Enter Holofernes, Nathaniel, and Dull
NATHANIEL
Very reverend sport, truly, and done in the
testimony of a good conscience.
HOLOFERNES
The deer was, as you know, in sanguis,
blood; ripe as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a
blood, in [hunting] full of life, in fine condition
jewel in the ear of caelum, the sky, the welkin, the
heaven, and anon falleth like a crab on the face of
terra, the soil, the land, the earth.
NATHANIEL
Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are
sweetly varied, like a scholar at the least; but, sir, I
assure ye it was a buck of the first head.
HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
DULL
'Twas not an awd grey doe, 'twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES
Most barbarous intimation! Yet a kind of
insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of explication;
facere, as it were, replication, or, rather, ostentare, to
show, as it were, his inclination – after his undressed,
unpolished, uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or,
rather, unlettered, or, ratherest, unconfirmed fashion
– to insert again my haud credo for a deer.
DULL
I said the deer was not an awd grey doe, 'twas a
pricket.
HOLOFERNES
Twice-sod simplicity! Bis coctus!
O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
NATHANIEL
Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred in a book.
He hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk
ink. His intellect is not replenished. He is only an
animal, only sensible in the duller parts.
And such barren plants are set before us that we thankful should be –
Which we of taste and feeling are – for those parts that do fructify in us more than he.
For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool,
So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school.
But omne bene, say I, being of an old father's mind;
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
DULL
You two are book-men – can you tell me by your wit
What was a month old at Cain's birth that's not five weeks old as yet?
HOLOFERNES
Dictynna, goodman Dull. Dictynna, goodman
Dull.
DULL
What is Dictima?
NATHANIEL
A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.
HOLOFERNES
The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,
And raught not to five weeks when he came to five-score.
Th' allusion holds in the exchange.
DULL
'Tis true, indeed; the collusion holds in the
exchange.
HOLOFERNES
God comfort thy capacity! I say, th' allusion
holds in the exchange.
DULL
And I say the pollution holds in the exchange, for
the moon is never but a month old; and I say beside
that 'twas a pricket that the Princess killed.
HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal
epitaph on the death of the deer? And, to humour the
ignorant, call I the deer the Princess killed a pricket.
NATHANIEL
Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge, so it
shall please you to abrogate scurrility.
HOLOFERNES
I will something affect the letter, for it
argues facility.
The preyful Princess pierced and pricked a pretty pleasing pricket;
Some say a sore, but not a sore till now made sore with shooting.
The dogs did yell; put ‘ L ’ to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket;
Or pricket, sore, or else sorel, the people fall a-hooting.
If sore be sore, then ‘ L ’ to sore makes fifty sores o' sorel:
Of one sore I an hundred make, by adding but one more ‘ L.’
NATHANIEL
A rare talent!
DULL
If a talent be a claw, look how he claws him with a
talent.
HOLOFERNES
This is a gift that I have; simple, simple; a
foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures,
shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions, revolutions.
motion (n.) 1 inner movement, inward prompting, natural impulse, imagining
These are begot in the ventricle of memory,
nourished in the womb of pia mater, and delivered
upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is good
in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.
NATHANIEL
Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may
my parishioners, for their sons are well tutored by you,
and their daughters profit very greatly under you. You
are a good member of the commonwealth.
HOLOFERNES
Mehercle! If their sons be ingenious, they
shall want no instruction; if their daughters be capable,
I will put it to them. But vir sapit qui pauca loquitur. A
vir... it's a wise man that says little
See Topics: Latin
soul feminine saluteth us.
Enter Jaquenetta with a letter, and Costard
JAQUENETTA
God give you good morrow, Master Parson.
HOLOFERNES
Master Parson – quasi pierce-one? An if
one should be pierced, which is the one?
COSTARD
Marry, Master Schoolmaster, he that is likest to
a hogshead.
HOLOFERNES
Piercing a hogshead! A good lustre of conceit
in a turf of earth, fire enough for a flint, pearl
enough for a swine. 'Tis pretty; it is well.
JAQUENETTA
Good Master Parson, be so good as read me
this letter. It was given me by Costard, and sent me
from Don Armado. I beseech you, read it.
HOLOFERNES
Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra
Fauste... I pray, Faustus, when all the cattle ruminate in the cool shade
See Topics: Latin
Ruminat –
and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan, I may speak of thee
as the traveller doth of Venice:
Venetia, Venetia,
Chi non ti vede, non ti pretia.
Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! Who understandeth thee
not, loves thee not.
(
He sings)
Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa. –
Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? Or, rather,
as Horace says in his – What, my soul, verses?
NATHANIEL
Ay, sir, and very learned.
HOLOFERNES
Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse. Lege,
domine.
NATHANIEL
(reading)
If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
Ah, never faith could hold if not to beauty vowed!
Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove;
Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bowed.
Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes,
bias (n.) 1 [weighting in a bowl causing it to run obliquely] inclination, tendency, leaning
Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend.
If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice:
Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend,
All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;
Which is to me some praise, that I thy parts admire.
part (n.) 1 quality, attribute, gift, accomplishment [of mind or body]
Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,
Which, not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.
Celestial as thou art, O, pardon love this wrong,
That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue!
HOLOFERNES
You find not the apostrophus, and so miss
the accent. Let me supervise the canzonet.
He takes the letter
ratify (v.) make metrically correct, bring into proportion
Here are only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy,
facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret. Ovidius
Naso was the man; and why indeed ‘ Naso ’ but for
smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks
of invention? Imitari is nothing. So doth the hound his
master, the ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider.
But, damosella virgin, was this directed to you?
JAQUENETTA
Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Berowne, one
of the strange Queen's lords.
HOLOFERNES
I will overglance the superscript:
(
reading)
To the snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.
I will look again on the intellect of the letter, for
the nomination of the party writing to the person written
unto: Your ladyship's, in all desired employment,
Berowne. Sir Nathaniel, this Berowne is one of the
votaries with the King; and here he hath framed a
letter to a sequent of the stranger Queen's, which accidentally,
or by the way of progression, hath miscarried.
Trip and go, my sweet; deliver this paper into the royal
hand of the King; it may concern much. Stay not thy
compliment; I forgive thy duty. Adieu.
JAQUENETTA
Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save
your life.
COSTARD
Have with thee, my girl.
Exeunt Costard and
Jaquenetta
NATHANIEL
Sir, you have done this in the fear of God,
very religiously; and as a certain father saith –
HOLOFERNES
Sir, tell not me of the father, I do fear
colourable colours. But to return to the verses: did
they please you, Sir Nathaniel?
NATHANIEL
Marvellous well for the pen.
pen (n.) penmanship, style of handwriting
HOLOFERNES
I do dine today at the father's of a certain
pupil of mine, where, if before repast it shall please
you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my
privilege I have with the parents of the foresaid child
or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where I will prove
those verses to be very unlearned, neither savouring of
poetry, wit, nor invention. I beseech your society.
NATHANIEL
And thank you too, for society – saith the
text – is the happiness of life.
HOLOFERNES
And, certes, the text most infallibly
concludes it.
(
To Dull)
Sir, I do invite you too; you shall
not say me nay. Pauca verba. Away! The gentles are at
their game, and we will to our recreation.
Exeunt
