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Them Before Us: Why We Need a Global Children's Rights Movement Hardcover – February 23, 2021

by Katy Faust (Author), Stacy Manning (Author), Robert George (Foreword)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 209 ratings
See all formats and editions
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You probably know the adult viewpoints on marriage, infertility, reproductive technologies, same-sex parenting, divorce, and adoption. But have you ever considered the kids’ perspective?

Them Before Us has flipped the script on adult-centric attitudes toward marriage, parenthood, and reproductive technologies by framing these issues around a child’s right to be raised by both their mother and father. Set against a backdrop of sound research, the compelling stories throughout each chapter confirm that a child’s mental, physical, and emotional well-being depends on being loved by the two people responsible for their existence. It’s a paradigm shift that will impact the personal and the political, and reframe every marriage and family conversation across the globe.

Them Before Us dispels many prevalent, harmful myths concerning children’s rights, such as:

• Kids need only love and safety—moms and dads are optional.
• Love makes a family—biology is irrelevant.
• Marriage is about adults—it has nothing to do with kids.
• Children are resilient and will “get over” divorce.
• Studies show “no difference” in outcomes for kids with same-sex parents.
• Sperm and egg donor kids are fortunate because they are so wanted.
• Surrogacy is a great way to help wannabe parents have a baby.
• Reproductive technologies are just like adoption.

Are you tired of a culture that views adults as victims in family matters, when it’s clear that kids are the ones who truly pay the price? If so, we are your people, and this is your movement.
Previous page
  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Post Hill Press
  4. Publication date
    February 23, 2021
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 1.2 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1642935964
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1642935967
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A society that does not prioritize the well-being of children will not ultimately survive. And children's well-being is best served when they are raised by their own biological mother and father. In Them Before Us, Katy Faust & Stacy Manning build a strong case that adults do children a terrible injustice when they accept policies and practices that intentionally deny a child a connection to one or both of their parents. They (children) should come before us (adults)." -- Nancy Pearcey, professor and scholar in residence at Houston Baptist University, author of Total Truth and Love Thy Body

"New parents are often advised to get on their hands and knees and crawl around the room to discover outlets, sharp edges, and other dangers that can only be perceived from a child's perspective. Katy Faust is calling on all of "the adults in the room"—parents, policymakers, all of us—to do something just as radical. Them Before Us is a paradigm-shifting examination of the social, legal, and cultural decisions of recent decades from the eyes of the child, and the dangers revealed are absolutely devastating." -- Cathy Ruse, JD, Senior Legal Fellow, Family Research Council

"Finally! A book that speaks to me as a parent and as a lawmaker about the need to protect children from much of the world's craziness, including the breakdown of the family. In Them Before Us: Why We Need a Global Children's Rights Movement, Katy Faust & Stacy Manning offer wisdom and insight about why the rights of children must be prioritized over the desires of adults. If you are a lawmaker or are otherwise passionate about improving the lives of children, trust me, this is a must-read." -- Rep. Fred Deutsch, South Dakota

"Faust and Manning will take you on a comprehensive and heart-wrenching tour of the damage done to kids when adult desires are privileged over children's rights to their own biological mother and father. But they won't leave you in the ruins. At the end of each chapter, they'll offer practical suggestions to begin rebuilding a culture that prioritizes kids' best interests. Read Them Before Us, and be ready to do the 'hard things' adults must do so that children won't have to." -- Mark Regnerus, Professor of Sociology, The University of Texas at Austin

"One of the most consistent and most destructive myths of the sexual revolution is 'the kids will be fine.' No-fault divorce? The kids will be fine. Homes without a mom and dad? The kids will be fine.. Artificial reproductive technologies that separates kids from their biological moms and dads? The kids will be fine. Same-sex parenting? The kids will be fine. They aren't, and Katy Faust has emerged as perhaps their most thoughtful and fierce advocates, as you will see in this book." -- John Stonestreet, President, the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview

"Amidst the legal scuffling over no-fault divorce, marriage equality, and the unregulated fields of surrogacy and in-vitro-fertilization, so many have lost sight of, perhaps, the most vulnerable members of society whose suffering has been the unforeseen unintended consequence of our own self-absorption: children. This trailblazing work by Katy Faust and Stacy Manning provides significant cause for reflection and a most ethical rationalization for opposing the flawed notion that a child merely needs the love of 'anyone' in order have a healthy upbringing. 'Consent'-supremacy in the validation of adult sexual relationships has ignored the psycho-emotional and developmental needs of children to the extent that the harm caused remains hidden from the public. Enter Them Before Us." -- Dr. Abdullah b. Hamid Ali, Assistant Professor of Islamic Law, Zaytuna College, Berkeley, CA

"The breakdown of the intact, married family has been a disaster for American children. In Them Before Us, Katy Faust & Stacy Manning offer an incisive and deeply disturbing account of the ways in which children have paid the biggest price for the erosion of marriage. As they make clear, this is an issue that Republicans who are concerned about limited government must confront insofar as the size and scope of government balloons when the family falls. And this is an issue that Democrats who are concerned about poverty and the health of the American Dream must confront insofar as children raised in non-intact families are much more likely to grow up in poverty and end up poor as adults. This is an important book for everyone who is concerned about the welfare of children in America today." -- W. Bradford Wilcox, Director, National Marriage Project, University of Virginia

"Katy Faust's book is a must read for those who are interested in the rights of needs of children. She speaks the hard truth. As someone who lived in a traditional and an alternative family structure in her childhood, she is empathetic to those who may have a different perspective while remaining focused on the rights of children to grow up in the most secure and least stressful environment. You may not agree with everything she believes or advocates for but you will learn a great deal about the needs of children physically and emotionally and perhaps come away with a deeper understanding or change of perception of even a change of heart." -- Erica Komisar, LCSW, psychoanalyst, parent guidance expert and author of Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matter

"There is no person I recommend more to lead the battle in the fight for biblical marriage than Katy Faust. As a speaker and video personality, her kindness and charisma shine through, but when you read the pages of this book you realize that the real reason Katy is so effective as a communicator on this issue is because she has a deep love for humanity. Somehow she is able to put her ego aside and truly listen and cherish all of the individuals and stories that have come her way. Her understanding of marriage and sexuality is comprehensive in the best meaning of the word. She is principled, yet motherly, instructive, yet accepting. She is an asset to this movement, and this book is a grace that will inform those of us fortunate enough to read and mimic her words." -- Alana Newman, Founder of AnonymousUs.org and Narrator of the film Sexual Revolution: 50 Years Since Humanae Vitae

"Katy Faust’s voice is as essential as it is unique, and her vital work over the last decade has culminated in this eminently well-reasoned and important book. Her focus is on three particular types of family dynamics that untold millions of children are increasingly being subjected to today: widespread divorce and ever-expanding stepfamilies, the contractually donor-conceived, and intentionally motherless and fatherless same-sex families. How are the children in these homes faring? Katy is one of the few people even asking this question, and her book provides the answers. She contends, correctly, that we must put Them (the children) Before Us (the adults)." -- Glenn T. Stanton, Director of Global Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family and author of Loving My LGBT Neighbor, The Ring Makes All the Difference, and The Myth of the Dying Church.

About the Author

Formerly the picture of a peacemaking pastor’s wife, Katy Faust is founder and president of Them Before Us, a global children’s rights non-profit. Between soccer carpool and church duties, she’s a mom on a mission against the progressive overreach—a globe-trotting speaker, hand-shaking policy influencer, and regular contributor to a variety of conservative outlets. Katy testifies and publishes widely on controversial topics such as “men and women are different” and “children should not be bought and sold.” She helped design the teen edition of the Witherspoon Institute’s CanaVox, which studies sex, gender, marriage, and relationships from a natural law perspective.

Stacy Manning, senior editor for Them Before Us, is a standard issue, stay-at-home suburban mom, author, and side-hustle professional. It's also widely accepted that Mrs. Manning is responsible for inventing the raised middle finger, aka the Bird of Freedom. She and her husband of twenty something years are raising their three children behind enemy lines in a suburb just outside of Seattle. When she’s not sticking her meddling fingers in another writer’s work, she is barefoot in the kitchen making her husband a sammich.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Post Hill Press (February 23, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1642935964
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1642935967
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.02 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1.2 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 209 ratings

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  1. Katy Faust

    Katy Faust
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    Katy Faust is Founder and President of Them Before Us, a global movement defending children’s right to their mother and father. She publishes, speaks and testifies widely on why marriage and family are matters of justice for children. Her articles have appeared in Newsweek, USA Today, The Federalist, Public Discourse, The Daily Signal, the Washington Examiner, the American Mind, the American Conservative. Katy helped design the teen edition of CanaVox which studies sex, marriage and relationships from a natural law perspective. Her next book, "Raising Conservative Kids in a Woke City" will be released Sept 2023. She and her pastor husband are raising their four children in Seattle.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Stacy Manning

    Stacy Manning
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    Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read author blogs and more

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
209 global ratings
I got to read it early and it was great! Now it’s on Amazon
5 Stars
I got to read it early and it was great! Now it’s on Amazon
This book is an outstanding resource with stories and statistics about the importance of parents, both the biological mother and father, being intimately involved in the raising of their children in partnership. Our culture is often swayed by stories that tug at the heartstrings. And this book is filled with these kinds of stories and study after study (research) that confirms the need in every society worldwide to put them (children) before us (adult desires).
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Top reviews from the United States

Heather
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read! Totally changed my perspective and opened by eyes..
Reviewed in the United States on October 19, 2022
Verified Purchase
After reading this book, my eyes have been opened to all the unspoken ways that our modern culture puts adults and their wants and desires ahead of the needs and rights of children, to the detriment of everyone! Adjusting our perspective to see how great the impact of having the biological parents invested in the lives of their own children helps to solve countless problems in our society including homelessness, crime, poverty and more!

I see some reviewers talking as though Faust won't make any allowances for divorce in instances of abuse, or acknowledge adoption, or widowhood etc...that simply isn't true. The whole point of this book is that as far as it is up to us, the reasons for separating a child from their parents should be one where the child's wellbeing is put first, ahead of the adult's. The majority of divorces aren't from abusive households, but they are from reasoning like "we grew apart" or developed "differences". In the majority of cases, the children are made to bear the impossible burden placed on them by parents who are seeking their own happiness first and foremost. Sadly, after divorce even the adults statistically don't find the happiness they sought elsewhere.

Faust also did an amazing job of highlighting that the function of marriage isn't to acknowledge the love between 2 adults, but to create a safe space for the development of children. This changes how we understand divorce and same-sex marriage on a fundamental level. Restricting marriage to be between 1 man and 1 woman isn't about hate or bigotry, but about the demands of biology for the betterment of society.

The other aspect of this book deals with the horrors of Big Fertility and the lack of accountability in that industry since it is primarily motivated by profit. There are few checks or balances, traceability, or limits to what can be created to suit the desires of a paying adult. Children are being intentionally deprived not only their genetic mother and/or father, but also in many cases being denied access to their genetic lineage for purposes of medical information or genealogy. (They could be dating their own relative without even knowing it!) Children are made to cope with this unacknowledged loss and make sense of it on their own, many times also shouldering the burden of maintaining their paying "parent's" happiness.

Practices of IVF, donor conception and surrogacy are making women and children a commodity to be bought and sold and no one stopped to ask the price that society would have to pay for this.

I am devastated by the damage that is being done to these children and after reading this book I am on fire for this cause. I believe it is the most important cause of our day and age! I am sharing this info with all my friends and family. This is something that goes beyond all bounds of religion or personal belief and is something that we can all get behind because we were all once children and we all pay the price when children are put last.
23 people found this helpful
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Sunny Sage
5.0 out of 5 stars Should be required reading
Reviewed in the United States on January 15, 2024
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This is a testimony to the value of children and what happens when that value is ignored. Complex social/family issues have fogged over these realities. Nobody is the exception.
One person found this helpful
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Rachel
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read!!
Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2023
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Anyone who loves and cares about kids should read this book.
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Michelle DuBois
5.0 out of 5 stars Important book
Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2023
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I am a teacher- and I knew these truths in my gut but to read the stories and the research and statistics was invaluable. The stories are disturbing (but not so horrific it’s hard to get through), and you just want to be the adult that hears these kids, validates their trauma and importantly stops it from happening to other people.
2 people found this helpful
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Sam D. Welbaum
4.0 out of 5 stars Exactly What is needed Right Now
Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2022
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This book is exactly what the world needs currently. It is very well researched, well sourced, and puts the importance of children's safety and emotional well being at the forefront. What it also does is indicate that a parent's job often is to do the hard things that might not be what they desire, due to the benefit to their child. The writing could be a bit tighter/more professional, but that isn't why there are one star reviews for the book. The fact is, many of the statistics here are uncomfortable, and as is shown in some of the other reviews on this page, it is easier to deal with them by misrepresenting the author's arguments, or reading into the text ideas that aren't there.

If you believe that the new societal sexual norms are prima facie good and healthy, then you will hate this book. It makes the argument that the healthiest environment for a child to grow and succeed is in a traditional family raised by his/her biological parents. The thing is, I would venture that 85% of people know this even without the book, it just isn't the type of thing that is said. I'm thankful this book has said it. It does not villainize adoption, fostering, single parents, divorce or separation to keep children from harm, or anything of that ilk, but it is actually real about the statistics of the effects that such things have on children, and the reality that we as a society need to move to focus on the rights of our children to life, and and to their parents as much as possible.
11 people found this helpful
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Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars I encourage everyone to read this book and have your own eyes opened, as were mine.
Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2021
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Because of the painful realities that it reveals, this book was one of the hardest books to read that I have ever read. The sexual revolution, which puts adults desires before the needs of children, despite its claims, "love is love", "love makes a family", and the most ludicrous and dangerous, "the children will be fine", . . . this sexual revolution is raining down devastation on all of our children, on all the future generations of our society. Katy Faust, armed with the relevant data and the heart-wrenching testimonies of children whose needs we've ignored, shines a light on this ugly reality.

I encourage everyone to read this book and have your own eyes opened, as were mine. Encountering the reality exposed clearly in this book was very difficult indeed. But I encourage you to read this and come to understand all the pain and life-long harm being brought to our children because our self-obsessed society has put adult desires ahead of the needs of children.

This book compellingly demonstrates that we need a global children's rights movement to put Them Before Us.
35 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Amazon Customer
3.0 out of 5 stars Good book bad quality
Reviewed in Germany on May 15, 2023
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Good book but terrible quality. Almost half the pages are loose and fall out
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A Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Most important book of 21st century
Reviewed in Canada on March 4, 2021
Verified Purchase
It’s been said that when the value of your product is very good, society should pay you a lot of money for that product. But when the value of your product uplifts society in a revolutionary way, you have no choice but to give that product away for free. This book is one of those rare gems that falls into the later category.

After reading this book, my only wish is that every counsellor, social worker, family law lawyer, child specialist, judge, politician and influencer would do the same.

In a way, Them Before Us isn’t just about children’s rights, it’s about children’s suffrage. It’s about a child’s right to have a say in the family unit that enables their growth versus one that demands their suffering in silence.

My only complaint after buying this book is that after reading it, you’ll be compelled to buy ten more. You are part of the revolution now. Every child you know is counting on you.
2 people found this helpful
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Nikki Lauren Evans
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 28, 2021
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It's so great to read a book promoting traditional marriage and family.

It's a great resource for facts and first hand account of what happens if you put adult desires before children's rights.

I would highly recommend
5 people found this helpful
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Geoff W
5.0 out of 5 stars THIS BOOK IS A MUST READ.
Reviewed in Australia on January 28, 2023
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Passionate and factual presentation of the need to care for children. This book is challenging and blunt. It calls for adults to be courageously self-sacrificial. The author’s wonderful advocacy for children is heartwarming.
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Sylvie
5.0 out of 5 stars Wish I read this 30 years ago...
Reviewed in Canada on May 30, 2021
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Really good read, a real mindset shift to the way we think about these topics in our day and backed with data and stories. So glad I read it and it will change my conversations moving forward for sure.
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