National Holidays If the Election Goes the Wrong Way (Humor)

As I laid in bed, covered by my 1976 American flag quilt, I contemplated the upcoming election. (194 days away) I had two alarming thoughts:

“What if the wrong guy wins?;

What new national holidays will he declare?”

Within seconds, ideas flashed like red, blue and green neon signs across my brain.

So I decided to write them down.

Here’s the list:

1. National Denial of Election Results Day;
2. National Let Insurrectionists Out of Prison Day;
3. National Hire a Porn Star for Sex Day;
4. National Pay Hush Money to Cover Your Ass Day;
5. National Be a Bully and Punch a Kid in the Face Day;
6. National Cheat on Your Wife While She’s Pregnant Day;
7. National “F” Your Allies So You Can Help Putin Day;
8. National Be Proud of Your Bone Spurs Day;
9. National Commit Fraud Day;
10. National Drive the Citizens of America Nuts Day;
11. National Create a Theocracy Day;
12. National Kill Democracy Day;
13. National Be a Dictator for a Day Day;
14. National Nepotism Day;
15. National Sell Bibles and Sneakers From the White House Day;
16. National Corruption Day;
17. National Don’t Pay Any Taxes Day;
18. National Vote For Idiots Day;
19. National There’s a Loser or a Sucker Born Every Minute Day;
20. National How to Rig a Jury Day;
21. National How to Steal Funds From a Cancer Charity Day;
22. National How to Insult Members of Our Military Day;
23. National How to Act and Sound like a Racist, Homophobe or an Anti-Semite Day;
24. National How to Make Fun of the Disabled Day;
25. National Deprive Women of their Rights Day;
26. National Let’s Remember When We Had a Constitution Day;
27. National Let’s All Go To Church and Pray Day;
28. National How to Hang a Vice President Day.
29. National Let’s Put All Former Democractic Presidents in Prison Day;
30. National Nobody Died of COVID Day.

As I finished the list, I thought, “Not a bad start. I’ll add some more national holidays tomorrow.”