In October 1591 an English royal proclamation, probably drafted by Lord Burghley, denounced "seditious" Jesuits and seminary priests in the most intemperate language. This article analyzes the Roman Catholic response, paying special attention to the rhetorical strategies employed by the Jesuit leader-in-exile, Robert Person. His so-called Philopater (1592) developed a coherent satirical critique of the religious policy of Burghley and his fellow Privy Councillors: the persecution of Catholics was based, he argued, on atheistic and hypocritical fabrication, both ridiculous and tragic. This extensive Latin treatise, showcasing the predicament of English Catholics for a continental readership, formed part of a pattern with two preparatory English pamphlets by Richard Verstegan and Persons's own contemporary English works, including the notorious Conference about the Next Succession (1594/5). The detailed discussion of Persons's skill as a polemicist aims to show that he was more than superficially ingenious.