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I was out of town all weekend and blew in from the airport mid-afternoon yesterday. As I always do when I pass through town on the way home from anywhere, I called the kids and asked them if we needed anything specific from civilization before I headed out to the ranch, where I planned to promptly don my yoga pants and settle in for an evening of The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, and complete inactivity. And, as is usually the case, my precious, well-behaved children screamed into the phone, in unison:

“Something sweet! We need something sweet! Don’t come home unless you bring something sweet!”

They missed me so very much.

I stopped at the grocery store in town to get milk and orange juice and bread, and I scanned my brain for “something sweet” ideas, everything from cookies (but I’d have to wait for the butter to soften) to sheet cake (but I’d just made one last week) to pie (but I’d have to make a crust because I just used the last one in the freezer)…and then I had a revelation.

Monkey Bread.

What kid doesn’t love monkey bread? What grownup doesn’t love monkey bread? What dog, cat, gopher, or coyote doesn’t love monkey bread? My old friend Ryan posted the classic cinnamon-sugar Monkey Bread recipe here years and years ago, and it pretty much can’t be beat. But once I got home, hugged the kids, kissed Marlboro Man, and sniffed Charlie, I decided to go rogue and make an orange-vanilla version.

It turned out to be one of the most profound decisions of my life. Or at least of that afternoon.

 

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First, zest a couple of oranges.

 

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If I were cool, I would have used a microplane zester. But I’ve lost mine somewhere along the way.

Translation: My boys probably tried to saw down a tree with it somewhere.

Anyway, get the zest off the oranges however you can do it.

 

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And then…hello! Three small can’s o’ biscuits.

Don’t hate. Appreciate.

You can try making your own biscuit dough for this monkey bread if your soul desires.

But it won’t be as good.

Hahahahaha. Hahaha. Haha. Ha.

Ha?

 

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Pop open the cans and cut each biscuit into quarters.

 

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Keep going till you have a big pile of biscuit pieces.

And an important note: Please do this when the biscuits are super cold, right after you take them out of the fridge. I’d let mine sit on the counter for awhile and they weren’t as easy to handle.

Don’t be like me. I hate putting away groceries. So I just choose not to do it.

 

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Okay, now just grab a big ol’ ziploc bag and throw in a cup of sugar and a dash of salt.

 

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Then throw in the orange zest…

 

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And seal the bag and shake it all together until the sugar and the zest almost become one.

 

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Throw in the biscuit pieces (and I can’t emphasize enough: Make sure they’re cold or you’ll have a sticky headache on your hands)…

 

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Then seal the bag again…

 

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And shake it up, turn it over, and/or swing it around until the biscuit pieces are totally coated in the orange-sugar mixture.

 

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Tip the biscuit pieces into a bundt pan and set it aside for a sec.

 

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Now for the naughty part: Melt 2 sticks of butter in a medium pan…

 

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Then throw in 3/4 cup brown sugar…

 

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A good tablespoon of vanilla extract…

 

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And stir it all together. No need to totally get it all combined/dissolved; it’s actually better if you don’t.

 

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You knew this was gonna happen: Now just pour the contents of the pan all over the biscuit pieces. The butter will be a little separate from the brown sugar, but don’t worry about that; it’ll all become one in the oven.

 

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This is Fifty Shades of Wrong right here.

Where wrong equals right, of course.

 

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Next, bake it in a 350 degree oven for just about 25 minutes, until the top is nice and golden brown.

And this is the tough part: After you remove it from the oven, you need to set it aside for a good 10 minutes or so before you turn it out of the pan. There’s so much buttery caramely stuff going on, if you turn it out too quickly, it’ll run and fall all over the place.

 

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Okay, I waited.

 

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Confession: I don’t think I waited long enough, as it was just a leetle tenuous when I turned it out of the pan. But I was concerned that if I waited too long, it would stick in the pan…so I picked the lesser of two evils.

 

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And speaking of evil…my WORD, was this good. A little too good, actually. Sticky, caramely, orangey, sweet…ugh.

I need to do penance today.

(But I might have to have a few little pieces of monkey bread first.)

Here’s the handy dandy printable!