The Heaviest Albums Ever: The albums Kerrang! forgot

Our friends over at Kerrang! have done an (actually rather splendid) feature on the 50 heaviest records of all time. We put our heads together do our own top 20, and highlight a few they might have missed.

20. Acid Bath – ‘When The Kite String Pops’

With the cover art a painting by serial killer John Wayne Gacy and songs about drugs, murder, blasphemy and getting wasted, Acid Bath’s raw, rumbling industrial sludge on 1994 album ‘When The Kite String Pops’ is ferocious and flanked by gruff yowls that make it an explosive listening experience.

19. King Crimson – ‘Red’

The album that shut the door on 70’s progressive rock and arguably gave birth to nasty, dissonant metal. And ‘Starless’ is an utterly seismic experience.

18. Deathspell Omega – ‘Si Monumentum Requires, Circumpice’

Taking black metal to even more twisted levels of devastation and evil, the sheer chaotic insanity behind Deathspell’s finest hour is designed to fuck the mind and warp the soul.

17. My Bloody Valentine – ‘Loveless’

They may only have two full-length releases, but if you can resist the sheer compulsive power behind this, their second album, you’re hardier than most.

16. Blasphemy – ‘Fallen Angel Of Doom’

Heavier than the entire forests of Canada falling on your big toe. As Fenriz summed them up, “CANADIAN METALLLLLLLL!”

15. Van der Graaf Generator – ‘Godbluff’

Four utterly stunning tracks that culminate in the colossal ‘Sleepwalkers’, listen to with Still Life’s ‘La Rossa’ for authenticity.

14. Triptykon – ‘Eparistera Daimones’

Last year’s Terrorizer critics’ poll album of the year is a claustrophobic, back-breaking assault of evil that should come with a warning for anyone with spinal problems.

13. Deep Purple – ‘In Rock’

From the crash of Speed King to the rather butch chaos of Hard Lovin’ Man via Child in Time, the album that defined heavy blues rock and kick-started the career of one Martin Birch.

12. Mastodon – ‘Remission’

‘March Of The Fire Ants’. Squiddly-diddly-BONG, squiddly-BONG, squiddly-diddly-diddly-BONG-BANG-BONG. *brains dribble out of ruined skull*

11. Beherit – ‘Drawing Down The Moon’

One of the most weird, spine-chilling things you’ll ever hear, the Finnish black metal pioneers managed to create a record that still creeps and crushes the mind a generation on.

10. Iron Monkey – ‘Iron Monkey’

Doom. Neck-snapping, life-ruining doom. Put this on and feel your knees age five clear years.

9. Teitanblood – ‘Seven Chalices’

When people say “they don’t make death metal records like they used to”, play them this. It’s as evil as Mayhem, as sick as Autopsy, as necro as Bathory and heavy enough to flatten the Himalayas.

8. Venom – ‘Black Metal’

It founded an entire movement and scared the shit out of Monte Conner. This choice is a no-brainer.

7. Melvins – ‘Gluey Porch Treatments’

Often described as the founding fathers of sludge metal, the Melvins’ aptly named 1987 debut album ‘Gluey Porch Treatments’ is thick, dark, gritty and grungy, paving the way for every sludge metal band you’ve heard since.

6. Celtic Frost – ‘Into The Pandemonium’

Tom G Warrior’s second entry on the list is when he started to show how far ahead of his time he was with this, a record that’s still total extremity more than two decades later. Just overlook the ‘Mexican Radio’ cover.

5. Immolation – ‘Dawn Of Possession’

This list could easily have been filled with all those bands who end their name in ‘TION but it’s down to these Noo Yawkers to take us into everlasting fire with an album that is heavier than getting it by a Yankee baseball bat. No Forgiveness!

4. Swans – ‘Cop’

There’s very little as heavy as Swans this side of a neutron star. Michael Gira and co. make music that generates its own gravity well, never more so than here.

3. Angelcorpse – ‘Hammer Of Gods’

Born from chaos, literally, Pete Helmkamp is one of the mightiest riff-masters of our time and Angelcorpse is just one of his many 1000-ton projects. He claimed Angelcorpse was inspired by “the constant struggle, strife, camaraderie, and unified will that forged the iron, blood, and blasphemy”. We believe him.

2. Neurosis – ‘Through Silver In Blood’

Neurosis may be one of the most influential bands on the planet, but they’re also pretty much the heaviest. The relentless, driving drums and the yawning chasms between the riffs of the title track threatens to make a pancake of your head.

1. Godflesh – ‘Streetcleaner’

Try standing in the same room as this. Go on, try it. It almost physically pushes you to your knees and grovel in its crushing presence.

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