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In the books, Robinson Cano took home the big prize at the 2011 Home Run Derby last night - which was the second consecutive season the American League came out on top.  That takes us back to 2009, in St. Louis, when division-rival Prince Fielder emerged victorious.  At least, on the field.  He wasn't the overall winner.

That honor belongs to this man, captured this fan at the 2009 Home Run Derby in St. Louis - shuffling around on Clark St., taking in the atmosphere with thousands of everyday Cardinals fans.  But this was no ordinary man; he was a collective Voltron of redneck magnificence.

Let's begin at the midsection.  Take a look.



Oh, yes.  Shirtless, jean shorts, and some logo ink on the shoulder-blade.

All staples of a Cardinals redneck during summer months.

But, let's head North.  We can see that there might be some action up there.



Ohhh, the Northern region surpasses our fan hunter expectations.

A ponytail *and* a bald head?  That, my friends, is what us professionals call a "skullet."  Rare, even in our neck of the woods.  Bonus points for catching the black woman laughing mockingly in the background as well as snapping this man in hot pursuit of a permed Eckstein fan.

But, let's move on.  With the upper region overarching, we're on the edge of our seats waiting to head South of the border.



Hey-o !!!

Cigarette in hand?  Definitely.  Self-supply of liquid?  Yes sir.

This gentleman brought class and preparation to the 2009 All Star Game.

If you ask men ranging from the age of 25-45 to name their favorite long running commercial that featured Fred McGriff pointing at the camera while wearing a giant foam/mesh cap, we’re pretty sure we know what will run away with that poll. 

Tom Emanski. 

The name is legendary even though you’ve probably never met anyone who has actually seen one of his videos.  All we remember is grainy clips of kids throwing baseballs into trash cans, moving in tandem like well-trained robots, the trifecta of AAU championships he led and the aforementioned McGriff putting a bow on it by letting the world know that these videos get “results”. 



So while there is about a 95% chance that the average sports fan couldn’t pick him out of a police lineup, we felt it was necessary to pay tribute to Mr. Emanski since today is his 62nd birthday.

Amongst his collection, Emanski’s “Baseball World” videos including nine masterpieces: Dynamic Practice Organization, Defensive Drills, 101 Defensive Strategies, Mechanics of the Major League Catcher and several more.

Given this celebrated day, we went deep into the Baseball World archives and managed to pluck off the shelves a few experimental videos that did not make the cut.  Apparently there were many unreleased projects that they wisely decided didn’t have the mass appeal.  Those included:

Learning How to Speak in the First Person
Dynamic Lippers
101 Strategies to Get Tony LaRussa to Dislike You
Understanding Sabermetrics Nerds
How to Ignore Tim McCarver
Professional Drills for Scrappers
Tips for Blackmailing Fred McGriff
Mechanics of Major League Closer Facial Hair

(Add more on twitter #UnreleasedEmanskiVideos)

Happy birthday to the baseball legend, Tom Emanski.  Homemade daytime TV commercials would have never been the same without you.

Sure, most teammates considered it an odd gesture...but Yadier Molina's "welcome back" gift for Albert Pujols was a touching moment in the clubhouse on Wednesday afternoon.



Good friends come and go...but best friends are forever.

So is puffy paint.

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams made headlines this week when it was revealed that he mailed a $76,000 engagement ring, along with a pre-recorded marriage proposal, to a former Texas beauty pageant winner.

Although difficult to understand why that didn’t turn out so well, it hasn’t stopped the idea of using snail mail to make advances toward women from making a big comeback in the NFL.

Yes, it seems the ongoing lockout and looming work stoppage isn’t the only thing taking us back to 1987.  One of the primary advantages of snail mail (or “the mail” as it used to be called) is that it makes it much more difficult to have your indiscretions immediately plastered all over the internet.

That is unless JSF happens to get a hold of it. Enter Brett Favre, who learned his lesson after getting caught using a cell phone to leave voice mails and send lewd photos to sideline reporter Jenn Sterger.

That lesson? No more smartphones. All you need to creepily stalk women is paper, a pencil, and a Polariod:



What’s amazing is how Favre managed to top Williams on the immaturity scale, with his proposition straight out of fifth grade.  Regardless, the informational caption on the Polaroid was a nice touch.

But Williams and Favre aren’t alone. New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan found some time to slip out and do some shopping when he was supposed to be hunkered down in a war room at this year’s NFL draft.



Apparently he couldn’t wait to share his shopping conquest with his wife, so he had them shipped overnight. Which is just one more advantage of traditional mail, namely, you can’t fit size nine wides in an e-mail.

It's being reported that in light of the current NBA lockout, New Jersey Nets all-star point guard Deron Williams is in serious talks to play for Turkish professional basketball team Besiktas.

This is huge. Big. Mark Cuban bad t-shirt collection big.

Pending the lockout, Williams would earn $16 million with New Jersey next season. But it is New Jersey after all. Really, who wants to live in Jersey besides gangsters and talentless overly tanned MTV reality stars?

But an NBA star in the prime of his career -- arguably one of the top three point guards in the NBA today -- leaving to play overseas?

Man, that's like Lady Gaga wearing pants or Tom Brady cheating on his wife with an ugly chick.

So let's get down to brass tacks: What can Williams expect from the Turkish lady folk upon his move?

• Turkey is a predominately Muslim nation. Muslims don't dig the swine, which means fewer women eating pork products and thus they are more fit -- Check.


• Women leave the outside world to the men -- Check.


• After banning burqas -- which cover women's heads and bodies -- back in 1997, two years ago Turkey's parliament voted to ease the ban on women wearing them. Thus, more ugly women wearing sheets and going unseen -- Check.


• Women get married at an earlier age (think Alabama) than men and settling into a role as a housewife and home maker -- Check.


• Fewer women in Turkey are educated, and as education levels of Turkish women increase, fertility decreases -- Push.


• Although men and women are equal before the law, men are permitted to behave adulterous fashion -- Check. Check.


• AskMen actually had this Top 10 Hot Turkish Women collection -- Check And Mate.

Enjoy yourself D-Will.