Bad news for moms, dads, directors, producers, agents, friends, lovers, deceased grandparents, dialogue coaches, yoga teachers, therapists, dieticians, inspirational teachers and much-missed pets.
The organisers of this year's Academy Awards have called time on that appallingly fascinating Oscar-night staple, the everlasting and tearful acceptance speech in which several telephone directories of names are thanked as an actor grapples with the twin shock of industry recognition and performing without a script.
Winners at next month's ceremony will instead be instructed to give two speeches: a pithy onstage one explaining the personal significance of their Oscar triumph, and a backstage one – delivered to a "thank you cam" – in which they can express their gratitude to anyone and everyone as unrestrainedly as they wish.
The backstage video will then be posted on the web for winners to share with their fans, peers and loved ones through email or Facebook.
The idea, said Oscars co-producer Bill Mechanic, was quite simple – the elimination of what he termed "the single most hated thing on the show".
News of the initiative was broken at the annual Oscar nominees lunch in Beverly Hills yesterday.
Guests at the event – including George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges – were given tips on how best to use a 45-second acceptance speech and instructed to "share your passion on what the Oscar means to you", rather than embark on a marathon of thank-yous.
To hammer their point home, the ceremony's producers resorted to aversion therapy by playing a video of past winners' thoughts from the podium.
The tape included the speech that Renée Zellweger unleashed after lifting the best supporting actress Oscar in 2004 for her role as a tough farm girl in Anthony Minghella's Cold Mountain.
She plucked a sheet of notes from her clutch bag before taking to the stage and memorably paying tribute to, among others: the academy; her fellow nominees; Charles Frazier for writing the novel on which the film was based; the film's producers, cast and crew; director Minghella for his "masterpiece"; her friends at Miramax; her fellow actors Vincent D'Onofrio and Tom Cruise for, respectively, "teaching me how to work" and demonstrating that "kindness and success are not mutually exclusive"; and her glorious family, especially "my immigrant mom and dad", her brother and his new wife.
The two-speech directive will not be the only break with tradition this year. Impatient winners keen to display their award prominently – or put it to more modest use as a doorstop or bathroom ornament – will be able to take their fully engraved statuette home after the ceremony.
Until now, the victorious parties have had to wait weeks for the academy to inscribe their names on the gold-plated trophies – they are handed out without nameplates as the winners' identities are kept a closely-guarded secret.
This year, winners will be able to get their nameplates affixed to their Oscars at the gala governors ball straight after the ceremony. RS Owens, the company which makes the statuettes, will produce and engrave 197 nameplates – one for each nominee in every category.
The engraving will include the nominee's name, category, film title and year.
"An Oscar statuette just isn't complete until a nameplate is attached," said Tom Sherak, the president of the academy.
"The governors ball is the perfect place for Oscar winners to add that final touch as they celebrate their accomplishment and the year's movies."
Once the winners have been announced, the unlucky runners-up will suffer the additional indignity of having their nameplates recycled.
