lumbar would ya? 
Vecchio: What does that mean? 
Fraser: Well just put your knee in my back and pull. 
Vecchio: All right. 
Fraser: Now you may have to really wrench it. You ready? on three. One - 
Vecchio: - Two - 
Fraser: -Three -.ARGH. 
Vecchio: Did that hurt? 
Fraser: Like a hot poker, but look, look I seem to have found my legs. 
Vecchio: That's great, come on, let's get the hell out of here. 
[Ray chopping trees down] 
Vecchio: I got one Fraser.. I got one... Fraser look out. 
Fraser: What? 
Vecchio: Duck! 
Fraser: What? 
Vecchio: Now. 
Fraser: Oh. 
Fraser: How many's that. 
Vecchio: Eight. 
Fraser: Great here take this. 
Vecchio: Toss it. [Fraser throws the rope aimlessly up into the air.] 
[Ray is binding the logs together into a raft] Vecchio: Looks like we're going to run out of rope. 
Fraser: Well we'll have to improvise. 
Vecchio: With what? 
Fraser: The inside bark of a poplar is quite good for this. It has to be boiled then chewed. Inuit women do it all the time. It's good for the teeth. 
Vecchio: Oh I'll remember to tell my dentist. 
Fraser: You know cedar roots make a suitable alternative. 
Vecchio: Boil or chew? 
Fraser: Neither. 
Vecchio: Well I'm your man. Here tie this off. 
Pop: Look at you. Looser. You never listen to me, you never knew what was good for you. You never listened and you never learned. 
Vecchio: And when did you tell me Pop, huh? When you used to come home for dinner five nights a week, or when I found you passed out on the floor on Saturday night from too much partying with the boys? 
Pop: Hey it wasn't up for me to talk, it was up to you to listen. 
Vecchio: Well I'm not listening to you any more. 
Pop: I'm your father. 
Vecchio: That's right Pop, You are my father. 
[A twig snaps, Ray makes a run for it joining Fraser once more.] 
Fraser: Get down. 
Vecchio: I am down 
Fraser: Good. 
Vecchio: Fraser, I thought you said he wasn't going to risk a direct confrontation. 
Fraser: It would appear I miscalculated but I have a plan. Go on to the river and lure him out into the open using the raft as bait. And you trap him with the bola. 
Vecchio: I can't use the bola. 
Fraser: I didn't say it was a good plan. 
Vecchio: You got another plan? 
Fraser: Not at the present time, no. 
Vecchio: Okay, if nothing else springs to mind I want to get something off my chest. *Go-go-go-go-go*. My Dad when I was a kid - *down-down-down*- used to hang out down the pool hall, shooting pool and drinking expresso with the guys and acting like a real jalook, which he was - *Go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go* - So I'm 10 right. I get this idea in my head that I want to go camping. I don't know where I get it.. out of a book or something.. but the point is that I just want to be with him, you know I just want to spend some time with him. So finally he says 'yes' and I go and I get a tent right? 
Fraser: Is this a particularly long story Ray? 
Vecchio: So my Mom being the sweetheart that she is, goes and gets me her best sheets, her really good sheets. So I get some wood cause I want to start a fire, right? But what I really want is for him to teach me how to make a fire. So I'm waiting for him to come, right? And it starts to rain. 
Fraser: Ray - the river. 
Vecchio: *Go-go-go-go-go* I waited and waited but he never came. So I go down to Finelli's and sure enough, there he is shooting pool with his friends. I go home I take the tent down and we never speak of it ever again. 
Fraser: We can't choose our families Ray. 
Vecchio: Fraser I never camped with my father. Not once. 
Fraser: The raft 
Vecchio: *Go-go-go-go-go*. 
Fraser: This is perfect. I think we've got him where we want him. 
Vecchio: Oh sure that's what he's going to think when he shoots us to death at close range. 
Fraser: How far is he? 
Vecchio: Fifty yards. 
Fraser: Angle? 
Vecchio: Ten o'clock. 
Fraser: And where's the bola? 
Vecchio: Fraser he's got a gun. I'm not going to leap out into the open and start flinging stones at his head. 
Fraser: Oh no Ray, I am. I think I can find his range with your help. 
Vecchio: Fraser, you can't see! 
[Ray gets up to find the bola] 
Fraser: I can see! 
[Fraser bangs his head.. and is knocked out. Ray throws the bola and it hits a rock above the hijacker causing a very big rock to fall on his head.] 
Vecchio: Wow Fraser, Fraser? 
Fraser: Ray. 
Vecchio: How many fingers? 
Fraser: Four. What happened? 
Vecchio: Oh you're not going to believe this.. nobody's going to believe it. It was the most improbable natural phenomenon I have ever seen. 
Robert: Good work son. 
Fraser: Thank you. 
Vecchio: For what? 
Robert: You got your man. 
Fraser: We got our man. 
Vecchio: Yes we did, Benny, yes we did. 
Robert: But I think he's dead. 
Fraser: Oh... Oh dear. 
[Fraser and Ray are on their raft. Ray is poling them down the river] 
Vecchio: This is good. A fresh breeze, a strong currant. We should make this an annual event what do you say? 
Fraser: Ah I would say you should watch the rock on the left. 
Vecchio: I got it, I got it. 
Fraser: Okay now we're coming up on a sand bank, Ray. 
Vecchio: All right speak to me sand bank! 
Fraser: No I would avoid it if I were you. 
Vecchio: You can avoid nature, Fraser, you got to work with it. See we're perfectly fine. I know what I'm doing. 
Fraser: I never doubted it. 
Vecchio: Admit it I know what I'm doing. 
Fraser: You know what you're doing.... Ray. 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: Is that a water fall?

End of North
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Vault

[Exterior shot of the sidewalk outside the Canadian consulate. A young boy is dripping ice cream on the sentry's boots. The sentry remains motionless and unresponsive as the church clock across the street begins to chime.] 
Boy: Four... three... two... one... 
[The boy drops the drippy ice cream cone on the sentry's boot and runs, then stops and turns around.] 
Boy: Hey, dummy! Your shift's over! 
Sentry: [no response] 
Boy: Hello! I'm committing a crime here! 
[walks back toward the motionless sentry waving his hands] 
Boy: Geez! What happened to the other guy? 
[Camera focuses on Const. Benton Fraser and another man standing in the window behind the unresponsive sentry.] 
Man: The man works twelve hour shifts, never moves a muscle. 
Fraser: Who is he? 
Man: I don't know, some yutz in a hat. [Fraser follows the man up the stairs inside the consulate] They flew him in from the academy while you were hospitalized. Say, how's the back? Bullet wound wasn't it? 
Fraser: Good as new. Thank you kindly, um...? 
Man: Ovitz. 
Fraser: Ovitz... 
Ovitz: Yeah, it's a nickname. Hers, respectfully and affectionately. [Then under his breath] Right, respectfully, my... 
[Fraser stops to inspect the contents of a box on the corner of Ovitz' desk.] 
Fraser: Superintendent Moffat. Did he... uh, did he retire? 
Ovitz: Promoted. The man spends seven years in that office, doesn't make one valuable contribution. One day he slaps a Mountie hat on a Mickey Mouse doll and... [snaps his fingers.] [The phone rings, Ovitz answers, listens a moment then hangs up.] She'll see you now. 
[Fraser turns toward the door.] 
Ovitz: Don't be nervous. 
Fraser: I'm not. 
Ovitz: Not to worry, I'm sure it's nothing. 
Fraser: What is? 
Ovitz: Your personnel files. She ordered them directly from Ottawa. But I'm sure that's standard procedure, right? I mean, you're the deputy, she's your new boss... 
Fraser: Of course, standard procedure. 
Ovitz: Your medical file, your time sheets... 
Fraser: Also standard. 
Ovitz: Sure. Wow, you sure have moved around a lot. 
Fraser: Excuse me... um... 
Ovitz: Ovitz. 
Fraser: ...Ovitz. You know, if there's certain information you've been privy to as part of your duties as the inspector's executive secretary, you have a responsibility to keep that information to yourself. 
Ovitz: Wow. You'll be fine. She's already eaten two file clerks for breakfast. 
[Fraser pauses at the door, turns and looks at Dief. Dief turns and runs down the stairs. Fraser turns and walks through the door into the office beyond.] 
[Ray Vecchio, his left arm in a sling, comes into the door to Lieut. Welsh's office, closing the door behind him.] 
Vecchio: I appreciate this, sir. I know you're busy, won't take a moment. 
Welsh: You're right. Disapproved. 
Vecchio: You've thought this over carefully, sir? 
Welsh: Uh huh. Yeah, for about three minutes. 
Vecchio: With all due respect sir, three minutes for an officer wounded in the line of duty, in defense of a fellow officer, I might add, seems to be... 
Welsh: The Mountie. Setting aside this penchant you and Constable Fraser have for shooting each other, uh, this bullet you describe here in this form... This is your handwriting, I assume? 
Vecchio: Of course it is, sir. 
Welsh: It's a truly remarkable piece of ammunition. You see here it says shoulder wound? 
Vecchio: Oh, yes, sir. Ripped right through the old lateral deltoid. 
Welsh: The truly startling thing? This bullet upon entering your shoulder appears to have taken a radical change in direction, traveling southward, piercing a lung and injuring several major organs. Now why do you suppose it did that, Detective? 
Vecchio: Nobody knows why these things happen, sir. A freak accident. 
Welsh: Uh huh, and a rather convenient one. 'Cause this wound would entitle you to extended leave benefits to the tune of, uh, oh... that's a lot of sunshine and margaritas, huh? 
Vecchio: Look, sir, I submitted the insurance form to the company. Now, if they approve it... 
Welsh: All right, then the insurance company and I might have to sit down and have a little chat. Because wound or no wound, you're back on the streets tomorrow. 
Vecchio: And that's your final decision, sir? 
Welsh: Oh, it is. [Ray turns toward the door] And Vecchio? This incident might fade from my mind completely if you were to stay out of trouble for twenty-four hours. 
Vecchio: Understood, sir. 
Welsh: Have a good day, Vecchio. 
Vecchio: You too, sir. [Ray turns and walks out of the office door.] 
[Camera shifts to a close-up of a hand-drawn diagram of a cartoon figure with arrows showing the path of the bullet.] 
Louis: Now this bullet... 
Huey: This magic bullet. [Huey holds up a bullet in a clear ziplock evidence bag.] 
Louis: ...entered here, took a sharp right, bounced off the collar bone, pierced the rib cage and took a U-turn at the pancreas. 
Vecchio: Stay out of my desk. [Ray grabs the diagram from Louis as he stalks back to his desk.] 
Huey: Ooooo... 
Louis: Tsk, tsk, tsk... temper, temper. 
[Ray sits down at his desk, as Elaine drops his mail onto the desk top.] 
Elaine: All bills. Welcome back! 
Vecchio: Any more good news, Elaine? 
Elaine: Your disability application? It's been denied. The insurance doctor said, "No man could sustain this kind of injury and live." 
Vecchio: And the good news, Elaine? 
Elaine: Uh, it could wait. 
Vecchio: Elaine! 
Elaine: They are burying you with full honors, Thursday at 3 o'clock. Don't be late. 
[The Riv is seen cruising down the streets of Chicago. Francesca is driving, Ray is in the front passenger seat and Fraser and Diefenbaker are in the back seat. The song "Leading Me On" by Colin James is blaring on the car radio.] 
Vecchio: Well, I'm a dead man, Fraser. Some yahoo down at City Hall read my insurance report and flagged my name in the central computer system. Look at this. Vecchio, Raymond, deceased. 
[Fraser shows the document to Dief sitting beside him in the back seat.] 
Vecchio: So then the city hall computer instructs the Federal and State computer to cancel my driver's registration, my driver's license and my Social Security card. So now, I'm being buried on Thursday and I can't even get my good suit out of the cleaners. WILL YOU SHUT THAT OFF! [Ray reaches over and switches off the radio.] 
Francesca: No, I'm driving, I should get to hear to whatever I want. [She turns the radio back on.] 
Vecchio: This is my car, okay? You've merely been given temporary dispensation to drive it; which means you can keep your butt in that seat, your hands on the wheel and your feet on the pedals and that's it! 
Francesca: Well, thank you, Your Eminence! I'll remember that the next time you need somebody to back up your phony insurance claim. 
Vecchio: Phony insurance claim! Let me tell you somethin', I have latent muscle damage which inhibits me from making three point turns. [Ray turns to Fraser in the back seat.] Can you believe this? I've been putting up with this... Why are you wearing that? Where's the brown uniform? 
Fraser: I just had my first interview with my new inspector. 
Vecchio: Went well, did it? 
Fraser: I'm on probation, Ray. Inspector Thatcher has reviewed my job performance and I gather she found my methods to be somewhat unorthodox. 
Vecchio: Is that how they punish Mounties in Canada? They make 'em dress like Americans? 
Fraser: It's not exactly an American uniform, and the brown one was somewhat antiquated. I'm told this is the current fashion. 
Francesca: I think it's kinda cute. 
Fraser: Thank you kindly, Francesca. 
Vecchio: Look, you just keep your eyes on the road and you [indicating Fraser] keep your eyes in your head. 
Francesca: [sigh] I wish I had a uniform. You know, when you wear a uniform, you're somebody. People respect you. 
Vecchio: Let me tell you somethin', Franny. You're my sister, all right? But trust me, no matter what you wear, people will never respect you. All right, pull over. 
Francesca: No. 
Vecchio: I said, pull over. 
Francesca: No. Not until you show me some respect. 
Vecchio: Look, this is my car. I said pull over, now you pull over! 
[Francesca slams on the breaks and the Riv comes to a screeching halt.] 
[Ray picks himself off the floor, straightening his sling.] 
Vecchio: [sigh] Thank you. 
Francesca: You're quite welcome. Hey! Five minutes, or I'm comin' in after ya. 
Vecchio: Yeah yeah yeah! 
[Fraser is standing on the curb contemplating the fur lined hat that goes with his new uniform.] 
Vecchio: What is that, a dead animal? She can make you wear a dead animal on your head? 
Fraser: It's regulation. 
[They both check out Fraser's reflection in the store window.] Well? 
Vecchio: She's definitely punishing you. 
Fraser: She's my superior officer, Ray. She's not a field officer, mind you; but she's a very fine officer, a woman of considerable character. 
Vecchio: Fraser, this woman hates you. 
Fraser: I believe so, yes. 
Vecchio: OK, POLICE! MOVE ASIDE! [Ray flashes his badge at the line of people waiting outside the building.] POLICE! MOVE ASIDE! 
Fraser: Ray, Ray, Ray... [Grabbing Ray's arm.] 
Vecchio: Don't start with me, okay? This is a legitimate emergency situation, all right? 
Fraser: What is? [Ray holds up a piece of paper.] 
Fraser: Bulls tickets? 
Vecchio: Not just Bulls tickets-- Bulls season tickets. ALL RIGHT, POLICE! MOVE ASIDE! [Fraser follows Ray into the building. Ray shoves past the people waiting in line, waving his badge.] COME ON! BACK OFF! BACK OFF! LOOK OUT, BUDDY! POLICE, MOVE ASIDE! 
Man walking out of the bank: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! 
Vecchio: [Turning to Fraser.] I am going to cash my last disability check. Then I'm going to renew my pass and then I'm going to have something to look forward to. Who says you can't take it with you? 
Fraser: [Turning to the people behind him.] I apologise for my friend. 
[The camera cuts to a man jogging down the street and a dark blue van pulling into the alley behind the bank.] 
Van Driver [Lenny]: [Speaking into a walkie talkie] We're in the alley, honey. 
[Camera cuts to a female customer standing at a teller's window.] 
Female Customer [Morgan]: [Speaking into a hidden microphone.] 
Thank you, sweetie. [She smiles at the startled bank teller.] Have a nice day! 
[Morgan looks around the bank, then speaks into her microphone.] Looking good. 
Security Guard: Have a nice evening. 
Morgan: I will. 
Security Guard: [As Ray and Fraser walk through the door.] We're closing now. 
Vecchio: Oh no, you're not! [As he pushes past the security guard.] 
Security Guard: Hey! 
Fraser: I'm terribly sorry... [shaking the security guard's hand and reading his name tag.] Bob. We'll just be a minute. Thank you. 
Vecchio: CAN I GET A MANAGER HERE! [Waving his ATM card.] CAN I SEE A MANAGER? 
Female Teller [Laurie]: I'm sorry, sir, but the bank is closed. 
Vecchio: Oh no, it is not! It is not closed. See, it is open. 
Laurie: No, it is not, sir. 
Vecchio: Yes, it is, ma'am. 
Fraser: Ray, perhaps I can assist... 
Vecchio: Fraser, look, this is my bank, this is my account, I'll handle it, okay? 
Laurie: Can I have a manager here? 
Vecchio: Very good, Laurie! Way to take the initiative! 
Bank Manager: Can I help you, sir? 
Vecchio: Yes. Hi, my name is Raymond Vecchio. This is my bank and this was my ATM card. [Ray holds up his mangled ATM card.] 
Bank Manager: Ah! Well. It's a machine and occasionally we do have a problem or two. Let's take a look, shall we? 
Vecchio: Yes, let's. 
[Outside in the blue van.] 
Morgan: We've got fourteen minutes to be in and out. 
[Inside the bank manager's office.] 
Bank Manager: Vecchio, Raymond? 
Vecchio: Yeah, how many times do I have to tell ya? 
Bank Manager: Uh, account number? 
Vecchio: 99105. 
Bank Manager: Hmm. Well you do have a problem. The account's been frozen. 
Vecchio: What? 
Bank Manager: It can't be accessed. 
Vecchio: Yeah, well, I think it can. [Ray puts his badge down on the manager's desk.] 
Bank Manager: I'm afraid not. Unless you have a court order detective, I can't help you. The owner of this account is deceased. 
Vecchio: Deceased. 
[Camera cuts to Morgan, Lenny and two other men entering the bank dressed as janitors.] 
Security Guard: New team, huh, Vince? 
Lenny: Yeah, it's hard to find good help. 
[The four of them file past the security guard.] 
Vecchio: Okay. Now let me get this straight. I'm here, my money's here; but the computer says I'm not really here, so I can't have it. 
Bank Manager: I'm very sorry. I'll have to call head office and if you could just come back tomorrow... 
Vecchio: Hey, I'm a cop. I may not be alive tomorrow. 
Bank Manager: Well, according to this, you're not alive now. 
Fraser: Excuse me, Ray. Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Sir, I am fully willing to vouch for this man's veracity. 
Vecchio: See, a Canadian's vouching for me. Canadians do not lie. 
Fraser: Now, I think that's probably hyperbole, Ray. 
Vecchio: He's also a Mountie. If you cannot trust a Mountie, who can you trust? 
Fraser: Again, Ray, I'm not sure I'd go so far as... 
Vecchio: Yes, you would. 
Fraser: I would. 
Assistant Manager: Ten to three, Mr. Cooper. 
Mr. Cooper: Excuse me. 
Vecchio: Excuse you? I'm trying to do some business, here with you! [They follow Mr. Cooper out of his office.] Will you wait a second? 
Fraser: Look, Ray. Perhaps we should... 
Vecchio: I want my money! All right, I'll tell you what. I'll give you this check, you give me twelve hundred and forty-two dollars and we'll call the head office in the morning. 
Mr. Cooper: Mr. Vecchio, this is a secured area, if you would stand back please? 
Vecchio: Are you not going to give me a consideration here? All right, fine. Fine! I mean, who am I? Right? I'm just a cop, Right? Nobody important. I'm just a nameless, faceless working stiff who risks his life to protect your business and your family. Who may just happen to get his head blown off trying to find your stolen BMW. Are you listening to me? Is anybody listening to me? 
[While Ray has been ranting, Fraser has been looking around the bank and has apparently noticed something is not quite right about the cleaning crew.] 
Fraser: Ray, there's something we'd better discuss... 
Vecchio: Not now. Fraser! 
Assistant Manager: Mr. Cooper! We have five minutes. 
Morgan: FREEZE! [She and the other members of the cleaning crew have suddenly produced handguns.] This is a holdup! Okay, everyone, down on the floor! DOWN! [She suddenly recognises Fraser.] It's you! The Mountie! 
Vecchio: Friend of yours? 
Fraser: Ours. Last year, she robbed a brokerage firm. 
Vecchio: The one who shot you in the hat? 
Morgan: You made my life hell! 
Fraser: I'm terribly sorry. 
Vecchio: Don't apologise to her. 
Assistant Manager: Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 
[While Morgan is momentarily distracted by the woman, Fraser and Ray run into the vault and close the door.] 
Morgan: OPEN IT! OPEN IT! 
Mr. Cooper: I can't, it's got a time lock on it. 
Morgan: So! Disarm it! 
Mr. Cooper: I can't. No one can. 
Lenny: What time does it open? 
Mr. Cooper: Eight o'clock, tomorrow morning. 
Morgan: HE IS NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS! DO YOU HEAR THAT, MOUNTIE? 
Lenny: It's okay, baby, it's okay. We'll take care of the Mountie. 
Morgan: I dreamed about him, Lenny. Every night while I was in prison. I carved his face into my cell wall. With my FINGERNAILS! 
Lenny: Morgan, I got you out of there, didn't I? I'll get you out of this, okay? 
Crook #3: Forget it! It's impossible. That door is solid steel, two feet thick! 
Lenny: Harold! 
Harold: Combinations are easy enough. It's a time lock. There's no point in drilling a lock that can't be disabled. 
Lenny: Yeah, but there is a way, right? 
Harold: There's always a way. You drill the locking bolts, you stuff 'em with C-4 then you blow 'em. 
Morgan: Good! Pack it with the stuff. I want those bozos blown to kingdom come. 
[Inside the vault, Ray is pacing back and forth yelling into his cell phone. Fraser is down on his hands and knees examining the interior of the vault.] 
Vecchio: Hello! 9-1-1! Hello! I'm not receiving! Why aren't I receiving here? 
Fraser: Well, we're inside a vault, Ray. 
Vecchio: I know we're in a vault. 
Fraser: High carbon steel, I'd say eight to ten inches thick. There's no hollow spots in the walls. Its probably backed by solid concrete. 
Vecchio: All right. Check for ventilation. 
Fraser: Got it. 
Vecchio: A vent? 
Fraser: Yes. And we are in luck, Ray! It is completely sealed off. 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: Airtight. Obviously for security. Rest easy, Ray. The money is perfectly safe. 
Vecchio: Oh, well that's a relief, because for a moment there I was concerned that all these little Thomas Jeffersons were going to run out of oxygen! 
Fraser: Ray, there is no need for either sarcasm or panic. We're in a eight by ten foot room with a ten foot ceiling. That gives us roughly 800 cubic feet of air. It is now 3:15. The time lock isn't set to open until 8:00 A.M. So there is no danger of us suffocating for at least... You know, Ray, in situations like this the Inuit... 
Vecchio: Oh! We're gonna die! 
Fraser: We're not going to die, Ray. 
Vecchio: Oh, yes, we are, Fraser. We're gonna die protecting somebody else's money! 
Fraser: Ray, there is an inherent danger in all police work. 
Vecchio: No, Fraser. What there is, is an inherent danger working with you. 
Fraser: Well, you didn't have to do this. You could've thrown your hands in the air like a baby. 
Vecchio: That is what I was trying to do. I am not a baby! 
Fraser: No, Ray. I know you. You were attempting to protect this institution... 
Vecchio: No, I wasn't! 
Fraser: ...and its employees with your life. 
Vecchio: You see? That's where you get confused. I am not like you, Fraser. I don't throw myself in the line of fire so that some money-grubbing, backstabbing bank doesn't have to pay higher insurance premiums! 
Fraser: You don't really mean that. 
Vecchio: Oh yes, I do. 
Fraser: No, you don't 
Vecchio: Yes, I do. 
Fraser: I beg to differ. 
Vecchio: In my heart and soul... 
Fraser: I beg to differ. 
[BANG!] 
[Outside the vault the bank robbers are preparing to drill the locking bolts on the vault door.] 
Crook #3: Could you slow down a bit, Harold? I'm looking forward to relaxing in jail this weekend. 
Harold: I gotta drill eight holes through twelve inches of steel. Now, am I doing this or are you? 
Lenny: I'm gonna go check on the truck. Why don't you put this on the door. 
[Lenny hands him an under construction sign.] 
Crook #3: What am I, a messenger boy? 
Morgan: Go! 
[Camera cuts to Francesca waiting in the Riv, polishing her fingernails and talking on her cell phone.] 
Francesca: No, Ma, I can't go to the butcher's. Because I'm busy. Ma, it's always what you need and what Ray needs. What about what I need sometime? What do I need? How about being treated like a valuable, respected human being for a change? No, Ma! The butcher does not respect me. "Kiss me and I'll give you a pork round" does not constitute respect. Ma, I gotta go. Yeah, okay Ma, fine. Pork chops and veal. Yes! Milk fed! [She turns to Dief in the back seat.] You stay here. And don't touch the radio. [As soon as she leaves, Dief jumps out of the car window.] 
[Inside the bank vault.] 
Fraser: This is interesting, Ray. It's a 1986 Windsor-Creighton Protector 2000. 
Vecchio: Fraser, do you realize that we are going to die surrounded by millions of dollars? 
Fraser: Ray, do you realize that this door has eight cantilever deadbolts countersunk into two feet of high carbon steel? And in the ten years it's been in use, to my knowledge, it has never been breached. 
Vecchio: I believe the Greeks have a word for this: hubris. 
Fraser: Well, no, Ray, actually hubris is excessive pride or wanton insolence. 
Vecchio: What about pathos? 
Fraser: Well, pathos is a quality in an artistic representation which excites a feeling of pity or sadness. 
Vecchio: What about onomatopoeia? 
Fraser: Well, onomatopoeia is wherein a word imitates the sound or action of the thing it describes, i.e. woof, bow wow, ribbit. 
Vecchio: Irony? 
[Fraser gives him a dirty look.] 
Fraser: Now, the dead bolts are roughly four inches in diameter. If they're drilling that means they intend to fill the holes with some kind of high explosive and then blow the door off its hinges. No doubt they've already disabled the surveillance cameras, so there's no fear of the police showing up, until the alarm has been triggered. 
Vecchio: Which it won't be until the door is blown. 
Fraser: Which will be too late. 
Vecchio: Which means we'll probably die. 
Fraser: Oh, we're not gonna die, Ray. No doubt some foot patrol will chance upon our unhappy scene and notice that something is amiss. 
Vecchio: In Chicago? 
Fraser: That's a good point! 
Vecchio: Francesca! 
[Francesca is seen peeking through the blinds on the bank's front door] 
Francesca: Hey! Open up in there! Don't hide from me, I see you! 
Crook #3: We're closed! 
Francesca: What? 
Crook #3: Read the sign, lady! 
Francesca: Hey! Don't get smart with me, mister! Oh, oh what! So you're saying because I'm a woman I must be over-reacting? 
Crook # 3: Don't cause a scene, lady! 
Francesca: A scene? Oh, no, no, this is not a scene. Now if I were screaming and stamping my feet for instance, LIKE THIS! [Begins stomping her feet.] YES! THIS WOULD BE MAKING A SCENE! COME ON! WHAT, ARE YOU COVERING FOR HIM? HAS HE GOT SOME GIRL IN THERE? HE DOES, DOESN'T HE? THAT LOW-LIFE CRUMB IS IN THERE MAKING A DATE WITH SOME BANK TELLER. OH, THIS IS RICH! A GUY WITH A BAD HAIR CUT FLASHES A BADGE AND THE WOMEN ARE ALL OVER HIM. 
[Morgan approaches the door to find out what's going on.] 
Crook #3: Some broad thinks we have her brother in here. 
Francesca: Look, you tell Mr. Fancy Pants Detective, either he's out here in five minutes, or I'm wrapping that car around a tree! 
Morgan: Detective, huh? 
Francesca: Okay, where is he? 
[They open the door and as Francesca steps in they point their guns at her head.] 
[Morgan holds the phone out to Francesca.] 
Morgan: Talk. 
Francesca: I refuse to be used as a pawn to force my brother to forsake his duty. 
Morgan: If that door doesn't open in ten seconds... [She waves her gun.] 
Francesca: Gimme that. [Francesca grabs the phone.] 
[Inside the vault the phone is ringing.] 
Vecchio: Phone! 
Fraser: I was afraid of this. 
[Ray lunges for the phone. Fraser wrestles him away.] 
Fraser: No, Ray! Ray, no! 
Vecchio: What are you doing? 
Fraser: It's them. 
Vecchio: Of course it's them. Who else has the phone number to the vault? 
Fraser: Ray, they are going to try to talk to us. Convince us to open the door. 
Vecchio: We can open it? 
Fraser: Of course we can open it. The release lever is right here. It's standard equipment. 
Vecchio: You knew this and you didn't tell me? 
[He begins yanking on the release lever.] 
Fraser: Ray, would please just listen to me? This isn't about the loss of millions of dollars from some bank! This is about the average ordinary citizen who has placed their trust in an institution. We're here to guard that trust. 
Vecchio: Fraser, they'll get their money back through insurance. 
[The lever comes off in his hand.] 
Vecchio: It's broken. 
Fraser: It's not broken. I disabled it. 
Vecchio: What did you do that for? 
Fraser: In case one of us weakened. 
[Ray makes a lunge for the phone again. Fraser wrestles it out of his hand and rips the cord from the wall.] 
Vecchio: What are you doing? 
Fraser: It was Francesca. 
Vecchio: Of course it's Francesca! She's in the bank! 
[Outside, Morgan grabs the phone from Francesca.] 
Francesca: He... he hung up. I'm standing here with a gun to my head and he won't even come to the phone! 
Vecchio: They're gonna kill her, Fraser. 
Fraser: No, they're not, Ray. If they can't speak to you, then they can't tell you that they have Francesca. And if they can't tell you that they have Francesca, then they can't threaten you; rendering the point of a hostage moot. 
Vecchio: But I know that they have her. 
Fraser: They don't know that you know. You see? It's the only way to protect her. 
Vecchio: She's my sister. 
Fraser: She's also a very intelligent young woman. Capable of handling herself in any given situation. 
Vecchio: You really believe that? 
Fraser: Not at all. 
Vecchio: Good, me either. 
[Outside the vault.] 
Francesca: DO SOMETHING! 
Morgan: Lady, I can't threaten them if they won't pick up the phone! 
Francesca: So, keep dialing. What kind of bank robber are you? 
Morgan: LOOK! You either shut up and sit down or I'm gonna shoot you. 
Francesca: Yeah, like anyone would notice. [Morgan shoves her to the floor.] 
Morgan: DON'T JUST STAND THERE, DRILL! 
[Outside, Lenny has just finished checking the truck when he notices Diefenbaker watching him.] 
Lenny: GET OUT OF HERE! GIT! 
Dief: Woof! 
Lenny: GO ON! 
[Dief jumps back a few steps as Lenny walks away, leaving the back door of the van slightly open.] 
[Inside the bank.] 
Francesca: They're gonna kill us all you know. A last prayer... a single bullet to the head. Tomorrow? We'll be nothing but headlines. Yes! Headlines! And photographs! Oh! Dead bodies on a blood-soaked rug. Family members prostrate with grief. A reporter chronicles their last brave moments. 
[The assistant manager begins to cry.] 
Francesca: Oh, oh no, don't cry! Hey! Let's sing a marching song! 
[Inside the vault Fraser and Ray are discussing the situation, but we see only their feet.] 
Vecchio: Okay, so they have the drills, they have the explosives, and they have my sister. And we've got? What do we got, Fraser? 
Fraser: We have our wits, Ray. 
Vecchio: They have the drills, they have the explosives and they have my sister. So we've got? 
Fraser: Well, there's always Diefenbaker, he's ever alert to an emergency. 
[Camera cuts to the van outside. Diefenbaker is busy stealing the robber's junk food.] 
Lenny: I SAID STAY OUT OF HERE! GET OUT! 
[Inside the vault.] 
Fraser: In fact, I think he will go straight for the nearest available help. 
[Camera shows Diefenbaker running down the street past a fire truck, a group of marines, and a police officer issuing a traffic citation.] 
Vecchio: Okay, so they have the drills, they have the explosives and they have my sister. 
[Out in the lobby the camera pans across the faces of the hostages while Francesca rambles on.] 
Francesca: The first thing you have to watch out for is that Norwegian syndrome. Because you cannot identify with them in any way. But not that you would, because you are brave innocent hostages and they're unfeeling worms who should be stripped naked and hung upside down by their toes... but that's later. Okay, in the meantime, I need you to listen to me very carefully. 
Mr. Cooper: Excuse me. Who are you, anyway? 
[Camera cuts to Diefenbaker running down the street.] 
[Back inside the bank the drilling stops.] 
Morgan: You got it? 
Harold: I can't tell. I don't know how deep the deadbolts are. I need the specs for the door. 
[Inside the vault, Fraser is testing the door with a tuning fork.] 
Fraser: Now, I don't have the specifications for the door, Ray. But I've been making calculations based on its thickness, the depth of the existing hole and the reflection of the tonal input as it percusses against my tuning fork. 
Vecchio: Where the hell did you get a tuning fork? 
Fraser: That's not important, what is important is that I have managed to ascertain that the bolts are eight point three inches from the outside surface. 
[Outside the door, Morgan points her gun at Mr. Cooper.] 
Morgan: How far? 
Mr. Cooper: About eight inches. 
Harold: We're there, then. That's nineteen point one minutes a bolt... 
[Inside the vault.] 
Fraser: ...nineteen point one minutes per bolt to drill the remaining holes, another two minutes after that to set the charges and then another minute to prime them... 
[Outside the vault.] 
Harold: ...and a minute to prime them. 
[Inside the vault.] 
Fraser: Now that is one hundred and thirty minutes in total. The upshot of this, Ray, is that we need a plan. 
Vecchio: Well, there is a plan, Fraser, and it goes something like this: They drill the door. They blow the door. They shoot us with automatic weapons and we die. 
Fraser: Hmmm. What about a happier plan, Ray? One in which we surprise them, we disarm them and we rescue the hostages. 
Vecchio: And we do all of this with a tuning fork? Look, Fraser, if I had a choice between one of their plans and one of yours, I'd choose theirs. It's probably safer. 
[Out in the bank lobby, Francesca is still rambling.] 
Francesca: Sure we'll die painful grisly deaths, but it will be worth it, because finally our families will respect us. 
[Inside the vault Fraser is pacing back and forth, while Ray rests on the floor.] 
Fraser: You know, Ray, there's only one way to break out of here, rescue your sister and prevent this robbery. 
Vecchio: Yeah, how's that? 
Fraser: It'd be dangerous. You'd be risking your life. You'd have to trust me implicitly. 
Vecchio: Yeah? Well, I don't trust you at all. 
Fraser: You don't really mean that, do you? 
Vecchio: Oh, yes, I do. I mean, why should I trust you? In the last two years you've risked our lives twenty-two times. 
Fraser: Boy, I had no idea it'd been that many. 
Vecchio: Yeah, well it has. 
Fraser: I didn't realize you'd been counting. 
Vecchio: Well, I just felt that I should because you didn't seem to pay any attention to it. 
Fraser: I'm sorry if it upset you, Ray. 
Vecchio: I am not upset, I just wish you would ask me about it, let me know in advance. 
Fraser: How far in advance? 
Vecchio: I don't know, how about an hour? 
Fraser: What if we're in the middle of a crisis, Ray? 
Vecchio: Just ask me. 
Fraser: All right, I'm asking you. 
Vecchio: Well, I'll have to think about it. 
Fraser: Why? 
Vecchio: 'Cause I'll just have to think about it, okay? God, I'd just like to get some rest. 
[Camera cuts to Diefenbaker still running in search of help.] 
[Back in the bank lobby, Francesca whispers into Crook #3's ear.] 
Francesca: I know we've only known each other a short time, but for some reason I feel a deep kinship towards you and your cause and I know now that I want to dedicate my life to whatever your life is dedicated to. 
Crook #3: We're stealing money, lady. 
Francesca: Oh! Well I suppose that'll do. 
[Crook #3 points his gun at her and motions for her to sit down on the floor.] 
[Dief is still running.] 
[Inside the bank vault, Ray is still resting on the floor. Fraser is sitting next him tapping his hands on his knees, staring at Ray and waiting.] 
Vecchio: Okay! Okay! What is it? 
[Fraser opens his mouth to speak, but Ray interrupts.] 
Vecchio: No! No, don't tell me! Don't tell me. Just do it. Okay? Because if you tell me, two things are going to happen: one, I'm gonna know it's stupid, and two, you're gonna do it anyway. This way you can just do it and I won't know that it's stupid. 
Fraser: So you've given this some thought? 
Vecchio: Yes. 
Fraser: You're quite sure? 
Vecchio: Oh, I'm positive. 
Fraser: All right. 
[Fraser stands up, grabs the door lever and uses it to break the sprinkler head. Water begins pouring from the broken sprinkler.] 
Vecchio: HEY! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR? 
Fraser: Well, you said you didn't want to know. 
Vecchio: YEAH? WELL NOW I WANNA KNOW! 
Fraser: Well, I'm not sure that I should tell you. 
Vecchio: WELL TELL ME! 
Fraser: You're sure? 
Vecchio: YES! 
Fraser: All right, as I mentioned earlier, they have one hundred and thirty-seven minutes to open this vault. Now they resumed drilling exactly five minutes and twenty-seven seconds ago. That leaves them one hundred and thirty-one minutes and thirty seconds. Now, taking into account the dimensions of this room, the size of this sprinkler head and the rate of the flow of water, by the time they blow this door, this vault will be filled with water. They will be met by a virtual tidal wave. 
Vecchio: Where will we be in the mean time? 
Fraser: Floating. 
Vecchio: I realize that. Dead or alive? 
Fraser: Well, there should be sufficient air left. 
Vecchio: How much is sufficient? 
Fraser: About an inch, give or take. 
Vecchio: Oh, that much? 
Fraser: What? 
Vecchio: THAT MUCH? 
Fraser: Oh yeah, yeah. That is, providing they maintain a constant rate of drilling. 
[Out in the bank lobby, Francesca removes her jacket.] 
Francesca: It's now or never. Auf wiedersehen. [She walks toward the vault door.] Hey! You with the drill! [She rips open her blouse, revealing a bright red bustier.] Take me! 
[Harold stops drilling and removes his goggles to get a better look.] 
[Inside the vault, Ray waits with his coat over his head.] 
Vecchio: What if they stop drilling? 
[Diefenbaker has finally made it back to the consulate where the new constable is still standing guard duty. Two little boys are shooting spit wads at him while he stands at attention. Small white dots of paper cover one side of his face.] 
Dief: Woof, growl, woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! 
[There is no response from the sentry.] 
Smaller boy: Maybe he's stuffed. 
Dief: Woof, woof, woof! 
[Back inside the vault, Ray and Fraser stand soaking wet, watching the door.] 
Vecchio: The backup plan? 
[Out in the lobby, Harold resumes drilling while Lenny secures Francesca to a chair with duct tape.] 
Francesca: All right! So it was a desperate and foolish ploy. But someone has to stand up to you people. I'll sacrifice anything, you know. My life, my honor, even my body. 
Lenny: Look, I promise you, lady, nobody wants your body. 
Francesca: Well, you say that now, but later when you're tired and frustrated and the smell of sweat is in the air... 
Morgan: Are you done yet? 
Lenny: Will you shut up and stay put, please? 
Morgan: You should have had her tied up in the first place. 
[Francesca swivels around in her chair to face the other hostages.] 
Francesca: You see? I have them right where I want them. They think I'm nuts! 
[Obviously the other hostages think so too.] 
[Back inside the vault Ray sits up to his knees in water.] 
Vecchio: You know, I just can't shake this feeling that we're gonna die. 
[Camera pans down to reveal Fraser under water.] FRASER! 
[Fraser pops up out of the water, checks his watch and listens at the door.] 
Vecchio: How many was that? 
Fraser: Six, two more to go. All right we've lost seven minutes. And at six point two cubic inches per second, that will leave us approximately... Well, you know, Ray, there are worse things than dying. 
Vecchio: Name three. 
Fraser: How about two? 
Vecchio: All right. 
Fraser: Living without honor or dying without reason. 
Vecchio: Which one would this be? 
Fraser: Well, this wouldn't be either of those, actually. This would be more like... death in the line of duty. 
Vecchio: You know, I always thought duty was what you got paid to do. This is more like voluntary stupidity. 
Fraser: Well, I'm sure there are some people who think that's what good deeds are, Ray. 
Vecchio: Well, aren't they? 
Fraser: Well, I don't know. I've never thought about it. 
[Back at the consulate.] 
Dief: Woof, woof, woof! 
[The church clock begins to chime and the sentry suddenly comes to life.] 
Constable: Trouble? 
Dief: Woof! Woof! 
Constable: Canadian? 
Dief: Woof! 
Constable: Lead on! 
[Back at the bank, Crook #3 prepares the explosive for the vault door.] 
Crook #3: Get the detonator. 
[The constable is seen running down the street with Diefenbaker in the lead.] 
[Back in the vault, the water is now waist deep.] 
Vecchio: The point is, Fraser, you almost get yourself killed for some stupid cause every other day and you never stop to ask yourself what are you getting out of this. Is someone paying you to do this? Or am I just some crazed do-gooder? Or, is God telling you to do this? 
[Ray begins taking money out of one of the bags on the shelf.] 
Fraser: Ray! That is private property! 
Vecchio: I don't care! I'm getting my twelve hundred and forty-two bucks. All right? That is what I'm getting out of this. But what about you? Do you know what you're getting out of this? No, you don't, do you? 
Fraser: No, Ray, it is simply a responsibility I took on when I put on the uniform. 
Vecchio: Uniform? You don't even like that uniform! They took away the uniform that you liked. And did you say anything? No! Not a word! 
[Dief and the constable are seen running down the street. Suddenly, an armed robber backs out of a store in front of them. The constable disarms the robber, tosses the gun and money bag back to the startled store owner and continues running after Dief.] 
[Back in the bank, Harold pulls the drill away from the vault door.] 
Harold: We're done. 
Morgan: Blow it. 
[Out on the street, the constable pauses to help a group of preschool children cross the street.] 
[Francesca watches the robbers prepare to blow the vault door. She reaches out with her foot and pulls the cord behind her back and begins to rub it against the back of the chair.] 
Francesca: [To the other hostages:] Think of me fondly. 
[The hostages try to inch away from her.] 
[Back inside the vault, Ray and Fraser are now floating on their backs with their bare feet sticking up out of the water using bags of money as floatation devices.] 
Vecchio: Admit it, Fraser. You feel unappreciated. Can you do this for me? Can you do this one small thing for me? Can you admit that at least once in your perfect existence you've felt the need to put yourself before your duty? Because if you do that, I can float peacefully to my death. 
Fraser: Why, Ray? 
Vecchio: I just will, now humor me. 
Fraser: All right. Uh, occasionally, it's only very occasionally... Is this really necessary? 
Vecchio: Fraser, I am drowning on dry land. 
Fraser: All right, Ray, all right. Occasionally I do feel... what was it? 
Vecchio: Unappreciated. 
Fraser: Unappreciated. Occasionally I do feel unappreciated. 
Vecchio: You do? 
Fraser: Occasionally. 
Vecchio: Well, thank you! Good! Well, from now on, for the next minute or two, can you try to stick up for yourself more? 
Fraser: I will try, Ray. 
[Outside the vault door, Crook #3 has finished installing the explosives.] 
Crook #3: We're on. 
[Inside the vault, Ray and Fraser are treading water, their heads barely inches from the ceiling.] 
Vecchio: Well, at least they won't be gathered for nothing on Thursday. Hey, Benny! 
Fraser: Yes, Ray? 
Vecchio: My eulogy, I would have liked you to have delivered it. 
Fraser: Well, I'm honored, Ray. 
Vecchio: What would you have said? 
Fraser: Well, let's see. I think I would have said that you were a good friend and that you never failed me. 
Vecchio: I didn't, did I? 
Fraser: Never. Well, except for that one time. 
Vecchio: What time? 
Fraser: You know, Ray to discuss it in a situation like this really would be considered nitpicky. 
Vecchio: How did I fail you? 
Fraser: You didn't really fail me... I've almost forgotten about it. 
Vecchio: Well, ten seconds ago you didn't forget about it. You see, this is so like you. Here we are having a nice mano y mano and you have to ruin it by being honest. 
[Outside in the lobby, the door is primed and ready. The robbers have taken cover behind a partition.] 
Morgan: Do it. 
[Crook #3 depresses the button on the detonator and nothing happens.] 
Morgan: What now? 
[They stand up and look toward the door. Lenny, Harold and Crook #3 begin walking toward it when Morgan notices that the cord has been pulled behind Francesca's chair.] 
Francesca: What? 
[Behind her back we see that she has broken the cord in two and the bare wires are barely an inch apart.] 
Morgan: YOU! 
[She lunges toward Francesca causing her to flinch and the wires connect. The door explodes just as Lenny, Harold and Crook #3 reach it. They are thrown backwards onto the floor.] 
[Inside the vault.] 
Vecchio: What was that? 
Fraser: Our plan unfolding. 
[Outside the vault door, the robbers have picked themselves up off of the floor and are approaching the door.] 
Fraser: Ready? 
[ They duck under the water, just as the door explodes outward.] 
[The three robbers are thrown backwards by the force of the rushing water, knocking them unconscious against a partition as Ray and Fraser slide to safety.] 
Francesca: [struggling to keep her feet out of the rushing water.] Forty-nine dollar shoes! 
[Morgan rushes for the front door. She reaches it at the same time as the constable. They collide and are both knocked unconscious.] 
Dief: Woof! 
Fraser: Good work, Ray! 
Vecchio: And you, Fraser! 
[Ray and Fraser are untying the hostages.] 
Vecchio: I thought I told you to stay in the car. 
Francesca: Yeah, that's gratitude. 
Vecchio: For what? 
Francesca: Thirty years of picking up socks, buying veal and kissing butchers. 
Vecchio: Excuse me? 
Francesca: And the next time I say five minutes, I mean five minutes! Clear? 
[Ray and Fraser are seen coming out of the bank. Fraser gazes down at the unconscious constable.] 
Vecchio: You see, Fraser, now this is how it's done. The criminals are inside and we are outside. Now, do you think you can remember that next time? 
Fraser: I'll try, Ray. 
Vecchio: Thank you. Is that a smile? 
Fraser: No. No, of course not. Of course not, although, I will admit to a certain satisfaction. 
Vecchio: It is a smile. Well, I'll be! 
Fraser: Be what, Ray? 
Vecchio: It's an expression. 
Fraser: It means nothing to me. 
[Later at the consulate, Fraser stands in front of Inspector Thatcher's desk. The camera pans upward from his feet to reveal that he is again wearing the brown uniform.] 
Fraser: With respect, ma'am, I have always considered myself to be a diligent officer who has conducted himself with loyalty and obedience. However, this uniform... I have worn this uniform with pride my entire career, as my father wore his and many before him. To me it is much more than just a... a piece of cloth. It is a tradition that links me to every officer who has ever worn it and acquitted himself with honor and integrity. While it is not the current fashion, I would be hard pressed to change it without feeling that I had, in some way, betrayed that tradition. And so, in that this uniform, while not in common usage, is still regulation issue; and in that at most postings the choice of uniform rests with the officer and not with the commander... Well, I--I would prefer... That is, if it's all the same... um... actually I don't much care... Ma'am, I will not change my uniform. 
Thatcher: You're fired. 
Fraser: Understood. 

End of Vault
 
 
 
 
 
 

Witness

[Fraser is dashing down the street, carrying what appears to be dry cleaning in a clear plastic cover on a hanger. He runs into the Consulate, past a Mountie standing guard duty and up the stairs] 
Thatcher's secretary: Good luck. 
Thatcher: You're late. 
Fraser: Uh yes, there was a delay at the dry cleaners. 
Thatcher: I thought true blue types like you didn't believe in excuses Fraser. 
Fraser: Well you're quite right and I'm sorry for apologizing. If I'd only noticed the smoke earlier I -- 
Thatcher: Smoke? 
Fraser: Yes. Apparently the pressing machine short circuited. Now by the time I got the cashiers out, racks A through E were already in flames and I was only able to save this. I'm afraid it's a little singed. 
Thatcher: You ran into a burning building to save a mohair sweater? 
Fraser: Yes sir. 
Thatcher: Pardon me if that sounds like pure stupidity. 
Fraser: Yes sir. 
Thatcher: You don't agree. 
Fraser: No sir. Stupidity would have been if I ran back in for your leather chaps. 
Thatcher: Dismissed. 
Fraser: That's what you said yesterday. 
Thatcher: Well it may take a few days, you're a civil servant, there's formalities. I have to get confirmation from Ottawa. Or you can make it easy on me and request a transfer. 
Fraser: Yes, I suppose I could. 
Thatcher: Think about it. 
Fraser: Yes sir I will. 
Thatcher: Dismissed. 
Fraser: Don't you need your glasses sir? 
Thatcher: I don't wear glasses. 
Fraser: Understood. 
Thatcher's secretary: Transfer request. 
Fraser: Huh. 
Thatcher's secretary: I understand the leaves are changing in Kamloops. 
***courthouse*** 
St. Laurent: You're the arresting officer, is that correct? 
Vecchio: That's correct. 
St. Laurent: Detective, what time did you receive the call to go to the scene. 
Vecchio: I got the call around 9:15 and I arrived approximately five minutes later. 
St. Laurent: Please tell us what happen from the time you arrived outside the liquor store. 
Vecchio: When I arrived, the crime scene had already been established. Uniformed officers had taped off the area and the medical examiner was in the process of removing the store owners body. 
St. Laurent: Were there signs of a struggle? 
Vecchio: No. 
Robert: You thought about it yet son? 
Fraser: It's only been an hour. 
Robert: Well you ought to you know. 
Fraser: Dad. 
St. Laurent: Were there any witnesses on the scene? 
Vecchio: Yes. An eye witness came forward. Mrs. Rosanna Torres. I questioned the witness and based on her description was able to put together a line-up of probable suspects. 
St. Laurent: Was she able to make an identification? 
Vecchio: Yes. She identified the accused. 
St. Laurent: Can you identify him please. 
Vecchio: Mr. Robert Kruger. 
St. Laurent: After Mr. Kruger was identified, you applied for a search warrant? 
Vecchio: I did and we found a nine millimeter hand gun recently fired. 
St. Laurent: Which perfectly matched the bullet that killed Mr. Garcia. This ballistics report is states exhibit 23 your honor. What happen next, Detective. 
Vecchio: I arrested Mr. Kruger on charges of armed robbery and murder. 
St. Laurent: Thank you. That's all. 
Judge: You may leave the witness stand Detective Vecchio. 
St. Laurent: I'd like to call Rosanna Torres your honor. 
Bailiff: Rosanna Torres to the stand. 
Vecchio: [about Louise] She wants me bad. 
Fraser: I think she wants to kill you. 
Vecchio: Hmm, that too. 
St. Laurent: Mrs. Torres, on the night of June 14, 1994, you were walking along Center Street when you heard gun shots. 
Fraser: Should we wait and listen to her testimony? 
Vecchio: No-no-no-no-no. It's all over now except for the shouting. 
Fraser: What shouting. 
St. Laurent: You describe to us what you saw when you turned and looked toward the sound of the gun fire. 
Mrs. Torres: No. 
St. Laurent: You did not see the defendant exit as-- 
Siracusa: Objection. Leading. 
Judge: Sustained. 
St. Laurent: Okay, what did you see? 
Mrs. Torres: Nothing. 
St. Laurent: Nothing? What about your sworn statement to Detective Vecchio? 
Mrs. Torres: It was dark. I'm sorry. 
St. Laurent: What about your statement? 
Mrs. Torres: It was a mistake. 
St. Laurent: A mistake? 
Mrs. Torres: I tried to tell you but he 
Vecchio: Okay, what the hell is going on here? 
Siracusa: Your honor I more for a dismissal. 
Judge: Both of you, in my chambers. Now. 
St. Laurent: Great, just great. 
[Judges chamber. Louise and ccc arguing, you only see them from the neck down. Between them and back a ways is Ray sitting in a chair. He isn't happy] 
Siracusa: Urban proof. Admissibility. Relevance. 
St. Laurent: Armed robbery. Murder. Criminal intent. 
Siracusa: Perjury. 
Vecchio: Perjury? 
Siracusa: Not to mention a blatant disregard of my clients 5th and 7th amendment rights. If you don't rule of this immediately then I'll file charges of misconduct faster than you can say Subordination of a witness. 
Judge: Save your grandstanding for the paying customers, Mr. ccc 
Siracusa: Will you rule on my motion to suppress the gun? 
Judge: Miss sl? 
St. Laurent: Judge? 
Siracusa: No witness, no warrant. No warrant, no gun. No gun, no case. It's all fruit of the poisoned tree. 
St. Laurent: Judge, Detective Vecchio is an experienced officer with a commendable record. 
Siracusa: Of manufacturing evidence. 
Vecchio: Bull! 
Judge: I caution you Detective you are still under the courts jurisdiction during this proceeding. What about your witness. 
Siracusa: She just swore under oath that she didn't see him. 
St. Laurent: Oh yeah and I have a signed deposition in my hand that says she did. 
Siracusa: Your honor, Detective Vecchio has a history with my client. 
St. Laurent: That's irrelevant your honor. 
Judge: Here in chambers nothing is irrelevant. 
Siracusa: Clearly persecution. 
Vecchio: Oh please, give me a break. 
Judge: Okay let me get this straight. Detective Vecchio, you and Kruger have a history? 
Vecchio: Uh yes your honor. I arrested Mr. Kruger on similar charges two years ago. 
Siracusa: My client walked on that your honor. It was a case made entirely in Detective Vecchio's head. Not unlike this one apparently. Never got over that one did you? 
Vecchio: He beat an old woman in a smoke shop and got off on a procedural fowl up. 
Siracusa: And you've been on him ever since. 
Vecchio: Oh maybe that's an over reaction to the fact that he keeps committing crimes? 
Judge: What we have here is a woman who says you cohersed her into giving false testimony. 
Vecchio: She's lying and maybe somebody should find out why. 
Judge: You will have no further contact with the witness understood? 
St. Laurent: Your honor, I would like to request a postponement while the state revisits elements of the case. 
Judge: I'll consider it Miss St. Laurent. In the meantime, this is what I want. A report on the lighting conditions outside the victims store that evening as it pertains to visibility. I want Mr. Kruger's previous arrest report and most of all, I want your case notes on both incidents, Detective. 
Vecchio: Your honor, I'm not sure -- 
Judge: You do keep personal notes on your cases? 
Vecchio: Well I do but don't-- 
Judge: Get em. You've got until three o'clock this afternoon. 
[court hall] 
Vecchio: The witness says I cohorst her. 
Fraser: Will your case notes prove you're telling the truth? 
Vecchio: No! If I don't produce them it'll look like I'm lying, Kruger walks and I'm toast. 
Fraser: Ah. Miss St. Laurent. 
St. Laurent: Oh God, the other one. Old habits die hard, eh, Vecchio? 
Vecchio: Louise, did I neglect to tell you how fine in a prosecutable way you look in that suit? 
St. Laurent: Do your friend a favor, Fraser, convince him to find those case notes. I don't give second chances. [she gets in the elevator they were waiting for] 
Vecchio: She's just playing hard to get. 
Fraser: The stairs. 
Vecchio: Don't you think? 
Fraser: Think what? 
Vecchio: That's she's playing hard to get. 
Fraser: To get what? 
Vecchio: Oh never mind. 
[27th precinct] 
Welsh: Unofficial case notes and why do we keep them? Stupidity? Carelessness? Any Ideas Vecchio? 
Vecchio: They're personal notes sir. We don't actually expect anybody to produce them. 
Welsh: Oh no, never do. You just got things down on matchbooks and napkins. We don't use the proper forms. And then we're surprised when a lawyer accuses us of withholding things that shouldn't have existed in the first place. 
Vecchio: Every cop in the station keeps a notebook sir. 
Welsh: Yeah but every cop doesn't hang on to them in the hopes that someday they might incriminate them. [Fraser is straightening through the file cabinets] What is his involvement in this? 
Vecchio: Ah certainly unofficial sir. 
Welsh: Why do I not find that reassuring. 
Vecchio: Well he can't help that it's a Canadian thing sir. I think he gets extra points for neatness. 
Welsh: It's a quality I admire. Still, knowing the States Attorney's past fondness for Big Red [Fraser finds a Riv rearview mirror in the cabinet and before you write and ask how I know it's from a Riv, it's Ray's files so of course he'd keep extras just laying around]I would have thought you'd go to great pains to keep both of them far apart. The handling of this case is uh, reaching new heights of fruitillity. 
Vecchio: Well no more discouraged then myself sir. 
Louis: Hey sorry to hear about your troubles man. 
Vecchio: Thanks for your feigned concern. 
Huey: States Attorney called. They want photos of the lighting set u0p on the street by the liquor store. 
Welsh: Well do as the States Attorney asks. 
Huey: Yes sir. 
Welsh: And Gardino. Loose the goatee. 
Vecchio: You check the case? No. We won't be needing that. 
[in the Riv, Ray driving, Fraser in the back seat, Elaine sitting up front. Her hair is wet. Fraser is digging around in the case that Elaine brought with her.] 
Elaine: Thank God you called Vecchio because otherwise I might be enjoying myself right now. Let's define our terms here. Does Day Off mean anything to you? 
Fraser: Towel. 
Elaine: One day out of two weeks I ask for a little peace, a little relaxation, a little personal nurturing. 
Vecchio: Elaine you have no life, stop whining. 
Fraser: Conditioner. 
Vecchio: Kruger, Robert D. Arrested June ninety-four. Armed robbery, murder one. No pretrial went straight to the grand jury. 
Elaine: No idea. Take me home. 
Vecchio: Elaine. 
Elaine: I have County records. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it! 
Vecchio: Elaine. A man died in that hold up. Kruger killed him, but nobodies going to care about that if they think the cop who charged him is dirty, okay? I need your help, okay? 
Elaine: Okay. 
Vecchio: And besides, Fast Eddie's on security. He likes you. 
Elaine: What? 
Fraser: Hot brush? 
[records] 
Eddie: You know the case number you're after? 
Vecchio: Uh, yeah that's the reason we come down to County records. 
[Eddie is making this annoying ba-dump-ing noise over and over. I think he thinks its music] 
Eddie: So you want something here? And you want it fast? You come to me. That's why they call me Fast Eddie. That and other reasons. [more of the ba-dump-ing] Of course it's not strictly in alphabetical order, but I could help you with that. [more of the ba-dumping] 
[court house] 
Vecchio: So? 
Huey No street lights. Not within two blocks. No neon. Not even a bill board. 
Louis: Shoulda told us about it man. 
Vecchio: Hey look the light was coming from somewhere alright? If I could see it, so could she. 
Huey Look, don't get with us Vecchio. You're not straight with us we can't back you up. 
Vecchio: Yeah, thanks for your vote of confidence. 
St. Laurent: Vecchio? 
Judge: On the matter of visibility, I have photos here that indicate it's highly unlikely that the witness would have been able to see anything on exiting the liquor store. 
Vecchio: She came to me voluntarily. She said she could I.D. the guy who shot the store owner. Voluntarily. 
Siracusa: And you didn't think at the time to ask her how she could possibly make an identification under those conditions? 
Vecchio: She I.D.-ed a guy I know to a tee. A known felon. I picked him up, she picked him out of the line up and no we did not discuss the damned lighting. 
Judge. I assume your case notes will support that. Let me have them. 
Vecchio: Uh, no. I just need a little more-- 
Siracusa: Your honor I move for a dismissal and I want charges brought against this officer for harassment and perjury. 
Vecchio: Thais is not about case notes. This is about some piece of garbage with a good mouth piece trying to make a good cop look like a bad guy so his client can go free on a murder charge. 
Judge: Detective I instructed you to have those case books in my office by three o'clock. You're in defiance of a court order. 
Vecchio: I'm not in defiance of anything. I'm being railroaded here. Come one your honor don't let some ass kissing defense lawyer's paper chase give this guy a walk. 
Siracusa: Ass kissing. 
Judge: Careful Detective 
Vecchio: Look if you let this scum back out on the street he's gonna murder someone else and I'm gonna have to turn around and arrest him all over again. 
Judge: Stop. 
Vecchio: Back off. 
Judge: That's enough Detective you're in contempt. 
Vecchio: You're damned right I'm in contempt. I'm in contempt of this whole lousy process. I'm in contempt of you, you and you. 
Judge: Get the deputy in here. 
Vecchio: I know there was lighting in that alley. You're on your own. The car's parked out front. 
St. Laurent: This is a capital office you can't throw it out a procedural matter. 
Judge: Nothing happens until he apologizes. See you back in court in 48 hours. Enjoy it. Mrs. Torres. [Mrs. Torres goes into the Judges chambers] 
Fraser: You know he would not fabricate evidence. 
St. Laurent: That is the least of what I know about him. If I can find a way to tie you into this, it would make my year. 
Kruger: Hey Vecchio! Looks like we're gonna be neighbors for a while. 
Vecchio: First time arresting a cop? 
[Fraser is preparing to drive the Riv. Gets it, then out, paces off the distance between him and the car behind him, gets in, fools with the seat belt, mirror, starts the motor, the wipers...] 
Robert: So we're off then. [he looks at the transfer papers] 
Fraser: Do you mind! This is private. 
Robert: I don't know about you but I could use a change of scenery. 
Fraser: What possible difference could scenery make in your condition. 
Robert: Well I always liked a good view. 
Fraser: What? Barren rocks and snow? 
Robert: You used to climb those rocks. 
Fraser: I still do. 
Robert: Well let's choose one then [pulls out a map] 
Fraser: Dad, I don't have time for this. I'm in the middle of a case. 
Robert: Oh. Lord Nelson. Your mother and I had a cabin. One bedroom with stove and all the coal she could carry and 360 degree view of the strip mines. 
Fraser: Sounds attractive. 
Robert: Three months and your mother was a raving lunatic. Then we moved on to Nelson Port, Nelson House. The names alone drove her around the bend. We finally ended up in Rat River. Oh I have fond memories of the Rat. Your mother didn't. 
Fraser: I can imagine. 
Robert: Gotta look ahead son, not back. 
Fraser: I haven't left yet. 
Robert: You will. 
[prison] 
Guard: Open C-203. We're at the stairs right now. You got a lot of friends here Ray. 
Vecchio: Got a lot of friends everywhere. 
Guard: Not like these friends. Word spread about you joining us. 
Vecchio: Hey you trying to scare me? 
Guard: C-218. I'm just telling you the way it is. 
Vecchio: Appreciate it. 
Guard: C-254. Your lieutenant called. We're gonna do our best. You know the drill. 
Vecchio: I know the drill. [inmates look Ray over, Ray looks them over] 
[Riv is speeding along, screeching and finally comes to rest in front of a hydrant. Fraser gets out, examines the alley, almost steps on broken glass] 
Fraser: Dad? Good.[Dad is gone but Dief is complaining] Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. 
[he climbs the building to examine where the lighting use to be] 
Cop: Hey! Spiderman! You mind coming down from there, sir? 
Fraser: No, not at all. 
Cop: Just stay off the walls on my beat. 
Fraser: Understood. [reads the ticket he got for parking next to the hydrant] Thank you kindly. Oh stop complaining. [gets back in pulls out without looking, gets honked at by several people] 
[radio conversation while Fraser is trying to drive] 
Louis: 1680 West Banister, Apt 410. 
Fraser: Uh thank you Louis. 
Louis: St. L hears about this - 
Fraser: I understand. Ohhhhh dearrrr. [runs into the trash piled on the curb and almost into three people.] I'm sorry. I'm sorry, my mistake. [one guy is thumping the hood in anger] It's entirely my fault. I'll just uh- [he backs it up. 
Louis: Do you hear me? 
Fraser: My lips are sealed, Louis. 
[prison hospital] 
Trustee: Vecchio, I'll be right with you. Grab a mop. Try and keep a low profile alright? This corner right here. 
Inmate: [steps on the mop Ray is using and smiles at him] Ray, how are ya? 
[laundry mat] 
Mrs. Torres: Those lawyers. They bring me to the courthouse. They ask me the same questions over and over. For months I have been answering these questions. 
Fraser: Do you have any hangers? 
Mrs. Torres: Basket. I don't have time for this. I have children. Work. 
Fraser: Have you tried telling them the truth? 
Mrs. Torres: Yes. I don't trust those people. In my country those people... 
Fraser: Can you uh...was your husband at the courthouse today? 
Mrs. Torres: No. 
Fraser: Oh, I'm sorry. I noticed your wedding ring. 
Mrs. Torres: My husband doesn't time for questions either. 
Fraser: No of course not. So who was that man with you today? 
Mrs. Torres: What man? 
Fraser: The tall one with the long hair. 
Mrs. Torres: Don't know him. 
Fraser: He seemed to know you. Where is your husband Mrs. Torres. There's no men's clothing in this laundry. 
Mrs. Torres: Look, my husband is none of your business. 
Fraser: You're a religious woman aren't you? You wear a St. Sabastion medal. Patron saint of prisoners. The medal protects them. Of course in today's prisons a prisoner wouldn't be allowed to wear such a medal. But someone might wear it for him. 
Mrs. Torres: Look, I'm sorry about your friend, but he's a policeman. They take care of their own. 
Fraser: Do you know what perjury is? There was a light in that street. Three months ago it hung from the building less than 20 feet away from that liquor store. A light may not be there now but there will be records and there will be permits and when the lawyers get a hold of it there will be more questions. So I will ask you again, Do you know what perjury is? 
Mrs. Torres: I don't have time for this. 
[prison visiting center] 
Fraser: Torres, Edward H. Two Prior convictions. Both for grand theft auto. 
Vecchio: It's getting crowded up hear. 
Fraser: He was transferred from Joliet two weeks ago to face parole hearing. 
Vecchio: Kruger. What you want to bet they're bunk mates. 
Fraser: Well perhaps we should notify States Attorney. 
Vecchio: Oh yeah, She's going to be thrilled you're talking to a witness. And ten to one says she thinks I put you up to it. 
Fraser: Well maybe you could find Torres, try to talk to him, offer him immunity. 
Vecchio: In my position I can't offer him anything. Besides how am I going to get to him from segregation? 
Fraser: uh, it does seem our options are somewhat limited. And don't tell me, you fell? 
Vecchio: I was mopping. Floor jumped up and hit me right in the head. 
Fraser: You know you could try apologizing. 
Vecchio: To who? 
Fraser: To the judge. 
[Welsh's office] 
Fraser: I'm not asking for your permission sir nor should this be construed as some kind of bid for absolution. I simply felt that you ought to be informed. As a superior officer. I mean I realize you're not my superior officer, we don't work for the same police force. Or for the same country for that matter. On the other hand it would appear my own superior officer would prefer not to be my superior officer therefore under the circumstances it didn't seem entirely inappropriate-- 
Welsh: Stop. 
Fraser: Yes sir. 
Welsh: This has to do with Vecchio doesn't it? 
Fraser: That would be a safe assumption sir. Yes. 
Welsh: You've seen him? 
Fraser: Yes sir and he claims to have an altercation with a floor. 
Welsh: Any particular type of floor? 
Fraser: Interlocking linoleum I believe. 
Welsh: Oh yeah, yeah, They can be very tricky. Is there anything I can do to assist? 
Fraser: Well, nothing actually sir. No. Do to the nature of the situation I would prefer to do this off the record and on my own initiative. I simply felt that I ought to notify someone. Force of habit I imagine. 
Welsh: I see. And this new inspector, she's not the type of person you could... 
Fraser: Oh sir, she's not the type of person you would...let me put it this way. We seem to lack repoire. 
Welsh: Any idea why? 
Fraser: Not in the slightest. 
Welsh: Women in authority. It's a quandary. It shouldn't be but it is. 
Fraser: Sir? 
Welsh: I mean you want to treat em like the rest of the guys, want them to have sweat rings and maybe a little too much garlic on their breath. But no. No. Not women. Women smell goo. And women look good. And then they smile at you and before you know it you're smiling back. And the first time they tear a piece off you, it's like somebody sticking an ice pick through your heart. 
Fraser: Sir? Uh...sir? I have no idea what you are talking about. [he heads for the door and O'Neill is there] 
Fraser: Hi. [he then bows] Excuse me. 
Commander Sherry O'Neill: This is much better. Thank you. 
Welsh: Yes sir. 
Commander Sherry O'Neill: You okay? 
Welsh: Yeah, sure. [they both smile. She leaves] 
[at a store, near the candy] 
Louis: You sure you want to do this? 
Fraser: Quite sure. 
Huey: Once we do it, there's no going back. 
Fraser: I understand. 
Huey: After this no more favors, okay? 
Fraser: No, I'll never ask again. 
Louis: Nice and slow. Take your hands out. 
Fraser: Hmmm hum. 
Louis: Grab the milkduds and put them in your pocket. 
Fraser: Understood. Perhaps I should pay for them first. 
Louis: Then you wouldn't be stealing. 
Fraser: That's a good point. Should you be watching? 
Huey: He's right. We'll be over there. 
Louis: Right. 
Fraser: [to Dief who is staring at him] What? Yes I realize this is setting a bad example but it is necessary. Sh. You'll give up the game. 
Huey: What? 
Fraser: I can't. I mean maybe if it were less expensive or... 
Louis: They're milkduds. 
Huey: It doesn't matter how much it costs. If you're not going to take em. We're going to arrest you, got it? 
Fraser: It's a good point. 
Louis: Fraser, you can do this. 
Fraser: I can do this. [he heads for the candy, does a turn around as is back] I can't. I can't. I can't do this. 
[Louis grabs him by the arm, walks him over and puts a box of milkduds in his pocket] 
Huey: There. You're under arrest. 
Fraser: [so relieved he begins to babble] Oh thank you kindly. I have the right to remain silent anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law... 
[prison. Ray is mopping the infirmery, looks up and sees Fraser in prison clothes. Fraser sees him and gives in a 'thumbs up.' 
Vecchio: Oh God. 
Fraser [to guard putting him in lockup]: Oh uh, I'll be fine. [to the group of inmates] Good evening. Evening fellow prisoners. My name is Fraser, B. Number uh...1219 and you would be? Ah! You would be 8356. It's nice to meet you. Good evening sir. Excuse me I wonder if you might be able to um...no I don't imagine you could. [spots an unmade bunk] Ah! There's the ticket. [whistles Swing Low Sweet Chariot] Good evening. Ah. I suppose you are all wondering what it is I am attempting to achieve. Now the secret to perfect corners lies in the tuck. A firm tuck from corner to corner. Now if you could just grab that end please. Good now, grasp the sheet tightly. No now you see that would be far to firm a grasp. Anyone else? [whole group is laughing, cell door opens and laughter stops. Everyone scatters as 2353, Carl, enters. This guy is seven feet tall, muscular and you wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley] Good evening uh ... 2353: Would you prefer the upper or um... [Carl takes the lower, made bed] 
Voice: Lights out! 
Fraser: I guess I'll just...well. 
Robert: Nice. 
Fraser: What now? 
Robert: Of course it's not the Rat. But very few places are. 
Fraser: Go to sleep dad. 
Robert: Good night son...[sings] swing low sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home. Swing low sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home. 
Fraser: That's enough dad. 
Robert: Thank you. 
[next morning in line for breakfast] 
Fraser: Boy oh boy I tell you I haven't spent a night like that since...well I guess since basic training. Although, I did spend a very restful evening once on an ice flow moving through Northcumberland Sound. Now picture this-- 
Inmate: Shut up! 
Fraser: Understood. Ah! It that cinnamon? 
Food server: Carbon. 
Fraser: Ah well, thank you kindly. 
Server [to Carl]: We're out. [Carl holds his plate out and waits] Move on! [Carl wraps his hand around the server's throat] Gasp. Carl-Carl-gaurd-gaurd-gaurd. 
Fraser: You know something. I'm feeling kind of full this morning. Would you be interested in...[Carl lets go of the server and takes Fraser's offered tray] 
Inmate: Hey Carl, you want mine? [Carl ignores him] Hey come on Eddie, give him yours. [Fraser spots Eddie sitting next to Carl. It's Eddie Torres] 
[Fraser pusing book cart down hall] 
Fraser: Afternoon gentlemen. I happen to have a complete 11 volume set of History of Civilization by Will and Arial Durant. Any takers? 
Vecchio: Yeah, right here. 
Fraser: Ah! 
Vecchio: Benny what are you doing in here. 
Fraser: I'm delivering books Ray. 
Vecchio: I can see that. How did you get in here? 
Fraser: Well the same way most people get in here. Ray, I committed a crime. 
Vecchio: You committed a crime? Benton Fraser Royal Canadian Mounted Police committed an actual crime? 
Fraser: Ray, I know you think I'm incapable of this but I'll have you know I am not entirely naive to the ways of the world. I've been arresting criminals my entire life and it didn't seem to be a particularly large step to actually steal. 
Vecchio: Steal? 
Fraser: Yes. 
Vecchio: You stole something? 
Fraser: Yes. 
Vecchio: What did you steal? 
Fraser: I'd rather not talk about it. 
Vecchio: No, come on. Come on. What did you steal? A car? 
Fraser: No. 
Vecchio: A television set? 
Fraser: No. 
Vecchio: What? 
Fraser: mmmm....du.... 
Vecchio: Excuse me? 
Fraser: Milk. Duds. 
Vecchio: Milk Duds. What did the judge give you? An hour and a half? 
Fraser: No actually he was inclined to be lineate but Detective's Huey and Gardino who insisted that he throw the book at me. 
Vecchio: Benny. You know you might get yourself killed in here? 
Fraser: It's nonsense, Ray. Nobody knows who I am. In my capacity as book monitor I have free passage through out the entire institution. 
Vecchio: Book monitor. 
Fraser: Yes. 
Vecchio: What is that? Like a librarian? 
Fraser: It's similar. I monitor books. I pass books out, I try to collect on over due fines but I'll tell you something, it is proving hellish in this place. It's absolutely remarkable how many people in here think nothing of folding, spindling, mutilating-- 
Vecchio: Benny! 
Fraser: What?! 
Vecchio: Get to the point. 
Fraser: Right. I found him. 
Vecchio: Who? 
Fraser: Prisoner 3-2-0-5, Torres, Edgar, Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez 
Vecchio: Optimist? 
Fraser: Apparently. It is 12 days past due. I think I should pay him a visit. 
voice over speaker: 1330 visitors hour in cell block 28. 
Fraser: Oh, I almost forgot. Here. This is for you Recherche De La Temp Perou by Marcell Proust. It's uh, missing a few pages but seeing the whole thing is basically one long run on sentence, I don't think you'll mind. 
Vecchio: Is it funny? 
Fraser: Oh it's hilarious. If you like that kind of thing. Alright, last chance for the complete 11 volume set of Will and Arial Durant's The Story of Civilization. Going once, going twice, your loss gentlemen. 
[Visitor's room] 
Mr. Torres: ?Mi Amor QUe Paso. 
Mrs. Torres: It's nothing, It's nothing, it's alright. A man came to see me. Some kind of policeman. 
Mr. Torres: What did you tell him? 
Mrs. Torres: Nothing. Eddie please, don't get upset 
Mr. Torres: Rosanna. 
Mrs. Torres: He knew. I didn't tell him anything. He just knew. 
Mr. Torres: Okay then go home. Go home. 
Mrs. Torres: It's until tomorrow.. All you have to do is stay out of trouble. Go to Kruger. Talk to him. Maybe he-- 
Mr. Torres: No! No! If he hears talk of the police he'll kill me. You want that? 
[Mrs.Torres hangs up the phone and sits there looking miserable] 
[Outside the Vistor's room] 
9262: Walden, Life in the Woods by Thoreau. This is a thriller? 
Fraser: Not exactly, no. It out lines one mans dream to live a life of perfect fulfillment. 
9262: I had a dream like that once. 
Fraser: Really? 
9262: Yeah. I dreamed me and Jane Fonda were on a couch naked. 
Fraser: I see. And was this couch in the woods? 
9262: Yeah, it just so happens that it was. 
Fraser: Oh well then you should enjoy this then. 
[Eddie pushes past them] 
Fraser: Ah, excuse me. 
9262: Certainly. 
Fraser: Excuse me, sorry. Coming through. Book mobile, coming through. 
[Yard] 
Fraser: Excuse me, book mobile. Ah, Mr. Torres I believe you have an overdue book. 
Mr. Torres: Yeah? So what? 
Fraser: Well another prisoner has requested it. I believe you may know him. He's a friend of mine. 
Mr. Torres [looking over at Ray in the next yard]: No. I don't know him. 
Fraser: I'll spot for you. He's a police officer. This friend of mine. He arrested a man named Kruger for killing a shop owner but at the trial, something went wrong. His witness lied. And now my friends in prison and Kruger will be set free. 
Mr. Torres: I don't know your friend and I don't know what the hell you're talking about. 
Fraser: You see the problem is, Mr. Torres, that Kruger found out the witness has a husband in prison and threatened to kill him and now that man is alone and he has no one to protect him. 

Mr. Torres: Your friend the cop should be the one who should be worried, not me. 
Fraser: Yes, he should be, but he's not now. I promise you Mr. Torres, if you help me, I will guarantee you safe passage to your parole hearing without incident. 
Mr. Torres: I don't want your help. 
Fraser: Well, you may have no choice. [they both look at Kruger and his friends, then Fraser looks at Ray as Torres walks away] But don't let me influence you. 
Kruger: You're very talkative Eddie. 
Mr. Torres: I didn't say nothing, man. [they are both in line to get back in from the yard. 
Kruger: Sure. Not a very good move. See, I'm not prepared to return to incarceration before I did that, it would hurt you. Hurt your life. Hurt your kid. [he cuts Torres with a home made knife] 
[Fraser sees what is happening and heads toward Kruger. Carl also sees it, but is looking more at Fraser being the one in trouble. He rises, like he's ready to go to his aid but waits] 
Fraser: Uh, excuse me Mr. Kruger. Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry Mr. Kruger but apparently your copy of Don't Call Me Sugar Baby is over due. [Torres gets inside and is safe] 
[Vecchio is mopping the infirmery, Fraser is sitting near and you see Torres in the background getting bandaged] 
Vecchio: Right. So we're gonna protect him. You and me surrounded by nine thousand violent offenders. 
Fraser: For God's sake, Ray, don't blow the situation out of proportion. There's only eight thousand nine hundred and seventy three prisoners here. 

Vecchio: And I thought our odds didn't look good. 

Fraser: Look Ray, it's only for one evening. Tomorrow Torres will be free, his wife will testify. 

Vecchio: Look, a lot of people can be killed in one evening. If Kruger wants to get to Torres, he's going to get to him, you can count on it. 
Fraser: Exactly! So we make it easy for him. 
Vecchio: Benny, you're not getting the hang of this. 
Fraser: Ray, the best place to hide a person is in plain view. Now Kruger knows that Torres is injured. Knows he's in the infirmary. Fine. Let's keep it that way. 
Vecchio: All right, fine. So what do we do? 
Fraser: Well it could be a long night, how about we take in a movie? 
[At the movies. They are showing Sullivan's Travels] 
Vecchio: Something's wrong with the picture. It's in black and white. 
Fraser: There's nothing wrong with it Ray, it's just old. 
Vecchio: Well if it was any good, it would be in color. 
Fraser: Well it was made in black and white Ray. It's a classic. 
Vecchio: The Ten Commandments is a classic, Benny. The Poseidon Adventure is a classic. Saturday Night Fever with my man John Travolta -- that's a classic. This is black and white. 
Fraser [not willing to argue with Ray]: Sh. 
[Kruger walks in. Goes to his goons, says something then points at Ray and Fraser] 
Fraser: Perhaps you should have ordered a personal guard. 
Vecchio: Yeah and maybe you should have gotten us a better movie. 
[Kruger cuts his own arm and goes to guards. Ray turns around, no Kruger. About now we notice that Fraser has Torres stuffed under the cover under the projector. Meanwhile, in the infirmery...] 
Doctor: I need some gauze. 
[he leaves. Kruger shakes knife from his sleeve and goes to Torres' bunk only to find him not in it but clothes stuffed in his place] Back to movie, Robert is trying to share his bag of popcorn with those around him] 
Kruger: Where did you put em. I smell bacon. 
Vecchio: Any suggestions? 
Fraser: Nothing springs to mind. 
Vecchio: Well you better think of something quickly. 
Fraser: All right [jumps in front of screen] stop right there. I am a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. 
[small riot, doors are blocked to keep out the guards, Ray, Fraser and Torres all head out one door and end up in the bathroom. 
Vecchio: Come on Kruger, you don't want to do this. 
Fraser: I think they do Ray. 
Vecchio: Alright look and see if theres a way out of here. A vent. 
Fraser: No vent. 
Vecchio: Grate? 
Fraser: No grate. 
Vecchio: How bout a drain? 
Fraser: We're too big Ray. 
Kruger: I been looking to do this myself. [shakes knife out of his sleeve and -- 
--Carl appears, taking Kruger by the throat] 
Carl: I don't care for you. You have to understand something. This man? He has behaved with decency and courtesy and you've been rude. You've made them feel unwelcomed and that's a shame cause for what lessens him lessens us all. Do you understand? [Kruger drops the knife, Carl let's Kruger go, Kruger drops to floor. Ray has that look of disbelief on his face and you can just tell that Fraser thinks it all perfectly normal.] 
Fraser: Thank you kindly. 
Carl: No. Thank you. [then walks off] 
[Ray signals Torres to come on, they all exit past the rest of the now calm cons] 
Vecchio: Wow. Hey! What book did you give him? 
[Ray sorta parks in from of the courthouse, jumps out, kisses Elaine who has his case notes for him] 
Vecchio: Thanks Elaine. I owe you one. 
[Judges Chambers] 
Vecchio: And you have my sincerest apologies. My behavior was inexcusable even though I was right and the accused was found guilty and I was completely exonerated. But enough said. [leaves. has a very big grin on his face] 
St. Laurent: Thank you your honor. [follows him out] Vecchio. This does not end here. 
Vecchio: [still grinning, relaxed] I should hope not. [dumps his case notes in trash] 
[Consulate] 
Fraser: Yes sir. I want you to know I've given very serious thought to the matter of a transfer. 
Thatcher: And? 
Fraser: While I find the prospect of returning home appealing, I would prefer not to leave at this time. I've come to feel that I um... 
Thatcher: You feel that maybe in a small way you have something to offer them. 
Fraser: Yes sir. 
Thatcher: Dismissed. 
Fraser: Yes sir. 

End of Witness
 
 
 
 
 
 

Bird in Hand

[Airport: coming down escalator is two US Marshals and Gerrard...in cuffs. They unlock and pass through 2 doors. The second is a bathroom. One Marshall searches it then Gerrard is allowed to enter it. One of the Marshals light a cigarette. 
Marshall 1:Airport You can't smoke in the terminal. 
Marshall 2: So arrest me. 
[Gerrard in bathroom takes a key and screwdriver out of the ball in the toilet tank. Key for the cuffs, screwdriver for the grate above the toilet, Gerrard out the grate and escapes] 
[Consulate] 
McFadden: Special Agent McFadden, Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and this is -- 
Borland: Special Agent Borland, FBI. 
Fraser: I'm afraid Inspector Thatcher is out of town. I'm Constable Fraser, Deputy Liaison Officer. [Turnbull clears his throat but doesn't look up from what he is doing] And this is Constable Turnbull, our temporary assistant interim associate Deputy Liaison Officer. 
Turnbull: Sorry, I didn't notice you. 
Fraser: Yeah. [Dief whines] and this is Diefenbaker. 
McFadden: Your office. 
Fraser: Yes, please. 
Turnbull: Would you like me to hold your calls? 
Fraser: Yes, I'd appreciate that. 
Turnbull: And what reason should I give. 
Fraser: I'm sorry? 
Turnbull: The Americans. Should I say you're in a meeting? 
Fraser: Yes, that would be good. 
Turnbull: Ah- so it's not a secret meeting? 
Fraser: I'm sorry? 
Turnbull: High level. Inner agency. Off the record. 
Fraser: Not that I'm aware of, no. 
Turnbull: Ah, good. Of course if it was you shouldn't even tell me. So perhaps it is secret and you just can't say. If that's the case, I understand. 
Fraser: It's not the case. 
Turnbull: Ah. I understand. [p